girlfriend living with her ex

[beetle]

I wondered if anyone out there would be able to give me some advice. I met a really cool girl recently and am really into her. We seem to get on real well and have good time together. But she lives with her ex-boyfriend who she went out with for a few years and they split up a few months back.

 

She says she is over him and not interested in being with anyone but me but they are still very close and do alot of stuff together (like shopping together and having dinner with friends together). I think I trust her to be honest and should give her space and time but I feel very jealous and not happy about it. Should I get involved with someone in that situation? Even if I shouldn't, you can't tell your heart that can you?? I wondered what you guys thought.

 

beetle

[Tony T]

I don't think I would touch that one. If this girl has any heart at all, there's still a connection that's more than friendship with this ex she's living with. Of course, it could be a situation that she just doesn't have the money to move out. Then again, could be that she was never really into him in the first place. But if there was a deep love and romance between the two of them, I promise you there is more to this picture than you are seeing.

 

Could also be that she is subconsciously expressing her anger towards him and punishing him by seeing other people...or perhaps trying to make him jealous so he may get back with her. Human beings are strange creatures.

 

When I find myself approaching a situation where I can't put my finger on the real agenda, I take a detour.

[luvmyboys]

If she's still living with him, doing things with him, then she's still attached to him. Is she sleeping with him too? Wouldn't that drive you crazy taking her home after a date knowing she's behind closed doors with a former boyfriend as you leave her house?

 

Maybe she's into open relationships, how do you know? I say there are plenty of available girls out there that don't come with baggage like this, but that's just my opinion.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I'm worried that this would not be a good situation for you, Beetle. If you could just manage to "hang out" together as friends and have a good time together, that would be one thing. But if you get too attached to this lady, you'll only end up heart-broken and disappointed.

 

She obviously hasn't put complete closure on this last relationship. You'll only end up feeling like a "third wheel" when dealing with that ex-lover now turned platonic friend. ESPECIALLY while their still living together!

 

If you're feeling uncomfortable with the situation now, just imagine how much worse it will get as your feelings for her intensify. This issue is a MAJOR one, and will end up driving you absolutely crazy. And where's all the "fun" in that???

[Just A Girl2]

Don't think this question has been asked yet (or maybe I missed it).....but why on earth is she living with her ex? Have you asked her why? If so, what's her response/reasoning been? People generally don't have a long term relationship with someone, the relationship ends but they remain living together. That's sort of twisted.

 

How do you even know for SURE that she's not STILL in a relationship with him, and having fun with you "on the side"?

 

Have you been over to the place they both share? Does he know about you?

 

Sounds pretty suspicious to me.

[flower]

Beetle, my view: a detour is wise but if you are so smitten with her and is risk-loving, guess you would continue to play the game. Chances are she is not economically independent to be on her own. If you have a place for her to stay, tell her you like her enough to still be with her after she break up then a relationship between both of you is possible.