isntitironic Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 A girl I dated a couple months ago is being receptive to my comunication. She wants to go back to when things were good but is afraid she can't get over when things were bad. We knew eachother for years started dating and I became a little controlling. Then again she used to date my boss and I just didn't know how to handle the situation with so much on the line. he cheated on her constantly. It got a little ugly. Basically I have a better job now but still invest with him. The important thing is she is on the cusp, how do i influence her into coming back? The most recent comunication i've had with her is email and text messages. Shes responds and does not reject my suggestions to some day see eachother. On the other hand she is unsure. I told her i may call her this weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isntitironic Posted November 8, 2007 Author Share Posted November 8, 2007 wow nobody out there? Link to post Share on other sites
wowIlose Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 It sounds like your pursuing her... its not something you ever want to do with an ex, it works about 0.000001 percent of the time. Take a step back, make up some reason not to see her and leave the ball in her court by saying something like "call me next week, I might have some time than". Link to post Share on other sites
yippkiyay Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 been there done that. she contacted me. said she was disapointed in me for the way things turned out. it was a text she sent while we were in vegas. I texted her back i miss you too. lol anyways we've been emailing and IMing and crap. it seems like she wants to see me again but is worried that she can't put the past behind. And I don't believe in that statistic. I've gotten exes back before....twice Link to post Share on other sites
wowIlose Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Consider yourself the 0.0001 percent that has. Point is she left you! the last thing you want to do is chase her. Your gonna play her game, give her all the power and stop yourself from moving on with your life. Who wants flakey love anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Author isntitironic Posted November 9, 2007 Author Share Posted November 9, 2007 all the power? you don't think there is anyway to turn the tables? I'm just trying to find middle ground. Its called jumping through hoops. If you did something to mess up a friendship would you expect someone to just imediatly forgive you? Well she was a friend before anything else. flakey? why are you so negative? what does flakey mean? I looked at your history of threads and it seems you have a pattern of just constantly shooting people down. This seems to be rooted to the girl you were with for four years, constantly had beakups with and she finally didn't give in. Maybe this breakup i'm going through is minor. we were'nt dating very long and she is still reaching out to me. If that ex came back would you take her? would that be flakey? Link to post Share on other sites
wowIlose Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 I am not negative, I am realistic. You see , I was you not long ago, trying , trying, fixing fixing. If my ex came crawling back begging I wouldn't take her back at this point. A part of me would want to but the bigger part which is me now wouldn't. So sure, go ahead and call me negative but I am just here to tell people how it is. See, the problem is everyone here latches on to the idea of getting their ex back but the reality is 90 percent of us on here will never get those people back. Ask any experienced LS poster on here and they'll give you the same message, some just write in nicer terms . If you want to be friends with her thats fine. But you can't be friends when you still have feelings. Also this friendship has to be mutual and if you have already said your sorrys than you can only back off and she will either accept your apology for whatever you did or not. -- Not to pretend I think I know it all either.. I made mistakes and I am trying to stop others from doing the same to save them some heartache.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isntitironic Posted November 9, 2007 Author Share Posted November 9, 2007 She has accepted my apologys. Shes reaching out but she is scared that things will be good and then I will mess up again. See shes older and went through what your ex went through with you already. I'm past fixing now I Just want to make her feel comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
brothermartin Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 I dont know, man. My ex has sent me some emails and told me she might send me more stuff in the mail. It's positive, inspiring stuff, but Im paranoid about what her real intentions are. Is she just trying to make contact to establish contact, maybe rebuild a friendship? Or is she trying to get her foot back in the door? It's been a little over a month since she left me, so Im not sure thats enough time for either of us to get over the break-up. And I dont want to ask her why she's doing this, I dont want to start the drama up again. Point is, if she's saying she cant let go of the past, maybe you should give her some more time to make a clear decision, and not pressure her with your wants and needs. Link to post Share on other sites
amplified Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 Hey a lot of people on here are jaded (rightfully so) so your going to get a lot of advice telling you to move on and forget about her. Do what your heart feels bro only you know how you made her feel at the beginning of the relationship; only you know what it took to be that special person in your life. If you truly want something in life you got to work for it and earn it. If you know you did wrong admit to it and make changes where possible. Don't grovel and plead...just be that person at the beginning of the relationship and things may work themselves out and if it doesn't at least you put your heart into it and made the effort. So you can never wonder "what if". Good luck to you and God bless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isntitironic Posted November 9, 2007 Author Share Posted November 9, 2007 Thanx amplified and brother I think she is starting to sense that I know how I acted, I've faced myself and I can no longer beat myself up. I've forgiven myself and I think maybe she is starting too as well. She starting IM/text/email cute little sayings that she used to when things were good. It's funny sometimes I'm not sure how to respond. Should I be silly back? Should I be a dick and not or keep it short to show my independce? I mentioned I may call her this weekend and she didn't reject the idea. I'm not gonna grovel, I'm not gonna plead I'm just gonna set the stage for a pleasent fun vibe. I've already stated my case to her a while back. No need to open old wounds. If she brings up the relationship then fine we'll talk about it. If we can find common ground great. If not I'll live and I've grown from this. More comments are more then welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author isntitironic Posted November 10, 2007 Author Share Posted November 10, 2007 Me and her talked for a while today. it was totaly on the surface and lighthearted. I can't help but think she is with someone else tonight. Her away status on IM hasn't changed. It's her right if she is with someone else but its hard to just brush it off. I've tryed having sex and dating women since her but I just don't get any satisfaction from it. These are times when I could just use someone to talk too. Link to post Share on other sites
thelegend Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 I just want to say this Wow i lose gives a lot of honest advice and he's right some people on here pretty much know that person is gone but they come on here looking for hope. If you want that look to God. i will say this according to the thread my ex recently came back to me and i used a variety of things so it's all based on the bond that you had when you were together and if she wants you she'll have you you can't make her come back. That's the big misconception i see on here. Guys thinking they can make her come back come on now most of us wouldn't let our mothers make us do anything. So you have to just see what works and what doesn't sometimes backing off works sometimes it sends the wrong message. Me i used a combination of the two. I came at her strong then i backed off and then she came to me. I really don't want her now that i got her back so be careful what you wish for. Link to post Share on other sites
brothermartin Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Me and her talked for a while today. it was totaly on the surface and lighthearted. I can't help but think she is with someone else tonight. Her away status on IM hasn't changed. It's her right if she is with someone else but its hard to just brush it off. I've tryed having sex and dating women since her but I just don't get any satisfaction from it. These are times when I could just use someone to talk too. Dont bog yourself down with wondering what she's doing. Ask yourself why you're not out there doing more, meeting new people, giving someone else a chance? Lets be honest, anything you do now will be what you think might get her back. But give yourself a break from that for a minute. You have a life too. Dont let it rotate around her life. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Me and her talked for a while today. it was totaly on the surface and lighthearted. I can't help but think she is with someone else tonight. Her away status on IM hasn't changed. It's her right if she is with someone else but its hard to just brush it off. I've tryed having sex and dating women since her but I just don't get any satisfaction from it. These are times when I could just use someone to talk too. I've done the sex and dating women, what is worse is when you are having sex a woman and you are thinking of her! It does not seem to be that you are over her. You two need closure. It may require that one of you, like you, really end it and remove all hopes. Link to post Share on other sites
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