Tired03 Posted November 6, 2007 Share Posted November 6, 2007 I don't know where to start except to say that H and I have been together almost 7 years, married 4. We hadn't known each other very long before we became pregnant. I had children from a previous marriage and very quickly we became a family. He had a lot of trouble adjusting to family life and was quick to anger and sometimes violent. I feel horrible now, but there were times where he was very rough with the children, to the point of occasionally hitting them, but most of the time it was verbal lashings. He has always done the same to me, less the physical violence except for two occasions. With me it's been mostly mental. However, things have gotten better, now that he's on ADs, but he still says things that are hurtful (just jokingly, of course). He always contends that he doesn't mean those things to hurt me but rather to help. I'm considering figuring out how to go to counseling, but it strikes me that I'm not sure that a person that is this intrinsically angry and cruel can change. Am I wrong? No, there is no other person and believe me, when he's good he's the most wonderful man on earth and I love him. But when he's not in a good way I want to jump off a bridge. It has brought me to the point where I have become self-destructive mentally. I've lost confidence in so much that I do. I'm not a good mother, not a good bill-payer, a terrible housekeeper...I'm needing the strength to talk to him about counseling but am a nervous wreck already. It's so hard for me to bring things up - even just that I want to do something like go to a football game with my friends...that makes me anxiety filled. Please help...can this ever get better and become water under the bridge or am I drowning? Link to post Share on other sites
michael d Posted November 17, 2007 Share Posted November 17, 2007 aloha. hey if this guy is hitting you and the kids, he needs help. bottom line. do you want to wait till he SNAPS to do something?? get professional help now. how can you tolerate a man who hits you and your kids?? wake up! before it's too late. if he won't go to counseling, you need some outside help. seriously, you should go alone to see someone, i'm sure they will also be VERY concerned about you alls safety, as i am. don't wait. this is very serious and could escalate. please go talk to the pros. they know what to do and have seen it all before. keep us informed, we care!!!! mike d Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tired03 Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 He talked to his psych who told him that we needed to get into marriage counseling ASAP, but didn't seem to say anything about the rages. I talked to him all last night (crying of course) because at first he was saying that it's the stuff that leads up to those situations that is important. I think otherwise - am I wrong? He thinks that because he's on ADs now that he'll be all better soon. Am I wrong that I suspect that will always be in there and that I will always be afraid? Don't get me wrong, it's not the kind of thing where he has a bad day and takes it out on us. It's that when there's an altercation of any sort. When I take a stand about an issue or when the kids get "extra" frustrating (as kids do) - that's when it happens. The verbal stuff happens pretty much all the time - there's always something that he isn't happy with. He claims that those things are small, but when you hear them constantly, how can they be small? I don't want to have panic attacks at home any more. At the same time, I am afraid to lose him. When he's good, he's the best thing that ever happened to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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