i did NOT deserve this!

[ZIngy]

my dr. started me on an anti-depressant for some anxity attacks that i am having. the other day i had a bad reaction to them when i increased the dose. i work two jobs and i was not able to go to one of them because of the way i was feeling. i was feeling very sick to my stomach and off balance. so i called into work and i told them the truth.

 

well they told me that i need a dr.s note telling them that it is safe for me to return to work. my dr. is out of town till thursday and i am to work on wed & thursday., but now i can't because of my dr. being out of town.

 

so i waited a day to retake the new dose of meds (today) and again i had a bad reaction from the pills. so my other job is a delivery job for my b'f brother that i do twice a week. i did half of it then i felt worse as the day went on.

 

i was talking to my b'f on the phone and i told him that what i had just found out about not being able to return to work without the dr.s note.

 

then i told him that i wanted to come home and finish this route tomorrow instead, and that is when he just blew up at me!

he said that he is just a real go getter and that i am happy to just coast along in life, and to get my ass home with the route and he would finish.

 

of course i was not going to come home with that crap so i made myself finish it being the lesser of two evils to either finish it or come home to his rath.

 

still i feel that his outburst was so un-necessary. i work two jobs and i do work for him as well, and still it is not enough for him. nothing is ever enough for him. i could work 70 hours a week and he would still bitch if i missed a day.

 

i felt it was safer for me to return home anyway because of the way i was feeling but he just saw it as some lame excuse and said all these hurtful things to me, none of which are even true.

 

he said that i ALWAYS have an excuse to not finish my route or put it off! that is so not true at all cause it has a deadline and needs to be out on tuesday and fridays, and if i was not getting it out on time his brother would definitely not keep me on board, and i have been doing this for about three months now, soi know i am doing fine with that, but he said i am always fxcking over his brother each week on the route.

 

i feel like smacking him!

[Tony T]

You don't need added stress when you're trying to get panic attacks under control. Get away from your boyfriend until you are medically stable.

 

To me, his attitude is a MAJOR danger sign. Do you really want to even be friends with a guy who can't show you some empathy when you are feeling sick insteading of grinding you into the ground like he did.

 

When you have a steady head, think about this. I just don't see how you could ever feel secure with a guy like this.

 

He needs more than a smacking. He needs to be hit in the butt with a sledge hammer. What a first class jerk!!!

[zingy]

tony, for taking my side on something i feel that i really did not deserve. i know that i am not the best motivated person in the world especially compared to him because he thinks he is God's gift to the business world or something.

 

i am deeply hurt by all that he said to me, or my voice mail i should say and that yes in the past i have had problems with working and medical problems as well but he never has had much empathy or sympathy towards any of it and has downright acused me in the past of faking things!

 

there is no way that i want to put up with him anylonger but i tell ya this, when i start to leave him, my heart hurts so much that i always turn back, in my mind anyway, thus the fantasies that i have and needless to say after his remarks i went into full blown fantasy mode over this.

 

do you think if it hurts to leave someone that you really truly love that person? it hurts to stay at times with someone so perfect and me being....well...just me, i guess, never able to live up to his expectaions and or standards and he also said that i all i ever do i take.

 

i don't even know what i take! i work and pay our bills but yet i "take" i don't understand that one at all.

 

just sounding off i guess...but thanks too.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "do you think if it hurts to leave someone that you really truly love that person?"

 

Whether or not you love this guy is TOTALLY irrelevant to the issue. The issue is that he has no respect or consideration for you. The issue is that he treats you like a robot rather than a human being. The issue is that he could care less how you are feeling, he wants you're butt in gear. The issue is that loving him for a lifetime would be a lifetime of drudgery and hell.

 

Do you have any idea how many married women with three or four kids would have given a million dollars for a hint like this guy has given you. He has clearly shown you that a life with him would be hell on earth.

 

OK, now you've got that golden hint. If you stick around to be a part of his life forever more, you deserve every bit of grief, hell, discomfort, etc. that you get.

 

Again, the hurt you might feel by leaving him is .000000001 percent of the hurt you will feel by living with him as his servant for life. He isn't worth the space on the Internet to write about his worthless butt.

 

Did I make my point?

[flower]

Zingy, you are blessed to have the golden hint. You must find a guy that loves, respects you and knows your strengths/weakness to cope with the daily demands of life. His career drive is strong but unhealthy as he imposes stress on you(loved one) despite your medical condition. If he is so irritable with you, happiness will be evasive even if you stick around as you admire certain characteristics in him. What is one man's meat is another man's poison. You need a more suitable guy to lead a healthy lifestyle.

[zingy]

i did alot of soul searching today and i think i came to the conclusion that i am afraid to leave him because i have never lived or been alone!

 

i moved out of my moms house when i was 15 and in with the father now of my two oldest kids. when i left him i was 19 and had the two babies and since i had my kids i was never alone then either.

 

now about 3 years ago my youngest moved out but iwas with my current b'f so again i was not alone. i picture myself getting on that bus and leaving him and thinking what if i have an anxiety attack on the way? what if i go crazy from being all alone, what if i lose my mind from being alone?

 

i know this may sound funny to some, but i am very serious! i never realized that that could be a major factor in keeping me with him.

 

i know too that he uses his anger to control me, and i am getting so fed up with that too. now this evening i have been giving him the cold shoulder, and he came up to me ever so sweetly and asked me what was wrong!

 

i told him to listen to the message that he left me on my voice mail, and he said he knew what he had said...and i said then you know what is wrong.

 

he said that the route had to be done. i told him it was not about the route, it was about everything else that you said. so he apologized for it over and over again and this is how life goes.

 

tomorrow he will be back to being his self that he was today on the phone, then come evening he will be so sweet and loving that it makes my head spin with confusion.

 

this is why it is so hard to leave him. the golden hint makes alot of sense to me. i just wish i could gather up the courage i need to leave him because i do feel like a slave and a robot because if i don't follow the status quo then i get yelled at and acussed of all this crap.

 

geeesh what a deal eh? then after he apologized he walked away dejected looking and it just broke my heart! that is most confusing too.

[HokeyReligions]

Anxiety and depression are so often viewed as a weakness of character by those who do not understand that it is a medical condition. The condition itself can be cannot be totally treated with medication either. Our surroundings, family, friends, work, etc. play a big part in the symptoms of the illness.

 

If someone does not understand this and doesn't want to understand this then get away from them. You can't always choose who you work with, but you CAN choose who you spend your life with.

 

It's scarey as he11, I know. Keep checking with your doctor to find the right dosage and give the meds some time to work - sometimes it may take a couple of months for the levels to be right in your system.

 

Some counseling might help too, to give you some support but more importantly to help you deal with the attitudes and actions of others.