My heart was just ripped out

[heftysmurf]

Are a direct result of the affair. If it never happened you would not be doing it. She is still in the fog. The killer thing is how long till she de-fogs if ever? How long do you wait? I think the only way she will see the light is if she has some reprocussions as a result of her actions. So far she has not really had any results. Sure you are mad but she is home with you and most things like security etc. are still their.

[abeliever]

BSA-

 

Hefty is onto something here! Remember when we talked on the phone? I said I didn't move out but yelled and broke things then I was "over it" and went on??? When I moved out this last time for 4 months, at first he was glad I never not once took a phone call after 5p. The next two months he called me non stop he even called when out with her! Stupid OW she even knew he was. Oh well. Then he finally hit bottom. Said it was no longer fun etc. It was another month before I came home. But a few months after that I discovered that I no longer loved him. Hated his ways and his logic and it was not what I wanted for me. So here I am.

 

That is what you need. I gained so much from the seperation. I am sure you will too. If it just clears your mind then it is worth it!

 

Hope this helps, good luck.

abeliever

[blindsidedagain]

I threw an olive branch out last night and took her and her girlfriend out to dinner.

He girlfriend is a very nice woman who is going thru a breakup.

Listening to her tell us what a jerk her boyfriend is was painful to me because I am not like that.

Anyway, like I said earlier, I am really on the fence with this thing.

I do not know a lot of details about the affair.

I do not know when it began, or when the intimacy began.

I do not know where they went to be together.

Do I need to know this or will it only give me more pain?

[LifesontheUp]

I threw an olive branch out last night and took her and her girlfriend out to dinner.

He girlfriend is a very nice woman who is going thru a breakup.

Listening to her tell us what a jerk her boyfriend is was painful to me because I am not like that.

Anyway, like I said earlier, I am really on the fence with this thing.

I do not know a lot of details about the affair.

I do not know when it began, or when the intimacy began.

I do not know where they went to be together.

Do I need to know this or will it only give me more pain?

 

For some people just knowing there was an affair is enough, for others they want to know it all and for others it is something in between the two. It really depends on the type of person you are.

 

BSA ~ will your wife tell you if you want to know anyway?

 

Ok so you threw out an olive branch. But what is your wife doing to repair your marriage? What is she doing to help you BSA?

[heftysmurf]

I admire the olive branch. You have to give room to allow her to reciprocate.

To me the big deal is attitude. Remorseful and sorry or just kissing @ss and indifferent? Big difference between the two.

I know some details and do not really want anymore.

[blindsidedagain]

I can't believe that I have not posted in almost 2 weeks.

My anger has begun to subside somewhat.

It was intense for sometime, so I am glad that it is improving.

The fog is beginning to clear a little, and feel a bit stronger mentally.

I have vacillated so much in the past 9 weeks since d-day.

At one point, I thought I could possibly forgive this affair.

As time passes, I am leaning much more toward splitting.

The irony is that she is really trying hard.

Now I am looking at the technical challenges with splitting more so than the emotional aspect.

I want the split to be swift, but we have 2 properties to sell.

I wish I could move out prior to the home sale, but I do not have the financial resources.

How do people move out when they don't have the money?

[blindsidedagain]

My sincerest holiday wishes to those who have helped me through my ordeal.

I honestly don't know how I could have done it without your support and advise.

[Bryanp]

The fact that she still refuses to give you any information about her sexual affair and how it put you at risk for STD's says it all. She owes you all of the details if this is what you need. The fact that she refuses to discuss this indicates that she is protecting the OM over you. This does not sound like she is trying. In addition this is her second affair and she knew how you were destroyed previously shows she learned nothing.

 

If the roles were reversed do you think she would accept you not giving her any information about your sexual affair with another woman making her wonder about the timeline and other actions? I sincerely doubt it. This does not indicate that she is trying. It indicates that she is engaging in a coverup and is not giving you what you need. It really sounds like it is time to move on especially since she refuses to discuss the information you wish to have about the affair. I wish you luck.

[abeliever]

Hefty,

 

Well I am so glad to hear you are at least coming to terms with this mess. I know you don't have all your answers, nor do I. Yes, I too cannot afford to live and pay for two places (I did that for four months) but you just tread softly try not to get in each others way, and go on.

 

Hefty, I struggle with the notion that if he would have done the right thing, I would have stayed. The bottom line is he didn't! So, you are forced to make a decision that otherwise you would not make.

 

Life can be cruel, but it can sometimes push you in a direction that your journey was to take you even when you really did not want to go. So I too am learning thru my journey. Open your eyes, work thru it. Each day gets better then a really bad one will come. I just hope and pray it will all be alright in the end. That is what I hang on to hope for.

 

I am here if you need me.

abeliever

[abeliever]

Sorry BSA I put Hefty and just read it I was talking to you.

 

LOL

abeliever