My story...

[D-D]

I will be a 24 year old male here in about 5 weeks. Like many others on here, I haven't found that special someone that I have been looking for. I actually have never actually dated anyone. I have been on dates before, but they were very informal. Nothing ever came from them. I kind of ashamed to admit it but I haven't even ever kissed a woman.

 

I had bad acne through HS and university. I often had low self esteem because of this, and never thought of myself as attractive. Being short at 5'6" never helped my self esteem either. I always let it limit me. I'd tell myself that women won't date me because I was too short. My lack of success with women hasn't helped either. Now I feel really akward in social situations when I sit there alone. Despite having always been in good physical shape from my training (have been told before by a few women that I have an attractive physique) and a good kind personality, I have somehow still ended up single. I am the nice, honest reliable guy that I thought every woman would like to marry.

 

I first asked a girl out when I was in HS. I had decided that I wanted a girlfriend (knew I wanted to someday have kids and get married eventually at this time of my life). I had a crush on her for a few years, as I had class with her the past few semester. She turned me down, but was nice about it. She was a beautiful girl, who was quite nice. Very popular at school too. She ended up taking her cousing to our grad (guess she didn't fancy me as a date). After that, I asked another girl out in the summer a few months after finishing HS. I had worked with this girl for a while at a part time job. She also turned me down. She told one of her friends that I was too short (5'6") for her to date (she was about 5'8").

 

I went on an informal date with a good friend from JH/HS. Nothing really came from that. We had been friends for so long, I think maybe both of us just wanted to leave things as they were. I regret sometimes not talking with her about pursuing some form of a relationship with friends. She has since dated a few other guys. I still see her once and a while.

 

I waited for about two years until I asked anyone out again in university. I had been taking a class with this girl who had always flirted with me. I eventually asked her out, but she said she'd go out only as friends.

 

In my second last year of University, I had met a girl that I worked with in a volunteer position. I asked her out almost a year and a half after meeting her in our last semester of the year. She said yes that she would go out and I got her number. We had agreed on a date to go out. I called her to confirm things (leaving several messages), but she wouldn't return any of my calls. I was really puzzled. She had said she would go out, and gave me her correct number. She was asian and I was white. I had hoped to talk to her. I was afraid that she told her parents that she was going to date a white guy and that they got upset with her. I have never seen or talked to her again.

 

While I was working part time during school, we had hired a university student from calgary who worked a year with us. She was an ok girl. I wasn't sure we had a lot in common, but she was attractive and a good person. A close friend of mine who also worked at the store had been trying to get me to ask her out. He had even asked her if she would go out with me. She had told him that she would and that she would. I was changing after work one day, and had my shirt off. She came in and looked at me and made some comment about it "getting hot in here" (I was beat red by this point). I never aksed her out, not sure why. Would have at least been some good experience for me. She went back to Calgary a month or two later. I guess I figured that I knew it wasn't going to last, so didn't bother.

 

I had spent the last two years in university with a small group of close friends. I had met a girl in my third year that became a good friend of mine. She had a long term boyfriend from HS when I met her. She was so smart, beautiful, and a fantastic person. In our last semester together (around DEC 05), she broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years and took it hard. I really liked her, almost "loved her" in many ways. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but I couldn't spit the words out. I was afraid I'd hurt her, and push her away if she didn't share the feelings. She went away to teach in a small city far away from me.

 

I met her around last christmas (2006) and went for dinner with her. We hadn't seen each other for almost a year, but had kept in touch by e-mail. I went for dinner with her one night. I had planned then to tell her how I felt. She started talking about her current boyfriend, and I sat there, sick to my stomach, unable to produce the words I had practiced for so long. We left, agreeing to get together soon. I haven't talked to her since. I couldn't bear it. I was too much of a wimp to tell her, and ended up loosing her anyhow.

 

It is almost a year later, and I haven't asked anyone out, and I am not sure that I ever will again. All of my friends are now married, and either already have kids, or are expecting kids. I only go out about once a week to see my friends. We never go out anywhere, so I have no chance of meeting anyone. I'm afraid that I have screwed myself by not asking out girls that I should have, and by not telling girls how I felt about them. I now work a stressfull job with long hours (shift work, days/nights). I really would like to find someone, but I have lost all hope of that. I never go out, and it seems like I'm going to require some kind of fairytale encounter to ever end up married, let alone have another date.

 

Advice to everyone on the board. No matter what the risk, or how hard it is to tell someone the way you feel for them, do it!!!! Don't be like me, 6 years later in your mid 20s wondering what could have been. I really have only myself to blame for everything I want and don't have in my life.

 

Thanks for listening (sorry for the length). It feels better to write this down and vent some emotion.

[Pedigree]

If I knew you in person, I'd take you to the pub to have a drink because I can really relate to you; having been unlucky in this department myself.

 

Two words of advice that I can give to you:

1. Don't worry about height. If it bothers you, just look around for someone of similar height or shorter.

2. Don't try and be friends with girls you want to have a relationship with (As in the case with girl from HS and the last girl from uni).

3. Don't worry about the people around you getting married. You'll get married because you want to get married not because you see everyone else getting married.

 

No matter what the risk, or how hard it is to tell someone the way you feel for them, do it!!!! Don't be like me, 6 years later in your mid 20s wondering what could have been

 

So true, man. Being turned down is better than not knowing how the other side feels.

 

Chin up, man. I'm sure you'll find someone. 24's not that old.

[dbtmarley]

When you meet the right one all those things you are insecure about won't matter to her,but if you do not work on getting over those things they will matter in your relationship. What I am trying to say is when you do find that someone you do not want these things casting a shadow over your relationship.

 

Yes... you will eventually have one, which is why you need to keep trying. Your a college grad, seem like you got a good head on your sholders, and through your own admittance you are a decent looking guy. The problem is you and your lack of self esteem, women pick up on this.

 

I use to put a lot of pressure on myself when it came to talking to women. Dating a woman became a quest more than something spontaneous and I think they picked up on this. To tell the truth, I did not get my real game on till I was your age.

 

You have to get the product out there though. Product meaning you....

 

Let me tell you 5 years ago I thought my dating days were over (life too actually). Why? Because I got sick, lost a lot of weight and was diagnosed with AIDS. Given to me by the woman I entrusted to hold my hand during my last breath, my wife. I'm sure you can understand the pain of having a cheating wife, now add to that the fact that I am now forced into being single and alone because I left her. Pretty much figured I would be alone forever, but that was not the case. I met other women who had what I had, hell I even dated some that were not positive, but were OK dating someone who was. Still trying to figure that one out. I met women at support groups for those living with HIV and met the woman of my dreams through a HIV dating site.

 

Today I am a content man, me someone who thought 5 yrs ago I would be alone for the rest of my life.

 

Like I said you cannot give up and you need to continue to get yourself out there so women will know your available. Your only 24 and your best dating years are ahead of you... in my opinion.

[Lunar Sonata]

Cheer up. I'll be 25 soon and have never felt anything past a crush on a girl.

[Yosef]

Advice to everyone on the board. No matter what the risk, or how hard it is to tell someone the way you feel for them, do it!!!! Don't be like me, 6 years later in your mid 20s wondering what could have been. I really have only myself to blame for everything I want and don't have in my life.

 

Thanks for listening (sorry for the length). It feels better to write this down and vent some emotion.

 

That was very inspiring, thanks.

 

It really does feel good to talk to someone about this kind of stuff. All of those stresses and worries... now outside of your mind and in binary on the computer, giving you room to relax.

 

Thanks for the warning note. I've passed up opportunities. I'm so over-analytical. I don't necessarily judge, i just wonder, "what are the chances" and i do a bunch of idiotic morality equations and stature scenarios, only to conclude that "it wont work, so why try" every time. I guess it's time for me to start "Taking the Chance" (im such a hypocrite sometimes).

[Lovegod]

Advice to everyone on the board. No matter what the risk, or how hard it is to tell someone the way you feel for them, do it!!!!

 

It absolutely amazes me how an inexperienced guy can come on here, whine about not having any success, and then give advice based on the fantasy of dating.

 

A few things that I've learned the HARD WAY... When I say the hard way, I mean getting rejected, building up my confidence, and bringing up my self-esteem through being positive:

 

- Don't friggin' tell a woman how mushy and sticky you feel about her if you're not in a long term relationship with her.

- Build up your confidence and self esteem

- Quit trying to be friends first with women. Become a sexual being instead of a tampon-sporting girlfriend.

- Rejection is a part of life. Learn to deal with it.

- Quit watching Disney movies. That crap doesn't happen in real life.

[dbtmarley]

- Quit watching Disney movies. That crap doesn't happen in real life.

 

 

So are you telling me that Herbie the Volkswagon is not real?

[tomwiz]

You seem like a nice enough guy, however I picked up on a few things in yoru post. First you've made reference to a couple of these gals being beautiful....unless you are extremely smooth most of the time 5's date 5's ya know? Also, nothing good can come from being friends with a women you want to date...