Knowledge is power?

[stillafool]

They all lie and pretend they are something they are not. Whether it's younger, richer, mistreated, misunderstood, ignored, disrespected, not appreciated,separated, divorced,single, no kids, wife's a bee-atch, whatever. They all lie about most if not all of their lives. They will say and do anything stick their winky in an willing hole.

 

Available or not.You just got one that lies about his neighborhood. Even though I don't see why she should be ashamed of her life, if she thought she was living with someone who loved and respected her and they had a good family life. I grew up in a trailer in the south and I was never ashamed to have a roof over my head or a warm place to sleep. Maybe she just appreciates what she has and doesn't believe that real people need to be in any leagues, other than the human one that is.

 

Having healthy children, and food to eat, don't necessarily translate into hating ones life, just because the finances might be tight.

 

Great post! Some of the happiest homes are owned by people of little financial means. Money and a mansion could never buy happiness.

[imstunned]

I think my point about how I felt when I found out where he lived has been missed. I cant explain it any better than what I did. I am the least materialistic person - I'm a sinlge mum for gods sake, I dont have much money. It wasnt my point.

 

I never ever said she should be ashamed of her life. I dont think people need to be in leagues either. My point has been totally lost.

[Ladyjane14]

I think my point about how I felt when I found out where he lived has been missed. I cant explain it any better than what I did. I am the least materialistic person - I'm a sinlge mum for gods sake, I dont have much money. It wasnt my point.

 

I never ever said she should be ashamed of her life. I dont think people need to be in leagues either. My point has been totally lost.

 

I don't think your point is lost. It's visceral evidence of the way the man had misrepresented himself, evidence you can literally SEE.

 

Good for you. A picture is worth a thousand words. It wouldn't have mattered if it was the other way around and he was a millionaire passing himself off as a beachbum. You'd have still felt the same way... standing there LOOKING at physical evidence of his lies.

 

All that said... let time and distance do it's work, okay? And not just that, but maybe be a little proactive about it.

 

You might not clear him out of your brain-space all in one day... but when your dinghy gets flooded, best get to bailing, know what I mean? It might be just a teaspoonful at a time, but you can literally PUT this guy out of your mind. Believe it or not, one day you're gonna look back on this time in your life in utter disbelief that you wasted even one tear on this guy.

[imstunned]

I don't think your point is lost. It's visceral evidence of the way the man had misrepresented himself, evidence you can literally SEE.

 

Good for you. A picture is worth a thousand words. It wouldn't have mattered if it was the other way around and he was a millionaire passing himself off as a beachbum. You'd have still felt the same way... standing there LOOKING at physical evidence of his lies.

 

All that said... let time and distance do it's work, okay? And not just that, but maybe be a little proactive about it.

 

You might not clear him out of your brain-space all in one day... but when your dinghy gets flooded, best get to bailing, know what I mean? It might be just a teaspoonful at a time, but you can literally PUT this guy out of your mind. Believe it or not, one day you're gonna look back on this time in your life in utter disbelief that you wasted even one tear on this guy.

 

Phew - i'm glad some of you got it.

[head.heart& hand]

I'm going out tonight. For the next few hours at least I am going to go round and round in circles over what to wear. Im going to the place where we met - but I have been before since all this crap happened and was okay. I wonder if he will be there - I wonder if he is going to be alowed out ever again.

 

 

 

hmm. this sounds like you're looking for him--and perhaps hoping he'll be there. In his cutting you off completely, I doubt he will. I guess you'll find out?

[imstunned]

I give up. I went out. Got drunk, and no prizes for guessing what I Did - I contected him via text. Said how much I miss him. And its true. There is NOTHING i can do to speed up this process that i must face - and its annoying as hell, I'm trying.

 

I didnt expect him to be there, and I dont expect him to reply to my text. But there is nothing more I can do. I try my best to move on. it dosent work. Even getting ready to go out makes me think of him. Its not fair. I'm a good person. I fell in love. But fu*king hell. Am i paying for it. I cant figure out what the hell I did wrong to deserve this.

[whichwayisup]

Okay, you did a drunk dial (drunk text) and it was a mistake, don't contact him again, let alone tell him you miss him. See, what you don't understand is, this guy is sick in the head, the type of lies and the way he lied to you was so diguisting and horrible, it sickens me the way he purposely led you to believe his near death experiences, making you worry, knowing full well he was healthy and at home with his wife and children.

 

Yes, you're a good person! And it's time you see this in yourself more and more and do everything possible to get over him and NEVER contact him again. You contacting him is only proving to him that HE is the KING and you're feeding his ego. I mean, he's possibly thinking, I told her the biggest lies ever, bad ones, manipulated her and man, she's coming back for more!! He's loving it.

 

I am sorry, I know you're in pain and I can only suggest now you do the therapy to help you get past this because getting drunk and wishing he was back in your life is only going to mess you up more.

 

Accept that he is a sick and twisted person, there's something very wrong with him and NONE of this is your fault as HE LED YOU ON for nearly a year! (8 months, close enough.)

 

Please take care of you.

[imstunned]

hello. I dont think its a good idea for me to go out. Not untill this man is out of my head and my heart. ALL it does for me is confirm that the connection the I felt when I met this man dose not happen very often AT ALL. its a one off.

 

He replied to me by text this morning asking me to leave him alone. Nice. All I piggin well did was go to the place we met, get a little drunk and tell him I missed him.

 

Naturally I replied to his text, saying I have been a good girl, vanishing into thin air, lying to his wife, I let him know that I know where he lives by asking how life is treating him in ABC street. Said that I tell him I miss him and he is still nasty.

 

Then I got more of the please please dont f*ck this up for me any more than I already have - I didnt mean to be nasty ect. We are making a go of things - and a few more texts back and forth. A few more please please dont do this. I still dont know what the hell he means when he says it. I said its like I am dead to you. He said you are not dead to me, but please understand I cant be caught texting.

 

I just hate this. I try and focus on other things and no matter how hard I try it dosent work. I go out, and feel emptier and worse than I did before. I'm aware how messed up this is - and I am going to go into therapy - but at the moment I just miss him so so much, and really want him back in my life.

[marlena]

Okay, you did a drunk dial (drunk text) and it was a mistake, don't contact him again, let alone tell him you miss him. See, what you don't understand is, this guy is sick in the head, the type of lies and the way he lied to you was so diguisting and horrible, it sickens me the way he purposely led you to believe his near death experiences, making you worry, knowing full well he was healthy and at home with his wife and children.

 

 

 

Stun,

Read this again and again and again until it sinks in . Write it on a mirror in big, capital letters (lipstick)that you constantly walk by so that you may have a constant reminder of who this imposter REALLY is. It will help curb your tendency to idealize him and help put things in their proper perspective.

[imstunned]

this is hideous. In 5 whole weeks since she called me and its all off and I havent moved forward one little bit. He is begging me not to do this - please please dont do this - I must be totally clueless as I dont know what the hell he means. If he dosent want me to contact him (and I hardly have) then he can just ignore me.

 

If I could just get it into my evidently very thick skull that he dosent want me & dosent care about me. He says dont make it any more difficut than it already is. ?????? Difficult for who? For him? Aww - poor baby - he should have bloody well thought about that before tricking me into having an affair with him.

 

And if I see him text "we are making a go of things" one more time - I think I'll scream.

 

I am sorry for being a stuck record. Even I'm getting sick of myself.

[child_of_isis]

Don't f*ck this up for me? Pul-eeze.

 

Don't let him put the blame on you.

 

Anything that has been done to his family, he did.

 

Do it. Wifey deserves to know the kind of man he really is.

 

You are supposed to just sit back and let him rebuild his house of lies with his wife....and help him by keeping quite?

 

Folks call OW's on their part of the break up in a marriage...being a part of the lying, deceiving, cheating.... until it comes time to inform W what a liar MM is, then they are supposed to keep their mouths shut.

 

This is illogical to me. If you stay quite, you are still a part of the lying, deceiving, cheating.

 

Yes, you may have been part of it at some point, but you don't have to be part of it any longer.

 

Tell her. But don't let him know that you are going to tell her or he will convince her that you are a psycho OW.

 

 

Then I got more of the please please dont f*ck this up for me any more than I already have - I didnt mean to be nasty ect. We are making a go of things - and a few more texts back and forth. A few more please please dont do this. I still dont know what the hell he means when he says it. I said its like I am dead to you. He said you are not dead to me, but please understand I cant be caught texting.

 

[marlena]

Not to worry! I was a stuck record too. Drove all my friends and family beserk!

 

Stun,

It is all very, very raw! Five weeks is nothing! Give yourself a break! After all, what happened to you was SHATTERING. You are just too sensitive and need a longer time to heal.

 

If he dosent want me to contact him (and I hardly have) then he can just ignore me.

 

Sorry to hurt you, Stun. But he is ignoring you! You initiated all contact, not him. He is afraid to ignore you after you texted him and threatened to blow his cover! That's why he answered you. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that this is an extra cell he has, one that his wife is not even aware he possesses. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he uses this phone exclusively for his on - the - side escapades with unsuspecting victims.

 

If I could just get it into my evidently very thick skull that he dosent want me & dosent care about me.

 

In reality, this is what is hurting you the most.. It is your hurt ego talking. It is the painful sting of rejection. But remember..he rejected you ONLY when his wife found out and you caught a glimpse of this clown... Stun, he is a clown. Not a man at all! You should have lost respect for him by now.

 

Please,please write WWIU's post on the mirror.. in every mirror of your house...and in your brain. Yes, your brain. Do not listen to your heart. Listen to your brain.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Please stop contacting him. This guy will find a way to turn this on you somehow to save his own ass.

[marlena]

You know, Stun, I just had a revelation of sorts. This man is still playing with you..relishing in your suffering and receiving so much pleasure in still being able to torture you. You are making him feel like a million bucks.

 

What I mean is that by telling you that he is "working on his marriage", he is striking yet another blow on your frail ego and loving every minute of it. He could have just said, "It's over. I'm sorry. I'm staying for the kids." He needn't have mentioned his wife at all. To me, it just spells CRUELTY all over again.

 

Truly I am sorry if my words are hurting you.

[imstunned]

he did have a phone that I think was just for me - this is his real phone. I am close to texting him telling him that even very nice people can be pushed to do bad things when treated badly. I know he is ignoring me - but its the fact that he keeps saying please please dont do this - I have contacted him twice in 5 weeks. Hardly alot is it. Please please he says, I'm begging you, my wife and kids are here, I cant do this, I'm begging you. . ..

 

I feel well and truly messed up. To my very core. I cant stop crying. I cant think straight. I cant get over the hurt that he dosent care. I cant stop feeling as though I really could be dead and he wouldnt give a toss.

[marlena]

Please stop contacting him. This guy will find a way to turn this on you somehow to save his own ass.

 

And this. Write this too in every mirror of your home.

[child_of_isis]

What MM means by this is....he is trying to convince wifey that this didn't happen. That it was all a figment of her imagination.

 

He can't if you are telling her otherwise.

He says dont make it any more difficut than it already is. ??????.

[Ladyjane14]

So, what EXACTLY is your objective at this point? What's your goal? What is it that YOU want to see happen here?

 

You know, the goal when a betrayed spouse "exposes" his/her mate's affair to the other betrayed partner is to bring pressure on the affair and thus END it. Is this what you hope to accomplish?... to end this guy's marriage? And if so, to what purpose?

 

If you're hoping to pick up where you left off with him, I think the next thing you'll need to ask yourself is 'why?'. The guy has ALREADY proved himself unfit as a potential partner. If you're hoping that revenge will make you feel better, I think you need to explore that question too.

 

Fact is, some people do feel more powerful and less victimized once they've taken their pound of flesh. For most of us though, the drama involved in getting that "pound of flesh" just exacerbates our already troubled emotions, staving off serenity. Most of us can chalk it up to the fact that some people are just a*holes and we're well shot of them. But others have to get even in order to feel... hmmm, I dunno ... equal maybe, validated. You tell me. This is something I don't really get.

 

Anyway, the decision of whether you should tell (or not) is yours. The MM forfeited his right to privacy when he INVITED you into his personal life. So, the important thing to do... is to make your choice knowing what it is you hope to accomplish from it, all the while being true to 'who you are' as a person.

 

The most likely scenario, of course, is that the guy will continue to lie to his wife and make you out to be a nutjob who just can't let it go. Next thing on the hit parade once he's busted, is that he takes out a restraining order on you in order to make his wife believe he really feels threatened. There is the potential here for ramping up negative energy and further drama. Also, if he's a good salesman, and it looks like he is... his wife will 'buy in' to his side of the story, and her energy will be quite hostile towards you and added to his.

 

IMO, the odds are small that you'll find any tranquility for yourself by further involvement with the MM or his family. But... YOU are the one who needs to answer these questions and determine what it is you're looking for.

 

In the meantime... stay off the sauce. It REALLY isn't going to help you feel better. Alcohol is what?.... that's right. A depressant.

[GreenEyedLady]

The W called her and that's when she found out he was married...The W already knows...I'm not sure if you realized this...

[marlena]

LJ!!

 

One of the best posts I've read on the OM/OW forum!!!! You have an incredible ability to get right to the crux of the matter!

 

Stun,

Seriously, print some of these insightful posts (others throw in the rubbish bin - not to mention any names, here) and read them again and again. LB's and LJ's are a MUST read.

[marlena]

The W called her and that's when she found out he was married...The W already knows...I'm not sure if you realized this...

 

No, thw wife suspects. Stun denied everything! By this time, I'm sure this sore excuse of a man has manipulated into her thinking it was nothing at all!

[GreenEyedLady]

No, thw wife suspects. Stun denied everything! By this time, I'm sure this sore excuse of a man has manipulated into her thinking it was nothing at all!

 

I can't believe his W would be that clueless...Most W's have a nose for that sort of thing, especially if they actually call the OP...

[marlena]

Yes, I agree but most wives AND other women have an uncanny ability to delude themselves into believing anything.

 

The fact that the wife never called Stun again is testimony to her husband's, let's say, persuasive abilities.

[Trialbyfire]

I can't believe his W would be that clueless...Most W's have a nose for that sort of thing, especially if they actually call the OP...

It's no different from when the OW/OM believes the MM.

[GreenEyedLady]

Yes, I agree but most wives AND other women have an uncanny ability to delude themselves into believing anything.

 

The fact that the wife never called Stun again is testimony to her husband's, let's say, persuasive abilities.

 

That or she's just waiting for him to contact her again and gather evidence...

 

If she found texts and Im admits some were saucy, she probably knows and is deciding what she should do...