PinkWall Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I am not sure what i am looking for but I have joined this forum so i guess there is something that i am missing and i hope to find an answer for it here. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 And what might you be missing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkWall Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 thats the whole point I dont know what I want now. just turned 40 recently married 15 years 3 amazing girls but i guess I am looking for something a little different and exciting. Life work the mortgage the lawn the dog the new sofa its just all the same. I don't think the marriage thing has run its course, think about it when people got married thousands of years ago they expected to live to be 35-45 old. For them till death due you apart was just around the corner. Now if we are lucky enought to live to be 80,90,100 we can look forward to be with our husband/wife for over 50 years and that is too long. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 So get divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkWall Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 So get divorced. okkkkkk that is great advice. this place looks promising. great advice thank you i will call a lawyer as soon as get off the net Link to post Share on other sites
josh1993 Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 WTF i came he though som1 was justing hi but OMG think about it dont do it think of the kids my parnet went though a divorrced it F*CKED me up bad it took me years to learn that is was't my flaut and that these thing happen i was 2 when it happened im 14 now and i still have days where i want to die cuz of that stay for your kids also all couples have those days and weeks where every thing seems bland so spice it up let a friend watch your kids more and turn up the heat with your wife or cheat on her which ever just dont get a divorced cuz it can F*CK up kids bad dosent matter what age Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 thats the whole point I dont know what I want now. just turned 40 recently married 15 years 3 amazing girls but i guess I am looking for something a little different and exciting. Life work the mortgage the lawn the dog the new sofa its just all the same. Sounds like midlife crisis to me. Been there, done that... Now the question is what are you going to do about it? Divorce isn't necessarily the answer. Tho' I ended up leaving a marriage after 23 years. What you need to look for are the intangible things that make your spirit soar and your heart sing. More time to pursue new interests, a better golf game (lessons and practice, not equipment), volunteer work.. stuff you can't just go out and purchase... Just a few rambling early morning thoughts... Link to post Share on other sites
Pirouette Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 Now if we are lucky enought to live to be 80,90,100 we can look forward to be with our husband/wife for over 50 years and that is too long. I think that's the part he/she was commenting on with his/her divorce comment. He/she was being facetious. You're quite deep in the forest if you can't see that. And I know that this is an anonymous forum, but imagine how your wife would feel if she had heard you say that 50 years with her was too long. People often use this opportunity to run the mouth, but words and thoughts exist beyond the instance when they are spoken and they do have an affect on you. Consider why you think it's ok to say this about your wife. If you can have 50 years with a single person, you're the lucky one. It's rare because it's hard and not everyone can do it. You've lost your passion for life. A mid-life crisis as someone else pointed out. You seem to have a lot of material things, and have lost sight of the joy in intangible things like family and the bond with your spouse. It's probably also a fairly selfish stage, because all you can think of is your own discontent and not how it affects the people around you. Conversely, you have to work on yourself before you can begin to care for others deeply again. I hope you can find your happiness again without burning any bridges. Link to post Share on other sites
HarakIgia Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 Piroutte, I love everything you said. I agree with you. I'm the W and unfortunately have actually been on the receiving end of those type of comments. I've listened to how our life expectancy is now longer then it used to be and how now we should be in open marriages. I've listened to the man I've loved for the last 22yrs. tell me he loves me but that he's not being true to himself by not exploring his sexuality with other females. It hurts. I'm not sure if this is a midlife crisis. But, really there's so many other things we could be concentrating on like our two beautiful amazing kids that we brought into this world. I feel like the loving man I once shared my life died 9yrs ago when his mom died of cancer. Perhaps he feels life is passing him by and he didn't get to play. I don't know but, it makes me so sad. That we can't seem to focus on what's truly important in life. If you're lucky enough to have someone by your side that loves you. Love them, honor them. I'm with you Josh too. What will this do to our children? I'm sorry that happened to you. But, Josh I also don't want to give my kids the example of being disrepectful. I don't want them to learn to be selfish and too look out for only themselves. I want them to know that sometimes you do things because it brings joy to someone else. My H is only thinking of himself. To the PinkWall please get some help before doing something drastic. Think of your words before telling your spouse that you are unhappy and the thought of being together forever is making you feel sad/trapped. Take time to learn honestly what's happening with you? Perhaps a new interest, learning a new skill. Thinking of someone else other than yourself. I don't know really. I think it's such an individual journey. But, as someone who just asked her H to leave last Sunday. Don't do it. Please think of your kids and get some help for yourself and possibly together too. Unless there is abuse or something else happening that you haven't mentioned. Look within before putting it onto your spouse and kiddos. I'm hurting so much and really you could have been him posting all this. Although he would be saying something like we weren't meant to be in long term relationships and that science tells us that it's not natural. The thing is we're amazing and we have choices to make. We don't need to let others tell us how to feel or how to behave. It's all a choice at the end of the day. He made his choice to be the New Him = flirting, dipping in and out of relationships after 14yrs. of marriage and 2 kids. He would have never left he just wanted me to accept him. I tried it has been a long 9yrs. of trying to accept my disresptful flirtatious H. I just couldn't keep it up. So, please think about what's missing from your life. Sorry, to go on and on. I'm just having a rough day and this makes me so sad. I just think of my kids. And reading the boards makes me realize my kids are not unique there are so many going through this. I hate hurting them. I hate to think of all the kids out there crying that mom and dad are no longer together. I'm not advocating to stay together just for the kids. But, I am for turning every stone over before throwing in the towel. Link to post Share on other sites
Pirouette Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 Oh HarakIgia, I just read your post and your other thread, and my heart broke. The thing about a selfish person, to recognize their own selfishness is an act of supreme unselfishness. And thus very difficult to do. I'm in my twenties and in my second ever relationship. No children or marriage, and my secret fear is that if this is "the one" that one day he'll turn around and bemoan lost chances with other women. But I can't predict or control the future. I can only trust him and hope for the best. Not having the years or the experience that others do, I speak to you from a different point in life and hope I can offer you some helpful words. I am at a point where I am my most idealistic and that is something, after the years of life and hardship that may come, I want to never lose. I still wake up and feel like I have the rest of my life in front of me, I still want to do the best I can for the people I care about, and I still expect the best from them in return. I have my own ideas of right and wrong, and I know what I can and cannot accept from the people I love. I know that I need my life partner to feel the same (and at this point he does) and I know that if he didn't I would kick him to the curb and not look back. Easier said than done I know, but if I had children I would want to teach them the same. Be true to yourself. Hold onto your ideals. Know that you are good and strong enough in and of yourself. You cannot control people but you can control yourself. In the end, you have to live with you and the things you have done and allowed to be done to you beyond a reasonable point. If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what legacy would you leave behind and are things acceptable to you as they stand? If you had only one more day, would you change anything? Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
HarakIgia Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 Thank you so much Pirouette:) I wish you only the best. My H is my one an only relationship. I'm 38 now, we met in high school and married once I had graduated college. I too would like to believe in people and that there is good out there. But, really right now my focus like you offered is to be true to myself and the values we had once shared. I'm sitting on the couch whispering sweet "I love you's" to my 3yr. old lil girl. I would not want her to be in the relationship I just experienced these last 9yrs. Yet, the beginning was wonderful and loving. I really do believe he's lost at the moment and going through his own changes. I need to allow him his time and see if perhaps in the future our paths may be on the same road again. Don't lose yourself and your identity. I think for a while there I wanted to be loved so much that I acccepted things I would have never been OK with. You sound level headed Enjoy yourself and take your time to know who you are before commiting to forever. I'm still that girl...it's just that my guy has evolved into someone else. Thank you so much:) Link to post Share on other sites
EricOnTheWeb Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 So get divorced. That was stupid... You'll get that on forums, PinkWall.. disreguard it. Welcome to LoveShack, I'm Eric, and we all go through times when things seem ordinary, and boring. I'm there now, just as you are. I hope you find that something to make yourself feel whole again, and try discussing these feelings with your partner. Link to post Share on other sites
josh1993 Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 if you are going to get a divorced you need to sit down with your kids and tell them that this stuff happens and all that jazz my parnets fought all the time and they fought over me telling me things about the other thats was bad so i would live with them and not the other thats is what messed me up but if you sit down with them and tell them in a nice kid version then it will be alright Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 That was stupid... You'll get that on forums, PinkWall.. disreguard it. Welcome to LoveShack, I'm Eric, and we all go through times when things seem ordinary, and boring. I'm there now, just as you are. I hope you find that something to make yourself feel whole again, and try discussing these feelings with your partner.No, what he said was shallow and cold. It's probably not going to happen, but I would be the proudest man in the world to celebrate a 50th anniversary with my wife. If he really doesn't feel that way about his, he should let her find someone who does. *shrug* Link to post Share on other sites
EricOnTheWeb Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 No, what he said was shallow and cold. It's probably not going to happen, but I would be the proudest man in the world to celebrate a 50th anniversary with my wife. If he really doesn't feel that way about his, he should let her find someone who does. *shrug* I agree with the others about him going through a mid life, he just feels ordinary and that Things just got boring. He needs to find something to put back the excitement and adventure of life. I suggested he tell his wife how he feels, and then they could work on it. Maybe she feels the same.. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Wait a minute this is a man? I thought this was a woman who started the thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Hi! I'm new too and wondering about a lot of things! Oh yes, is he a man? Would a man use a name such as 'PinkWall'? Just wondering too... Link to post Share on other sites
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