Where to Meet Intelligent Men

[Alexandra]

Actually, I would beg to differ. You can know exactly the same amout of information about someone online on a forum as you would a perfect stranger. Some people just take on other personas online and the true people behind the profile could be entirely different. Some people just like to say what is generally accepted by the masses when in actuality they are not like that at all. It's all a risk if you really to choose to see it that way.

 

Are you the "glass half empty" type of person or "half full"?

 

I think it boils down to perception and preconceived notions, if you set your preconceived notions to see someone in a forum as a safe bet on getting to know them, then guess what? you could end up meeting a dispicable character and not even know it, simply because you trained yourself to believe that meeting someone in a forum is safe and ok.

 

It's all so subjective...

 

Of course it's subjective. And of course nothing is safe, when did I imply that trying this out cancels the need for one's discerning powers and critical thinking abilities?

 

I don't see where you disagree. I only said that info is almost as readily available on a forum as opposed to on a matchmaking site. I was comparing the amount of potential information on two online mediums, I was not saying either of them is safer.

 

Also, thank you for the warning (if it was directed towards me and wasn't a general "you") but I do believe you missed my point, I've had extensive personal experience and second hand information on the topic and have done quite well under the circumstances.

[pollywag]

Here's our the main difference. I don't chase men. It's very old-school thinking and it has only served me well, in that I prefer a man who's assertive enough to pursue. Shy or non-assertive men do nothing for me, intelligent or otherwise. MM or previously committed men do nothing for me, hence why it's important to me that people can vouch for them.

 

OP, I do recommend that you expand your social network. Once you have this in place, you won't need to find places to meet men, it will happen more naturally.

 

I don't chase men either they chase me, and when a good one comes my way I don't slam the door in his face because he is not in the environment some people are predisposed to deem as non-acceptable.

 

People vouch for shiiiitty people all the time. A man could be an excellent co-worker and his coworkers vouch for his excellence as a human being because that is the side they know if him in that environment, or and excellent team mate in a sport or even friend but he could be a horrible mate romantically. References are fine, but personal experience beats all "hear say" anyday in my books. Or the other way around a person can be a ****ty coworker and be an amazing mate...

 

I believe in giving people a chance and living from my personal experience rather than living vicariously through other's subjective truths.

[pollywag]

Of course it's subjective. And of course nothing is safe, when did I imply that trying this out cancels the need for one's discerning powers and critical thinking abilities?

 

I don't see where you disagree. I only said that info is almost as readily available on a forum as opposed to on a matchmaking site. I was comparing the amount of potential information on two online mediums, I was not saying either of them is safer.

 

Also, thank you for the warning (if it was directed towards me and wasn't a general "you") but I do believe you missed my point, I've had extensive personal experience and second hand information on the topic and have done quite well under the circumstances.

 

 

NO no, sorry I should have clarified, it was a general "you"not "you" you. I don't know you. ;-) LOL

 

 

That's ok that you have your views on online forums, I was just adding that sometimes you don't even know even when all the information is layed out infront of you for you to see in writing, the person could still be an anomaly it was not a jab at you or what you said I was just riding your thought tying it back to my point. Sorry if you thought I was zeroing you out. It was not my intent.

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Ok fair enough some people just can't get past the means of how they met.

 

Well, you know the demand for good quality men. And if some guy is throwing himself at you by approaching you anywhere, I'd be skeptical. But he could be wonderful. I'd say chances are slim.

 

But at least you have to admit that's your hangup, not his lack of good character that makes him out to be the villain. If you see all men that take interest in you as "what's the catch with him"then is that really the poor guy's downfall?

 

Well, it's been my experience so far.

 

I'll give some examples for the amusement of this board:

 

I was working in a company with lots of talented guys. Smart, polite, professional, good job etc etc. All of them were married or engaged.

 

But... but... there was this one manager that was "single and available".. Hmm... ok, and he was interested. Well, the guy was 20 years older. Of course I'd like to meet someone close to my age but, what can you do, I went out with the older guy anyway because he seemed ok.

 

The catch? He was impotent. Completely impotent even with Viagra. He couldn't have sex, no way-no how. So "that" was available. No wonder. We broke up soon after that.

 

Ok, second case. Someone told me they had a "guy for me". Some 48 year old engineer, really nice guy. I met him and the guy was a lot of fun, had lots of stories, was hot in bed, pretty smart, had his financial stuff together.

 

But... but... the guy was a total perv. He wanted to go to orgies (I didn't go with him but his previous gf went). He couldn't have enough women, he was constantly checking adultfriendfinder for women. When I was going out with him, twice that I know of, he had affairs with other women (even though we had sex every day). He didn't want anything serious and continues with his playboy ways.

 

Ok... now "that" is available. Good thing I never fell for him and just had a good time.

 

Ok... next. Denver guy. He was the perfect guy all around. Had all the qualities that unique listed and more, he was single, lived alone in a mansion and was financially independent.

 

But... but... he was hung up with his ex gf and emotionally unavailable. I talked to him for a year and you guys know the rest.

 

----

 

Ariadne

[Trialbyfire]

I don't chase men either they chase me, and when a good one comes my way I don't slam the door in his face because he is not in the environment some people are predisposed to deem as non-acceptable.

 

People vouch for shiiiitty people all the time. A man could be an excellent co-worker and his coworkers vouch for his excellence as a human being because that is the side they know if him in that environment, or and excellent team mate in a sport or even friend but he could be a horrible mate romantically. References are fine, but personal experience beats all "hear say" anyday in my books. Or the other way around a person can be a ****ty coworker and be an amazing mate...

 

I believe in giving people a chance and living from my personal experience rather than living vicariously through other's subjective truths.

If you expand your social network more and gain trustworthy friends, you can learn to trust more people within your social network, therefore, rely less on strangers.

[pollywag]

If you expand your social network more and gain trustworthy friends, you can learn to trust more people within your social network, therefore, rely less on strangers.

 

 

Whatever floats your boat. I dont knock people who rely on others some people are just like that and good for them it it works.

 

I trust myself and my choices and tend to not rely on others to create happiness or trusting situations for me. I tend to create my own situations because my social circle is great and so are my friends but the bottom line is no one knows me better than me.

[Alexandra]

NO no, sorry I should have clarified, it was a general "you"not "you" you. I don't know you. ;-) LOL

 

 

That's ok that you have your views on online forums, I was just adding that sometimes you don't even know even when all the information is layed out infront of you for you to see in writing, the person could still be an anomaly it was not a jab at you or what you said I was just riding your thought tying it back to my point. Sorry if you thought I was zeroing you out. It was not my intent.

 

Yeah I wasn't sure, hence the "if". It's alright though, even if you were zeroing me out, I'm not thin skinned enough to be offended on LS neither am I impressionable enough to march to PrinceCharming and start scanning him for signs of being despicable.

[melodymatters]

I'm 40 and just suddenly I am meeting a new group of men : widowers ! They say they make great husbands because they are used to the give and take of relationships and are obviously not commitment phobes.

 

Don't see how you find them specifically, I'm just bringing it up because it's a catagory of guys that are not single because there is something " wrong" with them.

 

PS. I like the volunteer idea for many reasons and am googling such opportunities as we speak !

[MR2Aaron]

I've suggested this a few times before, but I'll throw it in here, as one of the better kept secrets in the art of meeting generally eligible men.

 

Contrary to popular belief, here in the US, the most common form of auto racing is called "autocross." This is a sport that involves racing almost anything with four wheels through a short (usually around 1/2 to 3/4 mile) course set up with cones in a large parking lot, airport tarmac, or other large paved surface. It's generally very safe, and unlike almost any other form of auto racing, it's financially approachable by almost anyone who can afford to own an automobile. That is, the biggest expense incurred by most participants is tires. Furthermore, the most important skill learned at these is car control - something that can save your life on the street.

 

Now, I have no hard numbers to back this up, but if I had to guess, based on the events I've been involved in setting up, men outnumber women at autocrosses at a ratio of something like 30 to 1. The men you find at these things are usually pretty smart individuals, as it requires a lot technical knowhow to be truly competitive. Many are engineers or at least engineer types, and usually have a fair amount of disposable income. Most clubs do their best to welcome newcomers, often having at least one event every few months where they have instruction for newbies as to the proper procedure both for the actual driving, and how to conduct yourself at an event in general.

 

I seem to remember you saying you were in the UK, so I can't speak to how common autocross is over there. I think it may be called "Gymkhana" over there, and formatted a little differently than we do here. In the US, I could probably help you find a club that does this if you were interested, and told us generally where "local" is to you.

[sumdude]

As they say:

 

Men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken.

 

I've found that the be the most true at an older age.

 

I remember when I started working in my previous job, most of the guys were engineers and physicists. I was excited that finally I was going to meet some nice smart guy. Big company and all.

 

Well, do you guys think there was a single guy in that company that was single and available? Not a single one. Everyone was married or in serious relationships.

 

The only guys that I've found over 40 single and available are disasters.

 

Well, I guess some people get lucky and actually find something good.

 

I'm sure they are out there, just a million times harder to find.

 

And if you want "the whole package" well, good luck.

 

Ariadne

 

 

Hmmmm. interesting. I'm 39 divorced w/ no kids and notice that almost all of the women who have checked out my personal ad are older than me. I'm not some lagoon creature either.. Go figure..

[Trialbyfire]

I've suggested this a few times before, but I'll throw it in here, as one of the better kept secrets in the art of meeting generally eligible men.

 

Contrary to popular belief, here in the US, the most common form of auto racing is called "autocross." This is a sport that involves racing almost anything with four wheels through a short (usually around 1/2 to 3/4 mile) course set up with cones in a large parking lot, airport tarmac, or other large paved surface. It's generally very safe, and unlike almost any other form of auto racing, it's financially approachable by almost anyone who can afford to own an automobile. That is, the biggest expense incurred by most participants is tires. Furthermore, the most important skill learned at these is car control - something that can save your life on the street.

 

Now, I have no hard numbers to back this up, but if I had to guess, based on the events I've been involved in setting up, men outnumber women at autocrosses at a ratio of something like 30 to 1. The men you find at these things are usually pretty smart individuals, as it requires a lot technical knowhow to be truly competitive. Many are engineers or at least engineer types, and usually have a fair amount of disposable income. Most clubs do their best to welcome newcomers, often having at least one event every few months where they have instruction for newbies as to the proper procedure both for the actual driving, and how to conduct yourself at an event in general.

 

I seem to remember you saying you were in the UK, so I can't speak to how common autocross is over there. I think it may be called "Gymkhana" over there, and formatted a little differently than we do here. In the US, I could probably help you find a club that does this if you were interested, and told us generally where "local" is to you.

AutoX and any other type of racing tends to be for those who are interested in participating, more than being part of the audience. I do agree there are a lot of men who show up at these events but if you don't like or understand the capabilities of the cars and drivers involved, it will be like any other racing sport, boring for most women.

[Ariadne]

I'm 40 and just suddenly I am meeting a new group of men : widowers ! They say they make great husbands because they are used to the give and take of relationships and are obviously not commitment phobes.

 

Don't see how you find them specifically, I'm just bringing it up because it's a catagory of guys that are not single because there is something " wrong" with them.

 

PS. I like the volunteer idea for many reasons and am googling such opportunities as we speak !

 

I think widowers make good husbands too. They just fly off the shelves.

 

Now "those" are the guys that you want to find at that age I'd say.

 

Hopefully they are ready to date again, or maybe some newly divorced one not on the rebound.

 

Ariadne

[MR2Aaron]

AutoX and any other type of racing tends to be for those who are interested in participating, more than being part of the audience. I do agree there are a lot of men who show up at these events but if you don't like or understand the capabilities of the cars and drivers involved, it will be like any other racing sport, boring for most women.

Why on earth would anyone go to an autocross to watch? That's boring for guys.

 

You go and participate. There's a class for literally every type of car, and some clubs have truck classes. There's obviously no accounting for taste, but most of the women I've spoken to who actually went and tried it said they had a good time.

 

Edit: It's worth noting that it depends heavily on the club putting on the event. There are clubs that go out of their way to be friendly to novices, and have charismatic instructors on hand to ride along with you, and there are clubs where everyone is super compeititive and growls at you if you try to talk to them. I've been to both, and I agree with you that most women would hate going to an event at the latter.

[LovesDog]

This is my first post, so HELLO! I am 33 yo F, single, never married, intelligent, successful, attractive, athletic, out-going, blah blah blah. I am very much in the same boat. I know you are specifically asking about INTELLIGENT men, but really I have no idea where to meet men in general. Yes, the internet. Most of them are unattractive (not to be too lame, but I would like someone fit as I am) and unintelligent! I haven't tried the local Apple store or sporting store yet. Ha ha! But how long do you linger in hopes of someone walking in?! I think that things for our generation have really changed. I live in a smaller area so the pickin's are slim (most are married or unavail). Where do men go to meet women? Maybe I can find them there....LOL. Hopefully not just the bars. My family and friends say I am intimidating. I am so friendly that I can't believe that this is the case.

[RecordProducer]

guess i'm here maybe to meet new friends and maybe a relationship if the chemistry is their. I am looking to meet and honest genuine person.Obviously their has to be a mutual attraction.Thats it in a nut shell.I prefer to talk and communcate about me and my interset as well as yours then writing them down.

I hear ya, babe.

 

 

I'm just wondering where is a good place to meet intelligent men?

Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't think there is any specific place to meet one. The high-IQ ones can be dumb as hell. I browsed the dating sites and I saw like one profile that was KINDA nice, but the rest were like "love to play golf and hang out" type of men. The essays are a big turn-off, precisely BECAUSE they are not putting any effort in it. My STBX-husband had a wonderful profile and he is not the type of intellignece that I was looking for either. It's a huge problem. Just keep looking and hoping.

[pollywag]

Hey,

 

Ok fair enough some people just can't get past the means of how they met.

 

Well, you know the demand for good quality men. And if some guy is throwing himself at you by approaching you anywhere, I'd be skeptical. But he could be wonderful. I'd say chances are slim.

 

But at least you have to admit that's your hangup, not his lack of good character that makes him out to be the villain. If you see all men that take interest in you as "what's the catch with him"then is that really the poor guy's downfall?

 

Well, it's been my experience so far.

 

I'll give some examples for the amusement of this board:

 

I was working in a company with lots of talented guys. Smart, polite, professional, good job etc etc. All of them were married or engaged.

 

But... but... there was this one manager that was "single and available".. Hmm... ok, and he was interested. Well, the guy was 20 years older. Of course I'd like to meet someone close to my age but, what can you do, I went out with the older guy anyway because he seemed ok.

 

The catch? He was impotent. Completely impotent even with Viagra. He couldn't have sex, no way-no how. So "that" was available. No wonder. We broke up soon after that.

 

Ok, second case. Someone told me they had a "guy for me". Some 48 year old engineer, really nice guy. I met him and the guy was a lot of fun, had lots of stories, was hot in bed, pretty smart, had his financial stuff together.

 

But... but... the guy was a total perv. He wanted to go to orgies (I didn't go with him but his previous gf went). He couldn't have enough women, he was constantly checking adultfriendfinder for women. When I was going out with him, twice that I know of, he had affairs with other women (even though we had sex every day). He didn't want anything serious and continues with his playboy ways.

 

Ok... now "that" is available. Good thing I never fell for him and just had a good time.

 

Ok... next. Denver guy. He was the perfect guy all around. Had all the qualities that unique listed and more, he was single, lived alone in a mansion and was financially independent.

 

But... but... he was hung up with his ex gf and emotionally unavailable. I talked to him for a year and you guys know the rest.

 

----

 

Ariadne

 

Those are all great examples as to why you would think there was a catch with every seemingly single available guy out there. I too can come up with a bunch stories of the types of "duds" I have encountered in the in between stages of long term relationships but that's just it:

 

The in-between stage or dating stage is supposed to be filled with duds, with people who "have a catch to them" or that are not going to be "the one" if it were the other way around dating would not exist, we would go from long term relationship to long term relationship with not luls in between. Does that mean there are no good people left out there? Again it's how you look at life "glass half emtpy or half full" (you as in the general "you"in case anyone feels I am zeroing them out) ;-)

 

Now I know some will come back and argue, yes but the pool seems to be filled with more duds as you get older. Perhaps, that's true the pool does get smaller and we have less exposure to meeting singles. AND our expectations grow and we become more demanding.

 

When we were in university some of us would not think twice about being asked out by that cute someone we would crosss paths with every blue moon in the hall randomly between classes. Yet now if a a guy who's path we crossed randomly on our way to work once in a blue moon, approaches us on the street it is considered desperate, we are not being selective and we are opening ourselves up to be taken advantage of by a rapist, married axe murderer.

 

C'mon, are there more duds around us with a catch or do we close more doors for ourselves therefore making it harder to meet the right one as we get older?

 

I see it as we tend to trust less as we get older putting up barriers that set us back from obtainng our own happiness.

[pollywag]

I hear ya, babe.[/i]

 

Sorry to disappoint you, but I don't think there is any specific place to meet one. The high-IQ ones can be dumb as hell. I browsed the dating sites and I saw like one profile that was KINDA nice, but the rest were like "love to play golf and hang out" type of men. The essays are a big turn-off, precisely BECAUSE they are not putting any effort in it. My STBX-husband had a wonderful profile and he is not the type of intellignece that I was looking for either. It's a huge problem. Just keep looking and hoping.

 

I don't think she particularly means someone with an IQ of 180 though she may mean that, more someone who is well rounded has a whitty sense of humour and generaly "with it" Intelligence comes in many forms not in text book smarts only. When I think of someone intelligent that would appeal to me for example it would someone who is as well rounded in the arts as they are in street smarts, who also gets my sense of humour and "gets it". You know...someone who can make love to your brain as well as the traditional way of making love. ;-)

 

and I should clarify making love to my brain is NOT the same as fkking with my head LOL

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Those are all great examples as to why you would think there was a catch with every seemingly single available guy out there. I too can come up with a bunch stories of the types of "duds" I have encountered...

 

I forgot to mention the other 46 year old guy I dated that was "single and available".

 

He was one of the smartest guys I dated, but lived with his parents and was "emotionally broken" and couldn't love anyone. He was just about to become a millionaire any time. Now he is dating some Vietnamese girl that he met online that he sees once a year in Vietnam. We are still friends.

 

Does that mean there are no good people left out there? Again it's how you look at life "glass half emtpy or half full"

 

Oh, I'm sure there are, I'm sure there are.

 

I'm going to try eharmony I think, maybe they do a better matching than I do on my own.

 

Ariadne

[pollywag]

Hey,

 

Those are all great examples as to why you would think there was a catch with every seemingly single available guy out there. I too can come up with a bunch stories of the types of "duds" I have encountered...

 

I forgot to mention the other 46 year old guy I dated that was "single and available".

 

He was one of the smartest guys I dated, but lived with his parents and was "emotionally broken" and couldn't love anyone. He was just about to become a millionaire any time. Now he is dating some Vietnamese girl that he met online that he sees once a year in Vietnam. We are still friends.

 

Does that mean there are no good people left out there? Again it's how you look at life "glass half emtpy or half full"

 

Oh, I'm sure there are, I'm sure there are.

 

I'm going to try eharmony I think, maybe they do a better matching than I do on my own.

 

Ariadne

 

 

Oh no Ariadne!! 46 and still living at home you poor thing you met the dud of all duds!!!

 

I hate to burst your hope bubble and by no means does this mean it will be true for you, but I have spoken to some women who tried that site and have heard nothing but bad stories. For starters they use a weird process of elimination to screen their members, a lot of it is based on religious beliefs and I think you have to have somewhat conservative religious inclinations to fit in. When you do the screening test they reject people with liberal tendencies. I tried the test about a year ago I think and could believe the stupid questions it asks apparently I was too liberal for their roster...and quite frankly I'd like to keep it that way. And I dont even have extreme taste I am just a modern woman but apparently too modern. The other thing is that the system sends you matches based on the compatibility test and a lot of profiles don't even offer you pictures so yeah you may be great on paper and then see what the person looks like and yuck, no chemistry whatsoever.

 

Not sure how important physical chemistry is for you but while they may put a lot of emphasis on personality compatibility it is futile to be THAt compatible if the physical chemistry is not there...I put just as much weight on physical compatibility as I do mental.

 

It blows my mind because they sure do a good job in reelling you in with their commercials, it looks like a great service when in actuality it is anything but.

 

I hope you come back and tell us otherwise ;-)

[LovesDog]

my male friend met his fiance on match.com and said he gives it really big kudos

[Ariadne]

Hey,

 

Oh no Ariadne!! 46 and still living at home you poor thing you met the dud of all duds!!!

 

(lol I know! Oh, and he still lives at home, but, he was real smart, good lover, and cute...)

 

It blows my mind because they sure do a good job in reelling you in with their commercials, it looks like a great service when in actuality it is anything but.

 

Oh no! Yeah, I read they were getting tons of marriages a day, some 50 or so. Hmm... I guess I'll give it a shot still.

 

But thanks!

 

Ariadne

[pollywag]

Personally I trully believe what someone else mentioned ealier about it being a numbers game, the more places you are exposed to the more chances you have at meeting the right person for you.

 

When I think of social events that attract a lot of men I also consider the long term ramifications of meeting someone in those types of events. I mean strip joints or porn conventions attract all sorts of men but do I really want to get with a guy that is going to be chasing Debbie Does Dallas all around the country for a boob groping photo? Or a guy that follows the NASCAR races around? exactly how much would I have in common with a man that loves suping up cars and meets at the local strip mall with the other car fanatics to test out car stereo woofers?

 

Some dating sites I would not dream of joining I just cant see the types of guys that would appeal to me yet I know people who have met on there and ended up marrying. I am more old school and prefer the old meeting of the eyes in a crowded room and cat and mouse game of seduction and conquest, but for some I am sure online dating is proves to be great.

 

Oh and one more thing I firmly believe love is all about timing, when it's meant to happen it's gonna happen no matter where you are but if you sit around at home on your keister waiting for love to come a knockin' that's pushing it.

[pollywag]

Hey,

 

Oh no Ariadne!! 46 and still living at home you poor thing you met the dud of all duds!!!

 

(lol I know! Oh, and he still lives at home, but, he was real smart, good lover, and cute...)

 

It blows my mind because they sure do a good job in reelling you in with their commercials, it looks like a great service when in actuality it is anything but.

 

Oh no! Yeah, I read they were getting tons of marriages a day, some 50 or so. Hmm... I guess I'll give it a shot still.

 

But thanks!

 

Ariadne

 

Oh for sure, don't knock it til you try it!! It would be great to hear Ariadne come back in a year's time telling us all "guess what my e-harmony dude and I are engaged!!" :-)

[RecordProducer]

I don't think she particularly means someone with an IQ of 180 though she may mean that, more someone who is well rounded has a whitty sense of humour and generaly "with it" Intelligence comes in many forms not in text book smarts only. When I think of someone intelligent that would appeal to me for example it would someone who is as well rounded in the arts as they are in street smarts, who also gets my sense of humour and "gets it". You know...someone who can make love to your brain as well as the traditional way of making love. ;-)

 

and I should clarify making love to my brain is NOT the same as fkking with my head LOL

That's exactly what I was saying, hon. High IQ you can find in many places and that's not what I am looking for either. My husband has a very high IQ. I am also looking for the cerebral love-making.

[pollywag]

That's exactly what I was saying, hon. High IQ you can find in many places and that's not what I am looking for either. My husband has a very high IQ. I am also looking for the cerebral love-making.

 

Oh ok we were talking about the same thing cool. Sometimes these posts can be misinterpreted.

 

Yeah sometimes those super genius types come with a whole slew of problems of their own... hehe