Ex Emailed Me...Wanted to Share It

[niceguy27]

So my ex emailed me last night. I sent her one about a week ago just saying hi and stuff. Nothing big. Just small talk. Pretty much NC the last couple of weeks except for that one email. Anyway, here is the email I got from her last night:

 

I just read your email. It's actually kind of late and I have a long day tomorrow. I will call you and talk to you...i just got done writing two papers...they are pieces of crap... oh well, I am soooo tired...

 

I feel lwith school that I will have a really stressful week... but as soon as I start looking at what I have for the next week.. its more busy.... It's never ending... they even told us not to go anywhere over thanksgiving because we're getting homework... grrr.... i really have no life....

 

The house is actually not that bad right now... **** is mad at me... someone always has to be.... but ***** and I have gotten really close and I can talk to her about anything! She is my new confidant in the house... she is sooo amazing. I know it bothers ****** when I talk to Natasha but oh well...i have enough to worry about... i'm sick of worrying about what people are saying.

 

Anyway... i'm going to go brush my teeth and get a good night sleep. I'm exhausted! I'll call you early this week. Maybe we can get together for a drink or something. Let me know your schedule... what does tuesday night look like? It has to be early evening... i dont get to sleep in anymore.

 

Anyway... just know that i'm always here for you... you can talk to me. I still really care about you and I want everything to work out for you.

 

I will call you! I promise..... have faith in me... i am really busy and forgetful lately... sorry.

 

Cya!

****

 

 

I know not to read too much into it but there is a good chance I am moving after the holidays and though I have since been busy going out and bettering myself, I don't want to completely cut off all contact with her. She is just too important to me. If I do move away, that will be a HUGE help in me really moving on and being by myself so until then, I want to keep in minor contact with her. If I do move away, it will physically get me away from her. It's just right now I don't have it in me to completely boot out of my life thus the email to her.

 

I just wanted to share this and put it out there.

[Art_Critic]

Almost her entire email to you was all about her.. what does it feel like to be backburnered ?

 

You need to really think about moving on and putting tons of space between you both..

I'm sorry but it looks like she isn't into you..

[niceguy27]

Well less than 12 hours after she got it, she called and left a message about getting together. Our schedules are both really packed right now and I think tonight is the only night we could possibly meet for at least the next week.

 

I asked her small things about her roomates and school in the email. I didnt say anything about us or anything else. Just small stuff so it was kind of expected to be mostly about her.

 

Since we have been apart, we have had little to almost no contact with each other. In fact, there hasnt really been any in the past couple of weeks. I have done A LOT of things to get myself back to "normal" since this all went down. So Im hoping that if/when we do meet up, I will be able to portray myself in a non-"needy" way unlike before when we first broke up and just hang out.

 

I know it will probably be a temporary relief but I de feel a lot stronger now than before. We both know its over between us but we also told each other that the doors would always be open down the road. We left on very good terms (little exception with her moving her stuff out) and there are no negative feelings between us. If she didnt want or care about seeing me she wouldnt initiate a meeting right? Oh well, I guess I'll milk it for now. In a couple of months I will be moving anyway so I guess why not just go with it for now??

[Racquel Colette]

I would try to move on and not have further contact.

It kind of bugs me, the whole "I will portray the "confident, non-needy me" that that guy book is telling guys to be. You are yourself, you can't hide that, why should you try to "portray" someone else?

Doesn't make sense.

Continue no contact and don't get together with her. I got the distinct impression from her email that she is still interested in being broken up. She just wants to get together for a drink, that's it.

[niceguy27]

Im not expecting anything to come from this meeting. I havent seen her in a month or so. And the last thing Im going to do is bring us up. Thats her job imo.Only reason I mentioned the "confident", "non-needy" thing was to point out that when we first broke up that is how I came off. I think of it as being honest with my feelings but others think of it as coming off as needy.

 

Anyway, Ive since learned that if you want any chance of things working themselves out, is that I need to show her that no, I dont need her around anymore and me being able to just be myself. Like when we first met. Her and I both agreed that the timing of "us" was kind of bad. I was ready to settle down and get married and she was just starting her clinicals and has a commitment phobia.

 

I still love her to pieces and if I have to choose either not having her in my life at all or keeping in touch with her periodically. I dont know if Im quite ready for a full blown friendship with her yet at this point.

[wowIlose]

Its clear you still have feelings for her. I don't think your ready to see her. You think your alright right now, but this kind of contact can really set you back. Just the other day I saw my girlfriends best friend.... that alone made my heart jump into my throat and flooded my head with thoughts of her and it felt like I took one step back. This is when I THOUGHT I was doing alright lol..

 

its your call in the end, just make sure you can handle seeing her.

[niceguy27]

Yeah, I guess this will be a little test for me to gauge how I feel still. If after we meet and Im right back to square one...well, at least I will know if I can do it or not. The only reason I think I will be ok is the fact that I have kept myself very busy and have setup a few dates here and there with other girls. Nothing special but its always nice having a female to hang out with

 

Her and I both know exactly where we each stand with each other so in that sense, I dont think it will be that awkard because there are no unsaid feelings between us. We were both open and honest during and after the breakup about things and that makes me feel a lot more comfortable going into this.

 

If she didnt want anything to do with me then she wouldnt of asked to hang out right? I know Ill probably get the "string" thing but the whole time and even when we first met, there were never any games played with each other. We have always respected each other enough to just be honest about things.

[heartoutside]

Coming from someone who has gone through what you're about to do; it's going to suck after you see her. I hope for your sake it doesn't. I hope you are right and I'm wrong, but just be prepared for what you may feel after seeing her. Remember, there was a reason you started NC. As for her email, I kind of agree with what has been said, that she looks to be just looking to fill what she misses with you but only as a friend, nothing else. It seems like she doesn't want any "relationship."

 

As for your moving, it will help a ton to know that you won't see her. But is that something you HAVE to do to get over her?!

[niceguy27]

Yes and no. I know it will help tremendously to move away and it may only be a temporary thing for a little while. The biggest reason is the economy sucks where I am at and I am going to have to move my business to another town. If I do move its going to be about 1 1/2 hrs from where I am now.

 

I know your story heart and have followed it for some time and I hope it doesnt turn into what your ex was doing with you (the txts, calls, etc.) I know its probably going to suck to actually SEE her instead of just talking to her periodically. I guess I want to just because I want to see and talk to her. As temporary as it may be I cant quit her cold turkey. haha.

 

I can accept her not wanting a r/s right now, if ever again, with me. But when you are with someone for so long they become part of your life. Not only as a lover but as a friend too. Thats why I want to see her. Same with her too I think. I am still in the mode of wanting her back and putting us on hold to see if, at all, she comes back. Its like moving on and not holding back but at the same time, keeping the door open for us to possibly reconcile down the road.

 

Now if this was to happen 2 months ago...Well, I would be a wreck right now and I know for sure I would of broken down to her when I saw her. Now...Ive experienced so much since then that Im kind of indifferent to seeing her. If I do, great. If I dont, then oh well maybe some other time. Sometimes I hate having feelings...

[Gravedigger]

Hey NiceGuy27. Take it from someone who has been in a similar situation as yours. My ex also contacted me out of the blue after 3 months of NC. I totally misread her signals, met up with her again and had my heart broken twice by the same girl. There is usually a reason with the breakup, and as far as I know, trying again has almost never worked.

I know it sounds harsh, but just delete the mail, block her phone number, remove her from your messenger-list. Do whatever it takes to stay out of contact and make sure you take care of yourself every single day as a partner would have done. Oh, and also if you haven't read this post yet, have a go. It's definetely one of the best I have seen here on LS so far: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/

 

Trust me, it's for your best to stay away from your ex, don't go through the hazzle of having the same person break your heart again.

 

Hope it works out for you

 

Cheers

[heartoutside]

Niceguy, I actually understand where your coming from. I wish my ex had taken our friendship into consideration before she acted the way she has acted. Right now, knowing that she has lied to me to my face and disrespect our friendship leaves me wanting nothing more then to move on. Good luck. I think your ex is thinking of the friendship between you two and that is all. And honestly that isn't a bad thing. At least you know she values you as that good friend, as much as it sucks to know that it may not be anything more then that, at least she didn't disrespect it.

[niceguy27]

Thanks guys. I know her well enough to know if/when she puts out any signals that she wants more. Since this is the first time we have met since weve been really split, Im not holding any hopes up anything really happening right now. Im kind of nervous but at the same time I am looking forward to just catching up and having a chance to talk to her.

 

I think because of that attitude, I will be ok. At least thats what I keep telling myself in my little self affirmations.

[wowIlose]

Just go in not expecting a damn thing.. and be prepared for a flood of emotions that aren't all that pleasant. :/

[Art_Critic]

What would be the purpose of meeting up for a drink ?

[wowIlose]

Nothing positive in my opinion. I wouldn't go personally.. not until I was over the girl.

[blind_otter]

I would really highly recommend that you not meet your exgirlfriend. It will all end in tears.

[MattyTee]

Hey Niceguy,

 

I just wanted to add my two pence for you as well. A week and a bit ago I thought I was ready to do the whole friend thing. I felt incredibly strong and like I could take on the world. We talked on MSN for a while and ... I got heartbroken all over again.

 

I had misjudged how I felt and how strong I was - what stage I was at. I wasn't over her. Funnily enough after a really crap week I feel much better. Perhaps it's just that I know I have to move on now. I wish you the best with it if you go. I hope it works out for ya - you my buddy!!!!

 

Take care man.

[cant let go]

Niceguy,

it isn't all bad. You sound like you are strong enough to handle the contact. I think you care about this girl a lot and you already have accepted that you are not going to be together. I personally would rather have my ex in my life as a friend than not at all. Just remember that you are friends and you wont get your hopes up for anything more. No matter how well the meeting goes, you have to maintain the strength that you have accumulated throughout this process. Strength doesn't mean stubborness. And as far as changing your neediness. I disagree that neediness is just the way that a person is. That is such a juvenile way of thinking. People are needy because they are unhappy with themselves. Becoming a person that is happy and confident is not changing who you are....it's called GROWTH. Good for you. Best of luck!!

[niceguy27]

thanks guys. im getting ready to leave and will see her in about 20 minutes. im gonna go in with no expectations. if she wants to talk fine but i know things are over over with us for the time being. if i can handle it tonight then i know that ill be ok. if not...well then i know that i wont be able handle just being her friend for now.

 

i do care about her a lot and i have learned a tremendous amount about myself since we split. not in the sense of anything being wrong with me but finally seeing things in a new light. i still carry hope that we will eventually start things back up but i know between now and then the only thing to do is live my life for me. ill update tonight when i get home.

 

...oh dont worry, there isnt any type of fwb with us either. we bth agreed it woudnt be healthy for us to do that.

[MattyTee]

Good luck man,

 

I'm crossing my fingers for you brother!

[niceguy27]

well im home. i cant even begin to explaian all that went down tonight. so much was discussed and let out. we talked about things that we never discussed the whole time we were together. it was amazing. open, honest, and unbeleivable.

 

ill fill everyone in tomorrow when im a little more sober me

[MattyTee]

Gee, talk about suspense!

[niceguy27]

um yeah....so met with the ex last night. had a nice dinner and drinks at a little family restaurant for over an hour. Then went to a little bar and had a few drinks there and ended at another bar and had a drink.

 

Anyway, we talked about things that neither one of us ever discussed while together. Stuff that I have since learned about myself while being apart. Childhood patterns, esteem issues, etc. The discussion ranged from my work to her school and then eventually to what each of us were doing in our lives. She explained the deal with the guy she has been seeing and told me she didnt leave me for him. After we broke up she said she went on kind of a wild streak just to keep her mind off of me. Even now she admits that she doesnt know who she is and that the past 6 months or so things have been kind of a blur.

 

For some reason I wasnt nervous or apprehensive about anything at all. I felt kind of weird talking to her about me going on dates with other girls and then hearing about her dates. It was strange to talk so openly with her about things especially after everything that has went down. But it also felt so good to be able to just talk as long time friends.

 

Well, the second bar we went to we sat down and somehow something came up about us. Nothing in particular but we were kind of reminiscing.

 

Then out of the blue she dropped a damn bomb...About 3 weeks ago, she was having a funny feeling about something. She was late by about a week so she took a little "test." By herself (apparantly this guy is not to supportive). She opened up and told me that she was pregnant (damn, typing that was hard). It was the first or second time they had slept together. Then to top it all off, she went to the clinic and did the deed. Now, neither one of us really believe in that but situations are different for everyone. Anyway, I have no idea why she would share this with me. Guilt? Empathy? Obligated? I dont know why but she told me. How she had to go through the whole thing BY HERSELF! That hurt more than anything else.

 

I know we are split and we can do what we want but to hear that she had to experience something like that on her own really made me feel for her. She kind of started crying and kept saying that she was a bad person and was going to go to he** and whatnot. I just took her hand and held it from across the table and explained to her that things happen sometimes that are out of our control and all we can do is learn from it. I told her shes not a bad person and to never think of herself that way. I felt closer to her at that moment than ever before I think. All things aside, she still a human being and someone very special to me. To see her experience pain like that broke my heart (haha, so some of you were right about getting heartbroken again). She said it was big eye opener for her in terms of her actions and how she perceives things now. It sucks that it took something like that but like I told her, all we can do is learn from our experiences.

 

As far as this guy goes...well, IMHO I think of guys like that as worthless a holes. He couldnt man up and take responsibility or even f'in be there for her. And he calls himself a man? What type of man cant even be there to take her to the doctor or sit with her while she takes a test. In love or not, this guy is a piece of sh**. Its not my business but damn it gets under my skin.

 

So, LONG story short, we wrapped up at that place and went to the last bar. We just hung out and kept things light. When we left, I walked to her to her car and hugged her. We embraced for a few moments, I kissed her head and told her I still loved her (I know I shouldnt have said it but I said it in like a non-romantic way). She said it back and we just stood there holding each other. I started to walk away and she got in her car and sat there for a minute. I ran back to the car and reached in and looked at her and reassured her that I dont think anything less of her and that she is not a bad person at all. Things happen and all we can do is roll with it.

 

Wow...Its going to take me a few days to process all this and I think that maybe this is the beginning of a deep friendship between us. Im not sure yet but as of now, I think that I can accept that with her.

[MattyTee]

Wow!

 

I know that can't have been easy for you Niceguy and I don't envy the emotional hangover you may get.

 

Congratulations on being there for her, that's real love. You've restored my faith in humanity!

 

Be well!

[niceguy27]

I cant put a finger on it yet about what happened last night and the meaning behind how everything happened the way it did.

 

Im slowly beginning to realize that there is something WAY bigger out there and that little events that seem so big to us are just a little piece in the overall puzzle. Everything happens for a reason. Everything. As much as we want to control it, life just happens on its own.

 

As far as her and I go...This has been a definite wake up for her. A big one that will change the way she perceives and processes things now. Last night was probably the closest her and I have ever got. Not in an intimate way but deeper than romantic feelings. Its weird. I cant quite explain it. Anyway, I feel things are going to work out one way or the other with me. If there is a plan for her and I to be together in any way I think its just been set in motion. Either as very close friends or if we do get back together, a strong and deep deep r/s.

 

Yeah, it is a lot to process. Talk about a wake up call!