Heart__Broken Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 This is my first post, but I would appreciate any comments, thanks... I found out nearly 3 wks ago that my boyfriend of 3 years had cheated on me. He didn't tell me, I was told by someone who knew the girl in question, she apparently really wanted me to find out. He had only been with this girl once, but it wasn't a once off drunken mistake - they had been texting / ringing & had more or less arranged to meet up. He says that nothing happened, that they had gone out for the night, ended up back in her place, where he came to his senses before anything happened & left. She on the other hand is saying that she slept with him. I don't think I will ever know the truth, although it is actually irrelevant, as the fact that he consciously texted / flirted / went out for the night with another girl is enough for me. He has said he will do anything to get me back - he made a huge mistake, didn't know what he was thinking etc..etc.. I am his life & he knows now more than ever that I am the one for him (We were planning on building a house together soon & were close to getting engaged) I also know that all his friends & family were utterly disgusted with him for doing it to me & he is very embarrassed & ashamed about what he has done. We were living together, so I left him & moved out. I want to take a few months to think about it & see if I will ever take him back. The problem is that I know I want to give him a second chance, and although I am hoping that this might change in a few months, I really don't think it will. I still love him & feel as though I should at least try & work it out. We were a very good couple in every other way and he treated me so well, would do anything for me etc..etc.. I suppose the fact that we were thinking about spending the rest of our lives together makes it harder to walk away (I am 29, he is 32) So I guess what I am asking is - "Is there anyone out there who has given someone a second chance after cheating & things worked out?" Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 This is my first post, but I would appreciate any comments, thanks... I found out nearly 3 wks ago that my boyfriend of 3 years had cheated on me. He didn't tell me, I was told by someone who knew the girl in question, she apparently really wanted me to find out. He had only been with this girl once, but it wasn't a once off drunken mistake - they had been texting / ringing & had more or less arranged to meet up. He says that nothing happened, that they had gone out for the night, ended up back in her place, where he came to his senses before anything happened & left. She on the other hand is saying that she slept with him. I don't think I will ever know the truth, although it is actually irrelevant, as the fact that he consciously texted / flirted / went out for the night with another girl is enough for me. He has said he will do anything to get me back - he made a huge mistake, didn't know what he was thinking etc..etc.. I am his life & he knows now more than ever that I am the one for him (We were planning on building a house together soon & were close to getting engaged) I also know that all his friends & family were utterly disgusted with him for doing it to me & he is very embarrassed & ashamed about what he has done. We were living together, so I left him & moved out. I want to take a few months to think about it & see if I will ever take him back. The problem is that I know I want to give him a second chance, and although I am hoping that this might change in a few months, I really don't think it will. I still love him & feel as though I should at least try & work it out. We were a very good couple in every other way and he treated me so well, would do anything for me etc..etc.. I suppose the fact that we were thinking about spending the rest of our lives together makes it harder to walk away (I am 29, he is 32) So I guess what I am asking is - "Is there anyone out there who has given someone a second chance after cheating & things worked out?" no. sorry. find someone who will respect you. he doesn't, especially since he is still not being completely honest with you. i think you know the truth, but he will never give you the luxury of knowing the truth by telling it to you, and that's no way to live. who wants to have a relationship with someone who allows another girl to be able to say "haha, i had him when you thought you did." ew. Link to post Share on other sites
kayla56 Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 I'd give him a second chance. But make sure he is sure he would rather be with you than her. People make mistakes and deserve second chances. Link to post Share on other sites
ozguy Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 I just posted in another thread with a similar problem, however my GF did not deny her mistake when I confronted her. Its a tough choice, I do not know what to do either. I would actually like to hear if there are many second chance success stories too. Link to post Share on other sites
hokypoky Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Hi there - I'm going through exactly the same thing. My boyfriend of 2 years (in Dec) cheated on me on a one-off drunken night 4 months ago. We were a perfect couple, he treated me well, we had an amazing time together and I thought he was the one I'd be spending the rest of my life with. This is a girl he had been chasing before we got together - so when I left the country for the summer - he cheated on me with her. I found their MSN conversation on his computer ( I shouldn't have been snooping, I know...). It was obvious from the conversation she was flirting with him a lot and he flirted back. She even suggested meeting a few times when I'd be away but he always knocked her back.....He says the cheating was harmless, but I can't see it that way as they ended up having sex. I've spoken to the girl (I find it difficult to have hard feelings towards her as I've been the other woman more times than I'd like to mention) and she has confirmed that that's all it was, just a one-off. Now, I'm at that stage where I know I love him and I want to give us a second chance. We weren't living together....but now that this has all come out, he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, that we're perfect together and that he hates himself for doing this. I do love him, and I'm happy with him.....I'm going over to see him now after 2 weeks apart - just to talk things through. But we had something so good, I do believe he loves me and that he regrets what he did, and I think what we had deserves at least a try. So I suggest, you can try making it work - just meet up as friends (don't do anything sexual), talk....let yourself see if you can see him in the same way again. I think you'll know ultimately, if you've made the right decision, over time. I truly believe your heart will tell you what you should do in time. Take it one day at a time...that's what I'm going to do. Link to post Share on other sites
WaterTiger Posted November 11, 2007 Share Posted November 11, 2007 Hi there - He says the cheating was harmless, but I can't see it that way as they ended up having sex. It's harmless? COOL! Now you can go have sex with cute guys and he won't mind at all, right???? It's all harmless! (NOT!!!!) It's your decision if you want to take him back or not, but I'd be hard pressed to find a reason to forgive him. Link to post Share on other sites
mwhitlockus Posted November 12, 2007 Share Posted November 12, 2007 I went back to a cheating boyfriend because of love . . . I went back to him because he didn't admit to cheating, so I felt he deserved a 2nd and 3rd chance . . . well, a cheater doesn't have to admit to it . . . if it smells like **** & looks like ****, then IT IS ****! I found evidence through different sources (Internet, mutual friend, and phone calls), but I continued to ignore my female instinct . . . I wanted to believe it wouldn't continue and his effort to win back my affections was strong . . . if you go back, it won't be the same . . . you will always question his honesty and whereabouts . . . do you want to live like that for the rest of your life? I've been through the ringer, but I can't say I blame my bf . . . Yes, he cheated, but I chose to believe his lie . . . I am ashamed to say that I went back, and now I'm trying to get the balls to tell him AGAIN why I want to leave . . . It's the same song and dance over and over . . . Don't go back . . . The pain will fade . . . I know you love him, but love yourself more . . . If you choose to go back, then you must trust him . . . No questions . . . It's a hard game to play when someone has cheated Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted November 12, 2007 Share Posted November 12, 2007 This guy had a meeting with this woman planned out and everything.. A pre-meditated affair, and you're willing to give him another chance... If he really loves you, you need to make him sweat.. HARD.. and if he still sticks around and wants it to work, and you still feel the same way.. then try again. Someone who cheats, won't make that mistake again once they realize what they've really done to their partner... and how much pain they have caused.. if you take him back that easy... chances are he'll do it again.. and chances are he won't learn from his mistake. Look what I had to go through for cheating once, and not getting her back. It took THIS to realize what I really did, and how I could never betray the love of a woman again http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t110697/ If he doesnt learn the hard way, he wont learn at all.. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted November 12, 2007 Share Posted November 12, 2007 In your heart you know the answer. Move on! Why waste more precious time on a guy who cheated on you? Obviously you aren't married, or even engaged, there is nothing substantial binding you to this guy. Give him the old "Hi De Ho" and blow that popstand. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts