nashua Posted November 6, 2007 Share Posted November 6, 2007 In a nutshell, here's the deal. I've been with my man now over 3 years. We have a unique relationship, as I am only 30 and he is 59. For the first 2 years, we did a LDR beacuse I had just finished college, and needed to get out of the small town I was living in. I moved to San Francisco and for 2 years, we'd have this LDR, which worked out mostly, but was still difficult. He managed to visit me about every weekend. The drive is about 5 hours. Finally we decided to move in together, but it meant me leaving San francisco and moving back to small college town because he owns/operates his business from here. it's been one month and I hate being back here. None of my friends are here, the job situation sucks, its raining, grey and cold most of the time. I had a breakdown last week, and wound up finding myself an apartment in SF again, and will be moving back down there next month. now, i'm wondering what chance do we have of making this work, as he NEEDS tobe here running his business, and I NEED to not be here because it isn't working for me. He may retire in a few years, which means he could possibly move to SF then....but thats a long ways away. I'm not sure if I should give up on this...let it go and move on.....or do I stick it out and see what happens? I know he hates the drive down...and it is hard on him, but he has so much more flexibility than I do, and can usually stay for longer than just a weekend. I'm not sure if I should continue to invest in my life with him or just let it go and find someone closer in proximity, not only area wise, but age wise too! Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted November 6, 2007 Share Posted November 6, 2007 NEED to not be here because it isn't working for me. He may retire in a few years, which means he could possibly move to SF then....but thats a long ways away. I'm not sure if I should continue to invest in my life with him or just let it go and find someone closer in proximity, not only area wise, but age wise too! Please help! Well, Cairodancer, as someone who has been in a LDR I can tell you it needs alot of work. Mine ended after 4 years as we couldn't put it together. More importantly why are you in a R with someone twice your age?? Forget about the "we're in love" aspect for a moment. You are both in different stages of your life. He is fully formed as a man. You are still growing and will change and mature. He will be winding down his working life in a few years... you are just beginning yours. You didn't say if he had children, but if he did they would be/could be around your age... if you want children of your own, is he going to be happy going back to the diaper and bottle years?? When he retires and you are working how will you resolve the different lifestyles?? Assuming you stay together for the next 10 years, how will you handle if he doesn't age well and has health problems?? If it were a 10 year difference I think you would have an excellent chance of a successful LTR, but your current situation just has too many obstacles to really give it a chance. You may want to do some serious thinking about how it would work over time.. Link to post Share on other sites
dancinggal Posted November 7, 2007 Share Posted November 7, 2007 If its not working, leave. You'll find someone else in the big city. Everything seems to be pointing towards the exit sign. You don't like the town, you are concerned about the age difference, and you aren't sure if this is what you want to be doing. See what else is out there. And have an awesome time doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted November 7, 2007 Share Posted November 7, 2007 In a nutshell, here's the deal. I've been with my man now over 3 years. We have a unique relationship, as I am only 30 and he is 59. For the first 2 years, we did a LDR beacuse I had just finished college, and needed to get out of the small town I was living in. I moved to San Francisco and for 2 years, we'd have this LDR, which worked out mostly, but was still difficult. He managed to visit me about every weekend. The drive is about 5 hours. Finally we decided to move in together, but it meant me leaving San francisco and moving back to small college town because he owns/operates his business from here. it's been one month and I hate being back here. None of my friends are here, the job situation sucks, its raining, grey and cold most of the time. I had a breakdown last week, and wound up finding myself an apartment in SF again, and will be moving back down there next month. now, i'm wondering what chance do we have of making this work, as he NEEDS tobe here running his business, and I NEED to not be here because it isn't working for me. He may retire in a few years, which means he could possibly move to SF then....but thats a long ways away. I'm not sure if I should give up on this...let it go and move on.....or do I stick it out and see what happens? I know he hates the drive down...and it is hard on him, but he has so much more flexibility than I do, and can usually stay for longer than just a weekend. I'm not sure if I should continue to invest in my life with him or just let it go and find someone closer in proximity, not only area wise, but age wise too! Please help! What is his take on all of this? He committed to the LDR just as much as you did. You should talk to him about it...the fact that you're thinking of ending it. He may be willing to compromise or at least provide you with some emotional support. Also, it has only been one month. Perhaps you need a little longer to adjust? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts