She left him

[LifesontheUp]

Also, of the 80%, who wind up being sorry later, why should the wives want them to stay when they had to get a divorce and get remarried to realize they weren't fit for marriage?

 

The 80% who are sorry are supposed to be the ones that wish they had worked on the marriage instead of divorcing.

 

and I have to admit that there are parts of your previous posts that I can see where your coming from.

 

I never blamed the OW either - though I can also understand those that do considering the high emotions that you go through at discovery time and those that suffer the OW calling, texting and just not giving up when the husband has told them he is going to work on the marriage. I took the view, like you did that she was welcome to him and packed his bags and threw him out. He betrayed me, she didn't.

 

That said though, I just don't understand the morals and self esteem of an OW/OM to get involved in a marriage when there are so many single people out there. Affairs are never about love, their about romanticisim, its about the secrecy of it all, two people who are kept apart but long to be together.....until reality hits in and they have to deal with the tedious day to day issues and surprise surprise the grass is not greener on the other side - it's a myth. The statistics show that there is only ever a 1 in 4 chance of it working out if the MM/MW leaves their husband/wife for the other woman.

 

Can I ask Virgo1982 out of interest if you were a BS first or a WS first?

[Tomcat33]

That said though, I just don't understand the morals and self esteem of an OW/OM to get involved in a marriage when there are so many single people out there. Affairs are never about love, their about romanticisim, its about the secrecy of it all, two people who are kept apart but long to be together.....until reality hits in and they have to deal with the tedious day to day issues and surprise surprise the grass is not greener on the other side - it's a myth. The statistics show that there is only ever a 1 in 4 chance of it working out if the MM/MW leaves their husband/wife for the other woman.

 

 

People don't get involved with marriages people get involved with a person who is also married. The relationship is ALWAYS with one person not with the marital relationship. That is one concept that seems very hard for people to understand.

 

It is not about self esteem or not being able to find a single person, a lot of people who end up falling in love with a married person have very healthy self-esteems it has nothing to do with being in a low point or having a low life, another concept people just want to believe to wrap their heads around something they cannot fathom because they have and probably never have any experience with it. I dont blame people for not ever wanting to have that kind of experience that is the ideal model way of living/thinking.

 

However it is OVERSIMPLISTIC to think that people that fall for affairs have low self esteem. It's like saying a person who tries to work on a marriage after infidelity is exposed also has low self esteem. And I know the argument is that a person owes it to their marriage they have a lot of vested common interests to work towards and a marriage has a solid history and therefore should be worked on even after infidelity BULLCRAP, those are ALL materialistic reasons. We talk about dignity and respect and general concern and regard for another human being whom we also deem as our soul mate, there is no worse kind of betrayal and yet people use materialistic reasosn for why a marriage should be worked on through thick and thin even after something like that. To many that could also be deemed as low self esteem.

 

The statistics also show that 2% of marriages survive and actually grow in a positive way after infidelity the odds are slim either way. But people love to latch on to stats that back up their own philosophies and agendas. There is no proof of how many rels actually succeed after an affair because there are no hard facts documentent. It's not like divorce where the legal system can tabulate what the numbers are. Everything else is hear say.

[GreenEyedLady]

Research shows:

 

That fewer than 10% of affairees divorce their spouses and marry their lover.

 

Over 75% of those who divorce and marry their lover divorce again.

 

Nearly 80% of those who divorce during an affair are sorry later.

 

It isn't easy to gather statistics on extra marrital affairs due to the secrecy of it. However the general consensus is that 50-60% of men and 40-50% of women have affairs and approx 64% stay in their marriage after an affair.

 

So lets be fair here, not very good statistics for the OW/OM - 3 out of 4 can expect their marriage to end.

 

Hmm, and the divorce rate is about 60%...Doesn't seem like either works very well, does it?

 

Statistics mean NOTHING...the only outcome that matters is mine...

[Virgo1982]

The 80% who are sorry are supposed to be the ones that wish they had worked on the marriage instead of divorcing.

 

and I have to admit that there are parts of your previous posts that I can see where your coming from.

 

I never blamed the OW either - though I can also understand those that do considering the high emotions that you go through at discovery time and those that suffer the OW calling, texting and just not giving up when the husband has told them he is going to work on the marriage. I took the view, like you did that she was welcome to him and packed his bags and threw him out. He betrayed me, she didn't.

 

That said though, I just don't understand the morals and self esteem of an OW/OM to get involved in a marriage when there are so many single people out there. Affairs are never about love, their about romanticisim, its about the secrecy of it all, two people who are kept apart but long to be together.....until reality hits in and they have to deal with the tedious day to day issues and surprise surprise the grass is not greener on the other side - it's a myth. The statistics show that there is only ever a 1 in 4 chance of it working out if the MM/MW leaves their husband/wife for the other woman.

 

Can I ask Virgo1982 out of interest if you were a BS first or a WS first?

 

What I mean is, if it took all of that for the MM to regret his decision, he wouldn't have decided to work on the M anyway. IOW, he could only know the fire was hot by burning his hand. He couldn't weight the factors and go with an informed, intelligent decision.

 

I've never been married. What I was saying was I've been betrayed before and became the OW after.

 

Unfortunately, I still see you're using the word "never" and saying 1 out of 4...

 

Did you think your H would never cheat on you? I never thought my ex would cheat on me. It was devastating, but I opened my eyes. I don't regret anything I've gone through. I could still be using words like never.

[Virgo1982]

I agree that there aren't any hard facts, because most people aren't going to ever admit that they met, fell in love with their spouse when they were married to someone else. And the stats show that divorces rates are extremely high no matter what the reason. And I don't believe that most OP have low self esteem. I believe there are myriad of reasons, just because people are so different. Some do it because they are into material things and don't want to work for them. Some do it because they have been feed a line of bull and fall for the "sob" story that isn't true. Some do it for the sport, it is a game and nothing more. Some do it for the sex and no permanent attachments, and still some have low self esteem. There are no blanket reasons.

 

Just as there are no blanket reasons why a betrayed spouse will stay. For the children, for finances, to make the cheating spouses last days on earth a living hell, low self esteem(yes some of us have that problem too), because they believe they can change the destructive behaviors if they love them enough, because they have built a life with laughs, heartbreaks and good times and bad, in essence a lifetime of memories. NO blanket answers to life.

 

But to believe that an OP involvement with a married person is only with that person and not the marriage isn't reality. If you are spending time withe the OP and they are not with their spouse or family, time is part of the marital relationship.

 

If you are allowing that person to take you on trips, out to dinner, give you gifts, money is part of the marital relationship.

 

If you listen to all of their complaints, hopes,dreams, feelings about life and give them a shoulder to cry on or advice about dealing with issues, sharing intimate details of their lives is part of the marital relationship.

 

If you have had sex with them, that is surely part of the marital relationship. So in my opinion, just my opinion, there is absolutely no way you can truly separate yourself from the marriage, as you are recipient of some of the things that are supposed to be reserved for the spouse.

 

And as far as marriages should be worked on because they have a solid history, you're right that is bullcrap. They may have a history, but it isn't always built on a solid foundation. They got married for various reasons; love, pressure from outside sources, pregnancy, a visa, who knows. But it certainly wasn't because we asked God is this the one you want for us? Or because we put God first in every aspect of our lives to build a strong foundation. But you do have some responsibility in that you made a choice to remain in an involvement with a married person. And even if you can separate it in your minds, doesn't mean that you are separate from the marital relationship. Hell, in my mind I am as hot as Halle Berry, but in reality I look good, just not THAT good.

 

And as far as having concern and respect and dignity for another human that you deem a soul mate. To each his own. But just as most people tend to shy away from dangerous things(drugs, gangs, and most activity that could cost death)affairs tend to hold a different allure. It is kind of hard t hold a person who is willing to disrespect their family in high regard and esteem. And it is certainly hard to respect a person of such low character. And soul mate, well let's just say if that is what is in their soul, I wouldn't want to mate with it.

 

You are only responsible for your actions. Not the action of the cheating spouse or for the not so perfect other spouse. We are all human, but as humans we have the ability to think and reason, therefore we will eventually be held accountable for all our decisions.

 

This is a solid post from you. Now I see your point, but it reminds me of one of my posts. With the MM wiping his a$$ with the W and the M, how do you guys stay? I mean to think of being a BS is far worse than being an OW. I can see why they are so angry and upset, but I don't agree with the way they channel their energy (outside of the M)

[bish]

Last night when my MM got home from work they had a fight. I don't know what all happened I just know that she left. He ended up at his parents house for most of the night and when he got home she was back. I figured that meant that everything would be *peachy* again today but his brother called and told me that they are splitting up still.

 

His brother knows and calls you? Well geez...who the hell else knows he is cheating on his wife in that family?

 

For his wife's sake I hope they do split up. Sounds like one lousy set of inlaws and husband to be around.

 

Sounds like she deservers better than to be around a gang of backstabbers. If I were her, I'd say, "you can have him"

 

There is something to be said for the OW/OM to take out the BS's trash for them.

[Virgo1982]

His brother knows and calls you? Well geez...who the hell else knows he is cheating on his wife in that family?

 

For his wife's sake I hope they do split up. Sounds like one lousy set of inlaws and husband to be around.

 

Sounds like she deservers better than to be around a gang of backstabbers. If I were her, I'd say, "you can have him"

 

There is something to be said for the OW/OM to take out the BS's trash for them.

 

There's something to be said if a W needs to wait for someone to take her "trash" out. Sometimes, the BS is trash. And sometimes the BS is (or has been) a WS. Do you spend any time in the Marriage forums at all?

[Virgo1982]

Not all of us stay. There wasn't a reason for me to stay. Had my children been a lot younger, my decision may have been different. If he hadn't chosen someone that we all have known for years with a spouse and children of her own, I might have stayed. If he had come to me and confessed and asked for forgiveness and sought counseling, I might have stayed. Before the affair, I asked him for years to let's seek counseling he refused. So I had all the answers I need to make an informed decision. My love for him meant nothing, because it didn't mean enough to keep him faithful, so it didn't mean anything when it came time to file for divorce. After d-day he cried and begged, he wanted counseling, I didn't. He took all the blame, said he pursued her and that he made the choice to try to cheat me out of my rightful share of the assets and that he lied to me about where things were hidden. She on the other hand was already packed and ready to move into my house, not! As the old saying goes, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but he can still bite you in the @$$.

 

Good for you! Way to show em who's boss!

[LifesontheUp]

Did you think your H would never cheat on you? I never thought my ex would cheat on me. It was devastating, but I opened my eyes. I don't regret anything I've gone through. I could still be using words like never.

 

I didn't think he would cheat on me. I thought that the vows we took meant something. But its like lots of things in life, people pay lip service. Look at lots of the stories on here where the MM has promised the OW the earth, he'll leave his wife and kids, set up home together etc etc..... only to stay with his wife when the sh** hits the fan. Actions speak louder than words.

 

My story in some respects is similar to bentnotbroken in that I tried to sort issues out before D-day but he didn't want to know. I threw him out day after D-day and he came back begging and crying to go to counselling within 2 weeks. My emotions were all over the place but I didn't want him back in the house until I could "think more rationally". I eventually divorced him. I wanted to do it straight away but I had problems with him and thats a whole other story.

 

So reason I ventured over here is that the OW involved in my xH affair is still at it - we all still work in same area. She got involved with another MM, a friend of mines husband who works in the office. This is the 3rd MM since my xH and its all blown up. I'm just amazed that she can't find herself a single guy.

 

Now this OW was smug. I never once approached her (even though her desk was 5 feet from mine). She never said anything to me until my xH dumped her and begged me to take him back. Then she would approach me in the works kitchen or toilets whenever there wasn't anyone around and tell me how much of a b***h I was and that he didn't love me, he loved her, they were soulmates and were meant to be together. She also told me that he was going to get me out of the house and she would be moving in. I ignored her the first few times and then I just told her that she was welcome to him, that he was damaged goods and wished her all the best. Boy was I glad I didn't have any kids at the time cause would she have wanted them as well

 

Seems to me that whilst everything was going fine with the OW she was happy and never once wanted to let on about my xH and her. Soon as things weren't going her way.........well she got so angry that she lost the plot. She blamed me that my xH didn't want her, as if I was making him stay.....how sad. Her anger should have been with my xH not me.

 

Anyway, like I said she's at it again and this is happening to a good friend of mine this time. This time I feel hate for her, I think she's a disgusting low life and needs to seek counselling and find herself an available man.

[Virgo1982]

Damn our OW might be the same one. The OW MR. Messy Pants was with, had 3 other affairs with other MM. Mine was number 4. Out of each of her involvements she got pregnant and each man married her. It was a step up financially for her each time. If she had a uterus this time around, I would be dealing with a child also. All she saw was my hubby's salary, then she fell in "LOVE". As long as everything was going her way, she smiled in my face. When he moved on(still trying to come home) she got really nasty. I have had to threaten her with an arse whooping as recently as a month ago. Go get him, he's free.

 

 

You two had OW on steroids. I've never exhibited any behavior like that. I suppose that's why I made the decision that this life isn't for me. It was my first time and I am young and saw him as a wounded fawn that I could nurse back to health. If at 34 yrs old he couldn't handle his own wounds, he wasn't for me. However, I still believe there are different situations and circumstances in the world of affairs. It seems you two have reason to be extremely bitter. Just try to be a little objective, if you can.

[Tomcat33]

I agree that there aren't any hard facts, because most people aren't going to ever admit that they met, fell in love with their spouse when they were married to someone else. And the stats show that divorces rates are extremely high no matter what the reason. And I don't believe that most OP have low self esteem. I believe there are myriad of reasons, just because people are so different. Some do it because they are into material things and don't want to work for them. Some do it because they have been feed a line of bull and fall for the "sob" story that isn't true. Some do it for the sport, it is a game and nothing more. Some do it for the sex and no permanent attachments, and still some have low self esteem. There are no blanket reasons.

 

Just as there are no blanket reasons why a betrayed spouse will stay. For the children, for finances, to make the cheating spouses last days on earth a living hell, low self esteem(yes some of us have that problem too), because they believe they can change the destructive behaviors if they love them enough, because they have built a life with laughs, heartbreaks and good times and bad, in essence a lifetime of memories. NO blanket answers to life.

 

But to believe that an OP involvement with a married person is only with that person and not the marriage isn't reality. If you are spending time withe the OP and they are not with their spouse or family, time is part of the marital relationship.

 

If you are allowing that person to take you on trips, out to dinner, give you gifts, money is part of the marital relationship.

 

If you listen to all of their complaints, hopes,dreams, feelings about life and give them a shoulder to cry on or advice about dealing with issues, sharing intimate details of their lives is part of the marital relationship.

 

If you have had sex with them, that is surely part of the marital relationship. So in my opinion, just my opinion, there is absolutely no way you can truly separate yourself from the marriage, as you are recipient of some of the things that are supposed to be reserved for the spouse.

 

And as far as marriages should be worked on because they have a solid history, you're right that is bullcrap. They may have a history, but it isn't always built on a solid foundation. They got married for various reasons; love, pressure from outside sources, pregnancy, a visa, who knows. But it certainly wasn't because we asked God is this the one you want for us? Or because we put God first in every aspect of our lives to build a strong foundation. But you do have some responsibility in that you made a choice to remain in an involvement with a married person. And even if you can separate it in your minds, doesn't mean that you are separate from the marital relationship. Hell, in my mind I am as hot as Halle Berry, but in reality I look good, just not THAT good.

 

And as far as having concern and respect and dignity for another human that you deem a soul mate. To each his own. But just as most people tend to shy away from dangerous things(drugs, gangs, and most activity that could cost death)affairs tend to hold a different allure. It is kind of hard t hold a person who is willing to disrespect their family in high regard and esteem. And it is certainly hard to respect a person of such low character. And soul mate, well let's just say if that is what is in their soul, I wouldn't want to mate with it.

 

You are only responsible for your actions. Not the action of the cheating spouse or for the not so perfect other spouse. We are all human, but as humans we have the ability to think and reason, therefore we will eventually be held accountable for all our decisions.

 

 

I can't argue with most of your post, you have made some strong very valid points and believe me I am trying to find fault in your logic but can't, so I agree with most of your post.

 

However there is still the parts that I bolded I tend to disagree on. I see your point in regards to taking money away from what should go to the family but would you also go down to the local bar, if your husband were a regular water hole frequenter and have it out with the bar staff for taking money away from a man's family? Let's say he blew considerable amounts of money on golf and tipping dining/watiting staff at bars restaurants you could technically have the same complaint with the local entertainment unit for taking this man's money away when that money should be spent of the family. OR would you just sit your husband down and say "listen buddy this is our money you are stealing away from the family for your presonal enjoyment it has to stop." Seeing that you sound a like a reasonable woman, I think you would choose for the latter, to sit him down and ask him to stop his frivolous spending, you would not ask the restaurants/bar staff to shut the door on him to prevent him from spending.

 

From the OW prespective this is what I mean by the OP has relationship with the person not the marriage, if the man is willing to spend this money outside of the family unit it is assumed he can and somehow works out his math in order to do this, it's basically his entertainment money that would be spent elsewhere should the OP not be in the picture. So I know this is something that is hard to understand for a Bs but the W/H for the OP really doesn't come in to play you really are involved with one person and you get the most out of what you can from them given the circumstance they are in. I for one was with someone who was married but seperated so I got everything from him, there was no traditional sense to the affair as it was not an affair per say, but I was indeed on paper still dating a married man.

 

As per the listening to him confide in you when he should be doing that with the spouse, he could be confiding in a friend in the EXACT same way. Would you try to prevent your husband from having close friends, of the same sex in hopes that he would not divulge your dirty laundry to an outsider? I doubt it. I do think that you would hope that your spouse would have enough common sense and most importantly RESPECT for you that he would not take an outside friend and make them a soundboard for all his problems with you. But let's face it everyone has someone outside of the relationship they confide in, is it wrong? yeah probably people should deal with their problems with the person they are having problems with and that's but, life does not work that way.

 

The reality is there could be a coworker right now whom he has lunch with a buddy if you will who he confides in right now, and you really have no say in that matter. what makes it a point of contention is that if it WERE a buddy there is no chance of love happening because they are the same sex. Well in a lot of cases of As start off as friendships, it is two people looking for emotional support of sorts and it LATER turns into a love affair. We all need emotional support outside of our relationships, the thing is is it ok to look for it in friends of the opposite sex? Are we for or against frienships with people of the opposite sex?

 

Lastly, the bit about sex being taken away when he could be having it with his wife. If he really were having sex with his W he would not be emotionally vested in someone else so that sex was not happening anyway. So I insist for the most part in cases of marriages exposed to affairs, there is no sex or affection being deprived from the BS because that affection and sex was already NON existent and the reason why the cheaters were volunerable to the grips of an extramarital tie. I am sure there are exceptions of cheaters that are just greedy and want variety and things are fine, boring but fine at home, but for the most part there are deep problems in the marriage and affection is not existent and this is why the cheaters look for affection and understanding elsewhere sometimes not realising they are opening pandora's box.

 

Affairs tend to be about emotional needs, I really dont believe they are all just about having a sexual fling on the side,some are but not all.

[Nixson]

Affairs tend to be about emotional needs, I really dont believe they are all just about having a sexual fling on the side,some are but not all.

 

I agree with that and you have written a good post.

[Virgo1982]

 

Lastly, the bit about sex being taken away when he could be having it with his wife. If he really were having sex with his W he would not be emotionally vested in someone else so that sex was not happening anyway. So I insist for the most part in cases of marriages exposed to affairs, there is no sex or affection being deprived from the BS because that affection and sex was already NON existent and the reason why the cheaters were volunerable to the grips of an extramarital tie. I am sure there are exceptions of cheaters that are just greedy and want variety and things are fine, boring but fine at home, but for the most part there are deep problems in the marriage and affection is not existent and this is why the cheaters look for affection and understanding elsewhere sometimes not realising they are opening pandora's box.

 

MOST COMMON

 

I think some MM wish the W would show more interest in them. They wind up having an affair. The W finds out. The W then begins to show him the attention he was craving (negative and/or positive doesn't matter). He ditches the OW (most likely hard for him to do). Then they either get a divorce or work on the M.

 

LEAST COMMON

 

MM is an attention whore and womanizer. (No need for more detail)

 

or

 

M is unsalvagable and he's preparing to leave.

[reboot]

Affairs tend to be about emotional needs, I really dont believe they are all just about having a sexual fling on the side,some are but not all.

I agree with this, but....

 

I think it's almost always true for women who cheat.

 

I think it's sometimes true for men who cheat.

 

I've known a lot of men over the years that cheated, and a lot of them WERE doing it just for the sex. They had NO intention of leaving their marriage. And most of the ones that did, did so because their wife found out and kicked them out.

[Virgo1982]

I agree with this, but....

 

I think it's almost always true for women who cheat.

 

I think it's sometimes true for men who cheat.

 

I've known a lot of men over the years that cheated, and a lot of them WERE doing it just for the sex. They had NO intention of leaving their marriage. And most of the ones that did, did so because their wife found out and kicked them out.

 

I don't believe she's saying anything about them leaving their wives-Just that they want attention, affection, and intimacy from the OW. It's impossible to get it if you don't give it, which is why OW feel the way they feel about the MM.

 

I think MW are worse than MM in some cases. They use the OM to exit the M and tell them they need space as soon as they leave many times.

[Tomcat33]

I don't believe she's saying anything about them leaving their wives-Just that they want attention, affection, and intimacy from the OW. It's impossible to get it if you don't give it, which is why OW feel the way they feel about the MM.

 

I think MW are worse than MM in some cases. They use the OM to exit the M and tell them they need space as soon as they leave many times.

 

Exactly I wasn't saying anything about them leaving the marriage. I was saying that people drift into emotional ties with others when they feel abandoned in their current relationships. I know that was 100% the fact in my exe's case. And I understand there are a ton of variations within that as well, like some people just want to feel "inlove again" they miss that feeling and so they allow themselves to fall for someone new.

 

But for example in the case of my ex's marriage they had abandoned each other pretty much since a month after they married. she threw herself into her career and he waited patiently for her to show him affection until he got fed up and he also started to drift only to create an even bigger wedge between them. Fastfoward to three years post wedding and they were living in the same house practically as roommates. It happens, and it happens more often than people think. Is it really a surprise he developed strong feelings for someone he worked with closely who not only shared the same interests as him but also TOOK interest in him, supported his career choice something his W didn't and also shared the same career as him? Showed him admiration and romatic interest? how can that be resisted when it is everything you are lacking at home?

 

Again we are talking about affairs that begin due to problems in a relationship not Affairs that happen because one spouse is bored and just looking for some excitement on the side or they are sex addicts, that is not what these comments apply to.

 

The A is a shake-up, in some cases it produces a positive effect ie. it wakes both people up in order take charge and make the changes to improve a rel. OR it ultimately wakes up the people into seeing that they were indeed at the end of the rope. The fact a lot of cheaters don't leave I don't think is because they realise they love their partners because people claim staying and still not being happy, they stay for fear the same fear that makes a BS keep a cheater and guilt of walking away on a marriage in such an abrupt manner. I can't blame some people for wanting to try after an A if given the opportunity, I may not personally accept that for me if I were in the situation but I do see why it needs to happen for some people.what I don't get is why those that accept that recovery after an A continue to do so when one partner is still not into it, or both. A lot of times people just drift back into old patters only to realise yes the A was a wake up call and a call to action but the bottom line the two people just weren't happy together and THIS is why the affair happened and they cannot change their dynamic and it becomes even harder now with the betrayal present.

 

MOST COMMON

 

I think some MM wish the W would show more interest in them. They wind up having an affair. The W finds out. The W then begins to show him the attention he was craving (negative and/or positive doesn't matter). He ditches the OW (most likely hard for him to do). Then they either get a divorce or work on the M.

 

LEAST COMMON

 

MM is an attention whore and womanizer. (No need for more detail)

 

or

 

M is unsalvagable and he's preparing to leave.

 

Agreed on both counts. I don't feel my ex was a womanizer or a whore or even a "cheater". I trust that, I know there were lies that had to happen in order for our relationship to take place before he moved out but if there is one thing I trust without a doubt is that he was not a womanizer. What happened to us was circumstancial and one off, I trust that and though I don't have the security that if we did end up together it could have happened to me this time down the line, if you think about it NO ONE has that certainty with any partner.

 

Look at all the women and men on here who married someone who did not have a past history of ever cheating and yet they did. You would think those people would be exempt from straying, they are not, NO ONE is. Of course if you were to get involved with a serial cheater you are paving your own road to sorrow but in the cases of the people that it happened by chance it is no different than trusting someone who has never done it before, we are all humans and it is ALWAYS a gamble we cannot guarantee.

[reboot]

You both missed my point. It wasn't whether they leave or not, it was that (IMO) men are much more likely than women to have an affair based just on sex and not anything to do with emotions.

[Virgo1982]

You both missed my point. It wasn't whether they leave or not, it was that (IMO) men are much more likely than women to have an affair based just on sex and not anything to do with emotions.

 

Maybe I'm still missing the point...What was your point in bringing up the fact that they don't leave the M, then?

[Tomcat33]

You both missed my point. It wasn't whether they leave or not, it was that (IMO) men are much more likely than women to have an affair based just on sex and not anything to do with emotions.

 

I got the point but based on what do you say that men are more likely to cheat just for sex and not emotions? hollywood movies or your three or four friends who cheated?

[reboot]

Maybe I'm still missing the point...What was your point in bringing up the fact that they don't leave the M, then?

Just that they weren't emotionally invested, nor had any interest in being emotionally invested. They were just looking for sex. Obviously I unintentionally hit a nerve. Please try not to twist my words.

[reboot]

I got the point but based on what do you say that men are more likely to cheat just for sex and not emotions? hollywood movies or your three or four friends who cheated?

Most of the men (and women for that matter) that I know who cheated were people I worked with, not friends.

 

I often wonder why some people here feel obligated to make everyone else look like a chump.

[Tomcat33]

Most of the men (and women for that matter) that I know who cheated were people I worked with, not friends.

 

I often wonder why some people here feel obligated to make everyone else look like a chump.

 

 

Ok well can you quote me some #s of how many cheaters you encountered? Because it seems you are making a bold statement of saying "men tend to cheat more for sex than for emotions" based on the few or many people you know.

 

Not sure what you meant by that last comment but consider a statement made that arises questions and the questions will be asked. Is that setting out to make someone out to be a chump?

[Virgo1982]

You both missed my point. It wasn't whether they leave or not, it was that (IMO) men are much more likely than women to have an affair based just on sex and not anything to do with emotions.

 

If that was truly your point, we established that many affairs start for emotional reasons.

 

Even an insecure womanizer starts an affair for emotional reasons...

 

No matter the circumstances. There are emotional issues SOMEWHERE.

[Virgo1982]

Just that they weren't emotionally invested, nor had any interest in being emotionally invested. They were just looking for sex. Obviously I unintentionally hit a nerve. Please try not to twist my words.

 

Oh no, you didn't hit a nerve. I'm sure you'd like to:laugh:. It's impossosible to do that because I'm looking at this in an objective way, open to all points of view, while you're only choosing to see things in the way you'd like to see them:cool:.

 

I've given plenty of angry BS their props. However, your arguments just don't make the grade.

 

I think some MM are emotionally invested. They're just more emotionally and financially invested in the W. To make the issue of affairs black-and-white or put everyone in the same box is a waste of time and demonstrates ignorance.

[reboot]

If the two of you will go back and read, you'll see I prefaced everything I said with "I think" and "in my opinion" which is simply based on my experiences in life. I was in no way insinuating any kind of scientific evidence or statistics. Whether you choose to accept it or not, everyone here is allowed to have an opinion, even if it doesn't match yours.