loveydovey82 Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 My mother and I have been at each others' throats since I moved back home. The back story... I am from a small town up north and I now reside in FL. I grew up in the small town and moved to FL when I turned 18. I didn't do well in college up north so I moved to FL to be with my oldest sister and go to college down here. I have lived in FL for 6 years now. My family decided to all move down here about 3 years ago. My middle sister moved here, then my mom and dad. They say that they did this for me...but that is a lot of burden on me. It isn't fair because every time something goes wrong in FL for them, they blame it on the move and indirectly I feel the blame. Plus my mother is always talking about how she misses up north. This makes me feel awful. They let me move in with them to finish my bachelors degree and now my masters. I appreciate it greatly. I recently started working a part time job unrelated to my field of study and this made my mother fly off the handle with rage. She hates it that I work. She hates it even more when I go out with my friends. I'm 25 years old and this seems ridiculous to me since I lived in a state 1,000 miles away for 4 years before them being here. I always call her and tell her that I am ok even at 2am. What's worse is that she calls me a hoe and says that I am a lesbian for hanging out with my gay friends. I'm 25 years old!!! So what if I am a lesbian! Would she love me less? I'm not a lesbian, but seriously I think it would kill her. She hates it when I have a BF. If I do and she finds out, she won't talk to me for days! (I do date a lot of guys compared to my sisters and my mom before my dad.) She also makes me feel like a giant pile of poop. She tells me that I am a horrible person. I know that I am not but eventually it breaks me down. I'm one of the nicest people at work, everyone is friends with me. I always consider everyone's feelings when I make decisions, especially my family's. I go out of my way for people all the time. She tells me that I'm just plain awful. She says that I treat her and my father like poop. (I love how she pulls my father into the mix.) I know that I don't. I don't use them like my middle sister does. I say I love you all the time. I take them out to dinner. I help around the house when I have time. I talk with my dad all the time since he is retired and always at home. What spurred this post is that I went for a walk with my father tonight and he says to me, "Your mother doesn't know what to do with you anymore." WTF is that supposed to mean?! I'm not a hooker out on the street corner selling myself for a snort of coke! She makes me feel like crap! She makes me sound like I need an intervention or something. I don't! I do not lead a crazy drug/sex induced life. I go to school, I go to work, and I go out like twice a week with my friends. -I am the baby of the family, but that can't be what is behind all this. What is going on here? (((I know I need to move out and I'm in the process of saving money so I can move in with my friends.))) Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 sounds like your being punished for being the good kid ... or at least mom's whipping boy because she feels it's easier to take her frustrations out on you but not your sibs. and it sounds like she's upset because she has no control over you, even though you sound like a pretty considerate kid to me (I mean, hey, calling to let your folks know you're all right when you don't have to ... that's a huge gold star in my book!). do you want to cut to the chase with her and tell her point blank, "I understand what you're doing, and why, but I love you and I forgive you"? That might make her take a second look at how she's acting toward you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveydovey82 Posted November 10, 2007 Author Share Posted November 10, 2007 do you want to cut to the chase with her and tell her point blank, "I understand what you're doing, and why, but I love you and I forgive you"? That might make her take a second look at how she's acting toward you. I have tried this tactic before. It works but with no lasting effect. I have tried just letting her "whip" me and then just hugging her and say that I love her. It makes her feel bad and she always comes crawling back to say she is sorry. I just can't take the vicious cycle anymore. I know that me wanting to move out is going to break her heart...but how much longer should I keep considering her feelings? I need to get us both out of a poisonous atmosphere. It really sucks that we butt heads so much! Link to post Share on other sites
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