Does this forum legitimize cheating?

[bish]

I mentioned to one of my friends that there exists an Other Man/Other Woman Forum, and he pointed out that it kind of legitimizes it. Thoughts? I kind of agree with him, to be honest. It's one thing if it's an open relationship, but shouldn't that be it's own forum, since cheating involves deception?

 

Just some thoughts. What do you guys think?

 

Oh yes...the OW/OM in those forums try to justify and blame the betrayed spouse all the time.

 

So yes, they try to legitimize it all the time.

[Phateless]

This forum is here to help EVERYONE not just people in situations that someone personally agrees with. I'm uninterested in this section of the forum and don't respect the actions discussed here so I very rarely come here

 

Excellent point. That's basically where I fall as well.

[bish]

Let me ask you something: if a doctor is helping patients with diabetis and those with drug abuse problems, do his actions legitimize using illegal drugs?

 

Bad analogy. A doctor will help a drug user to get off of drugs...not continue their drug use.

[bish]

Has anyone ever posted here & actually asked for support/help in staying in an affair?

I don't believe I've ever seen that on this forum.

TF

 

Oh my, you haven't read enough of them.

 

Here is but just one example. Its a little different. They aren't really asking for support in staying in an affair...she is saying she is proud of it, and does seem to be seeking validation.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t134873/

 

Again, this is just one example...stick around...you'll see plenty of people that want validation for staying with their MM/MW.

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, I've seen quite a number of threads of which people want validation for remaining in affairs. If you look back on the vast majority, it will be primarily OW that are looking for such. Most realize after awhile that it's blatantly obvious the MM will not leave the BW but enough remain in affairs as permanent OW. Very rarely does the OW/OM fantasy come true where the MM/MW walks from the marriage and in turn, marries them. I've seen it once but only because a member came on years after this happened, to validate to OW/OM, that it does happen.

 

There are also specific OW members who validate OW/OM, defending them tooth and nail.

[TogetherForever]

Oh my, you haven't read enough of them.

 

Here is but just one example. Its a little different. They aren't really asking for support in staying in an affair...she is saying she is proud of it, and does seem to be seeking validation.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t134873/

 

Again, this is just one example...stick around...you'll see plenty of people that want validation for staying with their MM/MW.

 

 

I'm tired of trying to act like someone I'm not. Yes, I am still with the MM, and proud of it too.

I did see this one. Thank You.

 

I haven't seen any threads in here titled "I'M SEEING A MARRIED MAN, WILL SOMEONE HELP ME STAY IN IT & GIVE ME TIPS ON HOW TO KEEP MY AFFAIR GOING".

There are plenty of other www sites for those people I'm sure.

TF

[JackJack]

I go in alot of different forums on LS. Maybe I really have no business in OW/OM forum, since I'm not a OM, etc but there are also certain religons I don't believe in either but I go in there too. I think my thing is I'll come and browse the OW/OM forum, just as I do others, and when I see a post(s) with people who are bragging or tooting their own horn about being involved with someone who is attached, it just gets me going for some reason, therefore I'll probably reply. Maybe I shouldn't, and yes, there have been times I'll skip over a thread to not give me 2cents worth, and then sometimes I do. If they can toot I can toot back.

[Phateless]

I stay out of there because I don't want to flame people. I figure I can't talk them out of it anyway...

[reboot]

I don't see how it legitimizes it. It isn't illegal in the first place.

[JackJack]

I stay out of there because I don't want to flame people. I figure I can't talk them out of it anyway...

 

That is true most of the times their minds are made up. I don't usually flame, although some may have thought I did. But I would imagine that, people who are in the situation they might be in, may see it as coming across as flaming.

[Lizzie60]

That's not a very apt comparison, as a doctor is trying to help the patient OFF the drug, not help them to maintain their habit. I was referring to people who are trying to maintain the relationship of the affair, not those looking for support on how to get out. To me, if you know it's wrong, just get out of the affair! WTF?

 

I see what you are trying to say though. The point of this thread is NOT STATING, BUT ASKING - does the forum enable cheaters? Does that clarify for you?

 

edit - it's the difference between a question and a claim.

 

Not every OW wants out of the affair... some are very happy with what they have for many reasons...

 

I am one of those... This is exactly the type of relationship that is convenient to me..

 

I don't think this forum enables cheaters... if they want to cheat or continue their affair, they will ... if they want out they will, eventually... some OW/OM wants support, some just want to discuss their relationship with their MM/MW.. This forum is about anything OW/OM want to talk about, their pain or their happiness...

[Lizzie60]

I stay out of there because I don't want to flame people. I figure I can't talk them out of it anyway...

 

so if you stay out of it..how come you're starting a thread IN it?

 

I agree, you can't talk them out of it anyway... and if you don't want to support them without being nasty.. stay away.. simple.

[jj2007]

Some of us are searching for knowledge. We need to know how OM/OW think and feel. I have earned the right to be curious.

 

 

As have I. I never even thought about OW/OM until I was cheated on. Then I got curious as to what would make a person capable of it, what goes through their minds, what makes them think it's ok etc.

[White Flower]

Not just BS's, but also people who find some of the OW attitudes repugnant get a little PO'd. Those who have the "I'm happy so f everyone else" attitude. That's not ALL OW's, but definitely a very large percentage.

I think I have only seen someone come close to that once. But I'm sure you've been a member longer than I have.

[Gwyneth]

Oh my, you haven't read enough of them.

 

Here is but just one example. Its a little different. They aren't really asking for support in staying in an affair...she is saying she is proud of it, and does seem to be seeking validation.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t134873/

 

Again, this is just one example...stick around...you'll see plenty of people that want validation for staying with their MM/MW.

 

 

That would be Me who posted this. I'm not going to lie and say I'm unhappy and want to get out of it because the fact is, I'm in it, still new into it, and not ready to get out. I'm not here for support, I'm here to tell my story. I misunderstood the point of this forum until the wars began!

[Gwyneth]

I go in alot of different forums on LS. Maybe I really have no business in OW/OM forum, since I'm not a OM, etc but there are also certain religions I don't believe in either but I go in there too. I think my thing is I'll come and browse the OW/OM forum, just as I do others, and when I see a post(s) with people who are bragging or tooting their own horn about being involved with someone who is attached, it just gets me going for some reason, therefore I'll probably reply. Maybe I shouldn't, and yes, there have been times I'll skip over a thread to not give me 2cents worth, and then sometimes I do. If they can toot I can toot back.

 

I think I am one of those OW (Or the Only OW) you feel were bragging about being with a MM. Actually, I wasn't bragging. I was just stating the fact that I know what I got myself into and I am not a miserable OW, but happy to be in it. I know it's wrong, but I'm not ready to leave the situation. When I am, I will take all of the advice given to me in the Bad thread as good advice

 

English is not my first language, so I think I phrase things wrong some times.

[White Flower]

That's not a very apt comparison, as a doctor is trying to help the patient OFF the drug, not help them to maintain their habit. I was referring to people who are trying to maintain the relationship of the affair, not those looking for support on how to get out. To me, if you know it's wrong, just get out of the affair! WTF?

 

I see what you are trying to say though. The point of this thread is NOT STATING, BUT ASKING - does the forum enable cheaters? Does that clarify for you?

 

edit - it's the difference between a question and a claim.

I have found that this forum actually helps the OM/OW find perspective and this is important because we are not all the same. Some OW are with serial cheaters and want to get out of that sitch. Others have truly found the love of their lives and need to learn how to live with that. Some of us do not see ourselves as cheaters because how can we be cheating when all we are doing is getting something from someone new when our spouses have cheated us out of (fill in the blank.) And that is the most difficult issue to deal with on this forum. Some BS and BW and those who fear becoming the BS and BW love to come here to bash and put us all into one neat little category.

 

And it is as if these people think we were always this way and we need to be reformed. Heck, most of us OW/OM are reforming as the OW/OM! For some of us it is about time! Not that we find ourselves comfortable that way. And that is why we enter this place. So, no, I do not think this forum enables cheating; however, I feel it encourages and discourages relationships depending on the particulars of each and every case.

[JackJack]

Some of us do not see ourselves as cheaters because how can we be cheating when all we are doing is getting something from someone new when our spouses have cheated us out of (fill in the blank.)

 

It still comes across as a justiifcation. If you feel cheated out of (fill in blank) then you either work on the marriage together, or, you get out of it. You don't go get something from soemones's H or W. Its not yours for the taking.

[RecordProducer]

That's not a very apt comparison, as a doctor is trying to help the patient OFF the drug, not help them to maintain their habit.

So you're saying that this forum is trying to help the cheaters to stay in their affairs?

 

We advise the cheaters and OW/OM who post in this forum to get out of the affair, get a divorce or work on their marriages. We point our the negative sides, possible consequences, and ethical aspects. We don't applaud at their choices.

 

I guess by "legitimize" you actually meant "favor" affairs. No, we don't encourage them. But we do accept these people as part of life. Furthermore, doctors may be against drug abuse, but they don't insult their patients - which happens all the time on the infidelity forum.

[luvmy2ns]

But if your spouse refuses to fill your needs, even though they've been made clear and are reasonable needs, why not just divorce instead of sneaking about? It's the honest thing to do, and it affords the new relationship a much better chance to grow and much more time for people to "learn" each other. When the affair is kept hidden, it's because somebody doesn't want their spouse to find out and leave the marriage. If the cheating party doesn't want out of the marriage, why would you want to be with them at all knowing you'd be relegated to sharing that person forever? If OW/OM are so confident in their relationship with the cheater, why does it need to be a secret to anyone at all?

[bish]

I'm tired of trying to act like someone I'm not. Yes, I am still with the MM, and proud of it too.

I did see this one. Thank You.

 

I haven't seen any threads in here titled "I'M SEEING A MARRIED MAN, WILL SOMEONE HELP ME STAY IN IT & GIVE ME TIPS ON HOW TO KEEP MY AFFAIR GOING".

There are plenty of other www sites for those people I'm sure.

TF

 

What you'll get is someone who wants to stay with a married man...won't come right out and say, "help me sustain this affair"..it will be more like. "how should I handle the situation" with regards to dealing with a MM...for example...one OW was pissed off that she wasn't getting enough time with her MM and wanted to know how to get more out of him...can't remember who said it, but it was a long time ago.

[NoIDidn't]

What you'll get is someone who wants to stay with a married man...won't come right out and say, "help me sustain this affair"..it will be more like. "how should I handle the situation" with regards to dealing with a MM...for example...one OW was pissed off that she wasn't getting enough time with her MM and wanted to know how to get more out of him...can't remember who said it, but it was a long time ago.

 

I totally agree with this. How many threads about "his W knows something", or "he wants to move in with me if his W kicks him out", or the like will we read? It doesn't have to say "help me stay in the A" when it is clearly saying "I am in an A and don't want advice on how to end it". Or one of my favorite posters (who shall remain unnamed to protect the not-so-innocent LOL) that stated in a thread that she was happy and wasn't posting for any other reason.

 

Its not that I have a problem with them staying in the A, but to say that no one has posted such is a little disingenuous, IMO.

 

Semantic games, it is, when we are clearly talking about intent or the desires of the one posting it.

[Impudent Oyster]

I mentioned to one of my friends that there exists an Other Man/Other Woman Forum, and he pointed out that it kind of legitimizes it. Thoughts? I kind of agree with him, to be honest. It's one thing if it's an open relationship, but shouldn't that be it's own forum, since cheating involves deception?

 

Just some thoughts. What do you guys think?

 

I think it attempts to legitimize it.

 

Any forum that offers support for affairs is a forum that shouldn't exist, IMO. The only support affair partners need is help to get out of these trainwreck relationships and get some self-respect.

[RocknLyn]

Some of us do not see ourselves as cheaters because how can we be cheating when all we are doing is getting something from someone new when our spouses have cheated us out of (fill in the blank.)

 

It still comes across as a justiifcation. If you feel cheated out of (fill in blank) then you either work on the marriage together, or, you get out of it. You don't go get something from soemones's H or W. Its not yours for the taking.

Very well put!

[nittygritty]

Uh, they do have a Board for those who have been victims of cheating or if a spouse is suspected of cheating. It is the Infidelity forum.

 

LS's descriptions of forums:

 

Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

 

Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

 

The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.