PharmerG Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 Can't believe I'm taking this public, but... I'm married to a terrific man. He's sweet, kind, generous, responsible - your average Eagle Scout. We've been married for almost 9 years, and we've survived as a couple through an affair (mine). I've been completely faithful to him for several years now, and we've worked hard at rebuilding our relationship. But lately it seems like all I can think of is leaving. Our sex life has never been very good - he is profoundly uncomfortable with sex, and although our physical relationship has improved (we now have sex about once a month, as opposed to the 6-month dry spells we were having a few years back) we still can't talk about it. We even went to marriage counseling and when it became obvious that we'd have to start talking about our sex life, he refused to continue. It's not like I don't orgasm during sex, but for me, that's not the whole point. I mean... one doesn't really need a partner for that if that were the sole objective. It's just that I'm so missing any sense of intimacy involved - and fun would be nice, too... Other men are starting to look very appealing to me, and I'm so scared that I will do somthing stupid and make another mistake. I love him very much, I don't really want to leave the relationship, and I can't hurt him again with another affair. Anybody have any kind of advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted May 16, 2003 Share Posted May 16, 2003 [color=indigo] First, I want to say that I am very sorry that you are in this situation. I will try to offer you the best advice possible. I also know what it is like to love someone that cannot satisfy you sexually. Being without that intimacy that you crave is very hard to deal with. The fact of the matter is, that initimacy is something that we need as humans. Have you ever asked your husband why he is so uncomfortable with sex? Was he abused as a child sexually? If he refuses to talk about it or face it, he obviously isn't ready to deal with the deep hurt he has experienced. Since he isn't ready to face this then he will never be able to give you what you need. Now, here's the hard part. You are already finding yourself looking for that initmacy you crave by having the feelings that you want to leave your marriage. Pay attention to your feelings. They will never lie. You aren't satisfied and your husband has gone as far as he can therapy wise, so there are two choices you can make. Leave and find the intimacy you so desire or stay unhappy in the relationship and risk losing it anyway by possibly being unfaithful. I would talk to your husband about your feelings and put it to him gently by saying that unless he can totally face his issues, you can no longer live without the intimacy you so desire. I know this is a hard thing to deal with because besides that aspect of your relationship, things are good, right? However, you cannot ignore the fact that you need more from him. Talk to him about it and see what he says. Then, the ultimate choice is up to you. I hope it all works out for you. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Author PharmerG Posted May 17, 2003 Author Share Posted May 17, 2003 THANK YOU for your kindness. Guess I still feel pretty guilty about what happened years ago, and having these feelings now just dredges the whole mess up again. Your good wishes are very much appreciated... Link to post Share on other sites
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