Elizabeth789 Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 Hi..I've had a bf for about 3 years an recently cheated on him for the first time, it was a mistake and I was drunk while the other guy was sober. I dont want to sound like a victim, but I feel like I was taken advantage of, expecially because he knew that I had a bf. Im now overcome with guilt and dont know what to do, I dont want to tell my boyfriend because I know that he will leave me and I do love him very much. and know that I wont cheat again. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Elyssa Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 You don't mention how far you went with the other guy, but if you had sex with him and you truly feel he took advantage of you because you were drunk, that's rape. Report it as such and tell your boyfriend about it. He can't fault you for someone else taking advantage of you. If he loves you, he will be supportive. However, it sounds like you did something you wouldn't normally have done because of the alcohol and now you realize it was a mistake. Face your boyfriend and accept the consequences. Either way, a relationship can't go on based on a lie. He deserves to know. -E Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 it was a mistake and I was drunk How can you guarantee that you won't cheat again, since you'll get drunk again and can't control yourself when this happens? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 and know that I wont cheat again. What should I do? Honesty is the only policy. Your BF deserve's to have the choice. If you build your relationship on lies and deciept it will never... ever work. This will eat your soul, and you will end a shell of your former self. Do the correct thing, walk in the light of honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted November 9, 2007 Share Posted November 9, 2007 If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect your boyfriend to be honest with you? Either you have a relationship based on trust and honesty or one based on lies and deceit. The choice is yours. In addition, if you had unprotected sex then you and your boyfriend need also to be checked for STD's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elizabeth789 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 I defiantly dont see it as rape, it was more something I did that I would never normally do. He cheated on me in the early stages of our relationship with my friend, not sex but pretty close, he didnt end up telling me-she did. I think I would have rather not to ever have found out. I would really rather not tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I would really rather not tell him. Revenge? Are you going to not tell him for you? Or for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elizabeth789 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 No its not revenge, that happened a long time ago and I have overcome it, I was just giving a example of saying that I would rather not know that he had done it. I dont want to tell him because I dont want to lose what we have. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 No its not revenge, that happened a long time ago and I have overcome it, I was just giving a example of saying that I would rather not know that he had done it. I dont want to tell him because I dont want to lose what we have. You've already lost it. Here is what you have to look forward to in not telling. Every time you see a lifetime show... you feel guilty and identify with the cheater. Every time he does something nice for you... you feel like a pile of poop. Every time you look in the mirror you see a liar and a cheat. It eats away at your soul! Slowly corrupts your self esteem like a festering wound. You dont want to build a relationship... let alone a marriage on a foundation of lies and dishonesty do you? Besides, you have pretty much proof positive that these things come out eventually. However, it is your choice! Not everyone has these problems. You may skate away home free! Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I dont want to tell him because I dont want to lose what we have. I'm not saying this to be cruel, but it's factual. What you "have" is a relationship where he cheated on you in the beginning but didn't have sex, then 3 years into it, you got drunk and cheated on him and had sex with a guy who was stone cold sober. That means either a) you are hanging out with guys who will take advantage of you given any incentive at all, b) you threw yourself onto the guys genitals after you got good and liquored up or c) you don't know the concept of self control. What you have is NOT a relationship built on trust as long as you live with this lie. What you have is a situation that will eventually reveal itself, either when you find yourself unable to deal with the guilt of living the lie or he discovers it thru some other mechanism. What you HAVE right now is a relationship that is in trouble. You can either let it flounder like this until it reaches the natural conclusion (and these always do) or you can throw yourself on your bf's mercy and beg forgiveness for allowing yourself to lose control of your judgement and making a huge mistake. You had a choice in cheating. You now have a choice to be a woman of character and substance. One of those choices was a bad one for you. Do you really want to make another bad choice again? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I dont want to tell him because I dont want to lose what we have. What do you have, exactly? I ask because you were out drinking with another man, probably flirting and teasing and playing and making out, and took it to the point where you ended up having sex. Usually, people who 'have' something with their bf/gf don't put themselves in positions like that. So why did you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elizabeth789 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 It is not unusual for us to talk to the oposite gender when we are out, we are only 18. Obviously it would stop at flirting though, but in this instance it did not. I have never cheated before and dont want to think that one stupid mistake would cost me our whole relationship. I do think we can still have a good relationship. Oh an obviously im no longer talking to the other guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 It is not unusual for us to talk to the oposite gender when we are out, we are only 18. Obviously it would stop at flirting though, but in this instance it did not. I have never cheated before and dont want to think that one stupid mistake would cost me our whole relationship. I do think we can still have a good relationship. Oh an obviously im no longer talking to the other guy. No worries! You are young... no kids. You will see in time. I hope the best for you Elizabeth. Some experiences we learn about ourselves. 10 years ago... when I was 18, I did many things that I now regret. Take this and make sure you understand the complete WHY of the situation so it does not happen again. Because this hurts you does it not? Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 OK, didn't realize you were 18 and you and your bf had been together since you were 15. Yikes...you two are just babies. I think the bigger issue for you is that you were getting so drunk as to make a bad decision at the age of 18. That should teach you something about alcohol. Had the guy you were with been any sleazier...he could have invited a few friends over and you'd have been in trouble. Don't put yourself into situations you can't handle on your own. At 18, you've no business getting that liquored up. What happened this time was, quite frankly, not a bad outcome relatively speaking. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Had the guy you were with been any sleazier...he could have invited a few friends over and you'd have been in trouble. Wow, thats a scary visual! Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Wow, thats a scary visual! Scary...and unfortunately, all too often true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elizabeth789 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 Yes obviously I do feel bad, who wouldnt? And yes it could have been alot worse then what it ended up being, which is really weird as I dont even normally drink all that much. What if we end up being with each other for still a long time to come..an possibly do get married(Not saying we will-but never know) do I still keep it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Yes obviously I do feel bad, who wouldnt? And yes it could have been alot worse then what it ended up being, which is really weird as I dont even normally drink all that much. What if we end up being with each other for still a long time to come..an possibly do get married(Not saying we will-but never know) do I still keep it. Do you think you can handle that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elizabeth789 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 Im handling it ok now. Link to post Share on other sites
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