threesome survey

[Curmudgeon]

That's pretty much how I see it, in that it's heavily tied into respect, respect for yourselves/each other and if a relationship is involved, respect for the relationship.

 

...we are in accord!

[sally4sara]

Trial and Cur,

 

The whole reason why I agreed to it with the only one of my serious relationship partners that asked was because of the vast amount of respect we have for each other. I felt safe enough in our commitment to do this.

It was years ago and we are still strong. We've had other opportunities and passed for varied reasons, none of which included disrespect.

 

I'm not trying to change your mind, just letting you know we don't always fit the mold.

[Trialbyfire]

...we are in accord!

Illustrious and dignified company.

[Trialbyfire]

sally, why would you risk a relationship for something purely sexual? It's not an act of love, it's an act of cheap thrills.

[sally4sara]

sally, why would you risk a relationship for something purely sexual? It's not an act of love, it's an act of cheap thrills.

 

Because I didn't feel there was a risk and clearly, there wasn't or we wouldn't still be happily with each other. Don't get me wrong; he can't irritate the crap out of me, but what person is never irritated by their SO? And sex is pretty much purely sexual anyway, better with love involved, but we are intimate in other ways that do not involved just sex. Oh my God! the things we will do to make each other laugh! Things we would NEVER be seen doing by anyone else! Or curling up and watching a good movie, both of us trying to take a bath in our not intended for two bathtub.

And respect? I better not hear someone speak a foul steam about him 'less they want to lose an eye! And he would kill for me just as I for him. The only person in this entire world I love this much is my son. Same amount, just a different way.

[sally4sara]

P.S. whats wrong with cheap thrills?

[Trialbyfire]

Because I didn't feel there was a risk and clearly, there wasn't or we wouldn't still be happily with each other. Don't get me wrong; he can't irritate the crap out of me, but what person is never irritated by their SO? And sex is pretty much purely sexual anyway, better with love involved, but we are intimate in other ways that do not involved just sex. Oh my God! the things we will do to make each other laugh! Things we would NEVER be seen doing by anyone else! Or curling up and watching a good movie, both of us trying to take a bath in our not intended for two bathtub.

And respect? I better not hear someone speak a foul steam about him 'less they want to lose an eye! And he would kill for me just as I for him. The only person in this entire world I love this much is my son. Same amount, just a different way.

The first time you did it, it was a risk. You can't deny it because too many threesomes come out badly. No one can ever predict the outcome.

 

That you were willing to risk any part of a relationship purely to get your rocks off, makes no sense to me what-so-ever.

[sally4sara]

I realize it doesn't work out for a lot of people, but it does for others. I get the feeling you think this is a regular thing for us. It's not. Like I said, we haven't done it in years and not because it went awry.

[sally4sara]

Just because it goes badly for most other people doesn't mean it always has to be about disrespect or a big risk. I said if it had felt like that, it wouldn't have happened. Maybe everyone else should've waited to try it till they knew their relationship was solid and they felt assured enough in themselves to not get all worked up about it after the fact.

 

Like we did........successfully.

[shadowofman]

Why with black men?

This is a very, very, very common fetish for white males. Cuckoldry is the fastest growing festish in America and it's been around for a while. In my opinion, it's a way of vicariously being promiscuous through your SO.

Hot Wifeand Stud are the slang for a promiscuous wife and her other men. Why black men could be for many reasons. These cucks could be exploring latent homosexual arousal from the studs and maybe they prefer black men. Black men are stereotypically thought to be manlier, stronger, more virile in bed, and of course the larger penis thing. Who really knows why black men? It is just very, very common. I don't have race prefaces though I have gone through a cuckoldry phase. Until I realized the root issue, that being promiscuousness.

As Cur has said...

It's inimical to my value system.

It a moral issue to you and that is fine. Subjective morals are our own and we have every right to them as long as we do no harm to others.

This shows that monogamy to Cur and Trial, or possessive relationships as I like to call them, are ideal to them. Have at it folks.

 

I'm surprised at how many people have been asked or have asked to have a threesome.

Your surprise is surprising to me. One of the main points I try to communicate on this site is the fact that a certain percentage of ALL people are promiscuously oriented. This means that possibly, a majority of people fantasize, and/or attempt to actualize promiscuous behaviors. It has nothing to do with respect or disrespect at the root. Only what the individual interprets as respect or disrespect, and how individuals go about actualizing their desires.

Group sex is not for people with high possessive values. One shouldn't assume that there is a high risk for everyone. Some risk, always with everything, but different risk for different people.

Personally, if my relationship were to open up, there is zero risk in me leaving my wife for another women. However, there is a great risk that she may leave me for a lover. This is because I just want sex, and my wife needs emotional connections.

[shadowofman]

Previously I think the rate was about 20% of relationships had some talk of threesomes if not some sort of persuation.

A few more posts have declared half.

So more than 20% now, maybe 30%.

I have a feeling that this is much, much higher in the greater population.

 

It's not going to get any more accurate than this, just getting some idea of the numbers experienced by fellow loveshackers.

That's a lot of people expressing their promiscuous desires.

 

I have a feeling that this is much, much higher in the greater population.

We'll stick with the western world. Anyone care to guess?

What percentage of people suggest/persuade their SO to be promiscuous with them? Not behind their backs, but with them as something that they do together as a couple.

We can obviously look at the number of people on swingers websites and what not, but that I think would only scratch the surface.

My guess is that 75%+ of men are interested in actualizing promiscuous inclinations.

I'd say that the rate for women is growing along with the number of women that claim to be bisexual. Maybe 50% of women are interested in making fantasy reality.

[shadowofman]

Just for anyone interested in this sexual phenomena called cuckoldry, here is the wiki on it. It's a very interesting read. It discusses "hot wife", the origions of masochism, and cuckoldry as a dominate voyeuristic act.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuckoldry

[cj1988]

My H use to bring it up a lot, but it was always wanting me, him and another girl. So, one day I said OK, but we have to do it with a man too....that was the end of that ! He knows I like women or have in the past and thought we could share that together, but honey....I do not share ! He should NOT want to either. To prove that comment, when were not married, living together 7 years and split for 4 months, I slept with a girl....he hates her to this day !

[serial muse]

SOM, I get that you really, really want to prove your hypothesis here, and that you're fully committed to your ideas.

 

But personally I find the "persuasion" part really distasteful. I'm surprised, with the enlightened views you want to express, that you don't see just how manipulative it is to try to get someone who is really uncomfortable and would be made really unhappy with a situation to go along with it anyway. That doesn't sound much like love to me. In this thread, and in the others where you talk about promiscuity and so on and so forth, you actually mention persuasion quite often as a normal and expected part of wanting to be promiscuous in a relationship, with no irony and no sense of just how manipulative that actually is.

 

It's one thing if both people want it, but this thread isn't about that; it's about only one partner wanting it, and it seems to be attempting to say that kind of persuasion is normal. The underlying message appears to be that the majority of people are secretly promiscuous, so those who aren't basically need to get with the program or let their partners convince them, or something. I don't really understand what you're trying to say here, but that's where it seems to be going. And as a "monogamous" person, I will tell you that the ultimate turnoff for me is being pressured into doing something I really, really don't want to do by someone I once trusted. I don't see any scenarios in which that kind of pressuring is okay.

 

But, it's a big old world, so to each his own I guess. I just don't much get why you're so set on convincing people that your way of life is the norm and that they're all deceiving themselves. Yes, I know you're not outright saying that, but it's really kind of the point, isn't it? It just sounds defensive. Why not live and let live? Find someone, as you say, that you can both love and who shares your values, without having to pressure her into doing things she doesn't want to do. I know you love your wife, but you clearly aren't compatible, and you're clearly not happy with your relationship with her. Well, she won't be happy if you force her to be promiscuous to keep you. That would be really cruel and yes, manipulative.

 

Seriously. Sometimes love isn't enough if you aren't compatible. You say you know lots of promiscuous women, and that the majority are anyway. So why not let your wife go and find someone that you can just be happy with, without needing to create a movement to support your personal choices? I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I'm really concerned about the pressuring you imply goes on, and I think you should take a closer look at that. It's not enlightened at all - it's just the same old same old, in a different form.

[Passionate69]

Myself only likes to have the best sex everyday between me and my man.

 

to have sex with treesome is only my fantasy but never in reality. i felt it gross sharing the same liquid with others.

[shadowofman]

serial muse

Thank you for all your concern. And I agree with everything you have said.

My enlightenment, as you have called it, was brought out by a very dark period or phase in my relationship. This is something that I have done in my past. Manipulation, coersion, all tactics of a coward. I have since repented for my shady behaviors, and have searched myself for the reasons that I acted the way I have. I read Kinsey and Hirshfeld, to understand the nature of sexual orientation. Learned about the Marquis de Sade and Sacher-Masoch. I understand how my promiscuousness, being oppressed,

has expressed itself into Sadism and Masochism, respectively.

I do not like these things about me. I wish I could either be promiscuous, or on libido killers. Neither of which is compatable with my wife's sexual orientation, although we are a match on 95% of everything else.

I blame myself completely for even getting involved with my wife. Not expressing myself from the beginning. Unfortunately, I was blinded by love. Half of my brain thought that this was the girl that I could be monogamous for. And half of my brain wrongly assumed that she would eventually become promiscuous. It is this latter half that forces me to optimistically attempt to manipulate my wife. At the time, it was seriously subconscious reaction. Looking back I see the problems I was creating, and am now conscious of my actions. Honesty, and expressing my insensitive beliefs, morals, and desires is the only way that I can channel the frustration.

The problem here is that I really, really, really love her. I want to be with her always. She is my best friend. Sometimes I find it hard to accept the fact that we are two different people. Most of the time it feels like we are one mind.

Some of you may call me sex obsessed or whatever, but everyone is. Our sexual orientations are just different.

So why not let your wife go and find someone that you can just be happy with, without needing to create a movement to support your personal choices?

As far as building a movement to support me, that's not my intentions here.

I would like to help people understand sexual orientation a bit more.

I would like the countless dating people on here to be conscious of sexual orientation. If a new boyfriend suggests that you should have a thressome, what does that mean? That means that he has a promiscuous sexual orientation. And like Cur says, a monogamous person should walk away. This threesome suggester is always going to be promiscuously oriented. Is always going to be suggesting or pressuring, or he is going to take the easy way out and cheat. Then he is going to resent you for making him have to cheat. "You could have played along" is what he would be thinking.

Promiscuous people first need to recognize that they are promiscuous, and that it's a sexual orientation. If you want it, you will likely always want it. Most promiscuous people think that they could be monogamous. Once they realize more about themselves, they will be able to make better choices in the pond.

[shadowofman]

So anyone else want to contribute to this unscientific poll?

How many of your past partners have suggested or pressured you into having a threesome or other form of group sex?

So far, from what I can get out of previous posts, it's about 30% maybe.

[burningman]

I have never pressured a girlfriend or my wife on this. For me it's one of many minor fantasies. When I caught my wife cheating on me I told her "I want my 3some and I want it now, dammit." That was heat of the moment though. More importantly though, as you probably alreay have found in your research, humans are not monogamous by nature. We've evlolved into monogamy primarily in order to repoduce and raise and care for the children. So in trying to understand your situation, it seems relevant that people should try to identify where they stand on this before comitting to marriage if both parties do not share the same ideal? You're a vegetarian and she's a meat/potato girl is an issue that can be compromised at the gorcery store. You need diff partners and she doesn't? While my appetite for food can change and is indeed tied to my emotions via omega3's, protein etc, I don't see where an appetite for multiple partners can make you healthier. Many cultures in Europe practice the don't ask don't tell policy, so maybe I'm wrong. Monogamy is indeed social conditioning/evolution though, per the experts. Sounds to me like you made the wrong commitments, maybe?

[annieo]

I am sitting here, reading this page, and thinking that it's so sad. I am assuming that many of us are in good, affirming relationships. Do you know how lucky you are? Many never find it, ever.

Yeah, there's always going to be someone else, the unknown and tempting bit of fresh, but they really aren't any different than the one we're with. It's like a drug addiction, the high of being with someone new who actually wants us... and then, boredom sets in and on to the next.

But the person we're with was also some hot new thing and then, much more. Isn't that the holy grail of the whole search? A friend, a confidant, someone we could not only **** but love. And then people **** it up and start all over again.

I'm speaking from experience, and I hope I've learned from it. The new isn't really anything different and will become old fast. Isn't there more to life, to relationships, than this endless, futile, repetative search?

By the way, I've re-read this and realize how naive and idealistic sounds,

which is because I still (unbelievably) am.

So the threesome thing -why are you doing "research" som? Do you want to feel better about your choices, by getting a consensus? I think you should do a little soul searching, not researching. Don't you ever wonder what it would be like to commit yourself, body and soul, to one person? And have them do the same to you? And to have that love to fill you up and hold you up through all of your days on earth, even when you're old and craggy and no other person will look at you? This is it, you know. This is your life.

[shadowofman]

I understand burningman. And I agree.

It's very romantic annieo, but I can not change what drives me sexually. I am glad it's not beastiality though. And I have ...

.... commit yourself, body and soul, to one person?

I don't want to "give myself" to anyone else. I just want share people, objectified human dildos, with my W.

[annieo]

I don't want to "give myself" to anyone else. I just want share people, objectified human dildos, with my W.

 

Well, when you put it that way, what sane woman could resist? "Objectified human dildos"??? Why don't you just invest in an upmarket, life-like sex doll and some wigs?

[Mustang Sally]

So anyone else want to contribute to this unscientific poll?

How many of your past partners have suggested or pressured you into having a threesome or other form of group sex?

So far, from what I can get out of previous posts, it's about 30% maybe.

No one I ever dated (or married) ever pressured me to have a threesome.

 

My H and I have discussed it, objectively, because neither of us understands it.

 

He admits to having fantasies with 2 other women (sometimes I am one of them...sometimes not...) but states that he does not desire to live these fantasies out. I actually believe him on this.

 

I don't fantasize about having more than one partner at a time. Really. No jokin'.

 

And I don't expect I ever will. I'm fairly open, sexually speaking, but this is just not something that I have a desire for.

 

To each their own, however...

[SayItRight]

I've only dated one person that suggested a threesome. While I wasn't against the idea in principle, it was a fairly new relationship and I didn't feel like it was appropriate to do that early.

 

On the other hand, I have participated in a couple of threesomes, both times with couples that I knew and that were wanting to experiment. Both occasions were 2 women and 1 man. One couple I don't keep in touch with anymore, but the other couple has issued me a standing invite to play with them again whenever I like. Currently I'm in a relationship that I'm happy with, but if I find myself single again I wouldn't be opposed to joining them again.

 

My advice if you want to join a couple that's already established? It really helps if you know them and their beliefs before the subject even comes up. I had been friends with the man and woman involved for a number of years and I knew they were both completely behind the idea of an open relationship.

 

Also, get some rest before you play! Threesomes are EXHAUSTING!