paranoid-suspicious-depressed-help!

[wonderboyuk]

Hi to whoever is reading this. I just found this website and what a great place to communicate with people about relationships. I hope someone can help me and I hope I can offer something too.

 

I’m 26 and have been with my g/f since she was 18. I was 19 at the time. We lived together for a number of years and then moved back home recently due to financial problems.

 

During much of our time living together we were surrounded by my social circle and I know that at times she use to get down because of this. On some nights I would leave her home knowing she was upset. She’s a really sweet girl and I’m the only guy she has ever been with. It would make me guilty but she was living in my life out of her choice and i did everything i could to make it easier for her. All of my mates knew her very well.

 

And heres where it gets interesting. She got back in touch with some of her old girl friends. These girls had a few very good guy friends. They would all hang together and very soon my g.f was an important part of this circle.

 

It did not bother me, not even when she told me that one of the guys liked her. Infact I was glad she was becoming more socially active. They would call her, go movies, go clubbing, etc, etc... But then a few things started happening that made me suspicious.

 

After a weekend with my parents I came back to discover that valentines and birthday cards that were on the shelf had been taken down. This coincided with her new friends having popped over at the weekend.

 

She would not answer her mobile when she was with them and it was very obvious that’s what she was doing.

 

Once they called her whilst I was there and she never spoke like herself. She was not relaxed and even sounded strange. When they asked her what she was doing, she mentioned that I was 'over' making it sound like she is playing me down. The way she said my name was weird too.

 

I saw a text message in her phone from the guy that liked her that was a little intimate. Something to do with him giving her a massage in bed because she was not feeling well. After asking her about this message she said it was nothing because he acts like that with all the girls and nobody takes it seriously. Although, when I asked her if he had been txting her she denied it (before telling her about the msg I had seen).

 

Another night when I had to leave to go home after tucking her into bed, she seemed like she was checking to see if I had left or not. As soon as I did leave she was straight onto her phone (the reason I know is that I called her as soon as I left to she if the line was engaged and it was).

 

And there’s probably a few other things too. I’m sure you get my gist. Nothing for sure, but plenty of suspicious things. I mean she had met the guy that liked her alone and she even told me about it. It all made me paranoid.

 

This was a few years ago now but I still have not got over it. Its made me doubt her and even paranoid. I have brought it up on a number of occasions to try and get it sorted and move on but she never has any answers that satisfy me. For instance, about the cards being hidden away when they came over, she said she was tidying up and that she often removed them. Except I don’t ever remember the cards NOT being there...

 

She is a very friendly girl generally, very likable and very popular... She has male friends that she hangs with alone sometimes (a few of them who she has told me like her)... I have become paranoid as to whether this friendliness is more then that, and she cant be trusted. I think this kind of friendliness could easily be seen by a guy that likes her as being led on.... Flirting basically!!

 

I would appreciate it if anyone can offer anything that might help. Thinking about everything is killing me and I cant get my mind off it... There’s no point me talking to her about because I’ve tried and nothing ever comes about from it...

 

She wants to marry me and always says so. Should I forget about everything and let that be the main factor.. I am sure she loves me but I want someone that I can trust 101%. Or is that not possible in this world?!

 

These guys are no longer in the picture because they have moved away..... But the suspicious occurrences are still remain... We are at a crunch time and I need to decide what I’m going to do…

 

Thank U. Peace and Love..

[Lila]

She may have had a fling. Or, it could have been harmless. Maybe she felt that you would not fit in with her new friends so she wanted to keep her social life apart from her romantic life. It is also possible that she told her new friends that you guys were not serious so that she could go out clubbing and be flirty without them saying anything.

 

The only way you can know for sure what went on is to talk to your girlfriend. Make sure she understands that you are willing to work through any issues. Also, if she does not talk to you about this and does not tell you straight up what went on, then you should think twice about continuing the relationship. A good relationship is based on honesty.

 

This happened 5 years ago? It sounds like you guys held together just fine. Are you just looking for "closure"? Like I said, just sit down and talk to her and make sure she understands that you are not going to leave her.

 

Good luck!

[LondonChick]

I dont believe you are being paraniod. It is not OK to have close frineds of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship. Why does she feel she needs this? Is it an ego boost for her?

 

You need to be honest and tell her about the doubts you have. Even though this happened years ago you wont be able to move on if she still acts shady about the whole incident.

 

You and her need to have a very long talk about this because you cant have a relationship without trust, cliched but true.