God its killing me inside!!!

[tokool2]

hey first time here. ok, here i go, i met this girl around march. her and i were/ are working on an art project together. i met her through a friend of mine which of whom is also working on this project (its actually their project, and he asked if i wanted to help). anyway, i proceeded with helping them on this project. at first i wasnt attracted to her,everything was just friends/project partners. but then after talking to her on the phone, and texting each other i developed a crush. one night at an art exhibit i had way too much to drink and spilled my guts and told her i couldn't work with her anymore because i had a crush on her. next day i called and apologized and told her that i still wanted to work with her, she was cool with everything and we continued to work. around july she called me and asked if i wanted to hangout with her on the fourth, i said yes and we did. it was a lot of fun and we enjoyed each otheres company. the next week i talked to her on the phone and she asked me if i wanted to help her with move some stuff, so i did. afterward we hungout talked and watched t.v.. we sat close to each other and she asked me to give her a massage on her arm, so i did. she fell asleep and i carried her to her room. she said i could stay over so i said ok. laying down next to her i became brave and kissed her. at first there was no respones but then she leaned over and kissed me back, then she curled up next to me and i was in heaven. the following weeks were great all the way up to august. one night as we were laying down she told me that the two of us couldn't continue doing what we were doing because if our friend found out that he would lose her respect (this never made sense to me) and that we were partners and we shouldn't be doing what we were doing, and also she had been in long term relationships before that ended up no where. my heart was broken, and i did fall into a deep depression, along with my car breaking down, being evicted from my apartment, and family problems. i was drowning my self in boose for two weeks after that. the cool thing is that she continued to be my friend and actually helped me out of my depression/ drinking so much.

 

the thing that sucks, i still have feelings for her but i dont say anything to her. i try to be a good friend and help her as much as i can with her art, and try to give as much encuragement as possible. im there to listen to her when shes feeling down, and i try to do anything for her. what im trying to say is should i tell her how i feel or just let things be?

 

oh yeah i continue to see other women but there hasn't been one that has caught my interest as she has. what do i do?

[MsArtful]

In my opinion you should just let things be and try to move on. She told you how she felt and you need to accept it. It's good that you are seeing other people, try and put her out of your mind.

[SuperFantastico]

I thought you were sunk when you called and apologized. You recoverd when you kissed her. Good for you. If you hadnt done that, you would have been stuck in the friend zone.

 

*crack the knuckles*

 

Ok, I will use my girl talk translator :

 

'one night as we were laying down she told me that the two of us couldn't continue doing what we were doing because if our friend found out that he would lose her respect (this never made sense to me) and that we were partners and we shouldn't be doing what we were doing, and also she had been in long term relationships before that ended up no where.'

 

Basically she was looking for reassurance. Women do periodic tests on guys. If they pass then can move on. A checkpoint if you will. Every few weeks to few months, they will test you to see if you are longterm boyfriend material.

 

The test here seemed to be that she needed reassurance that no matter what happens you will care for her and will have her back. Also she said basically what her fear was. She didnt want to be in a relationship that was going nowhere again.

 

If not much time has passed since then, you might still be able to recover. Just reassure her, that you dont care what others think. You like her period. If her friend dosnt like it, you'll talk to him and tell him where to go.

 

Show your strength. Women love to be protected(ya ya, im not being sexist,im saying that feeling safe and comfortable is very improtant)

 

Anyways. Thats my thoughts.

 

Cheers.

[tokool2]

two weeks ago her and i went out to eat, (we were suppose to be studing, both her and i went back to school) dinner was nice. we talked about the art project and were kinda just goofing around, fun night. we returned back to her place and she wanted to call it a night, i tucked her in and we talked a little bit more, and before i left i gave her a kiss goodnight. it was a lengthy one but she didn't pull back or anything. then i told her i love her (her and i periodically tell each other this) she smiled and then i left.

 

the next day she called me late in the afternoon. and told me she had a bad day, and asked if i wanted to study with her. i said yes, and so we did. i took her to the coffee shop and we did a little studying then returned to her place. she was still in a mad/depressed mood about things, so i told her everything was going to be ok, and that if she needed anything she could call me. here is were i think i made a mistake, i asked her if i could give her a kiss goodnight and she nodded her head no. so than i asked "what about on your forehead?" she said yes, i did, and then left.

 

i called her two or three days later asking how she was doing and i also apologized for ask for a kiss (i felt that was a wrong time to ask her for one, especially with all the stuff she was depressed about) she was kool about everything and she kinda laughed (i think she said she was sorry that she didn't kiss me that night, im not sure though, damn cell phones)

 

anyway i hung out with her on thanksgiving night and played board games with her and her family. than her and i talked and were messing around with art stuff till 1 in the morning, then i left we gave each other simple kiss and a hug goodbye, and i asked her if i could take her out, like ice skating or something. she said she would give me a call if she wasn't too busy.

 

where do think this is goin??? should i say or do anything?

 

oh yeah, thanks for the advice earlier.

 

peace, and thanks

[SuperFantastico]

.....yikes!!!

 

Ok first rule. NEVER ask if you can kiss. Thats like a total turn off for women.

You are teetering on the edge of the friendzone right now.

 

Appologizing for asking to kiss her is also a no no. This is what 'nice guys' do.

What are 'nice guys' you ask. They are the guys who arnt manly enough for girls to have as boyfriends. They are the 'best friends' or 'like brothers'.

 

There was nothing to apologize for. You are attracted to her and she knows this. On the plus side, she still seems to be attracted to you. She was sorry she didnt kiss you(or so you think she said, too bad you dont quite know).

 

Also, you reassured her that you would be there for her which was also a plus. Dont confuse that with being a nice guy. Support and safety is a thing that women associate with a strong man. So good work there.

 

Her giving you the busy line when you asked her out is not necessarily a bad thing, she could be actually busy. But there is a possibility its anouther girl test. Just tell her if she dosnt like haveing fun, she probably shouldnt come with you

[tokool2]

after talking to a theripist, she had made things clear to me that one, i am nice and 2> my "friend" cant make up her mind when it comes to deciding on wanting to be with me or not. her advice, which im considering on taking is this:

im going to tell her that if her and i cant be more than friends than im through, because its becoming to be too much for me to go through this ****. test or no test.

 

and i honestly feel this way.

 

after 8 months of knowing her and getting to know her and 7 months of her knowing i felt this way about her, and her toying with my emotions, i should not be any friendzone. its bull****. because we didn't start off as friends. and my heart is tired of this ****.

 

thank you for your help.

[SuperFantastico]

Then do what you have to do man, and good luck. Just remember this : it does get better and the hurt does go away.

 

There are alot more women out there that arent as flakey. Nice guys can get women, but they have to learn how to do it. Thats the trick. Dont do what i did and say, well if they dont like me for who i am, then i'd rather not have a girlfriend. Its not that they dont like nice guys, its that nice guys dont do all the right things. Sorta like not having all the keys to a door. If you keep using the ones you have, the door still wont open. And waiting for some girl to open it for you is gonna waste alot of time.

 

Theres tons of material on the internet and alot of free stuff. Read up on stuff.

Dont think that you failed. Think of it as a learning experience.

 

Infact look for a e-book from a guy named david de angelo. Its called double your dating i think. That stuff REALLY worked for me.

You COULD theoreticallly get it for 'free' from something like emule :S im just saying