Confused

[whattodo]

OK. I wrote before about my problems and you were a big help...here's a recap. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend of six years last September for another girl.

 

My ex was a college grad with a great job and she was a ton of fun. Her parents didn't like me because they didn't think I was good enough for her. I am a HS grad with a good job, but I have a cocaine problem and I was physically abusive to her in the past. Me and the ex fought a lot because she tried to get me off the coke, to save money and become a more responsible adult. I am bad with money and have terrible credit. We fought all the time because I felt like she was nagging me and I hated it.

 

So, I meet this new girl at a bar. She's the bartender. We hit it off and she moves into my place after a month. We have a blast together...she doesn't care what I do or how I spend my money.

 

Here's the problem. She is 23 and I'm 26. She's a HS dropout and her only job is the bartending position. She drove a roach coach but got fired for selling pot and flashing her tits at work.

She flirts with other guys constantly and she has a checkered past.

 

She has lived with 3 other guys before me and she used to be a heroin addict. She has Hepatitis C from sharing needles. She assured me that I am safe and I won't get it.

 

Two of her previous boyfriends took her on expensive trips and I just took her on a week long cruise and payed for everything. She says she's crazy about me, but I feel like maybe she is using me.

 

My family and old friends don't like her. I barely talk to my family at all anymore because I feel embarassed. Should I be embarassed? I really do care about this girl...I am having a birthday party for her next month.

 

But, I still think about my ex a lot. My ex told me last week to leave her alone forever and stop bothering he. She called me a loser. I haven't bothered her since.

 

I don't know what to do...I like this girl, but I don't know if I have a future...plus, I am terribly afraid of being alone...

[tanita]

Well,the first thing you have to think of right now is how to get rid of your drug problem.This is going to cause you a lot of trouble in your futute relationships unless the girl you are with will do the drugs with you so it will not bother her .

I do not know what is it with you guys out there in America but no offense,it seems to me that NEARLY all Americans have a drug problem.Drugs not only ruin the person who does them but those around them.Get a grip ,man!First get rid of the coke and see how things will get better for you in your life and in your futute relations cos no girl wants do be with a guy who does drugs,no matter how much she loves him!

[midori]

Originally posted by tanita

I do not know what is it with you guys out there in America but no offense,it seems to me that NEARLY all Americans have a drug problem.

 

A gross generalization that is a) untrue and b) demonstrates how very little you know about America or Americans.

[midori]

I remember your post from last time and I think I responded, but if not I'm sure this is a recapitulation of what was said before. You need to take control of your own life. Don't blame the people around you, or depend on them to clean you up.

 

Your current gf is nothing but trouble. You know that. You ask if you should be ashamed of her, and it sounds like you ARE ashamed of her. I think you hit it on the head when you said that you can't bear the thought of being alone. I've noticed that people who have drug problems tend to have a hard time being by themselves (when they're clean, that is).

 

Your ex has repeatedly stated that she wants nothing more to do with you. Who can blame her? That ship has sailed, so stop waving your arms at its receding silhouette. Honor the person your ex is by doing her the courtesy of leaving her alone.

 

It sounds like you need to be in some kind of counseling for your drug problem and the underlying issues. Status seems to mean something to you (you mentioned your level of education, your ex's, and your current gf's, which suggests to me that you find that to be a significant aspect to who a person is). That's fine, but it raises the question of whether you think that you're not good enough. I'm not talking about being good enough for your ex-gf (again, repeat, you're never going to get her back), but just "good enough" in a broader sense. Not saying you SHOULD feel that way about yourself, but it kind of seems like that might be the case.

 

In short: I'd advise you to get rid of the current gf ASAP. Better to be alone than to be with an unstable, drug-using, disease-ridden, free-loading tramp. Better to be single and have your friends and family in your life, than to have just her and no one else.