forbidden fruit Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Well I have been in NC for about a month now and I still am so angry and upset. Everytime I see him I just ignore him. However, it is taking all of my strength not to rip him a new one. I am physically getting sick carrying all this anger. I am not being fair to my H because I am so irritable and when I see him with W which is everyday it is a constant reminder he picked her over me. I just saw him about two hours ago and I just pretended I did not see him. I came inside and screamed. I can't seem to get passed all the lies and when I see himhe acts like no big deal. He is now searching for a new mw I just know it. He is hanging out at a place with his kids that other vulnerable married woman are at and he will feed them all the same lies he told me and will have another affair. I guess what I am upset about is that I was not even a person to him just a object to get what he wanted. I feel bad for the next gal and I think his W deserves to know what a scumbag is. I now don't care aout ruining my life by telling, but I can't ruin my kids. Maybe when my kids are out of the house and my h is gone I will tell her. Karma cannot come soon enough for him. I am living with my mistake,but it as if he never missed a beat. Oh affair with the neighbor -check. Water the lawn-check. I don't think Karma will ever get him!! So maybe I should intervene. I can't stand him being so smug. That is what is driving me crazy-it was all lies!!!! Lies -I love you, I want to move away with you-I will take care of you-You are my best friend- i care about you more than her. I put you ahead of everybody. I would never hurt you. I would do anything for you!!! When does all the hurt and anger go away. It seems to be getting worse for me-not better. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Do you have his address? Link to post Share on other sites
Author forbidden fruit Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 Do you have his address? Is this suppossed to be a joke,because if so not funny at all. I hope when you are hurting someone does the same thing to you. Thanks, that is exactly what I needed. Maybe you should leave the LS boards if you have nothing constructive to say!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Is this suppossed to be a joke,because if so not funny at all. I hope when you are hurting someone does the same thing to you. Thanks, that is exactly what I needed. Maybe you should leave the LS boards if you have nothing constructive to say!!!!! Crap! For a second there I thought you were crazy. The I looked back and realized I missed the part where you said he was your neighbor! So sorry. Thus I will refrain from the advice I was about to give on how to best avenge yourself. However, if your looking for a joke! Sign him up for a gay porno mag! The first time his wife checks the mail... you will be cracking up! Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Sign him up for a gay porno mag! The first time his wife checks the mail... you will be cracking up! :D:D The perfect holiday gift!! Seriously, I think that's the best idea I've heard in awhile... although you would have to find a way to do it anonymously, as I'm sure they would call the magazine and ask who paid for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forbidden fruit Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 :D:D The perfect holiday gift!! Seriously, I think that's the best idea I've heard in awhile... although you would have to find a way to do it anonymously, as I'm sure they would call the magazine and ask who paid for it. I really appreciate the jokes, but I am looking for a something more substantial as I am not in the best place. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 That was pretty funny, Cobra. Forbidden, you should do it! So, Forbidden, what do you think W would do if you did tell her. Do you think it is possible she would keep it to herself? Or would all h*** break loose? I know I should go back and read all your posts because I'm missing some of the details as to how this ended. I wish you luck on dealing with this break-up. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Is this suppossed to be a joke,because if so not funny at all. I hope when you are hurting someone does the same thing to you. Thanks, that is exactly what I needed. Maybe you should leave the LS boards if you have nothing constructive to say!!!!! Ok, I erased my post because he already realized it..Carry on... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Do a list of the pro's and con's. Even though the pro list might be longer, the con list is the one you have to really pay attention to as this isn't just about you now - You have your husband to think about, your children, and even the exMM's kids too. I know you want to tell her everything, but I honestly think that you'll regret it the minute the words are out of your mouth. The drama, the pain, the talks back and forth between you, your husband, exMM and his wife, let alone the neighbourly gossip that could happen. Did you read that thread by DazedandConfused in the infidelity section? Just saying you do not know what his wife is capable of...SO, IF you do tell, just be prepared for ALOT of fallout, most of it not good or in your favour. Your husband also will find out everything, I mean even now you haven't told him "all" details, he doesn't know you had sex with the exMM, so just know that if you go tell his wife, he is going to go talk to your husband and make sure he knows everything. I'm sure in his mind he figures you didn't say anything to your H as they do talk to eachother on occasion. FF, I know you're frustrated, fed up, ready to tell but I think you'll be worse off if you spill it and you'll be living in regret for a long long time. Think about moving afew blocks away that way you don't have to remove the kids from school. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I really appreciate the jokes, but I am looking for a something more substantial as I am not in the best place. I know you want to smack him in the face with a shovel, and I agree the wife should know, but it is not good to do this out of revenge! Not only is it unhealthy for you... it also makes you less believable to the W! Ok, I erased my post because he already realized it..Carry on... Hmm... Typically I'm a good reader. Not sure why I missed that one. Kind of intersted in what you intended to say though! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Hmm... Typically I'm a good reader. Not sure why I missed that one. Kind of intersted in what you intended to say though! I was actually going to tell FF to calm down, that you probably didn't know he was her neighbor... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 You're pretty much where AP was not that long ago... Do not tell his W...You are wanting to mess up his life, because he didn't leave her for you, not because you think she should know... Link to post Share on other sites
Author forbidden fruit Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 Do a list of the pro's and con's. Even though the pro list might be longer, the con list is the one you have to really pay attention to as this isn't just about you now - You have your husband to think about, your children, and even the exMM's kids too. I know you want to tell her everything, but I honestly think that you'll regret it the minute the words are out of your mouth. The drama, the pain, the talks back and forth between you, your husband, exMM and his wife, let alone the neighbourly gossip that could happen. Did you read that thread by DazedandConfused in the infidelity section? Just saying you do not know what his wife is capable of...SO, IF you do tell, just be prepared for ALOT of fallout, most of it not good or in your favour. Your husband also will find out everything, I mean even now you haven't told him "all" details, he doesn't know you had sex with the exMM, so just know that if you go tell his wife, he is going to go talk to your husband and make sure he knows everything. I'm sure in his mind he figures you didn't say anything to your H as they do talk to eachother on occasion. FF, I know you're frustrated, fed up, ready to tell but I think you'll be worse off if you spill it and you'll be living in regret for a long long time. Think about moving afew blocks away that way you don't have to remove the kids from school. I know I will regret, but the pain is becoming so unbearable. He has no problem talking to my husband and will probably have no problem starting the A again on the condition I would never ask him to leave his W. I can tell he wants to talk to me and I want to do is go back to the way things were before all the lies and before I knew who he really was. I still cannot get my head around who he is and I can't believe I fell for it. It was all a game of manipulation and control and now I want him to pay . I have paid enough for the both of us and he just walks away and is allowed tot alk to my H. If he comes on my property to talk to my kids or H should I tell him to get off and he is not welcome in front of my h? I hate having to be so nice to his family and him and he acts like it is no big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I was actually going to tell FF to calm down, that you probably didn't know he was her neighbor... LOL... either you were planning to be nice, or you assume I'm dumb. Either way... thank you! You're pretty much where AP was not that long ago... Do not tell his W...You are wanting to mess up his life, because he didn't leave her for you, not because you think she should know... This... is good advice Forbidden Fruit. From someone who has nothing but your best intentions at heart! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 LOL... either you were planning to be nice, or you assume I'm dumb.Either way... thank you! I figured that you weren't around at the height of her story so you wouldn't know... See, I can be nice... Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I figured that you weren't around at the height of her story so you wouldn't know... See, I can be nice... LOL... You have a hard outer shell, but I have a pretty good idea whats underneath! I think we are similar in that. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I know I will regret, but the pain is becoming so unbearable. He has no problem talking to my husband and will probably have no problem starting the A again on the condition I would never ask him to leave his W. I can tell he wants to talk to me and I want to do is go back to the way things were before all the lies and before I knew who he really was. I still cannot get my head around who he is and I can't believe I fell for it. But do YOU want the affair to start up again? I guess you mulling all this in your head, the "why's" don't make sense to me. Somehow you MUST make peace with this and let go. He is showing you in HIS way it is over if you aren't playing, so since you aren't playing he is living his life, doing his own thing...It's all ego FF, you know that. Also, you don't know what he thinks or feels most of the time, so you're doing alot of assuming when you see him outside with his kids, or talking to his wife. Just seems like he is getting on with life. You both fell for eachother, let an A happen and now it's over. I mean, were you really going to uproot your kids, leave your husband for him? Or was that just fantasy talk of all the 'what if's'.. Either way, at the time you both felt something, but now it's over and there's no point in rehashing or going back. It was all a game of manipulation and control and now I want him to pay . I have paid enough for the both of us and he just walks away and is allowed tot alk to my H. If he comes on my property to talk to my kids or H should I tell him to get off and he is not welcome in front of my h? I think you should continue focussing on you, work on you and forget him completely. Try your best to anyway. You could tell your H not to talk to him anymore, maybe then the exMM will disappear out of your personal lives...But, if your H doesn't know what is really going on, how is he to know or understand what you are feeling? I hate having to be so nice to his family and him and he acts like it is no big deal. So, act like it's no big deal back. Don't EVER show him or tell him what you feel inside. Put on the poker face and just go on the best you can. I wish AP were here tonight because she is the one who can help you most, guide you away from wanting to tell... Link to post Share on other sites
KATANYA Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Hi Forbidden......sorry you are struggling so badly with this but I would like to offer one thing - before you explode and 'tell' the W, why don't you think about the one person who will lose the most -YOU! MM will keep the W, the house, the kids, the life; your H will be devastated that you lied to him, you may lose him, your house, your family; the neighbors will all think YOU are to blame..........and it goes on and on! Why give him any more than he had already taken from you? Maybe, if you need to speak to someone, it should be ex MM. Normally, I know we are told that NC means NC but, if you really want to get him out of your life and start healing, why not tell him IF he steps one foot inside your yard one more time, comes over for friendly chit chat with Hubby one more time, or in general tries to play 'nice neighbor' to you one more time you will explode and W gets to hear EVERYTHING! Tell him he is getting this ONE AND ONLY warning that you don't want to see or hear from him again (not around you or H) and then you tell it like it is!! If he tries to call your bluff, tell him that you are prepared to tell both your H and his W EVERYTHING and you don't feel you have anything left to lose so he'd best be prepared! This may just be enough to make him realize you've had enough.....God knows you need a break right now! Good Luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 FF, I am really sorry for what you are going through. I can see the pain in your post! I have never seen so much anger in you...... I know everyone tells you not to tell the wife, but your right, you have to do something. If you are this distraught about it, something has to be done, you can not countinue to put your kids through this or your husband. You have done NC and he is rubbing it in your face. It is not right. IMO, I would tell him, and not in a nice way......Don't set foot on my yard, do not wave to my kids, do not talk to my husband. We are not neighbors, you do not know me! and if that doesn't make you feel better than tell the wife.....as long as you know that the drama starts all over again, that when she finds out, then your husband finds out and he will be upset. One of you will have to move, and you must totally understand that she may forgive him and countinue to be his wife in that home, and your husband my choose not to forgive...then XMM gets to watch you lose your husband, family, and home all because of him!! If you are ready to take that risk, then by all means tell her! (or you could wait till he finds the next OW and take pictures of them in suggestive positions) then it wouldn't be you in trouble, it would be him and the other girl..... Good luck to you, in what ever you choose! and if you feel like you need to just vent here and nothing more....vent away chicky! Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Holly Crap! She wrote the samething I was writing at the same time (well she beat me by like 2 sec).......Good post KATANYA, I couldn;t have said it better myself Link to post Share on other sites
hollaxatholly Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 (or you could wait till he finds the next OW and take pictures of them in suggestive positions) then it wouldn't be you in trouble, it would be him and the other girl..... I agree with that idea...or maybe, if anything, send a short letter or something, so maybe she wouldn't know it was you. I, did tell the W in my situation, and I mean, I didn't lose anything but it definitely didn't make me feel ANY better. Probably because she didn't kick him out and they are still over there playing house.....but, since these are your neighbors...that makes it much worse...I would suggest maybe moving? I haven't read your past posts and I'm not sure how much, if anything, your husband knows...but i really think the only way to completely forget about this is to move away from them. I hate that...how they can just f-ck us up and go back acting like nothing ever happened to their wife, even though I guess, we let it happen but STILL.... it's not right... Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I know I will regret, but the pain is becoming so unbearable. He has no problem talking to my husband and will probably have no problem starting the A again on the condition I would never ask him to leave his W. I can tell he wants to talk to me and I want to do is go back to the way things were before all the lies and before I knew who he really was. I still cannot get my head around who he is and I can't believe I fell for it. It was all a game of manipulation and control and now I want him to pay . I have paid enough for the both of us and he just walks away and is allowed tot alk to my H. If he comes on my property to talk to my kids or H should I tell him to get off and he is not welcome in front of my h? I hate having to be so nice to his family and him and he acts like it is no big deal. Why does your husband talk to him if he knows? I understand you are angry and yeah, he will probably just go find someone new to cheat with and (please don't bite my head off) that is what is under your skin the most. Not that his wife doesn't know, but, as you keep repeating, because he didn't leave her for you. Would you prefer both houses ripped apart just to be with him and now that you can't have that feel intent on that happening anyway? Maybe that's just my perception of what you have posted, but that would just be another selfish move on your part. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Usually I'm pro telling because whatever the intentions behind it-it serves a dual purpose of letting her (wife) know who she is really dealing with and blowing off the steam I see from your post. But being neighbors...... And you're married..... No way, it'll blow up back on you so badly. I'm confused how she doesn't know it already(wife)-that proximity is too close. Tallk to him and tell him to stay the hell away from you...but that change itself may be almost as telling as if you told, right? Maybe move, and then do it. Link to post Share on other sites
jtalia Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I am in a similar situation. My MM and I have agreed to try to be friends. It is killing me. I am trying to do the NC thing and it is hard. My MM and I are neighbors as well. If he was out of sight, maybe he would be out of mind. But the fact that I have to see him everyday about kills me. We all do stuff frequently together too so that makes it even harder. But I am trying to get over it. I know he promised you a lot of things, they always do. But he made the commitment to his W and even though he led you to believe he wanted to be with you.....she is still his W. And if he chooses her, he has that right. I don't think you should tell the W. If she finds out another way, so be it. If you tell her, you will be the bad guy and she will blame you. He has to live with the lie and he is the one that has to face her everyday. If he chooses not to tell her, I think that is his right. I would never tell my MM's W anything. I contemplated telling my H but do not want to deal with the consequences of ruining a bunch of people's lives in the process. He may appear that it doesn't bother him. Maybe it doesn't, but he is moving on. So should you. It is easier to say that then it is to do it. I know because I am desperately trying to move on. But if you let him know it bothers you, then it probably makes him happier. He knows he has that hold over you. I would just try to go on with your life. If you are wanting to make amends with your H, try to focus all your energy on that. Or move. That is what I am thinking about doing. I enjoy hanging out with my neighbors and want to continue to do so. I just hope I can too get over the feelings that I have for him. He hasn't promised me anything but I know how he feels about me. We just have to quit before it gets to where you guys ended up. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Okay I am nottrying to stir things up but I never understand (except in this case-like OP's) why you wouldn't tell-especially when you feel so angry and he is exposed as a big lying jerk and you realize it once it is over. Sounds like brainwashing to me. A kind of lingering devotion to protect him that he did not earn from you. I don't get it. Not judging, just weighing in. Link to post Share on other sites
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