Friend into something more? Complex situation.

[icarus77]

Hello y'all

 

I need some perspective. Here's the recollected exposition.

 

Enter a girl (call her ELLE), 7 years ago into a college poetry writing class I was taking. I was immediately attracted and further enticed when she turned out to be the class's only other proper writer (guess who the other was -- excuse the arrogance). Well, suffice to say, our work was equally criticized and BLAHBLAHBLAH we defended each other's work. So, respect and both silently impressed. Over the next few years, we stay friendly but not really friends. She takes an acting class I'm TA'ing and says how I was in a dream of hers, but it was a disturbing dream. I was a little taken aback and kind of distanced myself, but we always remained nice to each other. She then become friends with this other girl and this other girl likes me and ELLE tells me about it. And I was so angry at ELLE (which made me realize what I felt about her). Few months later, me and this other girl are now just friends and since ELLE I heard was having some weird situation with some other guy, I decided I would not consider ELLE an option. So, time passes. She leaves and I get depressed over it. She goes through more loneliness and I feel for her. And then she comes back to my town for grad school in the same college we graduated from. I live in the area still. So, when I hear this I get very nervous almost afraid. I wait and see her and I was relieved. On first sight, no fireworks. Safety.

 

So, that brings us up to this past year. I notice I can't stop thinking about her. I realize that I bring her up in conversations all the time without realizing it. Uh-oh. Yeah, so I have been for the last months trying to get closer to her. She has let me --remarkable far for a woman who was known to be standoffish and enigmatic. She hasn't had the best past and has let me know several things good and bad that she says she hasn't told anyone. She tells me that a long time ago, she had some thing for me. She didn't quite put in terms of a crush, but she phrased it like that I could have "messed around" with her if I wanted to have. I still appear in her dreams, somewhat in the same role, which I think links to the power she thinks I have (as an artist as an imposing male?). I'm not her typical type, but like me she admits to being open and has not had really any success with previous encounters. She has commented that I am quite handsome and not a "pretty boy" (which is what she seems attracted to but derides herself for being shallow at the same time, a true lady -- sorry a little lonely male bitterness). We have made plans to spend time together to work on a few various artistic projects over the next year before I leave for grad school.

 

We both are very similar in outlook and experience. We both are kind of dark and artsy (quelle surprise!). I always felt we had a bond even back in the day, and our bond has gotten pretty strong in the intervening months. And I really feel very very very strongly about wanting to be with her. Like I am contemplating she's the One. One of our mutual friends who I dared to tell this to says that she always thought we were perfect for each other and wondered when we'd realize it.

 

I am going to approach her about it. Nothing said yet (except for the trepid dancing around subjects disclosed above and more information). I don't know if she knows or suspects. She does comment on not understanding me entirely.

 

I guess I wonder if I am reading to much into this (I can provide more percieved signs if needed). Suggestions for the subject breaking. Perhaps I need most of all to just have people I don't know say, "Hey! Don't be Blind!" or "Weariness is warranted".

 

You may have noticed a slight depressive or pessimistic streak in this post, but ELLE is the same way. I just don't know. Anything said will be appreciated.

[Tony T]

You sound like you want either some sort of encouragement or discouragement. I can't give you either based on your post.

 

What I can tell you is if you don't get some balls in this situation, you will be wondering about this lady all the days of your life. You don't have a lot of time since you'll be leaving for grad school next year.

 

Do things with her, ask her to accompany you to social events, invite her to dinner and try to get something going. If she doesn't respond to you romantically, have a talk with her. Tell her how you feel at the appropriate time.

 

She sounds like a nice catch but she may have some walls up for some reason. It will be your job to get those walls down, at least for YOU.

 

Don't mistake this for encouragement. The above suggestions are your ONLY option. Unless you want to be tortured for what may have been for the rest of your life, get something going with this gal. If she tells you to go to hell, at least she would have given you some direction. Right now you don't seem to have a clue.