Did I ruin it?

[CJ77]

Ok so my ex dumped me 5 mnths ago....we have remained in contact for the whole time of our breakup...plus we work together.....a few weeks back as we were talking he told me that he had to tell me that he never forgot about me and that he thinks sometimes what the hell was he thinking to lose me..He also said he could kick himself...so the contact increased and he seemed more friendly toward me at work,,,even sat with me and another one of my coworkers up in the cafeteria...and then it was like all of a sudden he backed down again...so i confronted him on what the purpose of him telling me that he could kick himself etc ect....we ended up getting into an arguement and he told me that he wasnt overly depressed about our breakup..so that left me thinking well thats like him basically telling me in so many words that our breakup was no biggie to him but yet on the same hand he claims he could kick himself!!?? so one thing led into another and i told him i wasnt overly depressed either (even tho i was devastated) and that altho i was down about it that life goes on..i also told him that if hes not interested in me that to pls not say things like to me anymore and as a matter of fact for us to never talk about the breakup again bc its not fair to me..still he insisted he meant what he said and ultimately the more i called him out on the things he finally asked if one day soon we get together to clarify things..i asked him why we would do such a thing and he responded that hes just trying to be nice which to me, was just another zinger..so i reacted and told him i want him to do things bc he wants to do them not bc he thinks its what i want...he just said lets continue this talk another time and i said no it wont be neccassary and i once again told him i wish to never speak of our breakup again

 

a friend of mine thinks i may have ruined him trying to get me back bc she thinks i gave off the impression that im fine without him and that i would never have him back...im not sure yet if i agree with her....i mean anyone else in my shoes i think would have gone nuts by now and i mean first the guy says one thing and then he does another...

 

so what do you all think?

[birdie]

your friend is wrong and she sounds weak. of course you should show your ex that you are fine without him and that you are strong person. I don't get girls that are submissive to men at all.

 

I don't know what kind of person your ex is exactly, whether he is playing games or whether he is just confused. We all meet people that muck about for months/years on end, would you want someone like that? If he can't behave like a man and have a simple conversation with you and make up his mind then what could be the future like with him? Not great me thinks.

[CJ77]

so in addition to all thats written above my ex still talks to me all the time, sees me at works gets all blushy in the face, smiles alot...and im getting more and more aggervated inside everytime I think about that conversation and how he was acting and how it all changed just like that...I just want to come out and pay him off for it but I also dont want to bring it up again since I made it clear I never wanted to bring it up again...and i guess a part of me is afraid he'll just get fed up and not talk to me anymore...but if anyone should be fed up it should be me...and i really shouldnt care if he gets mad or not...but I just dont know if I should confront this issue again or not bc its eating at me...

[birdie]

in your shoes I would change jobs first of all. it is impossible to think clearly in your situation, emotions crowd everything

[qwertyu]

i think birdie seems a lil harsh in his/her views. sounds too pessimistic & negative to me.

 

anyway, i think what you did is right. there is no need for you to change jobs. it is your career we're talking abt here, why do you need to change it just to avoid him? if you're strong enough to handle things w/o appearing weak in front of him (altho inside you're dying), it's good enough. and i agree i would be pissed too if he said one thing but does another.

 

if he were to question himself, he would see he's not making sense. i dont think theres a need for you to do anything right now, esp not at the moment cos it seems like you two might get into another argument. you shld just wait for things to cool down & when he ask to talk again, then talk to him about it (but try not to get angry so easily, listen to what he has to say first then ans rationally). dont suggest to talk abt it if he doesnt pursue the matter though