Horribly depressed

[Spinderella]

Carrot, you were so clever to ignore all of our doom and gloom and pessimism . Happy for you sweet Carrot

[carrotgirl]

Oh! You all are the best support ever.

 

Today was one of those never ending work days where I wanted to drown myself. I mean really drown myself, not down some drink. If I didn't have meetings tomorrow I'd phone it in. And I still just might but my staff needs me. The company is going through some growing pains and I have to be a big gurl. Phooey.

 

GD has been holding it together about as well as I am. So I know he's okay and also hanging by a thread. I'm keeping the pressure off. Hope he sees it. It's all very much no agenda just live life and dammit we've had a tough couple of weeks. A break is needed. Even if we're working on the beach. Even if he takes a beach and I takes a beach.

 

Sao, no jealousy man. And Spind! Clever? HA HA HA HA! That's a good one!

 

How would I have faced my fears without all of you here to scold n' hold me? There was a moment of peace after the horrible weekend where there was no mania and no thrill - just reached out naturally.

 

I couldn't have done it without you all reaching out to me and pointing the way. Reminding me we're all one stomach. If we all share, no one goes hungry. This is what you ALL do for me and for everyone else you touch I'll bet.

 

So we're booked for a mini holiday in the Carib. I have a feeling it's all going to be okay. Whatever will be, it WILL be okay. And I'm bring my computer along because how could I go on a mini holiday without the Shack?

 

But it's all so far away and I could be dead from work before then! Ugh. Another killer day. And Aria, because I KNOW you're dying to know, nope, there hasn't been any sex.

 

Nice guy, I just knocked off work about twenty minutes ago but I glanced at your happenings. Stay strong.

 

Sed, I wish you the courage to be afraid. I think you're mistaking pride for dignity. They aren't the same thing punk rock girl. Find a happy bass line in your head. Take a chance. What's the worst thing that can happen? He'll break up with you?? Can it be worse than the torture you're in now?

 

Tri, I'm overdue for a potato. I ate yams today and for some reason this made me think of you.

 

I've got to lay me down and rest. I'm going to sleep through my mini holiday. What do you want to bet?

 

Carrot

[carrotgirl]

Eek. There's a lot of change taking place around me and with me. I'm feeling somewhat jittery and fearful about it all today. Can anyone throw a few positive affirmations my way? I need some help getting my head out of my rear please.

 

Carrot

[Spinderella]

Just go with it Carrot. All will be fine.

[sderenzi]

Welcome to the world I've been living in for my entire life :S~

[Bar girl]

Carrot- you are amazing!

 

I spent all day in bed today, had no motivation to do anything, didn't wanna get up, talk to anyone, have a shower, wash my hair, nothing. All I did was lie in bed & cry. I thought I was the only person who felt like this

 

Now I realise I'm not alone. I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago, things don't seem to be getting easier, I just feel sad all the time...worried that I'm depressed...I miss him so much. Called in sick for work today, the second time in a week, just couldn't face it (we work together).

 

But I will be strong & I will get through this, I will get up tomorrow and I will get better.

 

Bar girl

x

[carrotgirl]

Oh my gosh! Bar girl! You only just broke up a week ago and you're telling me I'm amazing for publicly whining about my mundane blues? You're giving me some new perspective here! Thank you.

 

I happen to think you should look in the mirror and tell that classy and amazing girl how wonderful she is too! Oh and congrats on making it to your second week with sanity intact and good for you for loving yourself enough to give yourself the gift of self-protection and regeneration.

 

So how did the day treat you today?

 

Carrot

[carrotgirl]

It's funny how much changes in a week and yet here I am glued to the computer. This weekend things are different. I'm not depressed. I'm not feeling like I'm wasting my life.

 

On and off, I'm full of nervous knots and managing calm. My productivity is not very good. I need help focusing. I keep telling myself. Just try to do the work.

 

So instead I watched two seasons of Heroes.

 

I think this lack of movement may be making an excuse for things not to work because of that scary unknown. Or it may be me trying to protect myself from the unknown. Or I could be regenerating after a busy, fast emotional week.

 

Jmina's words.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=134584

 

So wise and comforting. I'm reading again and again.

 

Carrot

[carrotgirl]

Sorry sorry. I'm in a panic and need help managing it before it gets completely out of control.

 

Nothing happened. I repeat nothing happened. GD and I haven't really talked much since last week on the phone and not at all the past couple of days and well, I'm a little weird about it.

 

I just need a reminder that until something changes, nothing has changed. Need a reminder to stay positive. Need a reminder not to assign feelings to him one way or another. Need a reminder to be grateful for the good and not be a big snotty pig about not getting a phone call or an email in a couple days.

 

I need a reminder that it takes more energy to be negative and since I don't know anything why bother being negative...?

 

What I need is a double zombie. Ughh.

 

Carrot

[Bar girl]

Hey Carrot,

 

It's ok to feel like this...I have bored all my friends stupid with my wittering on & crying this week, and my mum is seriously pissed cos I can't pull myself together & get over this. I made loads of plans for Sat, to meet friends & stuff, but ended up not being able to get out of bed...again.

 

I worked with the ex on Fri night & it was horrible, awkward & uncomfortable to say the least. Keep getting paranoid that he hates me for no apparent reason, (seeing as I kno I've not actually done anything wrong), or that he's flirting with other girls. Ok, so I finally drag myself out of my pit on Sat night to meet up with a friend I haven't seen for soo long, even tho I didn't wanna go, actually felt good being with her, and discussing her problems for a change, instead of my own! Today has been better...stuff with the ex is OK...I think. Feel like I jus overeacted to the situation, cos I don't have much in my life apart from him at the mo.

 

This is gonna change tho...I'm looking at next week, bit concerned how I'm gonna fill my days in a positive way & actually make myself get out of bed...but I'm gonna try so so hard!!! However difficult it is to get out of this rut.

 

Want my ex (& everyone else) to look at me as a whole, strong, independent person.

 

Take care, stay strong xxxx

[Spinderella]

Sorry sorry. I'm in a panic and need help managing it before it gets completely out of control.

 

Nothing happened. I repeat nothing happened. GD and I haven't really talked much since last week on the phone and not at all the past couple of days and well, I'm a little weird about it.

 

I just need a reminder that until something changes, nothing has changed. Need a reminder to stay positive. Need a reminder not to assign feelings to him one way or another. Need a reminder to be grateful for the good and not be a big snotty pig about not getting a phone call or an email in a couple days.

 

I need a reminder that it takes more energy to be negative and since I don't know anything why bother being negative...?

 

What I need is a double zombie. Ughh.

 

Carrot

Keep going with the flow, and trusting that whatever happens between you, is what is meant to happen. You dont need to control anything, and so you can just relax.

[carrotgirl]

I'm trying to go with the flow but I feel like he's ignoring me and whether he is or isn't, I know it's me doing this and it doesn't feel good and I'm finding it really hard to just be normal. I'm spinning out.

[carrotgirl]

I'm full of fear and negativity and I'm hating myself for it.

[Spinderella]

okay. whats the worst that could happen? he could break your heart. well, you know you can deal with that one. breathe. relax. have faith.

[carrotgirl]

I don't KNOW what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of the unknown. How not like my normal self that is. I'm usually the very most comfortable with what's unknown. I love the fluidity of infinite possibilities. So why am I getting trippy now? Stupid, dumb fear.

[sedgwick]

Carrot & Bargirl...

 

Just to let you know, I've been a wreck since I got home from Mexico, and I was doing sort of okay while I was there. I miss him every second of every day, and it's been just over four months now since I've seen him. Almost three since I've talked to him. I keep telling myself that someday, somehow, it will get easier. And I'm telling you the same. You can do it. Hey, at least you're both speaking to yours, right? So you're doing far better there than I am. Tell yourself: at least I'm not sedgwick.

[carrotgirl]

Hey, at least you're both speaking to yours, right? So you're doing far better there than I am. Tell yourself: at least I'm not sedgwick.

I'm speaking to my ex because I chose to speak to him. I might change my mind. I might start communicating in smoke signals. I might do nothing at all and just keep on keeping on. But it will be because I choose and so I have that bit of peace.

 

And if it's not enough tonight, my last waking thought will be at least I'm not Sedgwick. Yah. Right. Sed, smack smack, knock it off!

 

Carrot

[Jmina]

Hey CarrotGirl,

 

I am going to try and help you. This will probably be lengthy but i will try to keep it short as i can without missing anything important. A lot of this is from louise hay who i has put me on the path to creating my own peace of mind and happiness.

 

Fear

 

the biggest catagory of resistance is fear. fear of the unknown.

i'm not ready yet

i might fail

they might reject me

what would the neighbours think?

im afraid to tell my husband/wife

i might get hurt

i may have to change

it might cost me money

i would rather die first or get a divorce first

i dont want anyone to know i have a problem

im afraid to express my feelings

i dont want to talk about it

i dont have the energy

who knows where i might end up

i may lose my freedom

its too hard to do

i dont have enough money now

i might hurt my back

i wouldnt be perfect

i might lose my friends

i dont trust anyone

it might hurt my image

im not good enough.

 

and the list goes on.

 

 

 

I find to be true that no matter what the problem is, there is only one thing that really needs to be worked on.

 

Loving the self.

 

After any pain and anger, hurt and confusion, fear and lonliness, resentment or bitterness that i have experienced in my life time i now know that love is the miracle cure.

 

love for me is

 

*Great respect for ourselves

*gratitude for the miracle of our bodies and our minds

*an appreciaion to such degree that it fills my heart to bursting over flows.

 

and you can love or feel love for anything

 

*the process of life itself

*the joy of being alive

*the beauty i see

*another person

*knowledge

*the process of the mind

*our bodies and they way they work

*animals, birds, fish

vegetation and all its forms

*the universe and the way it works

 

what can we all add to this?

 

There are ways that we dont love ourself everyday without quite realising because it is done in simple choices that we make, in our thoughts that play over and over in real time.

 

Some of the ways we don't love ourself

*we scold and criticize ourselves endlessly, endlessly!

*we mistreat our bodies with food, alcohol and drugs

*we CHOOSE to believe we are unlovable

*we are afraid to choose a decent price for our services

*we create pain and illness in our bodies

*we procrastinate about things that benefit us

*we live in chaos and disorder

*we create debt and burdens

*we attract lovers and mates who belittle us or abuse us

 

what are some of your ways?

 

 

If we ignore or deny our own good in anyway it is another version of not loving ourself

 

I am not good enough- a lack of self worth is another expression not loving ourselves.

 

Somebody close to us is tired and grouchy and we wonder what we have done

 

Somebody doesnt call us, or get in contact and we wonder what we have done

 

our relationships or marriages end and we think we are the failure

 

list goes on

 

how do you express your lack of self worth?

 

Self criticizm.

 

How would you treat a frightened child? scolding would make the matter worse, where as comforting is what the child needs.

fear in a child releases a lot of trouble. if you can remember being belittled when you were a child, it feels the same way now to the child within.

 

you now have the opportunity to treat yourself the way you wish to be treated.

 

be kind to yourself, love yourself and approve of yourself.

 

love is always the answer to healing of any sort. and the pathway to love is forgiveness. it disolves the resentment we carry to stop any forgiveness.

 

I have an exercise i found to disovle resentment and i can post it if anyone would like. it disolves the dark clouds of resentment most of us carry. for some it would be hard to do each time you do it you may get a different person. but if you do it once a day for a month you will notice how much lighter you feel.

 

You start to realise that unbalanced emotions are all linked to each other -fear, resentment, blame, anger, sadness, regret, hurt, guilt. they are all solved the same way. because it all bottles down to denying ourselves love!

[carrotgirl]

Jmina, thank you. Yes please. I would love to try your exercise. Now is not too early. Will you post it?

 

Carrot

[Jmina]

What a great day for you carrot! i hope you can start to go upwards again.

 

Louise HayExercise: Disolving Resentment.

 

Sit quietly, close your eyes and allow your body to relax. then imagine yourself sitting in a darkened theatre and infront of you is a small stage. on that stage place the person you resent the most. it can be someone past or present, and it doesnt have to be the same person each time you do it. when you see this person clearly, visualise good things happening to them. things that would be meaningful to him/her. see him/her smiling and happy. hold this image for a few minutes then let it fade away.

next step

as this person leaves the stage put yourself up there. see good things happening to you. see yourself smiling and happy. be aware that the abundance of the universe is available to all of us.

 

do this once a day. for some it can be very difficult. but i wouldnt give up.

 

when you can feel your resentment fading after time you can do forgiveness exercises also.

 

i hope this helps you.

 

give it a try.

 

if anything i have written is confusing or you need me to elabirate just let me know.

peace for you and love!

 

Jmina

[Spinderella]

Jmina, Louise Hay studied the works of Florence Scovel Shinn, who is also brilliant. Her affirmations are also excellent for dissolving fear and self doubt. They are very Christian based, but you do not need to be Christian to understand them, and can replace the Christ part, with whatever works for you.

I will find some and post.

[Spinderella]

FSS quotes: www.sun-angel.com/articles/shinnwds.html

[Jmina]

Thanks spind, ive put it in my favourites and will have a read when i can absorb it.

 

x

[carrotgirl]

Meanwhile back in the jungle....

 

I'm going to need every bit of positive energy and support that can be sent today. GD and I had meetings this morning. He didn't make eye contact to say hi or anything like that. I'm holding it together but only just....

 

Carrot

[Jmina]

carrotgirl, please be kind to yourself right now. you need you to embrace yourself and tell yourself it is going to be okay. it is going to be okay i promise. if you keep asking for strength you will continue to be given times to gain this strength its really what i believe.

 

im glad you came on here for some support.

 

how are some ways your going to support yourself?

 

dont describe your life as a jungle as you will live up to it. and we dont want carrotgirl living in a jungle now.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

talk some.

 

Jmina

xx