Very lucky second time around!

[4kitties]

I have a post in the Long Distance Relationship forum area. I probaby should have expounded more on what broke us up the first time, but the post was already very long (sorry!).

 

If you look up the post called "Long Distance Relationships Can Work!" ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t21285/ ) you will find the story about Duane and me. I still smile every time I see his name....how's that for sappy factor?

 

Briefly I will say what our story was and is, and you can read the rest in the LDR section if you're compelled.

 

Duane and I met a long time ago. I am 45 now. I was 21 and he was 23 when we met. We were both musicians (he played guitar for a band and I was a struggling, wannabe singer).

 

It is amazing enough that we even found one another after so many years (I hadn't seen him since 1989)....but to connect as we have....well, let me return to the breakup so the Second Chance makes more sense.

 

Initially our romance was idyllic. He was articulate, gentle, funny, talented, cute and the smartest person I'd ever met. We fell for one another almost instantly. I was certain I was falling in love within a few weeks. Now some may scoff at this idea--"come on now, age 21 and involved two weeks? That's infatuation or 'puppy love'!" All I can respond with is to say that I knew it then and I know it now; it's reciprocal, we are committed to one another and we plan to marry. So I guess you could say I am justifying my feelings at age 21 by pointing out the success, security and certainty of what we have 24 years later.

 

Initially Duane seemed very enamorate of me. He treated me very well. We were friends as well as lovers. He didn't rush me into anything. For a few months we were very happy. Then it seemed as if he began to grow distant from me. I couldn't understand why. I felt quite insecure, and tried to figure out what was going wrong between us. But the more I questioned Duane, the more distant he became. The more distant he became the more unhappy I became, and unhappiness is not very attractive. Eventually I pretty much confronted him by asking if I was still his girlfriend; he replied that he didn't know.

 

We split up shortly afterward.

 

However--and this is a very important "however", we remained friends. I don't know how I managed to get past the heartbreak and allow friendship to replace love, but that's what happened. Perhaps I knew even then there was just too much good about him to say goodbye to altogether.

 

We corresponded over the years.

 

I married, had two children, divorced, and moved 1000 miles north to Portland. He married later, had a son, and they lived 450 miles north of our hometown. We lost contact after 1989.

 

I found his email address and we exchanged a few friendly letters in 2000, but I lost the address and we fell out of touch.

 

I found that address late last year and sent a holiday letter to him. He replied, and this is when I learned his marriage was coming to an end. I am the first to admit that although part of me was sad for him, my interest was piqued as well.

 

What followed was a steady exchange of emails that started as a trickle and turned in to a downpour. We exchanged phone numbers and soon were spending hour upon hour talking about everything imaginable. We talked about our relationship of many years ago and it was bittersweet to say the least.

 

Before long we knew something of major importance was happening, so we arranged to meet. We seemed to instinctively know we had fallen in love but needed to be realistic.

 

We met, and it was wonderful. People sometimes grow in very different directions over the years. Some become bitter, some become wonderful people. I have run into one or two fellows I dated a long time ago and found that I could recall what I'd really seen in them. Perhaps they had just become unrecognizeable.

 

In Duane's and my case, we grew, we became more complex, but in the really important areas--values, interests, hopes and dreams--we were an absolutely perfect match. It seems that the decades along with their triumphs and hardships and lessons made us into better people. At least that's how we see one another. Our situation is complicated by a 670 mile distance, but that will be closing at the end of the year when I relocate to the Bay area to be with Duane. He has every single quality I admire in a man: patience, a gentle soul, a wicked sense of humor, sexiness, he is a good father, and my gosh, he loves me! I mean he REALLY loves me.

 

This is a happy outcome. I am 100% certain of our connection. At 45 I feel as if life is just beginning. Duane tells me that he is happier than he can ever remember.

 

The moral of the story is, don't burn bridges. And don't be afraid to cross that bridge if you think there's half a chance. I think love is too precious to pass up.

[Tony T]

I really don't see that you require any kind of response here...except congratulatory ones.

 

In the future, you will get more readership if you keep your stories down to four or five paragraphs containing only the information essential to get opinions or advice if that's what you seek.

 

Good luck!!!

[stewh]

This story was nice to read.

 

I hope the same happens for me.

 

I have just recently split with my girlfriend who I was with for 9 years. She is now seeing somebody else already. Who has a lot more going for him than I do in a materialistic way of looking at things.

 

I have taken the steps to remain friends with her even though I really want her back with me. But I hope we will get back together like you two did. Only I hope for me it happens a lot lot sooner

 

She means everything to me.

[jessicakicksbut]

Wow, that is one amazing story, and I wish you all the luck!!

[muzzbuzzgirl]

I am so happy for you two. This gives me so much hope for my situation.

 

I went out with a wonderful guy I met through a mutual friend. We had a great time, but we both lived in two different states. We wrote and called for a while but it just died after about six months.

 

Recently we just bumped into each other again and I have been worried about if it would even work out after these 8 years apart. Your story has given me the faith to at least try and see what happens.

Thanks!

muzzbuzzgirl