Still so angry and want to tell wife!!!

[whichwayisup]

WWiu yes right now everything is still raw and you bet I am going to be angry,but I sure as hell am not going to let him see it. He said hello to me and said I guess you are still ignoring me. Well i went in and screamed , but from the outside I looked like he was not even there. You ahve know idea how hard that is because yes I still havefeelings for them. What you all don't understand is they don't just vanish .

 

Ofcourse those feelings don't vanish out of thin air, you have to be an active part in ridding of those feelings. To be honest, I'm not sure if you want those feelings to go away 100%. You give him too much power - Yeah I'm sure it did piss you off that he spoke to you, said hello then said "i guess you're still ignoring me." Maybe you need to get mean and say GO TO HELL, stop talking to me a-hole" and REALLY MEAN IT, then walk away. I don't know if telling him that will help or hinder - But if it makes you feel differently inside, DO IT. You owe him nothing and I hate to say it, but the things you focus on, that he chose his wife over you, shouldn't matter anymore. What's done is done, accept it and DO NOT ANALYZE over this anymore. It's over. The A is done done done like dinner! WHO cares now what he does with his wife, or if he speaks to another woman...Not your business. This is why I mentioned the ego thing...Sure, your heart hurts, just don't let this go into your mind deeper and let the ego hurt take over..Does this make sense to you?

 

Even though I am working on my m and am spending time with my kids and running a business. I am moving on the best way I can , but seeing him everyday and him trying to get reaction out of me requires alot of strength on my part and maybe you can't understand that, but I am doing the best I can.

 

And you've been doing great! Baby steps FF and each day this will be easier, as long as you quit with the negative thoughts. Quit thinking about the A itself, about him. You see him daily,but you really don't have to 'see' him daily. Don't pay attention to him, his comings and goings. If he is outside talking to your H, or around your kids, just take a deep breath and go inside. Call a girlfriend, catch up with her, it will help you NOT focus on what he is doing and why. Keep telling yourself, WHO CARES!!

 

Maybe I should compartmentalize like him and continue the affair he would love nothing better. I do not want to punish him now I just want him to leave me alone so I can move on and the only way I can is to pretend he is dead. I cannot smile and I cannot be nice to him. Sorry that is not who I am.

 

So, don't be nice to him. If you feel like telling him to F-OFF and leave you alone, do it and walk away! Don't stick around for his reaction - AS IT DOESN'T MATTER what he thinks or feels. Yeah I know it's not who you are, but in this situation, fact that you two had an affair, this stuff going on IS the consquence - So do your best to not let it get you down.

[forbidden fruit]

Thanks wwiu you always have a way of putting htings in perspective unlike some people I know. I truly appreciate your advice and you have a great handle on my situation. I would love tell him to f-off,but I don't believe i am strong enough to get into with him. He would see that n-supply and I would be right back where I started.

 

I do fine all day until I come and my heart sinks and he is there and I have to switch my mind to nc mode. I am doing one step at a time and I do think I have come along way. I know my best revenge is going on with my life and I am doing it the best way I know how.

 

Everyone keeps talking about my ego and maybe it is a little bruised, but mostly right now i am trying to be strong because while I don't miss him per say I miss how he made me feel at least during the good times. He knows how hard this is for me and he chooses not to make it easier because he wants what he wants. This in part is where my anger comes from. He said he loved me and would until the day he dies, but he really won't let me go completely. So I have to let go for both of us and it is all on me. Yes you say these are the consequences, but he has never had to pay for them once, only me. So yes I will take back the power and i feel like I am it is just a uphill battle with him living so close.

[Lizzie60]

It is not eating me inside because I know the lind of person he is so do me a favor and stay away from my threads. He is not moving on and that is irrevelant. This is the game he plays to try and control the situation and get back in. I think I know him better than you, He is carrying anger because he is on medication. What I don't need right now is you dime store psychology-shouldn't you be on thee prowl for your next mm. Oh and thanks for helping me I feel loads better-go to another forum-the one called haters.

 

You know the thing about these forums...you don't get to pick who can or cannot reply... This is a public board... and I will comment if I feel like it thank you very much.

 

YOu sure don't need medication to carry your anger... You know him better than I do... probably... but I do know how OW feels when they lose control ...

 

You say you have moved on... ha=hem.. I don't think so... he has.. not you.

[forbidden fruit]

wrong I can block your threads and if has moved on why can I snap my fingers and we would be right back where we were before I ended it smack back into the affair. okay maybe today I will ask hi if hewants to start the affair again and I guarantee his answer would b where do we meet. I don't think that is moving on. Obviously because it sounds like you a rather narcissitic yourself you don't understand my mm. If he were truly moving on he would not contact me or my husband.

 

He is trying to get one foot in the door and your attitude is counterproductive to what I am tring to do so just stop and find another ow to pick on or maybe better yet just look in the mirror.

[whichwayisup]

Thanks wwiu you always have a way of putting htings in perspective unlike some people I know. I truly appreciate your advice and you have a great handle on my situation. I would love tell him to f-off,but I don't believe i am strong enough to get into with him. He would see that n-supply and I would be right back where I started.

 

You're welcome.

 

The thing is, you don't get into with him. You say it (f-off, I hate you, you make me sick) then walk away. FF, you don't have to hear what he has to say afterwards. THAT is your power - Walking away and going inside after you say it. You can only control you - You can't control him, his thoughts and how he reacts/feels...

 

I do fine all day until I come and my heart sinks and he is there and I have to switch my mind to nc mode. I am doing one step at a time and I do think I have come along way. I know my best revenge is going on with my life and I am doing it the best way I know how.

 

It is, and keep on doing that. When you see him, and you feel your heart falling, TELL yourself "boy am I ever glad he isnt' in my life anymore. Yuck!!"

Once you keep saying it and seeing him in a bad light, you'll feel it.

 

Everyone keeps talking about my ego and maybe it is a little bruised, but mostly right now i am trying to be strong because while I don't miss him per say I miss how he made me feel at least during the good times.

But those feelings were based on affair/fantasy feelings. He made you feel good, but in an unhealthy way. That hole he left has to be filled with something else- A hobby, something fun and exciting. You gotta work even harder to not think about how he used to make you feel...That part is gone and never coming back unless you want the A to come back. But, you don't so again, it just doesn't matter. This is where the ego comes into play..You want him to want you, but you really don't want him - THough knowing he still 'feels' it for you could make you feel better. It's a warped way of thinking.

 

He knows how hard this is for me and he chooses not to make it easier because he wants what he wants.

 

This is out of your control. He's chosen to do it his way and maybe, just maybe, there's a possibility that he isn't doing it on purpose to piss you off, he's just going on about life for his sake, his wife and kids sake. You don't know what goes on inside his head, or behind closed doors. I'm sure he is suffering, feeling miserable, but he'll never show you this. If he did, all that does is give you power. Right? Just like you won't show him what's going on inside of you. Make sense?

 

This in part is where my anger comes from. He said he loved me and would until the day he dies, but he really won't let me go completely. So I have to let go for both of us and it is all on me. Yes you say these are the consequences, but he has never had to pay for them once, only me. So yes I will take back the power and i feel like I am it is just a uphill battle with him living so close.

 

You don't know if he has or hasn't suffered consquences...I mean, obviously there were feelings at some point and he may have meant them all at the time during the A, but long term had NO intention of leaving. He didn't want to give up his life as he knows it, he's allowed to have that. You were willing at the time to throw it all away for him, he wasn't...THAT is what you need to get over otherwise it WILL eat you up. He is in a marriage that doesn't really thrill him, but it's HIS choice, HIS life.

 

Stop making it a battle, let the ego part go and you'll feel lighter.

 

Sidenote, slightly offtopic but it has to do with letting go of ego..My mom and I used to go at it big time..She'd push my buttons, piss me off, I'd react. Later I'd get upset, cry and vent to my H. I finally learned to NOT let her have her way with me and I CHOSE not to give her power over me. She wasn't going to change her ways, so I knew I had to change MY behaviour, MY reactions around her and be the bigger/better person. It was hard as hell sometimes to sit there at family gatherings, sit there and take her crap, but i sucked it up because I CHOSE not to let her emotional baggage get me down. Because of this, she had to change her behaviour. I didn't play her game subconsciously.

Don't get me wrong, there still are times I wanna have it out with her, I now just pick my battles.

 

This guy is your neighbour so somehow life has to adjust to the point where his comings and goings have NO effect on you whatsoever. Doing yoga, really focussing on yourself, your kids, your husband, work, your extended family, friends, hobby's WILL relieve you of the exMM. Once you promise yourself (set a goal here) say by January 2008 the exMM won't bug you, MAKE it happen. You can do this, you have no choice.

[PLAYBRAT]

Hi FF.....I have read bits of this very long thread.

 

I am really just worried about you. It seems like this whole thing is just sucking the energy and life out of you....and please don't take this as a criticism.I just think holding all that anger and hurt inside is not doing anyone...ESPECIALLY you or your family any favors.

 

I heard a saying once that makes so much sense:

"Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison

and expecting the OTHER person to die"....that is what I think

is happeneing to you.

 

Please don't let this man's actions dictate your happiness.

I know it's hard to watch him go about his life...but REALLY

that is out of your control.

 

If you truly want this man to "pay" for what he did....then just

decide to be happy and forgive him. Forgiveness is for YOU..so you CAN move forward, and let this go.

 

I know he lives next door to you which makes it harder but aside from moving...you can't control outside circumstances. HE has to live with

himself and his actions. Again....thinking and wishing harm or unhappiness on others only takes energy from your OWN life. Karma has a strange way of working out on it's on..and it's a paradox...but the more you can let go...the happier you will be.

 

Maybe right now you just need a couple of weeks away from the situation. Is there a way you could stay with relatives or friends for a bit?I think once you ARE away physically from things...you will have a bit more clarity. Having it in your face everyday cannot be easy.....

 

 

I just hope you find peace and clarity.For YOURSELF.....But only you can do that. No amount of suffering on HIS part is going to make you feel better until you let this go.

 

Best wishes to you FF....

[forbidden fruit]

Thanks wwiu what you said is exactly the way I feel. You really put it into perspective and I need time to think how i want handle the whole situation, but without your input I would be lost. You are so right. It has always been my choice and I chose to end it so I need to follow through with that and focus on what it is important. I know by January I will be much urther along then I am now. Thanks

[bish]

Well I have been in NC for about a month now and I still am so angry and upset. Everytime I see him I just ignore him. However, it is taking all of my strength not to rip him a new one.

 

I am physically getting sick carrying all this anger. I am not being fair to my H because I am so irritable and when I see him with W which is everyday it is a constant reminder he picked her over me.

 

I just saw him about two hours ago and I just pretended I did not see him. I came inside and screamed. I can't seem to get passed all the lies and when I see himhe acts like no big deal. He is now searching for a new mw I just know it. He is hanging out at a place with his kids that other vulnerable married woman are at and he will feed them all the same lies he told me and will have another affair. I guess what I am upset about is that I was not even a person to him just a object to get what he wanted.

 

I feel bad for the next gal and I think his W deserves to know what a scumbag is. I now don't care aout ruining my life by telling, but I can't ruin my kids. Maybe when my kids are out of the house and my h is gone I will tell her. Karma cannot come soon enough for him.

 

I am living with my mistake,but it as if he never missed a beat. Oh affair with the neighbor -check. Water the lawn-check. I don't think Karma will ever get him!! So maybe I should intervene. I can't stand him being so smug. That is what is driving me crazy-it was all lies!!!! Lies -I love you, I want to move away with you-I will take care of you-You are my best friend- i care about you more than her. I put you ahead of everybody. I would never hurt you. I would do anything for you!!! When does all the hurt and anger go away. It seems to be getting worse for me-not better.

 

If you think you are reeling inside and angry, I can only imagine what your husband feels.

[forbidden fruit]

Have you not read any of my posts. I told my H it was an EA and he has not even told his W that not that it matters. I would most defiantely tell my H if I did not have kids involved. They do not deserve to be brought into this and if I tell my H there lives will be forever changed all for an A and guy who isn't worth the time of day not to mention ruining their lives forever. At the time of the A he told me and i believed him that we were going to be together, that he loved me and would be there for my kids. We would work out and we would tell our spouses.

 

Well when he realized the financial implications as well as the fact he is a coward and couldn't man up to my H and his W that is where the story changed. So now I am left to pick up the pieces while he runs. So I go into to Nc mode to protect myself and my family from this lying coward. At the time of the A my H and I were having problems. No having the A is not a excuse to not working on them. I was extremely vulnerable at the time and xmm knew that so he used that to his advantage to get in. He said all the right things and I truly believed him. So yes I let him in and it is 100% my fault. I am not trying to escape my punishment.

 

I just want him to leave me alone after the wake of destruction we have made and yes I am mad at him for turning the other way when the going got tough because I sure haven't. Everyone makes mistakes and I made a big one for not being mature enough to work out my problems with my H first and jumping into a A which was the easy way out. I honestly believed that my H were heading for a divorce before xmm came into the picture and things are still heading that way, because of all the guilt I feel now on top of all problems so don't think for one second I am trying to run from my punishment.

 

My h knows full well what happened, but he already told me he does not want to know and if he thinks i am ruining his family and our relationship for some a*** across the street I must be crazy. So I think he knows and is choosing to ignore it so it does not ruin his life and his kids. My h is a way bigger person than me and I thought the grass is greener on the other side, but boy could I have not been more wrong.

 

Also in case you forgot I would not go back to sleeping with my xmm if he wanted to because he still wants to and furthermore I am the one who stopped the whole A. He wanted to keep going like this indefinately. Stop making me look like I want xmm back and would be willing to sleep with him again if he snapped his fingers. I know you all have no respect for me, but give me a little credit. Get your stroy straight before you post.

[Meaplus3]

Have you not read any of my posts. I told my H it was an EA and he has not even told his W that not that it matters. I would most defiantely tell my H if I did not have kids involved. They do not deserve to be brought into this and if I tell my H there lives will be forever changed all for an A and guy who isn't worth the time of day not to mention ruining their lives forever. At the time of the A he told me and i believed him that we were going to be together, that he loved me and would be there for my kids. We would work out and we would tell our spouses.

 

Well when he realized the financial implications as well as the fact he is a coward and couldn't man up to my H and his W that is where the story changed. So now I am left to pick up the pieces while he runs. So I go into to Nc mode to protect myself and my family from this lying coward. At the time of the A my H and I were having problems. No having the A is not a excuse to not working on them. I was extremely vulnerable at the time and xmm knew that so he used that to his advantage to get in. He said all the right things and I truly believed him. So yes I let him in and it is 100% my fault. I am not trying to escape my punishment.

 

I just want him to leave me alone after the wake of destruction we have made and yes I am mad at him for turning the other way when the going got tough because I sure haven't. Everyone makes mistakes and I made a big one for not being mature enough to work out my problems with my H first and jumping into a A which was the easy way out. I honestly believed that my H were heading for a divorce before xmm came into the picture and things are still heading that way, because of all the guilt I feel now on top of all problems so don't think for one second I am trying to run from my punishment.

 

My h knows full well what happened, but he already told me he does not want to know and if he thinks i am ruining his family and our relationship for some a*** across the street I must be crazy. So I think he knows and is choosing to ignore it so it does not ruin his life and his kids. My h is a way bigger person than me and I thought the grass is greener on the other side, but boy could I have not been more wrong.

 

Also in case you forgot I would not go back to sleeping with my xmm if he wanted to because he still wants to and furthermore I am the one who stopped the whole A. He wanted to keep going like this indefinately. Stop making me look like I want xmm back and would be willing to sleep with him again if he snapped his fingers. I know you all have no respect for me, but give me a little credit. Get your stroy straight before you post.

 

I honestly believed that my H were heading for a divorce before xmm came into the picture and things are still heading that way, because of all the guilt I feel now on top of all problems so don't think for one second I am trying to run from my punishment.

 

FF, Well I have a ton of repsect for you and you should know that by now. Your a strong person and you have been very tough while faced with a major nightmare!

 

Have you considered MC? I ask you this because you mentioned you might be heading for a divorce. I started MC with my H and it's going well. It did not at first but the more we put an effort toward's the marriage, by expressing our need's in front of the counselor, the better we are able to communicate. I like you, was ready to give up, but I choose not to and I'm very glad for that. Just something for you to consider.

 

AP:)

[Cobra_X30]

Have you not read any of my posts. I told my H it was an EA and he has not even told his W that not that it matters. I would most defiantely tell my H if I did not have kids involved. They do not deserve to be brought into this and if I tell my H there lives will be forever changed all for an A and guy who isn't worth the time of day not to mention ruining their lives forever.

 

I think that this lie is going to cost you in the end! You may want to put some thought into bieng 100% truthful. Hiding behind your children is not an answer. If it comes to divorce... and that may happen anyway, at least you will have the future option of showing them a relationship that works with someone else!

 

You need to understand that children are like emotional sponges! You are right now teaching them how they will deal with relationships in the future! Please consider what are you teaching them now?

 

Believe me I was one of those kids once!

 

I am not trying to escape my punishment.

 

I think the truth will set you free. It will at least allow you to grapple with your guilt in the open. Now its a festering wound, its eating you alive and driving your anger. Your whole family will suffer with you... and it will heal much quicker when things are out in the open. You do want this to heal right?

 

 

My h knows full well what happened, but he already told me he does not want to know and if he thinks i am ruining his family and our relationship for some a*** across the street I must be crazy. So I think he knows and is choosing to ignore it so it does not ruin his life and his kids.

 

No, your husband doesnt know! Thats a blatant cop-out. Your assuming that your husband knows that your lieng and just is uninterested in the truth. I don't believe that. It sounds far too much like a rationalization.

 

The truth is that he believes your lie because he wants to trust you! The longer you abuse that trust, the more likely you are to lose it forever!

 

Also in case you forgot I would not go back to sleeping with my xmm if he wanted to because he still wants to and furthermore I am the one who stopped the whole A.

 

The part that matters is the fact that you are still completely obsessed with this OM! When you dont think about him anymore.... when he means nothing to you... Then the A is over!

 

How do you plan to fix your M? Thats the question you need to be answering right now!

[JamesM]

I think that this lie is going to cost you in the end! You may want to put some thought into bieng 100% truthful. Hiding behind your children is not an answer. If it comes to divorce... and that may happen anyway, at least you will have the future option of showing them a relationship that works with someone else!

 

You need to understand that children are like emotional sponges! You are right now teaching them how they will deal with relationships in the future! Please consider what are you teaching them now?

 

 

No, your husband doesnt know! Thats a blatant cop-out. Your assuming that your husband knows that your lieng and just is uninterested in the truth. I don't believe that. It sounds far too much like a rationalization.

 

The truth is that he believes your lie because he wants to trust you! The longer you abuse that trust, the more likely you are to lose it forever!

 

 

 

How do you plan to fix your M? Thats the question you need to be answering right now!

 

 

I agree with the first part. As long as you keep living a lie, then this affair will keep eating you up inside with anger.

 

Unlike Cobra, I do think your husband knows more than he is letting on, but he may want to live in ignorance rather than break up his "happy" home. It is his way of living in denial. But it is a short term fix and will ultimately cause the ruin of your marriage somehow or another. I am guessing that your husband does love you more than he is letting on. He WANTS to believe you, although inside he has considerable doubts.

 

And the question is a good one...what will YOU do to fix or break your marriage? All of this anger and indecision is ruining your life.

[bish]

Have you not read any of my posts. I told my H it was an EA and he has not even told his W that not that it matters.

 

It was an emotional affair? Hmmmm....either 2 things are true, you can tell us which one it is...either:

 

1) it was an emotional affair....hence, nothing really happened between the two of you and you are making mountains out of molehills.

 

or

 

2) you lied and it was more than an emotional affair and you lied to your husband about the nature of the "affair".

 

Either way, you are sooooo pissed off at this other man when it should be your husband that is pissed off at you...BIG TIME.

 

 

I would most defiantely tell my H if I did not have kids involved.

 

Huh?....ok...I'm confused...i thought you just told us above that you DID tell your husband it was an EA? Or was it a physical affair and you just lied to him about the nature of it?

 

They do not deserve to be brought into this and if I tell my H there lives will be forever changed all for an A and guy who isn't worth the time of day not to mention ruining their lives forever. At the time of the A he told me and i believed him that we were going to be together

 

 

so basically you were willing to ruin your kids lives for another man...but now that the other man has moved on....NOW its different eh?

 

I have learned from my cheating ex wife that it isn't worth staying in no matter what....the kids will see the disconnect between their parents.

 

and you are a cheater, your husband now knows this....its going to be a living hell for him whether he decides to keep you or not.

 

but again, you say you didn't tell him, then you say you did....which is it??

 

 

, that he loved me and would be there for my kids. We would work out and we would tell our spouses.

 

So don't change the plan...tell your husband...oh wait...forgot...you don't have the other man to fall back on now.

 

Your husband deserves to know the truth.

 

 

Well when he realized the financial implications as well as the fact he is a coward and couldn't man up to my H and his W that is where the story changed. So now I am left to pick up the pieces while he runs.

 

Is that what you are worried about? How about being faithful to your GOD DAMN HUSBAND??

 

 

So I go into to Nc mode to protect myself and my family from this lying coward.

 

 

You didn't think enough about your family and kids to cheat on your husband in the first place. when you cheat on your spouse, you cheat on your kids.

 

 

At the time of the A my H and I were having problems. No having the A is not a excuse to not working on them. I was extremely vulnerable at the time and xmm knew that so he used that to his advantage to get in.

 

Oh here we go again with the "I was vulnerable" crap.

 

 

He said all the right things and I truly believed him. So yes I let him in and it is 100% my fault. I am not trying to escape my punishment.

 

Yes you are...you are not coming clean with your husband. So yes..you are trying to escape punishment...or better way to say it, you are trying to escape paying consequences for your actions and giving your husband a choice in the matter.

 

I just want him to leave me alone after the wake of destruction we have made and yes I am mad at him for turning the other way when the going got tough because I sure haven't. Everyone makes mistakes and I made a big one for not being mature enough to work out my problems with my H first and jumping into a A which was the easy way out.

 

Cheating is not a mistake. You cheated because you wanted to...not because some magical force made you do it or that you tripped on the sidewalk and fell into his arms.

 

You did it because you wanted to do it....it wasn't a mistake.

 

 

I honestly believed that my H were heading for a divorce before xmm came into the picture

 

 

If that were true, then what difference does not having this other man around make? You say you don't want to tell your H because of destroying the kids lives...you just now said yourself that you thought you were headed for divorce. So looks like you thought it was gonna happen anyway...so what the hell, why not start up an affair with the neighbor woman's husband.

 

 

and things are still heading that way, because of all the guilt I feel now on top of all problems so don't think for one second I am trying to run from my punishment.

 

Again...you are because you already told us that you don't want to tell your husband out of fear of destroying your kid's lives....well you didn't think about their lives when hooking up with another man. That and you betrayed their father, a man they love dearly. how do you think your kids will perceive you later on in life if they find out you betrayed their father?

 

A friend of mine disowned and won't speak to his mother to this day because she cheated on his father.

 

 

My h knows full well what happened

 

????? Ok...first you say you told him...then you say you can't tell him because of the kids, now you say he knows full well what happened....MAKE UP YOUR FRIGGIN' MIND which story you want to tell us.

 

 

but he already told me he does not want to know and if he thinks i am ruining his family and our relationship for some a*** across the street I must be crazy. So I think he knows and is choosing to ignore it so it does not ruin his life and his kids. My h is a way bigger person than me and I thought the grass is greener on the other side, but boy could I have not been more wrong.

 

Regardless...your husband now is exiled to a life of thinking about what you did to him whether he decides to stay married to you or not. Hell..he may even go out and get some on the side now because he won't be able to shake the images of you betraying him with another man...and a man he knows!!

 

 

Also in case you forgot I would not go back to sleeping with my xmm if he wanted to because he still wants to and furthermore I am the one who stopped the whole A.

 

HUH?...ok...I'm starting to smell some bull here. You said it was your xMM that turned his back on you..hence HE ended the affair.

 

Which version of the story are you really wanting to tell in this forum?

 

He wanted to keep going like this indefinately. Stop making me look like I want xmm back and would be willing to sleep with him again if he snapped his fingers. I know you all have no respect for me, but give me a little credit. Get your stroy straight before you post.

 

Uh no...your story flip flops every time you post...maybe you need to figure out which story you want to tell before you post.

 

It is you that isn't getting your story straight here....as I have proven above.

[nadiaj2727]

Hi FF, I know you hate xMM and you are very angry with him. But you just have to let that go. I hope you can find a way to put this in your past and move forward into a better life for yourself and your family. Every time you see him, just tell yourself "I am better than him, and I don't deserve him." It's not worth it to be angry at him and everyone else. My advice is to just concentrate on working on your M and your children. I don't think the question here is whether to tell xMM's W... leave that to him to decide, and realize that he is not a good person so he probably won't make the right choice about that decision or anything.

 

But the choice of whether to tell your husband is yours and yours alone. Only you know if it will help or hurt the situation. In my opinion, you need to try to leave xMM in the past and start a better future with your family -- seriously ask yourself if telling your H will help or hurt that goal, and then either do it or don't, depending on what you decide. But holding onto anger and resentment at xMM will just hinder your efforts at rebuilding what you had with your H and family. Best wishes.

[forbidden fruit]

Wrong!!!! Read all my post or ask wwiu and you will get the correct story. Sorry your wife cheated on you, but do not pretend to know me.

[eastcoastMan]

M is definitely trying to manipulate you through contact with your H and contact with your kids and having the luxury of entering your home under the guise of friendly neighbor. He's winking at you in his mind. The fact that he "had you" is an ego boost. His chest is puffed out and he is alpha male of the neighborhood.

 

Do you LOVE your H and do you want to stay in your marriage? If so then you must be honest with your H and tell him about the affair. A huge weight will be lifted from your shoulders. If your relationship is strong you BOTH can go to the M and tell him the secret is over. The M will have no leverage. No fuel. His ego will be deflated. The "secret" could be left with just YOU, your H and the M. But more importantly you will have regained your power and control.

 

 

After all is said and done, show affection toward your H in front of M. Dress sexy for H and bring back your confidence. Be empowered knowing you’ve won and are now finally holding the strings to your own happiness!

[Cobra_X30]

Wrong!!!! Read all my post or ask wwiu and you will get the correct story. Sorry your wife cheated on you, but do not pretend to know me.

 

Are you addressing this to me? Because I dont think I am wrong. In fact I may be deadly right.

 

Ignore it if you wish. Too bad its not just your life you ruin!

[White Flower]

M is definitely trying to manipulate you through contact with your H and contact with your kids and having the luxury of entering your home under the guise of friendly neighbor. He's winking at you in his mind. The fact that he "had you" is an ego boost. His chest is puffed out and he is alpha male of the neighborhood.

 

Do you LOVE your H and do you want to stay in your marriage? If so then you must be honest with your H and tell him about the affair. A huge weight will be lifted from your shoulders. If your relationship is strong you BOTH can go to the M and tell him the secret is over. The M will have no leverage. No fuel. His ego will be deflated. The "secret" could be left with just YOU, your H and the M. But more importantly you will have regained your power and control.

 

 

After all is said and done, show affection toward your H in front of M. Dress sexy for H and bring back your confidence. Be empowered knowing you’ve won and are now finally holding the strings to your own happiness!

This is an excellent and unbiased post. Good job.

[forbidden fruit]

Are you addressing this to me? Because I dont think I am wrong. In fact I may be deadly right.

 

Ignore it if you wish. Too bad its not just your life you ruin!

 

No I amreferring to bentnotbroken

[forbidden fruit]

M is definitely trying to manipulate you through contact with your H and contact with your kids and having the luxury of entering your home under the guise of friendly neighbor. He's winking at you in his mind. The fact that he "had you" is an ego boost. His chest is puffed out and he is alpha male of the neighborhood.

 

Do you LOVE your H and do you want to stay in your marriage? If so then you must be honest with your H and tell him about the affair. A huge weight will be lifted from your shoulders. If your relationship is strong you BOTH can go to the M and tell him the secret is over. The M will have no leverage. No fuel. His ego will be deflated. The "secret" could be left with just YOU, your H and the M. But more importantly you will have regained your power and control.

 

Is it a honest post. However, when and if my H finds trust me he will probably being going to jail for beating the xmm within a inch of his life. Byt that time xmm wife will know. So it won't be just a secret between all of us. I am not so worried about xmm ego when my husband gets to him, it is his life. They will get into the biggest brawl you have ever seen in front of the kids. It will be total chaos and drama.

 

Even though my H is a rational man he will definately lose it. Especially when he sees that the xmm has been coming around and basically rubbing it in his face that he had me and he had no clue. My h won't hit me , but you can bet I will never see my kids again and he won't ever speak to me again. Are those the consequences you are talking about?

[forbidden fruit]

It sounds like you are partial to the xmm and believe he has done nothing wrong and this is all my doing. I want the same punishment for him that I would want for myself not more or less. Unfortunately if I tell my H and his W finds out she will take him back because I think he has done this before and she has taken him back. He has robbed her of any self -esteem so she thinks she cannot be on her own. As for me my H will make sure I nevr see my kids again and hate me for the rest of his life . I know that is what I deserve, but does everyone have to suffer my mistake?

[Sup]

I know that is what I deserve, but does everyone have to suffer my mistake?

 

YES! You already made that decision for your family when you banged the OM! By the way, having an affair with the neighbor wasn't a mistake, it was intensional! A person can't trip, fall and accidently have sex with someone else! All the bad stuff that can/will happen, is all on your shoulders, not your husbands, because you caused it all to happen! Quit trying to blame other people for your own actions, and ma- er, rather woman up, and take the responsibility and the consequences of your actions! If you lose your children, you lose them. You made that choice when you slept with OM! Your family is going to suffer reguardless of how long you're able to keep this facade going, you're just delaying the enevidable.

 

You need to reread your posts lady, and see how selfish you're being to everyone! Forget OM, you can't control him, you can only control yourself. And YES lady, you are obsessed with this OM, someone else on here has already stated that.

 

Quit trying to come on here expecting people to tell that it's ok to not tell your husband about your A, because they're not, on the exception of any fellow cheaters. You need to start acting like a woman, and not like a spoiled brat little child who can't have her way! But, I don't see that ever happening, you don't have what it takes to be a real woman!

 

Harsh, yes, but like you, I don't care! You could block me all you want, but, I'm not the only one here who thinks and feels like this, (I've seen many others)before long, you would have blocked anyone and everyone who thinks like this. By then, you'll be typing to no one, at least no one who can reply. GROW UP!!!!!!

[Cobra_X30]

I want the same punishment for him that I would want for myself not more or less. Unfortunately if I tell my H and his W finds out she will take him back because I think he has done this before and she has taken him back. He has robbed her of any self -esteem so she thinks she cannot be on her own. As for me my H will make sure I nevr see my kids again and hate me for the rest of his life . I know that is what I deserve, but does everyone have to suffer my mistake?

 

Hmm... How many times has your H been to jail for assualt?

 

Is he really that violent of a person?

[Meaplus3]

M is definitely trying to manipulate you through contact with your H and contact with your kids and having the luxury of entering your home under the guise of friendly neighbor. He's winking at you in his mind. The fact that he "had you" is an ego boost. His chest is puffed out and he is alpha male of the neighborhood.

 

Do you LOVE your H and do you want to stay in your marriage? If so then you must be honest with your H and tell him about the affair. A huge weight will be lifted from your shoulders. If your relationship is strong you BOTH can go to the M and tell him the secret is over. The M will have no leverage. No fuel. His ego will be deflated. The "secret" could be left with just YOU, your H and the M. But more importantly you will have regained your power and control.

 

Is it a honest post. However, when and if my H finds trust me he will probably being going to jail for beating the xmm within a inch of his life. Byt that time xmm wife will know. So it won't be just a secret between all of us. I am not so worried about xmm ego when my husband gets to him, it is his life. They will get into the biggest brawl you have ever seen in front of the kids. It will be total chaos and drama.

 

Even though my H is a rational man he will definately lose it. Especially when he sees that the xmm has been coming around and basically rubbing it in his face that he had me and he had no clue. My h won't hit me , but you can bet I will never see my kids again and he won't ever speak to me again. Are those the consequences you are talking about?

 

FF, Ok so it's out of fear of what your H might do to mm that makes you refrain from telling. I will buy that, because your right he might not react well and someone could get physically hurt! So since you know him and we all don't telling is not an option right? I guess the only way for you to stop your Obsession with this mm is to MOVE out of your house "out of sight out of mind!" I said before not to do that, however I just don't see any other choices. Your not willing to try MC, Therapy or anything. I' am very confused as to what you really want here FF. Sorry it's tough love my friend, please take it that way!!!

 

AP:)

[White Flower]

But holding onto anger and resentment at xMM will just hinder your efforts at rebuilding what you had with your H and family. Best wishes.

I like what Nadia says above. FF, let go of your anger for YOU. Do it for yourself. It is the onlly way you can start to rebuild yourself and to get over him. It is our anger that sometimes feeds the passion, whatever that passion is. I am using my anger to end my R with MM. Once it is final, I know I will move into sadness, and then healing. It seems you are stuck in the anger. I'm praying for the next phase in your healing, hon.