Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 As the spouse of a cheater, do you (or any spouse who's married to a cheater) wonder why they cheated on you? Is it all a common reason, or a case by case reason? I was just curious. I know my father cheated on my mother because they clearly were not happy nor meant to be together. 20+ years' later, they laugh about it. Well, at least they get a kick out of it now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 I don't think Gwyneth ever said she wanted to hear only 1 POV...she simply said that she was tired of bitter, rude, angry posts, like yours...And who could blame her considering she is in the OW/OM forum? Thank you Gel! Cuz sometimes I think I'm lost in a thread I clearly should Not be in Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Thank you Gel! Cuz sometimes I think I'm lost in a thread I clearly should Not be in I know alot of times I wonder where the OW all are... Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 What a lot of you fail to realize is, the TOPIC of this forum is OW/OM, that doesn't mean it's intended only for OW/OM, or that only they are allowed opinions here. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I know alot of times I wonder where the OW all are... Booted! I wish the Mods would let some of them back! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 Right, but obviously most OW/OM are all about the affair, and their affair-minded opinions should be a little respected around here. That's the problem Gel and I are facing and that's why what should be no longer than a 5-pg thread turns into a book. And Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 What a lot of you fail to realize is, the TOPIC of this forum is OW/OM, that doesn't mean it's intended only for OW/OM, or that only they are allowed opinions here. The forum is: The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner. Not the inquisition and judgment of those with a committed partner which is what ends up happening most of the time... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 Right, but obviously most OW/OM are all about the affair, and their affair-minded opinions should be a little respected around here. That's the problem Gel and I are facing and that's why what should be no longer than a 5-pg thread turns into a book. And we aren't saying we're against opinions, but when people start accusing you of being immature, arrogant, and direct you to therapy, then yeah, that is attacking and uncalled for. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Right, but obviously most OW/OM are all about the affair, and their affair-minded opinions should be a little respected around here. That's the problem Gel and I are facing and that's why what should be no longer than a 5-pg thread turns into a book. And Its all about the attitude! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 The forum is: The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner. Not the inquisition and judgment of those with a committed partner which is what ends up happening most of the time... Booted! I wish the Mods would let some of them back! Agree!!!!! That's why I'm thinking about opening my own up! Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 That's why I'm thinking about opening my own up!Great! All 5 of you can have a blast! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Its all about the attitude! I agree with that...If the OW is self-deprecating she's usually left alone... But if you're outspoken and happy to be yourself, watch out...I guess I could keep my views to myself, but then I don't think I'd be doing any of the newbies any good...This forum needs more than 1 POV... Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Agree!!!!! That's why I'm thinking about opening my own up! Why, debate is healthy. How you defend your POV often shows its validity. I'm upset that RC and some others got the boot, for defending themselves!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 Anything beats being attacked on a daily basis by bitter spouses. I do not think any of the five of us deserve that. YOu'll act like we think we're living some glamorous life cuz we have someone else's husbands. There's an ulgy side to the story, thing is, we know how to handle that ugly side. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Great! All 5 of you can have a blast! Ohhhh, there's waaayyy more than that... Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 But if you're outspoken and happy to be yourself, watch out...I guess I could keep my views to myself, but then I don't think I'd be doing any of the newbies any good...This forum needs more than 1 POV...I don't mind your POV at all. You guys are the ones that keep getting upset and on the defensive. If you're happy, why in hell would you care what anyone else on a completely anonymous internet forum thought about it? I certainly don't care what you think about me. *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I agree with that...If the OW is self-deprecating she's usually left alone... But if you're outspoken and happy to be yourself, watch out...I guess I could keep my views to myself, but then I don't think I'd be doing any of the newbies any good...This forum needs more than 1 POV... GEL... Your so different from the others. At this point you should have realized that. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I'm not making a personal attack. I have my own judgements but it's not my place to subject you to them... besides... like you care what I think? I just don't like to see anyone operate on and make decisions based on faulty logic or faulty information. It just seems like a bad idea to think that more can develop from this kind of situation, that's all. If you're not ever hoping from anything more, then great! Enjoy this for what it is. Besides, what's the purpose of this thread if not to debate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 I don't mind your POV at all. You guys are the ones that keep getting upset and on the defensive. If you're happy, why in hell would you care what anyone else on a completely anonymous internet forum thought about it? I certainly don't care what you think about me. *shrug* I don't recall your particular situation, but if you are the BS, I'm sorry--no one deserves that (unless they're some kind of animal). But I asked the question before about Why your spouses did cheat on you. I was wondering if in general, is it a common issue that leads the spouse to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I don't recall your particular situation, but if you are the BS, I'm sorry--no one deserves that (unless they're some kind of animal). But I asked the question before about Why your spouses did cheat on you. I was wondering if in general, is it a common issue that leads the spouse to cheat. I think cheating vs. not cheating is about personal responsibility and integrity. A bad relationship does not drive someone to cheat - it's merely a rationalization... an excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I don't mind your POV at all. You guys are the ones that keep getting upset and on the defensive. If you're happy, why in hell would you care what anyone else on a completely anonymous internet forum thought about it? I certainly don't care what you think about me. *shrug* I'm not upset or defensive...But I'll always help defend those under attack or perhaps, scrutiny is a better word? And you're right, I am happy and don't really care what people think of me. I know what's behind the scenes, but of course no one else does...And people operate under their own personal experience, so that's where they come from...But I do want to give a voice to a really sterotyped role... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 From my POV, if you are a happily married spouse, then you just do not cheat. And if your spouse knows you are a cheater going into the marriage, then, well, that's just too bad. I wouldn't marry a guy who I knew stole money, or commited some other crime. Maybe they did that when they were just in a bad place at one time or another, but sometimes, people's old habits just do not change. I also believe it may be a personality thing, but if you are carrying on an affair with one particular person, then this is more than just a personality situation. This spouse is engaged in another relationship with someone other than their spouse--that is why I believe this spouse is not happily married. One night stands=personality issues. Love affairs=unhappy. How can a happily married spouse who is totally in love with their spouse be with someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I think cheating vs. not cheating is about personal responsibility and integrity. A bad relationship does not drive someone to cheat - it's merely a rationalization... an excuse. You know what, I think you're half right... I know from my experience, I would have cheated if I had not left my M...But some people rationalize that cheating is better than leaving...Lesser of two evils, so to speak... Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 You know what, I think you're half right... I know from my experience, I would have cheated if I had not left my M...But some people rationalize that cheating is better than leaving...Lesser of two evils, so to speak... Thanks, GEL. Hmm, I disagree on which evil is lesser, however. I think cheating is worse than leaving. And I understand the situation, towards the end of my last relationship when the physical had completely stopped and I had this other girl throwing herself at me... it crossed my mind. But when it came right down to it and she literally tried to jump me in my car, I pushed her off. I refuse to cross that line, no matter how bad the relationship is and no matter how deep the temptation. Anyone who does differently is weak, in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 All I can say is, neither he nor I pushed this affair to where it is. It just happened gradually, and yeah, he did pursue me, but no pushing down and kissy poos. I also agree that it's easier for some spouses to cheat than leave for many reasons (money, egos, etc.). It's ashame, but that's just how some people are. I think my MM fits into the "money, ego" category, that by going for a divorce, he would feel like a failure. I also know that it's not all that easy to get out of a marriage, and takes time. Link to post Share on other sites
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