Yesterday was the Perfect opportunity for him to break things off...

[Gwyneth]

Lifetime is a Life lesson! Watching Golden Girls on LT as we speak!

 

Yes, of course it crosses my mind. I think it would be called "In Denial" if it didn't cross my mind. I freaked out when she called me five times on night and breathed in my ear like a dog in heat. I tell him all the time I don't want his crazy wife to come after me. He says she won't--but he also made vows with her, and we all know how well that went. Thankfully I work in a secure place, and I'm rarely Ever home. Let her find me...I don't have to answer the door. Heck, she can't even get into my building, so unless she waits for me outside, she ain't gonna find me...I only hope

[JackJack]

I freaked out when she called me five times on night and breathed in my ear like a dog in heat.

 

I'm sorry that wasn't enough for you to cut ties then.

 

Thankfully I work in a secure place, and I'm rarely Ever home. Let her find me...

 

Yeah, you're right, thats probably what other people in secure places thought too, when their building blew up. Or people came in and shot the place up. No different than with a crazy wife. My point is, if someone wants to get to you bad enough, they will.

[luvmy2ns]

Lifetime is a Life lesson! Watching Golden Girls on LT as we speak!

 

Yes, of course it crosses my mind. I think it would be called "In Denial" if it didn't cross my mind. I freaked out when she called me five times on night and breathed in my ear like a dog in heat. I tell him all the time I don't want his crazy wife to come after me. He says she won't--but he also made vows with her, and we all know how well that went. Thankfully I work in a secure place, and I'm rarely Ever home. Let her find me...I don't have to answer the door. Heck, she can't even get into my building, so unless she waits for me outside, she ain't gonna find me...I only hope

 

And you know she already suspected him of cheating on her with a prior woman?! Well, no s**t! He's doing the same thing with you! You call yourself the OW! Don't you think, then, that you're just another "piece" to him? You still think you're "special" to him? And even if it doesn't EVER rise to the level of a sexual relationship, he's in an EA with you and was with another BEFORE you! I really think you should clue in to who this guy really is. A lying cheater, or "cheating slimeball," if you will.

[confused39]

It sounds like what you're saying is you take pleasure in helping him to make a fool out of his wife. I mean, if everybody knows....but her....

 

Karma is very real.

 

With that being said, I've been where you are, except I was married at the time, too. It was the most intense, loving, pleasurable time of my life. But, it was just an A. He wanted to marry me (but he was already married.) He wanted to be with me (but he couldn't destroy the home of his children). He deliberately routed his vacation WITH HIS FAMILY to come through my home town, just so he could lay eyes on me....but he couldn't manage to get out of his marriage.

 

Did he love me? Yes, I know he did.

 

But you know all those sweet little things, those words that meant SO MUCH to me, those little crumbs of emotion that I clung to with every beat of my heart, that feeling of having found my soulmate, the way he made me feel like THE most beautiful, sexiest, smartest woman alive, born to be his? Well, come to find out, he made EVERY OW that he involved himself with feel the same way. And here I was thinking "I" was special. What a wake up call THAT was.

 

I guess it just irked me to see your nonchalant attitude towards his wife. I know there's 3 sides to every story (his, yours, and the truth), and I realize that I don't know the whole story, but in my opinion, if he gets caught, it's bad for HIM. If you care about him, you wouldn't want that. So the cocky "everybody already knows...what's the big deal" attitude doesn't really convey alot of caring.

 

Not trying to be a downer...just felt the need to respond, as one of those who have been in your shoes.

[Gwyneth]

Wow, I am more than Tired of having to defend my actions on a thread about OW/OM. I find this impulsively ridiculous that I have to defend my actions for what I am doing. I thought this was a place where OW/OM could talk and share their stories--boy was I wrong. I don't have to answer to anyone. Some of you maniuplate what I say into things they just aren't. Then I find myself contradicting myself to please half of you. I just don't care enough to have to defend myself to a whle lot of people who haven't been where I am. This would be like me going onto a BS forum and giving All the reasons why the OW/OM did what they did to the family. I just wouldn't go there. It's not a place for me, period. Seems like there are far more BS's here than OPs.

 

Where is team OP????

[Gwyneth]

It sounds like what you're saying is you take pleasure in helping him to make a fool out of his wife. I mean, if everybody knows....but her....

 

Karma is very real.

 

With that being said, I've been where you are, except I was married at the time, too. It was the most intense, loving, pleasurable time of my life. But, it was just an A. He wanted to marry me (but he was already married.) He wanted to be with me (but he couldn't destroy the home of his children). He deliberately routed his vacation WITH HIS FAMILY to come through my home town, just so he could lay eyes on me....but he couldn't manage to get out of his marriage.

 

Did he love me? Yes, I know he did.

 

But you know all those sweet little things, those words that meant SO MUCH to me, those little crumbs of emotion that I clung to with every beat of my heart, that feeling of having found my soulmate, the way he made me feel like THE most beautiful, sexiest, smartest woman alive, born to be his? Well, come to find out, he made EVERY OW that he involved himself with feel the same way. And here I was thinking "I" was special. What a wake up call THAT was.

 

I guess it just irked me to see your nonchalant attitude towards his wife. I know there's 3 sides to every story (his, yours, and the truth), and I realize that I don't know the whole story, but in my opinion, if he gets caught, it's bad for HIM. If you care about him, you wouldn't want that. So the cocky "everybody already knows...what's the big deal" attitude doesn't really convey alot of caring.

 

Not trying to be a downer...just felt the need to respond, as one of those who have been in your shoes.

 

 

Thank you, and it's much appreciated to hear from OW. At least we can relate on some level.

 

Also, I wanted to add before, that he wasn't cheating on his spouse with this other woman from before me. He was just talking to her on the phone. Well whatever happened happened, I cannot base my relationship with him on the one he had with that woman. All I do know is that his wife called up that woman and told her to leave her husband alone or she'll come down to her office. Well she never went to the lady's office, so she's all talk and no show, apparently. She also called me too but never said anything--again, she's not as brave as she might think she is. At this point in their marriage, and as insecure as she's always been, studying his freakin cell phone calls like it's her biology exam, you'd think she would just leave the marriage. How can a woman exist in a marriage when she doesn't trust her husband? He now is giving her reason not to trust him. I do not know what happened before me, nor do I care and I cannot base our R on the ones he has had. I live in the moment. I too have done stupid stupid Stupid things in the past that I wouldn't do with him. That was me then, this is me now. Life goes on.

[Mustang Sally]

Wow, I am more than Tired of having to defend my actions on a thread about OW/OM. I find this impulsively ridiculous that I have to defend my actions for what I am doing. I thought this was a place where OW/OM could talk and share their stories--boy was I wrong. I don't have to answer to anyone. Some of you maniuplate what I say into things they just aren't. Then I find myself contradicting myself to please half of you. I just don't care enough to have to defend myself to a whle lot of people who haven't been where I am. This would be like me going onto a BS forum and giving All the reasons why the OW/OM did what they did to the family. I just wouldn't go there. It's not a place for me, period. Seems like there are far more BS's here than OPs.

 

Where is team OP????

Hon.

I feel for you.

It is a tough situation that you have placed yourself in.

 

But just because you are looking for, and might find, a group of OW to empathise and feed your misconceptions about the majority or MM/Affairs/responsiblity of both affair partners....doesn't make what you (want to) believe RIGHT. Or the actual TRUTH.

 

Hey -

I wish you a peacful resolution.

There are some incredibly wise souls here, who are trying to extend a helping hand to you.

They see your situation a bit more clearly, because they are removed from it. And they know you deserve better.

 

I hope you come to realize that you deserve better, too.

[JackJack]

Wow, I am more than Tired of having to defend my actions on a thread about OW/OM. I find this impulsively ridiculous that I have to defend my actions for what I am doing. I thought this was a place where OW/OM could talk and share their stories--boy was I wrong. I don't have to answer to anyone. Some of you maniuplate what I say into things they just aren't. Then I find myself contradicting myself to please half of you. I just don't care enough to have to defend myself to a whle lot of people who haven't been where I am. This would be like me going onto a BS forum and giving All the reasons why the OW/OM did what they did to the family. I just wouldn't go there. It's not a place for me, period. Seems like there are far more BS's here than OPs.

 

Where is team OP????

 

 

I said it before and I'll say it again. YOU are the one who came here to post. You will get some that agree and some don't. You also continue to reply, if its not fitting for you to continue because of the responses, then don't. It will eventually die out. As long as you explain, your situation, you proably will continue to get responses. Its not hard.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Where is team OP????

 

Responding honestly to your many threads and questions with the same similar feedback and advice you’re getting from non-OP’s and those who have already been where you are and come out on the other side.

 

It's not a place for me, period.

 

Not if you’re completely closed off to hearing any voices beside the one in your own head. And certainly, if you’re this frustrated and angry that you can’t manipulate a silly forum in your favor ... how might you react if that married man eventually proves everyone right?

 

((Shudders))

[confused39]

I wasn't blasting you, Gwyneth. I had my own MM at one time. The point I was trying to make was he did LOTS to make me feel special and loved, but in the end, it was just an AFFAIR. Period. So none of it really mattered.

 

Apparently if he's telling his co-workers, friends, some family, about you, then he doesn't give a crap about his wife anyway. He has no more respect for his wife than that...so if you want to grasp onto straws about what his actions might be interpreted as, you do that. Just don't let yourself think that he'd be expected to respect you, if he can't respect her.

[whichwayisup]

She isn't ready to hear anything negative, or take a step back and just see this from another angle. One day she'll understand what we've all been trying to tell her, but by then, it'll be too late.

[Gwyneth]

I'm just saying, there's no single reason around here to attack someone because of how they feel or what they say. That's a bit discriminating.

 

The facts are there, that I'm in an affair, and I do not need to be remined Over and Over again that I Will be hurt, and that he Will dump me like yesterday's news, etc. I know all this, and I admitted I know this. Why can't we just focus on the point of my original post here in this thread instead of bringing up what's already obvious?

 

My point was, he had the opportunity to walk away yesterday but he didn't. Instead, he is continuing to keep me posted on his life. All I wanted to know is if I should or should Not feel good in any way about his actions. What I am Not looking for is a reminder that I will get hurt--as most of you automatically assume. You don't know me and you certainly do not know him or his side of the story. I tell you all I know--work with that and please do not jump to assumptions or conclusions. I think that's fair enough.

 

Gosh, thank god this isn't a thread about cancer--I think you'd all be telling me I'm going to die! No way around it...die die die!!!!!

 

[JackJack]

She isn't ready to hear anything negative, or take a step back and just see this from another angle. One day she'll understand what we've all been trying to tell her, but by then, it'll be too late.

 

I agree. I think too, this might be one reason why there seems to be so many heated discussions in the OW/OM forum. Its not that someone is really bashing them, even though they may feel like it at times, its about different opinons, some will agree and some will not. It not just like this in a forum, its like that in RL too. People will agree with you at times and at times they wont.

[whichwayisup]

Noone is attacking you G, noone is saying rude words to you, tough love and some harshness, yes, maybe, but that is life. IF you can't deal with strangers sharing their thoughts on a public forum (and not all are OW, or BS's, some regular folks jump in too, just FYI) then I shudder to think how you'd react in a public place face to face with people who disagree with what you're doing. If you can't take abit of heat ONLINE, then you won't make it out in the real word. Sorry, but not everyone is on the same page when it comes to this stuff...That's what happens on public forums, you get all sorts of different opinions, different types of advice. All I ever hoped is for you to read with abit of an open mind, but you can't do that without thinking we're attacking you. I know at times I've been harsh with you, but I've been respectfully, as have many others.

[reboot]

The problem is, you're looking for vindication, not advice. If you just want someone to blindly agree with you, and you really don't want advice, just say so.

[EnigmasMuse]

I'm just saying, there's no single reason around here to attack someone because of how they feel or what they say. That's a bit discriminating.

 

 

When was there attacking? Do you think its possible that maybe, just maybe, the other people who didnt' agree with you, is WHY it came across as "attacking" to you?

[whichwayisup]

What I am Not looking for is a reminder that I will get hurt--as most of you automatically assume.

 

Then you must have special powers to be able to keep all your emotions out of it and hope that if/when this A ends you won't be hurting at all.

 

Okay, well, I wish you all the best. Good luck.

[Gwyneth]

I'm saying in general, there's a lot of attacking and arguing around here. It's OW against Former OW, BS, etc. Like the 13 page thread that started with me saying I'm proud, then became based on someone else's LA. LOL, yes, but c'mon! Some of you are definitely mocking my affair, and others' affairs too around here. You know, it's not easy being the OW either. There's a lot at steak here. Hard to see from other POV's, true, but it is not all that jolly in OP land.

 

I try not to take most of these comments as attacks, but I'm looking for general answers, not an analysis or commentary on what I'm doing and why it's wrong, etc. I pretty much have been skimming through the long posts because quite frankly I am not interested in reading lectures or commentaries asking me to explain why I am doing what I'm doing. I said I'm proud and happy--I think that explains me well enough.

 

Also, in real life, my friends and family tell me to "be careful," but they do not give me every reason to think that I'm an awful person, and to question my sensibilities. I guess that is because they know me as a person, not as a member on a forum.

 

Yes, I am well aware hwo forums operate. I own and run one myself! Fortunately, my members post their opions, and while they disagree with each other, they state their argument and move on. It doesn't turn into a 13 page battle.

 

I also do not see the point in taking sentences from me and analyzing them. I was an English major, and I know how to analyze what people say. I don't think it's useful in situations such as affairs, though, and what people say around here. I don't like people taking my words and turning it into an analytical essay.

[whichwayisup]

No, this isn't BS vs OW, not even close. You change your mind, first it's an affair, then it's not, then you love him, then you don't, then you think it's just friendship, then it's a soulmate friendship. YOU don't know what's what, Gwen.

 

Noone has been rude, ALL the advice given to you is thoughtful and respectful, coming from a good place, yet you can't see that, you think because many are trying to get you to see another angle of this situation, that we're all ganging up on you and attacking you. Guess you haven't been here long enough to see the real cat fights that go on. This thread isn't anything like the other past fighting/rude threads.

[EnigmaXOXO]

My point was, he had the opportunity to walk away yesterday but he didn't. Instead, he is continuing to keep me posted on his life. All I wanted to know is if I should or should Not feel good in any way about his actions.

 

Penciling you in on his busy schedule simply because you fit his agenda. Any friend or stranger might do the same ... so long as there was still some positive payoff in that. Heck, the folks on this forum have been happy to do as much for you, without wanting anything from you in return except that you not risk putting yourself in the position of being seriously injured. And often, a pound of prevention is worth a ounce of cure.

 

Than again, there is always something positive to be learned in even the most painful lessons. They’re typically the ones that stick with us and we remember and empathize with the most. And perhaps one day you’ll come back under a different user name ( another day older and wiser) to give someone else in your situation the same feedback and advice that everyone had given you.

 

When that day comes, will graciously give our solicited but ultimately unwelcomed “advice” on how to toughen up and dodge those proverbial tomatoes.

[Gwyneth]

Penciling you in on his busy schedule simply because you fit his agenda. Any friend or stranger might do the same ... so long as there was still some positive payoff in that. Heck, the folks on this forum have been happy to do as much for you, without wanting anything from you in return except that you not risk putting yourself in the position of being seriously injured. And often, a pound of prevention is worth a ounce of cure.

 

Than again, there is always something positive to be learned in even the most painful lessons. They’re typically the ones that stick with us and we remember and empathize with the most. And perhaps one day you’ll come back under a different user name ( another day older and wiser) to give someone else in your situation the same feedback and advice that everyone had given you.

 

When that day comes, will graciously give our solicited but ultimately unwelcomed “advice” on how to toughen up and dodge those proverbial tomatoes.

 

Aren't you just the kindest! Hello, but I have been in the shoes of the girl whose bf cheated on her. So I am also here to advise people, but I also like to hear persepctives of others on my current situation. however, what I am Not here for is attackful words about what I am doing is wrong. I know it's wrong--Im not here to hear of that. I'm just trying to seek how others would handle what I'm dealing with.

 

I feel like I have to do a Lot of explaining around here. Again, amazing since this forum focuses on the OW/OM.

[EnigmasMuse]

but I also like to hear persepctives of others on my current situation.

 

*So you're mainly wanting people who have been in your shoes to reply to you and that is all? Some people have NOT been in your shoes, so you're correct in thinking they might not know what the hell they are talking about. But that is judgemental and assuming, which is what you do NOT care for others to do to you. Just because someone might not have been in your shoes and experienced what you have doesn't mean they might not have some helpful advice, I have seen you blow off alot of people who have given you some really good advice. Some of those people I know to have been OW and some were not.

 

I'm just trying to seek how others would handle what I'm dealing with.

 

*And what is it you're dealing with? I thought you had no problem with the wife, and you're happy with the way things are until maybe, a single man comes along. *

[Gwyneth]

Here I go again having to Explain myself...

 

Anyone who's an anyone can reply--this is a public forum.

 

I'm just asking that no one attack my feelings and opinions and make me feel like a cheap whore.

 

 

EnigmasMuse

*And what is it you're dealing with? I thought you had no problem with the wife, and you're happy with the way things are until maybe, a single man comes along. *

 

What I am dealing with is the fact that he had an open door to just walk away but he didn't. What I wanted to know from others is why. What I didn't expect is to have to again explain my course of actions. I stated the situation, and I asked what others would do or think and if I was thinking in the wrong terms.

[Gwyneth]

I can see how you would take it as a compliment, but its not.

 

He is trying to keep things the way HE likes them. His schedule is changing, so he is attempting to get you in line with when he can see you. Just another part of the affair. You being at the mercy of his schedule.

 

Here is a Really nice, helpful explanation of the situation I began this thread with.

[Gwyneth]

Why would he? You allow him to keep you around as a compliant and discreet OW, and he continues to get away with it on the homefront. As long as you continue to 'be there' for him, and he continues to get away with it, he will continue the affair. He will end things when he either gets bored, busted, or finds an OOW.

 

Here's unecessary feedback. Why? Because it's based on assumptions that nmake it look like I'm a cheap whore. Where? As long as you continue to 'be there' for him, and he continues to get away with it, he will continue the affair. Basically, this is saying that I am allowing him to use me. He will end things when he either gets bored, busted, or finds an OOW. Another negative interpretation of what "might" happen based on negative assumptions. I find it impulsive.