Should I be ashamed?

[HokeyReligions]

There are some good responses - I think the majority of people will agree that no one church is the ONLY church. People shop around for churches all the time. Especially as people move around the country/world.

 

I used to think that all Catholic churches were the same too because they have a more structured worship and teaching - but that is not so.

 

In church you are dealing with people and they can be a hindrence or a help on your way to God - no matter what doctrine or belief.

 

Have you talked to the pastor of your mother's church? Perhaps asking for a meeting with him directly would be more helpful for you. Explain a bit of what you have said here and without your mother's influence you may be able to get some guidance on finding and following the path God has for you - not necessarily the church's structure. A good pastor will want 'his flock' to find God even if it means they move to another building and another clergy's leadership.

 

We went to some churches that claim to be the same doctrine that we are used to; however, the teaching methods are geared more for younger people and even though the message is the same, we don't connect - it's not fulfilling for us. We want the old 1940's feeling. The reason so many churches gear their activities and teaching and preaching for the younger people is because they don't get out of it what they feel they should because it's too old-fashioned. That scares a lot of people - especially older adults.

 

You will probably never get your mother to agree with you and may not be able to get her support - at least not quickly. Hopefully, she will eventually come around and be glad that you are still a believer and still worshipping. Reassuring her that you are not leaving God, just a building, may help. Talk to the pastor about that too - he may have dealt with these issues before and be able to comfort both you and your parents.

[D-Lish]

Why should you feel ashamed for taking a break from Sunday services so you can enrich your life with education that will shape your future?

 

I am appalled by the shunning behaviour you have described in your post.

 

A church is just a building...it's a structure where people meet to socialize and discuss common beliefs. Jesus was a nomad, a wanderer...he had no designated structure or meeting place. According to the Bible, he travelled about discussing his beliefs and spreading his teachings in the open world. Think about that. Jesus was never associated with a building, temple, structure.... He was about following what he deemed "living the good life". How have you strayed from this? You haven't.

 

Taking some time to better yourself should not make you feel guilty. It is not you that should feel shame. Shame on those who punish you for pursuing important goals that will enrich your life.

 

I left the church at a very young age because I witnessed such flagrant hypocrisy regarding words vs. actions.

 

Gathering in a bulding every Sunday does not define your spirituality.

[JamesM]

I have to say that disgracian's answers are exactly (almost) what I would say. He gave the answers that I think can help you.

 

I think the key is the last answer D gave. Have you prayed to God for answers? Personally, I think this is where you should be seeking your answers...not here, not at your church or anywhere else. If you truly seek Him, He will answer.

[Lovelybird]

I had met some church folks who are cold and critical (maybe they had a bad day, maybe they are suffering themselves), but heck, sometimes I found myself very critical as well although I am trying not to. I can never let a person's mistakes or bad attitude influence MY relationship with Lord, personally I cannot understand why people could abandon their relationship with Lord just because of actions of human who have sinful nature. the relationship with Lord is the most wonderful thing in the world, he guides, he teaches wisdom in life, he warns, and comforts, he gives peace and rejoice. UNLESS those people didn't have that relationship with Lord in the very first place, didn't know how wonderful that is.

 

but most of time, church folks are much nicer and warmer than outside in my experience. maybe I went to a right church;). I was attracted to their humbleness, warmness, peaceful nature and quiet spirit when I was a nonbeliever.

 

The most important thing is that having a real relationship with Lord, get to know him

[andysw]

Forgive me for saying this but if life's about having a relationship with the Lord and nothing else then what's the point of going to "church" if it's not as important?

 

JamesM, I've prayed every night by learning the words from Matthew 6:9-13. I haven't prayed since the night before my mom told me to attend church. I got upset and confused which was why I haven't been praying.

[JamesM]

Forgive me for saying this but if life's about having a relationship with the Lord and nothing else then what's the point of going to "church" if it's not as important?

 

JamesM, I've prayed every night by learning the words from Matthew 6:9-13. I haven't prayed since the night before my mom told me to attend church. I got upset and confused which was why I haven't been praying.

 

Read the link and see some possible reasons for attending church.

http://www.victorious.org/whygo.htm

 

The question IMO is not why but where that is confusing to you.

[andysw]

"To reject church attendance, is a rejection of one of the sacred duties of the believer. “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin” (James 4:17)"?

 

Did I seem like that I've rejected church attendance?

[JamesM]

"To reject church attendance, is a rejection of one of the sacred duties of the believer. “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin” (James 4:17)"?

 

Did I seem like that I've rejected church attendance?

 

No, it seems like you are trying to make a decision regarding why you should attend and also where you should attend, IMO.

 

And that verse applies to a lot more in life than just church attendance.

[ABrokenWing]

Are you a christian? And do you go to a church?

 

yes, and when I go to church, usually it's a Catholic Church, though I have been to others.

[Lovelybird]

Forgive me for saying this but if life's about having a relationship with the Lord and nothing else then what's the point of going to "church" if it's not as important?

 

JamesM, I've prayed every night by learning the words from Matthew 6:9-13. I haven't prayed since the night before my mom told me to attend church. I got upset and confused which was why I haven't been praying.

No, that's not what I meant. It is about focus. Do you focus on relationship with Lord? or do you focus on relationship with others? Yes, both are important, but if we put the second before the first, it is out of balance. The first relationship always should be the first, then other relationships will fall into places

 

Going to church is important. It is like a school. in school there are bullies. do you stop going to school because of several bullies? No, you are going to school for learning. and fear of bullies probably lead you to dislike the school, but the more you shun, the more fear of bullies grows, the more dislike for school grows, if you stop going to school, you stop learning and learning is the very first purpose you go to school.

 

I guess probably you imaged that you are excluded by them, imaged you are an outsider to them. I remembered that kind of feeling, maybe it is a young thing, maybe you can switch focus "how other people think of me" to others things and what you can do to meet other's needs?

 

I guess going to church is like going to school, it is a issue we have to face and deal with. IMO where is human, where is trouble but Lord is the focus and reason we going to church, and fellowship with others follows it.

 

The more trouble we face, the more we should pray to God, ask him for solutions, and communicate with God. when we face uncomfortable situation it is time to grow, and time God stretches your ability

[andysw]

No, that's not what I meant. It is about focus. Do you focus on relationship with Lord? or do you focus on relationship with others? Yes, both are important, but if we put the second before the first, it is out of balance. The first relationship always should be the first, then other relationships will fall into places

 

Going to church is important. It is like a school. in school there are bullies. do you stop going to school because of several bullies? No, you are going to school for learning. and fear of bullies probably lead you to dislike the school, but the more you shun, the more fear of bullies grows, the more dislike for school grows, if you stop going to school, you stop learning and learning is the very first purpose you go to school.

 

I guess probably you imaged that you are excluded by them, imaged you are an outsider to them. I remembered that kind of feeling, maybe it is a young thing, maybe you can switch focus "how other people think of me" to others things and what you can do to meet other's needs?

 

I guess going to church is like going to school, it is a issue we have to face and deal with. IMO where is human, where is trouble but Lord is the focus and reason we going to church, and fellowship with others follows it.

 

The more trouble we face, the more we should pray to God, ask him for solutions, and communicate with God. when we face uncomfortable situation it is time to grow, and time God stretches your ability

 

How exactly did you mean by focusing on the relationshhip?

[Lovelybird]

How exactly did you mean by focusing on the relationshhip?

Like pray to Him and listen what he talks, like read Bible more, the Bible is also one of way of communication with Lord; and meditate what he said what the Bible says. Through time the relationship with Lord will get stronger. and nothing should stop you from praying and talking and listening to him. Whole day long he is trying to communicate with us, give us excellent ideas.

 

In a word, if God is centre of our lives, and all other things would fall into places. the more you are confident about relationship with Lord, the less you worry about other's attitude towards you, it is kind of freedom

 

The sooner you focus on Lord and outside world and try to meet other's need in a way you feel comfortable, the quicker you will jump out self consciousness. Now you become 'reach out to those who need help' instead of waiting others to meet yours; maybe they are waiting you to say hi first, maybe they are shy people

Edited January 11, 2008 by Lovelybird

[D-Lish]

"To reject church attendance, is a rejection of one of the sacred duties of the believer. “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin” (James 4:17)"?

 

 

Was Jesus not a nomad? A prophet that enjoyed taking his teachings on the road? Was he associated with a building?

 

He never stood at a pulpit- he wandered...Nomadic.

 

How is walking the open road, yet following your teachings a terrible thing?

I don't get it.

[andysw]

Just now after dinner my mom told me that I "have to go back to church". She's at it again! I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

[andysw]

Just now after dinner my mom told me that I "have to go back to church". She's at it again! I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

 

She even told me that I "mustn't listen to my evil heart". I couldn't believe of the words that she spoke and how unfair they were. I felt as if my emotions were about to explode in anger. But I restrained it.

 

I might have to do my own agreement form with my mom's signature agreeing that I won't have to go back to my mom's church if I don't want to.

Edited January 11, 2008 by andysw

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I don't mean to be so blunt......but yes.

 

You should be ashamed of yourself.

 

Going to Church to be noticed or to get attention shouldn't be your motivation at all.

 

In fact, that should be the furthest from you mind, and from you heart.

 

You should be there first and foremost to worship, and to grow in God's word.

 

That takes involvement on your part. In return, you will be welcomed, and you will get attention.....

 

no, you should not be ashamed. people who ignore the real meaning of the message in your post, and say things like this just to judge you and feel superior, and who act like your 'fellow' church members did toward you are the ones who should be ashamed.

 

i think most of us get that you weren't going for the attention, but because you wanted to go again in light of having missed some sessions and felt it would be good for you. despite your good effort, you were treated badly by people who should know better, and should be 'spreading god's good nature' or whatever it is they do. i loathe hypocrites, which is why i am not religious, but i applaud your effort for trying, as they should have.

Edited January 11, 2008 by KenzieAbsolutely

[andysw]

Since the beginning of september I started college and I thought I needed more time with my college work, which was why I began to miss church services to do my work to for achieving the highest grade I could get.

 

It's been two months now and just last sunday I went back to church with my parents. When I went in, I was never noticed or whether I was welcomed, and the people I knew for a long time neglected me, as if they didn't acknowledge my existance.

 

At the end of church service, every one just ignored me, and I was quiet all the way through until I left the building. It was the first time that I felt bad about this since my last couple of visits during summer.

 

So, should I be ashamed about this?

 

This may not seem like a clear and vague statement, but I just wanted to go straight to the point. So, if you want more background information feel free to ask.

 

I think you all need to know this. Not sure if it's necessary, but here goes:

 

The fact that I missed church for a few months just to spend more time with work wasn't new. The time when I began to miss church to spend more time with school work was when I was 15. My relationship with the church at the time was (quite) the same as today - Nothing special.

 

When I was 13, my parents used to put me into a lot of pressure into baptism and accept Jesus as Lord and personal Saviour. Was made to go to a baptism class a week before the actual baptism, but didn't care in the world of what the pastor was teaching us as I didn't want to get baptised. I finally accepted Jesus as Lord and personal Saviour and got baptised when I was mid-14.

[andysw]

Told a pastor I know about my problem with the church via msn. He told me that I have to do my best while I'm still attending to the church until I find another church.

Edited January 29, 2008 by andysw

[kchiapet95]

You seem very spiritual. If you love God and have a good relationship with him, turn to him in prayer like you would a trusted friend and pray for guidance in this situation. Because when it comes down to it, it's his approval and friendship that matters, not fairweather friends in any church.

 

And I am NOT spiritual at all by the way but isn't the goal of religion to have a good relationship with God? So whatever church you feel helps you worship God best, helps you feel closest to him, that is where you should be.

[andysw]

You seem very spiritual. If you love God and have a good relationship with him, turn to him in prayer like you would a trusted friend and pray for guidance in this situation. Because when it comes down to it, it's his approval and friendship that matters, not fairweather friends in any church.

 

And I am NOT spiritual at all by the way but isn't the goal of religion to have a good relationship with God? So whatever church you feel helps you worship God best, helps you feel closest to him, that is where you should be.

 

Basically you're saying that it's pointless staying in the church that I'm currently in because every youth dislike me?

[kchiapet95]

I am saying that since you love God and it is his friendship you seek then you should ask his advice on what to do.

 

I am also saying that if your reason for going to church is to make friends, you can make friends elsewhere. If it's affecting your relationship with God then yes by all means, leave that church.

[andysw]

I am saying that since you love God and it is his friendship you seek then you should ask his advice on what to do.

 

I am also saying that if your reason for going to church is to make friends, you can make friends elsewhere. If it's affecting your relationship with God then yes by all means, leave that church.

 

It is affecting my relationship with God. Whenever I try to listen in service, at the same time I feel like an outsider.

 

My parents are very ignorant, they don't really understand the complexity of my situation, so they decide what they think is best for me. My sisters don't understand, either. They think that the reason why I don't go to church is because I'm anti-social - no.

 

I didn't tell them, because I thought they wouldn't understand. Even if I did, they wouldn't understand anyway (they're not christians).

 

What's worse, I was made to keep a promise for going to church every sunday, from now on - I wasn't very impressed. If I don't go, then my parents don't go either.

Edited January 29, 2008 by andysw

[kchiapet95]

What's worse, I was made to keep a promise for going to church every sunday, from now on -

 

Who made you keep this promise? Never, ever make promises like this when it comes to religion. I'm having this issue with my mother, but it boils down to sincerity. Whoever wants you to go to church every Sunday means well, but if it doesn't come from the heart, it is meaningless. Go because you want to, not because you HAVE to. Trust me, you will resent it in the end.

[andysw]

Who made you keep this promise? Never, ever make promises like this when it comes to religion. I'm having this issue with my mother, but it boils down to sincerity. Whoever wants you to go to church every Sunday means well, but if it doesn't come from the heart, it is meaningless. Go because you want to, not because you HAVE to. Trust me, you will resent it in the end.

 

My sister made me keep that promise. She didn't force it, she just said if I was't going to keep it and stop going to church then my parent would also stop going as long as I don't go.

 

When my sister, and her boyfriend, discussed this with me, I promise that they never mentioned anything about God or anything God content. What they told me was entirely based on a social point of view. They want me to promise to go to church and think of it as a social gathering. They're not christians.

 

Even at early-18, I don't have much a choice.

Edited January 29, 2008 by andysw

[andysw]

I'm going back to the church next sunday. Obviously I wasn't impressed since I've consulted my problems to my mom so many times.

 

I often think that my mom struggles to comprehend my emotional stress with the church and believes that I should go no matter what.

 

Just now at lunch time, she reminded me to keep a promise that I so-called made from my sister's discussion. A promise that is to go to the church. She's often very ignorant, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to turn lunch into a family debate.

 

She often changes her mind day by day, like one time she finally agreed that I should find another church, but the next day she said that I shouldn't because going to church is about going as a family. Obviously I was really annoyed.

 

Well I guess that's the update for now, and yes I'm still emotionally stressed out with the church, and I really hope that my family will finally give me a choice.

 

Can I ask for prayer requests here? Because I think I need them.