Phateless Posted November 7, 2007 Share Posted November 7, 2007 What do you guys think is the best way to go about things when in love with a friend? Obviously it depends on the girl, but what has worked for you or others you know in the past? - "i have to tell you something" and proceed to spill guts? - "what do you think about going on a date with me?" - hang out more often and gradually get closer and more flirty to see if she responds? - cut contact until i get over it? this girl is one of my closest friends and i love hanging out and being with her so i really don't want to lose that or risk screwing it up, but lately i like her more and more. i have plenty of other options so it's not like i'm incapable with women... far from it actually. i just like her. thoughts? btw, it's not the cutie in my avatar. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovegod Posted November 7, 2007 Share Posted November 7, 2007 - "i have to tell you something" and proceed to spill guts? - "what do you think about going on a date with me?" Those two don't work. - hang out more often and gradually get closer and more flirty to see if she responds? That one might work, but be prepared to waste a lot of time with the possibility of having an undesirable outcome. - cut contact until i get over it? That's your best option. Link to post Share on other sites
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 7, 2007 Share Posted November 7, 2007 What do you guys think is the best way to go about things when in love with a friend? Obviously it depends on the girl, but what has worked for you or others you know in the past? - "i have to tell you something" and proceed to spill guts? - "what do you think about going on a date with me?" - hang out more often and gradually get closer and more flirty to see if she responds? - cut contact until i get over it? this girl is one of my closest friends and i love hanging out and being with her so i really don't want to lose that or risk screwing it up, but lately i like her more and more. i have plenty of other options so it's not like i'm incapable with women... far from it actually. i just like her. thoughts? btw, it's not the cutie in my avatar. Go out have a few drinks ask her, see what she says, if its not what you hoped you can blame the drink and carry on with the friendship as normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phateless Posted November 7, 2007 Author Share Posted November 7, 2007 Go out have a few drinks ask her, see what she says, if its not what you hoped you can blame the drink and carry on with the friendship as normal. she's not 21 yet. besides, i have the balls to do it sober. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 7, 2007 Share Posted November 7, 2007 Any idea at all if she shares your feelings? I had a friend like that once. I couldn't decide how to tell her either, so I just leaned down and kissed her. I could tell she was a little shocked, but hey, she kissed me back. It could have backfired, sure. But I didn't want to just be friends anymore. Now, to be completely honest, even though absolutely nothing that could really be called romantic had happened between us at that point, I was fairly certain she had strong feelings for me too, so it wasn't THAT huge of a risk. You used the word "love", so it sounds like you may be in a similar place. I wouldn't recommend following my advice though. We got married about 15 months later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phateless Posted November 7, 2007 Author Share Posted November 7, 2007 Any idea at all if she shares your feelings? I had a friend like that once. I couldn't decide how to tell her either, so I just leaned down and kissed her. I could tell she was a little shocked, but hey, she kissed me back. It could have backfired, sure. But I didn't want to just be friends anymore. Now, to be completely honest, even though absolutely nothing that could really be called romantic had happened between us at that point, I was fairly certain she had strong feelings for me too, so it wasn't THAT huge of a risk. You used the word "love", so it sounds like you may be in a similar place. I wouldn't recommend following my advice though. We got married about 15 months later. That's honestly what I've been hoping would happen. I like your idea the best, to tell you the truth, but I've been on a manwhoring binge lately. I feel like if I could swear off women completely for a month or two, and then make my move, she might be more receptive. Link to post Share on other sites
T - mac Posted November 7, 2007 Share Posted November 7, 2007 Those two don't work. That one might work, but be prepared to waste a lot of time with the possibility of having an undesirable outcome. That's your best option. thats what you guys told me, but i told her how i felt about her and she responded very well and said that thats ok and that she was glad i told her even though she didnt want to have a relationship with me, but lately she has been even more flirty with me... although, we havent done anything together for the past 3 weeks!! and we almost never dont do anything on weekends together, and im not sure if its because i told her i liked her, or because she has just had things going on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phateless Posted November 7, 2007 Author Share Posted November 7, 2007 thats what you guys told me, but i told her how i felt about her and she responded very well and said that thats ok and that she was glad i told her even though she didnt want to have a relationship with me, but lately she has been even more flirty with me... although, we havent done anything together for the past 3 weeks!! and we almost never dont do anything on weekends together, and im not sure if its because i told her i liked her, or because she has just had things going on... That's a tough one... if she's being more flirty, maybe she changed her mind, or maybe she's just a game-playing immature little girl? It's hard to say... Have you seen the movie Just Friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phateless Posted November 7, 2007 Author Share Posted November 7, 2007 We tell each other all of our girl/guy drama. When I go out, the next day she always asks me "did you meet anyone?". Should I stop filling her in on all the details? I've been starting to play things down a little... I dunno... I can get and meet plenty of girls, but I want her. My excuse so far has been that I've been biding my time until I'm ready to settle down for a bit, but I dunno... Link to post Share on other sites
Monty P Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 I feel your pain. I am in the same situation with a twist. I actually asked her out a few months ago but haven't technically got an answer (I don't think). I am trying to figure out how to do it for the second time. Sadly, I can't really tell you what I said the first time, as it wasn't the greatest attempt and have since blocked the details from memory. Link to post Share on other sites
Pedigree Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 What do you guys think is the best way to go about things when in love with a friend? As I'm of the "I'll try even if I get turned down" mold, I'll go for it. But I wouldn't expect much. Obviously it depends on the girl, but what has worked for you or others you know in the past? My brother tried to be more than just friends with a friend of his. They dated (or at least in his mind, it was a date) for some weeks and he was clearly infatuated with this girl before she crushed him with "Nah, I think we're just friends." So it's difficult, as you can see. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phateless Posted November 8, 2007 Author Share Posted November 8, 2007 As I'm of the "I'll try even if I get turned down" mold, I'll go for it. But I wouldn't expect much. I am most definitely the same way. My brother tried to be more than just friends with a friend of his. They dated (or at least in his mind, it was a date) for some weeks and he was clearly infatuated with this girl before she crushed him with "Nah, I think we're just friends." So it's difficult, as you can see. I know quite a bit better than this, after having gone through that many times. I am under no delusions of having gone on dates with her. I have plenty of other options, but I like this one. Thanks for your perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 The truth is--if she likes you back "that way" which i think she does....from that text you ,mentioned where she said "you don't love me anymore!" (I would never ever say that to a friend unless i was dropping some big hints-let's hope she is not just a tease!) it does not really matter how you go about it. Well-you mentioned you have been manwhoring lately, so in this case she may not take it so well if you go out for drinlks and try to plant a kiss on her. Why not just ask her to dinner? Put out the date vibes, and end it with a kiss? oh-and try to make it clear you are done with girls x,y and z so she doesn't think she is being added to your stable! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phateless Posted November 8, 2007 Author Share Posted November 8, 2007 Thanks, that's excellent advice. And lol @ stable, but you have a point. I've been thinking the same thing. What about her asking me about other guys? That's definitely a bad sign... but I talk about other girls too. I figure, I might as well operate under the pretext that we're friends until I can jump levels. Should I stop talking about other girls altogether? Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Should I stop talking about other girls altogether?YES! Some of the things I told my "friend" came back to haunt me after we were no longer just "friends". Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 yes,I'd advise to ease out of talking about other girls with her- she already knows you have the skills, and it would be too abrupt to be talking about them and then suddenly trying to level up with her the next minute. I only hope you haven't told her too much at this point! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phateless Posted November 8, 2007 Author Share Posted November 8, 2007 yes,I'd advise to ease out of talking about other girls with her- she already knows you have the skills, and it would be too abrupt to be talking about them and then suddenly trying to level up with her the next minute. I only hope you haven't told her too much at this point! I probably have... but she knows I'm still confused a bit, and want something deeper and won't bother to commit unless it's real. But she knows I have it in me. She also knows that I make out with a lot of random people but don't sleep with any of them. I would gladly give up all the other girls for her, and I'll tell her that outright. Link to post Share on other sites
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