Where to Meet Intelligent Men

[uniqueone]

Hi,

 

You certainly have no shortage of criteria for a man. He must be able to captivate you intellectually, but cannot be so intelligent that he becomes narcissistic.

 

She mentioned that in her other thread. He must be:

 

~ thin

~ attractive

~ nice

~ successful

~ athletic

~ fit

~ intelligent (highly, preferably)

~ educated

~ professional

~ similar sense of humor

~ no young kids

~ late 30's or older

~ etc.....

 

And of course "not":

 

~ emotional or mental problems

~ couldn't commit

~ alcohol issues

~ cheated on their ex

~ weird sexual fetishes

~ narcissists.....

 

--------

 

Ariadne

 

Ariadne, which of those criteria do you see as a problem?

[pollywag]

Uniqueone I understand your question and need. What I don't understand is why are people jumping on this "well what have you got to offer" banwaggon or "maybe you are turning off the good ones" or even comparing you to people who are not clearly ready for a relationship saying "Well I wasn't ready for a relationship and I took responsibility, so should you" WTF?

 

 

Where does it say anywhere in this post that this woman is having a hard time keeping men?!?!? Because I clearly missed that. What I did read is a woman asking where can she go to meet intelligent men.

 

I like how some people want to jump on your throat to point out your imaginary shortcommings just because you have a very specific need you want fulfilled. On another thread there was a woman asking if boredom could be a problem in her relationship because her mate was not the most well rounded guy in the world, clearly inferior to her standards and again people piping in talking about how smart people bore them to tear!?!? WTF!!?!?

Can people seperate themselves from another's request for a second and just answer the post instead of making it about themselves???

 

This idea that you should do volunteer work or take a class to meet like minded singles, is stupid to me. Did it ever occur to people that others take classes because they actually want to learn something new and most poeple in clases are not even single because DUHHH they are there to actually take the class not pick up? And I totally agree in the volunteer thing how it doesn't necessarily attract smart single people, quite the opposite on both counts. But it depends what type of volunteer work you do.

 

I would recommend doing volunteer work with a hospital or a nonproft working with their events comittee. I worked on big fundraisers with people running the gammit from the city's finest philanthropists to all the professionals that are looking to blow some money on charities. You meet a lot of intelligent people who are also highrollers and you are doing something really good for your communnity and a specific cause while you are at it.

And single people tend to attend thest types of events because it is just like attending a party to pick but with the pretext of a good cause, so win win.

[Phateless]

Ariadne, which of those criteria do you see as a problem?

 

Since you have a fairly specific idea of what you want in a man, why don't you APPROACH SOME MEN? Do what guys do... go out and if you see a cute guy you like, TALK TO HIM and if he's cool, hang out with him.

 

Dating is like sales... it's a numbers game. Increase your production? Increase your leads.

[Trialbyfire]

I would recommend doing volunteer work with a hospital or a nonproft working with their events comittee. I worked on big fundraisers with people running the gammit from the city's finest philanthropists to all the professionals that are looking to blow some money on charities. You meet a lot of intelligent people who are also highrollers and you are doing something really good for your communnity and a specific cause while you are at it.

And single people tend to attend thest types of events because it is just like attending a party to pick but with the pretext of a good cause, so win win.

I do volunteer work and hate being hit on while I'm there. The only reason I do it, is to help others. I would guess that most other professionals are there for the same reason as I am or to network, not date...

[Ariadne]

Ariadne, which of those criteria do you see as a problem?

 

Oh,

 

I don't see any of that as a problem.

 

In fact, I said below that I wanted all of that too plus tall, blonde, blue eyed, and rich.

 

You know, just like Denver guy

 

Ariadne

[pollywag]

I do volunteer work and hate being hit on while I'm there. The only reason I do it, is to help others. I would guess that most other professionals are there for the same reason as I am or to network, not date...

 

 

 

Well if she wanted to date you, she would try to pick you up right here but I don't think she wants to date you....

 

I met my ex at a funraiser and he picked me up, we were both open and available. Most of the dates I had were from single men I'd meet at these functions. We all had our fulltime careers and then we attended these galas for fun, WHY WOULDN"T we want to meet like minded single people at these events?

[Trialbyfire]

Well if she wanted to date you, she would try to pick you up right here but I don't think she wants to date you....

 

I met my ex at a funraiser and he picked me up, we were both open and available. Most of the dates I had were from single men I'd meet at these functions. We all had our fulltime careers and then we attended these galas for fun, WHY WOULDN"T we want to meet like minded single people at these events?

Each to their own where they choose to troll for dates and pickups. She's also not you, now is she?

[uniqueone]

Uniqueone I understand your question and need. What I don't understand is why are people jumping on this "well what have you got to offer" banwaggon or "maybe you are turning off the good ones" or even comparing you to people who are not clearly ready for a relationship saying "Well I wasn't ready for a relationship and I took responsibility, so should you" WTF?

 

 

Where does it say anywhere in this post that this woman is having a hard time keeping men?!?!? Because I clearly missed that. What I did read is a woman asking where can she go to meet intelligent men.

 

I like how some people want to jump on your throat to point out your imaginary shortcommings just because you have a very specific need you want fulfilled. On another thread there was a woman asking if boredom could be a problem in her relationship because her mate was not the most well rounded guy in the world, clearly inferior to her standards and again people piping in talking about how smart people bore them to tear!?!? WTF!!?!?

Can people seperate themselves from another's request for a second and just answer the post instead of making it about themselves???

 

This idea that you should do volunteer work or take a class to meet like minded singles, is stupid to me. Did it ever occur to people that others take classes because they actually want to learn something new and most poeple in clases are not even single because DUHHH they are there to actually take the class not pick up? And I totally agree in the volunteer thing how it doesn't necessarily attract smart single people, quite the opposite on both counts. But it depends what type of volunteer work you do.

 

I would recommend doing volunteer work with a hospital or a nonproft working with their events comittee. I worked on big fundraisers with people running the gammit from the city's finest philanthropists to all the professionals that are looking to blow some money on charities. You meet a lot of intelligent people who are also highrollers and you are doing something really good for your communnity and a specific cause while you are at it.

And single people tend to attend thest types of events because it is just like attending a party to pick but with the pretext of a good cause, so win win.

 

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

 

A sane voice in the midst of....well whatever.....

 

You see the thing is, I should just start going out with men who are fat, jobless, alcoholics with strange sexual fetishes...but I'm just too arrogant to.......

 

So what are these fund-raisers that you go to?

[BeautifulMusic]

Music stores? Most of my friends that are REALLY into music are pretty intelligent people.

 

I'm WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY into music, so I like this statement.

 

I've met some cool people at concerts- one time a musician who was at another musician's show approached me and started talking and flirting, and we did for awhile, but then he left without asking for my number. It was fun, but everything was building up to the point where I thought he was going to ask me for my number but then he just left. What was the point? haha

 

Music stores, I haven't really tried. One time me and my best friend were going to some music stores and we noticed the same guy in about 3 music stores in a row that day, and I don't know if he was following us or it was just a weird coincidence or what, but at the last music store he approached us and we ended up talking for awhile.

 

Anyway, I guess the point is hanging out at places where you're more likely to meet people whose interests match yours increases your opportunity. Given, there will be plenty of people who aren't there to meet someone, but if they meet you and feel interested in you, I don't think they'd turn you away just because that wasn't what they came there for...

[pollywag]

Each to their own where they choose to troll for dates and pickups. She's also not you, now is she?

 

 

Given what I have read here, I think she is more like me than she is like you...but I'll let her be the judge of that. That's just how I see it.

 

"Troll for dates and pickups"

 

That's just it, you see it as something negative when others that think more like myself see it more like a natrual opportunity to meet a quality person who shares the same interests. Some people are really uptight and negative others not so much.

 

Personally I do'n't limit myself to where I would meet a quality guy, it could happen on the train to work, and yes I would totally pick up a man on the street if it felt right. I don't have as many hangups as some women do who sit around festering in their own psychosis waiting for Mr Pince charming to knock on their front door. I don't take myself so seriously that I would not entertain meeting a man in a less conventional way, a man on the street is the same man that you would meet through a friend or at a bar or at a convention or MENSA for that matter. It's all the psychosis behind the taboos we create for what is apropriate in meeting someone and what isn't that holds us back, not the actual meeting spot.

[uniqueone]

I'm WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY into music, so I like this statement.

 

I've met some cool people at concerts- one time a musician who was at another musician's show approached me and started talking and flirting, and we did for awhile, but then he left without asking for my number. It was fun, but everything was building up to the point where I thought he was going to ask me for my number but then he just left. What was the point? haha

 

Music stores, I haven't really tried. One time me and my best friend were going to some music stores and we noticed the same guy in about 3 music stores in a row that day, and I don't know if he was following us or it was just a weird coincidence or what, but at the last music store he approached us and we ended up talking for awhile.

 

 

I'm reluctant to post my responses to things like this anymore but here goes......

This is a good idea....BUT.........I don't know anyone my age who hangs out at music stores anymore or even goes to many concerts. If they DO go to concerts, they're taking their kids to Hanna Montana or something and I don't think I'll be hanging around one of THOSE concerts......

 

So while it's a really good idea, I don't think it works for my age group.

[BeautifulMusic]

No, I know, I'm just saying, maybe those things wouldn't work for you, but I don't know what your hobbies and interests are. Whatever those are, are there places you could go to meet people with whom you have those interests in common?

[Sean0775]

I'm WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY into music, so I like this statement.

 

I've met some cool people at concerts- one time a musician who was at another musician's show approached me and started talking and flirting, and we did for awhile, but then he left without asking for my number. It was fun, but everything was building up to the point where I thought he was going to ask me for my number but then he just left. What was the point? haha

 

Music stores, I haven't really tried. One time me and my best friend were going to some music stores and we noticed the same guy in about 3 music stores in a row that day, and I don't know if he was following us or it was just a weird coincidence or what, but at the last music store he approached us and we ended up talking for awhile.

 

Anyway, I guess the point is hanging out at places where you're more likely to meet people whose interests match yours increases your opportunity. Given, there will be plenty of people who aren't there to meet someone, but if they meet you and feel interested in you, I don't think they'd turn you away just because that wasn't what they came there for...

I did try hanging out in music stores to meet people, but I tend to be a real elitist when it comes to music so it didn't work out too well for me. The same went for guitar shops, though the middle aged guy behind the counter was thoroughly impressed by my rendition of Number of the Beast.

[uniqueone]

Given what I have read here, I think she is more like me than she is like you...but I'll let her be the judge of that. That's just how I see it.

 

"Troll for dates and pickups"

 

That's just it, you see it as something negative when others that think more like myself see it more like a natrual opportunity to meet a quality person who shares the same interests. Some people are really uptight and negative others not so much.

 

Personally I do'n't limit myself to where I would meet a quality guy, it could happen on the train to work, and yes I would totally pick up a man on the street if it felt right. I don't have as many hangups as some women do who sit around festering in their own psychosis waiting for Mr Pince charming to knock on their front door. I don't take myself so seriously that I would not entertain meeting a man in a less conventional way, a man on the street is the same man that you would meet through a friend or at a bar or at a convention or MENSA for that matter. It's all the psychosis behind the taboos we create for what is apropriate in meeting someone and what isn't that holds us back, not the actual meeting spot.

 

 

I never look at it as trolling for dates, myself. I look at it as ways to meet people. Nothing more....nothing less. I seriously don't go looking for a partner. I'll talk to someone (if I feel like it) whether they're single, married, male or female. I don't go out with an agenda. Long ago, I used to but now I go out with maybe the goal of seeing something interesting.

 

I tend to be more of an observer (yes, I'm quiet). Strangely enough, people approach me and I often end up in something that would be on a Seinfeld episode. You know how Jerry was always just minding his own business and "interesting" people just came up to him? Yep...that's me. It helps my writing career tremendously btw.

 

So yeah....I meet crazy people really easily.......

[Trialbyfire]

Given what I have read here, I think she is more like me than she is like you...but I'll let her be the judge of that. That's just how I see it.

 

"Troll for dates and pickups"

 

That's just it, you see it as something negative when others that think more like myself see it more like a natrual opportunity to meet a quality person who shares the same interests. Some people are really uptight and negative others not so much.

 

Personally I do'n't limit myself to where I would meet a quality guy, it could happen on the train to work, and yes I would totally pick up a man on the street if it felt right. I don't have as many hangups as some women do who sit around festering in their own psychosis waiting for Mr Pince charming to knock on their front door. I don't take myself so seriously that I would not entertain meeting a man in a less conventional way, a man on the street is the same man that you would meet through a friend or at a bar or at a convention or MENSA for that matter. It's all the psychosis behind the taboos we create for what is apropriate in meeting someone and what isn't that holds us back, not the actual meeting spot.

I agree she's more like you than me...

 

Each person bears responsibility for themselves. If they pickup someone unsuitable off the street without getting to know them better, they deserve whatever outcome happens to them...like...if the man is married or is psychotic.

 

Waiting for prince charming is ridiculous. Understanding yourself is a much better way to address the issue and accepting responsibility for your own choices in life, instead of blaming the big, bad world, is a more healthy approach to life, in my opinion.

[uniqueone]

No, I know, I'm just saying, maybe those things wouldn't work for you, but I don't know what your hobbies and interests are. Whatever those are, are there places you could go to meet people with whom you have those interests in common?

 

Anything fitness related. But with cold weather that's a bit unlikely now. I hate winter.

[pollywag]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

 

A sane voice in the midst of....well whatever.....

 

You see the thing is, I should just start going out with men who are fat, jobless, alcoholics with strange sexual fetishes...but I'm just too arrogant to.......

 

So what are these fund-raisers that you go to?

 

 

 

I get it don't worry! ;-)

 

 

When I first got involved on working in social events planning commitees I looked at my local hospitals and saw the types of events they did and for what cause and I picked the ones that appealed to me most. One of the last events I worked on was a gala thrown to raise money for equipment for the hospital. I liked the cause and the event was a lot of fun. I sat on the planning comittee and helped organize the event, I scouted for sponsors and planned the gift giveaways for the night along with the sponsors. It is great for my career as well because I made great connections through there as well.

 

It was a charity that attractted about 1000 people a lot of which were the creme de la creme of my city, people running the gammit from doctors to writers, journalists to entrepeneurs to young professionals and prominant business owners. It was a lot of fun to plan and the night of because you are involved in the planning commitee you will be forced to interact with the crowd, I was selling raffle tickets that night so I was forced to work the room and that is how I met my ex, he and I hit it off with firlty joking about the draw and before the night was over we were seeking each other out to talk and exchange #s. I could have walked away with a bunch of phone numbers that particular night quite a few guus try to pick me up but I took to my ex.

events I worked before that same thing at each event I met at least one guy I liked.

 

Just call your local hospitals and tell them you want to do events volunteer work talk to their commitees and ask them what types of events/galas they put on and tell them you want to help out. They are always looking for help and it is a LOT of fun. You get to dress up and eat and drink the at a great event for free and you sociallize with some very interesting people.

In the least you will rub elbows with some very interesting people, I met a woman there whom I ended up doing work with through my profession so it was great for entworking too.

 

Right now my work is super demanding so I really don't have the time but as soon as the new year rolls around and things quiet down a bit I am right back at it again...it is so much fun and you are doing something really good while you are at it too.

[Ariadne]

Hey unique,

 

I know you've been doing the online personals for a while.

 

Have you ever tried eharmony?

 

I'm thinking of doing that once I get a job, I heard they have a very high success rate.

 

What I like is that they do the match for you and you don't have to go through hundred of profiles.

 

Ariadne

[BeautifulMusic]

Anything fitness related. But with cold weather that's a bit unlikely now. I hate winter.

 

Haha, aww! Well, maybe you could find something to do that combines fitness and winter? Like ice skating or something?

 

I personally LOVE winter and summer... I like extreme weather. Fall and spring bore me. haha

[Alexandra]

I haven't read the entire thread but I am sure it turned into a train-wreck complete with accusations of shallowness around page 2.

 

I'll try and make this constructive advice. I think there is a far greater concentration of IQed men online than in your local grocery store. With that said, the higher your standard the harder they are to find. What I noticed works is finding people you have online conversations and debates with, rather than exchanging e-mails through matchmaking sites. As such, forums (political, issue-driven forums not necessarily LS:)) and chatrooms can be a better environment although that is only help if your main criteria is intelligence not if your other criteria are equally important and they could benefit from seeing a picture and reading the stats matchmaking sites provide.

[Phateless]

BeautifulMusic - so am I, I'm glad you see where I'm coming from on that.

 

I've talked to girls like you described and left without the number, sometimes because I know I'll run into them again (small town) or because I'm not sure I'm interested, or sometimes because I think that even if I call, she won't call back or won't set a date. Had that happen a few times recently, kinda puzzles me.

 

I never look at it as trolling for dates, myself. I look at it as ways to meet people. Nothing more....nothing less. I seriously don't go looking for a partner. I'll talk to someone (if I feel like it) whether they're single, married, male or female. I don't go out with an agenda. Long ago, I used to but now I go out with maybe the goal of seeing something interesting.

 

I tend to be more of an observer (yes, I'm quiet). Strangely enough, people approach me and I often end up in something that would be on a Seinfeld episode. You know how Jerry was always just minding his own business and "interesting" people just came up to him? Yep...that's me. It helps my writing career tremendously btw.

 

So yeah....I meet crazy people really easily.......

 

What about what I said about approaching people? That way, YOU have the control over who you meet.

[uniqueone]

I get it don't worry! ;-)

 

 

When I first got involved on working in social events planning commitees I looked at my local hospitals and saw the types of events they did and for what cause and I picked the ones that appealed to me most. One of the last events I worked on was a gala thrown to raise money for equipment for the hospital. I liked the cause and the event was a lot of fun. I sat on the planning comittee and helped organize the event, I scouted for sponsors and planned the gift giveaways for the night along with the sponsors. It is great for my career as well because I made great connections through there as well.

 

It was a charity that attractted about 1000 people a lot of which were the creme de la creme of my city, people running the gammit from doctors to writers, journalists to entrepeneurs to young professionals and prominant business owners. It was a lot of fun to plan and the night of because you are involved in the planning commitee you will be forced to interact with the crowd, I was selling raffle tickets that night so I was forced to work the room and that is how I met my ex, he and I hit it off with firlty joking about the draw and before the night was over we were seeking each other out to talk and exchange #s. I could have walked away with a bunch of phone numbers that particular night quite a few guus try to pick me up but I took to my ex.

events I worked before that same thing at each event I met at least one guy I liked.

 

Just call your local hospitals and tell them you want to do events volunteer work talk to their commitees and ask them what types of events/galas they put on and tell them you want to help out. They are always looking for help and it is a LOT of fun. You get to dress up and eat and drink the at a great event for free and you sociallize with some very interesting people.

In the least you will rub elbows with some very interesting people, I met a woman there whom I ended up doing work with through my profession so it was great for entworking too.

 

Right now my work is super demanding so I really don't have the time but as soon as the new year rolls around and things quiet down a bit I am right back at it again...it is so much fun and you are doing something really good while you are at it too.

 

 

It's sounds cool. You have to dress up really fancy though? I don't have fancy stuff.

How did you get motivated to do this alone? I have a hard time getting motivated to get all fixed up and do something like that alone.

 

And the hospital part......I don't know if I can handle that. It's possible that I could try to but I'm trying to forget someone and that would be a constant reminder.

[scratch]

So if someone does "A" and it doesn't work for them. And then someone comes along and says to them "You should try doing "A" and that person says, "No, that really doesn't work for me." Then you see that as the person avoiding responsibility.

 

And I will tell you this.....if I have tried suggestions already and I have tried them extensively.....and if there are things that are impossible to due given my location or situation or set of circumstances.......then I'll tell you that those aren't good options for me.

 

If they say "A," doesn't work, nor does B, C or D through Z, then yes, I see that person as avoiding responsibility. Do you realize that there are over 75 posts on this thread with over a dozen suggestions, and you were able to shoot holes in every one? Never once did you say anything but "that won't work." You didn't even say, "that hasn't worked for me in the past, but maybe I'll give it another try."

 

If you can't accept the fact that someone has tried things to exhaustion or can't accept the fact that something cannot work for a person given certain circumstances, then once again, that is YOU. That is YOU being unable to accept it and be flexible.

 

You're not saying that you've tried to exhaustion. You've said that you've sacrificed as much as you're willing to sacrifice. You mentioned that you're unwilling to move to gain exposure to a potentially better pool. I think that's reasonable, but acknowledge that staying where you live and in your comfort zone is more important that meeting someone who measures up to your standards.

 

You're suggesting that my posts reflect inflexibility? Ah, delicious irony.

 

I'm sorry but if I'm rejected by someone who doesn't know me, then it really doesn't mean anything.

 

You offer the following facts:

Fact 1: You don't approach men.

Fact 2: You are single and looking.

Fact 3: You won't date someone who doesn't measure up.

1+2+3=Conclusion: Men who measure up do not approach you.

 

If it makes you feel happier to not consider that conclusion as a rejection, more power to you. The outcome is the same.

 

And if YOU interpret it as the poster feeling sorry for themselves, then that's on YOU. And there's nothing I can do to control what you think or do. That's YOUR mind interpretting things that way. And it doesn't mean it's correct. I would suggest you be more open and not put everyone in the category of feeling sorry for themselves just because they ask a question about meeting people.

 

This is on YOU. It's YOU who interprets a question as a poster feeling sorry for themselves. That is entirely YOU.

 

Okay, you don't feel sorry for yourself. Why do you repeatedly post threads about how hard it is to meet people and reference to how high your standards are? For our collective introspection and education?

 

You've continued to ignore my references to the other guy who explained why working out is difficult for him. You dismissed his reasons as lame, and things that he needed to get over. It's pretty hypocritical to then turn around and complain that people shouldn't interpret your excuses differently.

 

But I'm not weak.....and you're not looking at any victim here so I'd recommend you refrain from the reference. And because I'm not weak I won't be bullied into saying yes to whatever you tell me to do.

 

This strikes me as a logical misstep on your part - kindly quote the post where I imply you are a victim. In fact, we are arguing because I am insisting that you aren't a victim, but the mistress of your own destiny. Moreover, your frustration arises from the inability to live up to the high ideals I set for you.

 

Some constructive help has been offerred such as conventions and meetings. When I ask how to meet people at such events, the poster does not respond.

 

The reason they don't respond is because your refusal to initiate stifles their suggestions. You are effectively asking "how do I, via body language, incite a specific stranger to talk to me?"

 

Here's a crazy idea - TALK TO THEM. It doesn't have to be a pickup, especially seeing how you pride yourself on your perfect record of not being rejected. Just go to the computer convention or whatever and ask where the coffee is. When they answer, make a comment about how these things are always so crazy and ask if they go to many. If they don't take it from there, find someone else.

 

I eagerly await your excuse as to why talking to people isn't working for you as a way to meet intelligent men, despite the fact that you've tried it extensively.

[uniqueone]

 

 

 

 

What about what I said about approaching people? That way, YOU have the control over who you meet.

 

I didn't want to go into that because I've gone into it in depth on several posts already. I don't approach and I have my reasons and I think they're valid.

[Phateless]

I didn't want to go into that because I've gone into it in depth on several posts already. I don't approach and I have my reasons and I think they're valid.

 

Are the posts in this thread? I only skimmed, sorry.

 

One of my greatest personal epiphane (spelling?) came from an Einstein quote.

 

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

 

Why not step out of your comfort zone and try something different? It might work.