Phateless Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I mentioned to one of my friends that there exists an Other Man/Other Woman Forum, and he pointed out that it kind of legitimizes it. Thoughts? I kind of agree with him, to be honest. It's one thing if it's an open relationship, but shouldn't that be it's own forum, since cheating involves deception? Just some thoughts. What do you guys think?
confused39 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 It doesn't matter whether its deception at work or not, it's happening, so is it better to cut the OW/OM forum for fear it legitimizes it? That's not realistic, I don't think. Besides, it's been my reading experience on this particular forum that the OW/OM are pretty much always called to the carpet for their actions. It's not always pretty in here.
Gwyneth Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I think if you're coming to a forum labled "OW/OM," you have to expect that there are going to be a LOT of men and women here trying to legitimize cheating. That's because these men and women are either too proud (ME!) to admit they are completely irrational about the subject, or are trying to justify their actions. I do know it's wrong, and while I would never cheat on my spouse or BF, I feel that it's different when you are the person the spouse/BF is cheating with. Still wrong, but different.
Author Phateless Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 It doesn't matter whether its deception at work or not, it's happening, so is it better to cut the OW/OM forum for fear it legitimizes it? That's not realistic, I don't think. Besides, it's been my reading experience on this particular forum that the OW/OM are pretty much always called to the carpet for their actions. It's not always pretty in here. Well that's what I was getting at. I never made the claim that we should do away with this forum, I think it's pretty cool that it's here. I was just posing a question for discussion. I agree, I've seen a lot of flaming going on in here... and that's what puzzles me. My kneejerk reaction is to flame as well, but I know I'm supposed to be supportive and helpful within this forum. Kinda difficult when you feel strongly, ya know?
sadbuttrue Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 why do you come here if you dont really want to be supportive and you feel so strongly against it?
confused39 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 No, I don't think anybody has to be "supportive" of any issue. You either agree or you disagree, but neither do I support flaming anybody. We can share our opinions and dispense advice without attacking.
sadbuttrue Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 no, they dont have to be supportive of everything said, but when you already know you dont like the topics at hand, why show up? that is all i was wondering.
reboot Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Some of us are searching for knowledge. We need to know how OM/OW think and feel. I have earned the right to be curious.
nittygritty Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I think its odd that LS offers a specific forum for "support" for the "Other Man / Woman" and doesn't offer a specific forum for support for the "Betrayed Spouse". I doubt it would legitimize cheating or adultery for most people.
Author Phateless Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 no, they dont have to be supportive of everything said, but when you already know you dont like the topics at hand, why show up? that is all i was wondering. I typically don't. Sometimes under the "new posts" feature I see posts from this forum, and sometimes I read. Every once in a while, I'll post. Typically, I don't. My friend just said something I found interesting so I thought I'd offer the idea up for discussion. Nothing more. I do think the support for the OW/OM does encourage her/him to maintain the Affair, though. It's interesting because I don't think it's ever a good idea to participate in an affair, for any of the parties involved. I guess what I'm saying is that in every part of this forum, positive advice is always offered for the poster. In this particular section, advice is offered on how to maintain an affair... which seems unhealthy to the poster. Am I making sense? I guess it just seems like every single thread everntually goes to "you really should get out of this affair". My buddy compared this to having a "theft" forum on a motorsports website, lol.
Author Phateless Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 I think its odd that LS offers a specific forum for "support" for the "Other Man / Woman" and doesn't offer a specific forum for support for the "Betrayed Spouse". I doubt it would legitimize cheating or adultery for most people. Even better point, which I hadn't noticed. I assumed the betrayed spouse would come here or to the cheating forum.
Trialbyfire Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 My buddy compared this to having a "theft" forum on a motorsports website, lol. Yes, you can do it, you can stop your thieving ways. It's much more satisfying to legitimately earn money and buy your next STi.
PLAYBRAT Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I think you pose a very good question actually. I don't think cheating or having an affair is in ANY way right....but some people have made bad choices and are making sincere efforts to right their wrongs. I DO think it is good to have a forum like this..not neccessarily to "legitimize " cheating but as an outlet for anyone caught up in an affair. You have to remember....MOST of society looks down on deception and affairs. This is almost a safe haven for some of those who have no one else to talk to. In a way they are already in their own little hell.....and everyone needs the opportunity to "air out their head" without fear of repercussions. I think in some small way....this forum helps them do that. Hope that makes sense...
PandorasBox Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I think its odd that LS offers a specific forum for "support" for the "Other Man / Woman" and doesn't offer a specific forum for support for the "Betrayed Spouse". I doubt it would legitimize cheating or adultery for most people. Good point.
RecordProducer Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I mentioned to one of my friends that there exists an Other Man/Other Woman Forum, and he pointed out that it kind of legitimizes it. Let me ask you something: if a doctor is helping patients with diabetis and those with drug abuse problems, do his actions legitimize using illegal drugs?
JamesM Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I think its odd that LS offers a specific forum for "support" for the "Other Man / Woman" and doesn't offer a specific forum for support for the "Betrayed Spouse". Uh, they do have a Board for those who have been victims of cheating or if a spouse is suspected of cheating. It is the Infidelity forum.
whichwayisup Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Uh, they do have a Board for those who have been victims of cheating or if a spouse is suspected of cheating. It is the Infidelity forum. Problem is, the flip of the coin also posts there, a cheating spouse, so it isn't just for betrayed spouses.
TogetherForever Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Has anyone ever posted here & actually asked for support/help in staying in an affair? I don't believe I've ever seen that on this forum. TF
PandorasBox Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Has anyone ever posted here & actually asked for support/help in staying in an affair? I don't believe I've ever seen that on this forum. TF I was thinking I had seen that before once. It was a very long drawn out story about how they wanted to stay in an affair and how to go about it etc. For some reason the story didn't seem believeable, and someone called them out as being a troll and I don't remember them replying again, and if they did the thread didn't go very far. Maybe it was on how to to have an affair? I don't remember exactly.
JamesM Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Problem is, the flip of the coin also posts there, a cheating spouse, so it isn't just for betrayed spouses. I know, but BS's love to post on the OW/OM forum, too. That is why so many threads become so emotional.
Art_Critic Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I think that if we lived in a zero tolerance world then this forum would legitimize cheating. If Ls only allowed posters who were in affairs and cheating on their spouses to post then it would.. but Ls allows everyone to post their side.. We don't live in a zero tolerance world.. So my answer would be that this forum doesn't legitimize cheating.. when a poster posts they are not only going to hear rah rahs to continue it.. they are going to hear the positive and negative side of cheating from all sides.. and even some flaming happens.. If anything this forum has most likely broken up more affairs and helped them thru their pain than it has provided fuel for..
luvmy2ns Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I know, but BS's love to post on the OW/OM forum, too. That is why so many threads become so emotional. Not just BS's, but also people who find some of the OW attitudes repugnant get a little PO'd. Those who have the "I'm happy so f everyone else" attitude. That's not ALL OW's, but definitely a very large percentage.
Author Phateless Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 Let me ask you something: if a doctor is helping patients with diabetis and those with drug abuse problems, do his actions legitimize using illegal drugs? That's not a very apt comparison, as a doctor is trying to help the patient OFF the drug, not help them to maintain their habit. I was referring to people who are trying to maintain the relationship of the affair, not those looking for support on how to get out. To me, if you know it's wrong, just get out of the affair! WTF? I see what you are trying to say though. The point of this thread is NOT STATING, BUT ASKING - does the forum enable cheaters? Does that clarify for you? edit - it's the difference between a question and a claim.
Author Phateless Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 I think you pose a very good question actually. I don't think cheating or having an affair is in ANY way right....but some people have made bad choices and are making sincere efforts to right their wrongs. I DO think it is good to have a forum like this..not neccessarily to "legitimize " cheating but as an outlet for anyone caught up in an affair. You have to remember....MOST of society looks down on deception and affairs. This is almost a safe haven for some of those who have no one else to talk to. In a way they are already in their own little hell.....and everyone needs the opportunity to "air out their head" without fear of repercussions. I think in some small way....this forum helps them do that. Hope that makes sense... That makes perfect sense, PlayBrat. I guess I don't know the content of this forum since I never go here because it pisses me off, lol.
allina Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 This forum is here to help EVERYONE not just people in situations that someone personally agrees with. I'm uninterested in this section of the forum and don't respect the actions discussed here so I very rarely come here
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