luvmy2ns Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 I appreciate that you know there are all types here and that we are all looking for different things. I have found this forum to be exremely helpful for me in making my decision. I am both happy and sad, too. I'm such a sentimental fool, so saying goodbye is hard for me. But I'm also happy because I know I will be OK. I know you'll be okay, too, because you love yourself enough to not settle for less than your due!!! Wow, someone actually said they can't wait for your Dday? Were you still married at the time? Not married, but very happily in a relationship (and still am!). The thread was about how ALL men cheat, as told by this particular OW. She takes money and gifts from many men for sleeping with them, often numerous ones in the same day (yuck), and chooses the married ones so they won't blow her cover. It irritated me (there goes my attitude again!) to have ANYONE make the blanket statement that ALL men cheat, so I spoke up. It culminated in said OW/OW/OW/OW/OW/OW/OW/OW making that statement about "can't wait for your D Day," complete with a little happy face. Classy, don'tcha think? Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 There you go again... off on your own wild tangent. If you had bothered to read my post instead of instantly getting your half-shell up... OB, that was f'ing FUNNY! There truly are people staying in horrid marriages "for the kids," or because of financial reasons. I stuck out mine "for my son" until I realized it was doing him more harm than good. How is your child seeing a miserable, dysfunctional relationship a good thing for him/her? It's not. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Not married, but very happily in a relationship (and still am!). The thread was about how ALL men cheat, as told by this particular OW. She takes money and gifts from many men for sleeping with them, often numerous ones in the same day (yuck), and chooses the married ones so they won't blow her cover. It irritated me (there goes my attitude again!) to have ANYONE make the blanket statement that ALL men cheat, so I spoke up. It culminated in said OW/OW/OW/OW/OW/OW/OW/OW making that statement about "can't wait for your D Day," complete with a little happy face. Classy, don'tcha think? Okay.. now that is just wrong... that kinda OW, I don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 I'd rather be a 'wh9re' than a monster in a marriage. And in most cases, it's the H who's doing the seducing - not the other way around. Well said. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Well then she should say "in the very few marriages", because honestly, I would guess that the number of MM whose wives are really neglecting or mistreating them is practically none. Oh my.. you obviously have no clue.. I have been with so many MMs and trust me, in my case, they have absolutely NO reasons to lie about their M... Our relationship is straightforward... no commitment.. not even 'the falling in love thing'.. so why would they lie to me about what's going on in their M... I know they don't. MOST MMs are sexually neglected, it's a fact... if they weren't they wouldn't be out there looking for it... unless you think that once a month and no BJs is being sexually generous... Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Because it's all a lie, a sob story to tell the clueless OP...we all know NO ONE would stay in a marriage where they were "dying inside". What a bunch of baloney. I'm sorry, IO, but you're wrong here. I was truly "dying inside" during my marriage, and I was hanging on and on, hoping against hope that my selfish *****head of a husband would see the light and change his ways. I was of the mistaken belief that it was better to stay together so our son would have both parents. I heard a Dixie Chicks song that had a line that goes "...it wrung me out and strung me out and hung years on my face" in talking about a love gone bad. That so epitomized my sucky relationship with my ex! I looked like I had aged 10 years! About 6 months after kicking his sorry a55 to the curb, I looked and felt younger than my age again! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 I'm sorry, IO, but you're wrong here. I was truly "dying inside" during my marriage, and I was hanging on and on, hoping against hope that my selfish *****head of a husband would see the light and change his ways. I was of the mistaken belief that it was better to stay together so our son would have both parents. I heard a Dixie Chicks song that had a line that goes "...it wrung me out and strung me out and hung years on my face" in talking about a love gone bad. That so epitomized my sucky relationship with my ex! I looked like I had aged 10 years! About 6 months after kicking his sorry a55 to the curb, I looked and felt younger than my age again! I guess it boils down to the fact that some people just don't have our experience; our perspective. While it might be true that I hung on for too long for the sake of my kids and for the ideal "happy ending" I also have a very controlling, hard-headed, and manipulative husband who makes it difficult to leave. IO said I could get killed for this with a guy like that. Doesn't she know I've considered that? Yet I still took the plunge. I guess it's so bad that I risked my life. When you're dying on the inside, you do not fear death. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Regardless of an affair or not, isn't it worth the trouble to get away from that "dying inside" feeling? I think people are just plain scared of change and of the unknown. And what makes you think I have a "picture-perfect world?" I thought I was living the fairy tale and it ended. I almost cheated but didn't, and then a month later she left me for someone else. Go figure. I'm still glad I didn't do it. It's worth going through the hard stuff to get to the good stuff on the other side. Who was it that said "courage is not the absense of fear. courage is action in the face of fear."? It's a great quote. What I did was courageous for me. And even though I found out it is no longer right for me, I'm still glad I did it. We all learn in different ways. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 I'd rather be a 'wh9re' than a monster in a marriage. So you are saying a BS is a monster? I don't doubt in some cases that is true, but I believe in most cases that it is not...that the person in the M doing the cheating is just slime. So in the end, as in my case, the OW/OM can have them. they can be their problem. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Oh my.. you obviously have no clue.. I have been with so many MMs and trust me, in my case, they have absolutely NO reasons to lie about their M... Sure they have a reason to lie about their M. I know there are marriages out there where neglect goes on....but in most cases, in my opinion, they will lie about their marriages to get in someones pants...pure and simple. They think if they tell a sob story to another woman about how their marriage is lousy, the OW will spread 'em willingly...and by the looks of it...IT WORKS!!! And I believe in most cases the M is "lousy" simply because the spark is gone because one spouse just can't handle the fact that they won't be f#cking other people for the rest of their lives. They don't want to be tied down to having sex with the same person forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 All I know right now, this forum made me think a lot about relationships/marriages.. etc. It really gives me a whole new perspective.... how one person's experience is different to another (not so much for some)... how they deal with it.. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 I guess it boils down to the fact that some people just don't have our experience; our perspective. If you mean the experience of being the OM/OW or cheating...you are correct...I don't have that experience...don't want it and will never do it. If I'm in a relationship that isn't working, I will leave it...not cheat. And I will never get involved with a MW....and if I do and find out later she is M, I am out of there. for one thing, I don't care what feelings I may develop for a woman, if she lied and told me later she was married, I'd be so pissed that those feelings would melt right away and she'd be dumped. And I'd tell her husband too. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 All I know right now, this forum made me think a lot about relationships/marriages.. etc. It really gives me a whole new perspective.... how one person's experience is different to another (not so much for some)... how they deal with it.. I agree. For me...although I am not a cheating MM or an OM, this forum does give me a perspective on the feelings of both while in an affair. I can say that the stories of hurt and anguish felt by the OWs here has been a factor in keeping me from even considering an affair. And when I read the stories on the Infidelity Forum of guys who have (r are in the process) ruined their marriages, it has made me step back and think of what could happen to me if I went that direction. Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 So you blame those who wear down their spouses instead of OW who willingly give themselves to MM?? Ws are not to be blamed if their Hs are being seduced by OW. I mean aren't OW in the same league as 'wh0res'? So whatever you're doing is right? You're an OW too, aren't you? So it's alright to bring down someone's M? I don't think it's right to call any woman a "wh0re". And in my opinion the married men in these situations are oftentimes the ones seducing the women (as someone else, I think it was open book, said). Additionally, often the affair does not start out as a physical one (where the "wh0re" would jump in bed with the MM) but instead an emotional one where the MM tells OW a sob story about how his marriage is horrible and in the process of being ended, he's never felt this way about anyone besides OW, he is love with her and wants to be with her. MM trying to have an affair are very manipulative and say whatever the other woman wants to hear in order to get her to stroke his ego and, yes, eventually, have sex with him. (I'm not even saying they're purposefully slimy manipulative liars -- they just don't have integrity to live up to their marriage principles or are too cowardly to figure out what they want to do about their bad marriage/ lives without hurting others in the process.) But these are matters of the heart -- they have so much less to do with sex than you would think. My xMM was definitely interested in an emotional affair with me -- he genuinely felt a bond with me and felt that he loved me, too. (I felt his "love" for me so I know that was the one thing that was true -- he really thought he loved me. But now I realize it wasn't "real" love, it was infatuation gone haywire.) He wanted me to support him and listen to him talk about his failed marriage and appreciate his accomplishments in life, etc. -- and although it did turn into a physical affair, he would gladly have kept the emotional affair ONLY if I had presented it to him as an option (but I didn't, of course, b/c it would still amount to him using me for something). As slimy as I now know he is (because he cheated on his wife, he made it sound like they were in divorce court when they weren't, he selfishly used me for his own benefit, etc.), it's not like he was out there aiming to have sex with other women while he was married, and it's certainly not like I was a wh0re hoping to find a married man to have sex with (that's so crazy -- very few OW are like this). I was a person who fell in love with a man who told me he was separated pending divorce. He was (and is) a very messed up person who is not happy with himself and who did and said things to get what he wanted. But neither of us were "wh0res" and for you to make blanket assertions about women (or anyone) is just not right. I agree with you that affairs are wrong, and I have definitely learned that it is not right to be with any kind of married man no matter what he SAYS about his situation. I realize it was wrong for me to have an affair no matter what the reason, even though at first I didn't know I was in an affair, I thought I was in a relationship with a man who was separated (they didn't live together) and almost divorced. But I would never call anyone (even those who enjoy affairs for whatever reason, or women who get paid for sex, or men who pay women for sex, etc.) a wh0re. They are a person just like I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Originally Posted by LoisLane So you blame those who wear down their spouses instead of OW who willingly give themselves to MM?? Ws are not to be blamed if their Hs are being seduced by OW. I mean aren't OW in the same league as 'wh0res'? So whatever you're doing is right? You're an OW too, aren't you? So it's allright to bring down someone's M? I know this person is Not calling OW whores, right? Please tell me this person is Not caling OW whores. How about OM? What are they, I mean, they are giving themselves to MW, are they not? Or is it "different" when a single man gives himself to a married woman? ----------------------------------------------------- LOL, I just have to laugh when people wanna always blame the woman for anything bad, and I'm not saying you are doing that LoisLane, but I have heard many people always wanna blame the woman and make the men always look so innocent. Believe me when I say the MM I was having the affair with is more guilty than I am because he is the one who made those vows, and he is the one who pursued me, kissed me first, massaged my feet first, called me first...etc. I went along with it because I figured it was okay since he, the married man, was pursuing me. I'm not a whore. Think what you want (in general, not asking one person here to think). What matters is that I know I am not a whore. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I agree. For me...although I am not a cheating MM or an OM, this forum does give me a perspective on the feelings of both while in an affair. I can say that the stories of hurt and anguish felt by the OWs here has been a factor in keeping me from even considering an affair. And when I read the stories on the Infidelity Forum of guys who have (r are in the process) ruined their marriages, it has made me step back and think of what could happen to me if I went that direction. JamesM, I love the fact that you can get perspective from other people's experience without judging them. I so wish I would have found Loveshack a year or two ago. But, I have learned a lot and am grateful for the experience nonetheless. I'm not sure the flamers see yet how so many OW have actually come here and received the support to leave their MM. Have you seen the thread, OW Challenge? There are many of us supporting each other in ending the A. Wish us luck. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Originally Posted by LoisLane So you blame those who wear down their spouses instead of OW who willingly give themselves to MM?? Ws are not to be blamed if their Hs are being seduced by OW. I mean aren't OW in the same league as 'wh0res'? So whatever you're doing is right? You're an OW too, aren't you? So it's allright to bring down someone's M? I know this person is Not calling OW whores, right? Please tell me this person is Not caling OW whores. How about OM? What are they, I mean, they are giving themselves to MW, are they not? Or is it "different" when a single man gives himself to a married woman? ----------------------------------------------------- LOL, I just have to laugh when people wanna always blame the woman for anything bad, and I'm not saying you are doing that LoisLane, but I have heard many people always wanna blame the woman and make the men always look so innocent. . Not me...I think both the MM and OW...or MW and OM need a dose of decency. I think they are both equally despicable. Link to post Share on other sites
Gwyneth Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Not me...I think both the MM and OW...or MW and OM need a dose of decency. I think they are both equally despicable. I'm sure you are very right, but I still am not ready to admit I am in the wrong as the OW. I will eventually come to my senses, as I already am little by little. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Not me...I think both the MM and OW...or MW and OM need a dose of decency. I think they are both equally despicable. If your harsh judgments of others represents decency... then I'd rather be despicable. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 If your harsh judgments of others represents decency... then I'd rather be despicable. *cough*....ahhhh ....*choke*....*eyes watering*....oh....that was good . . . . . . . NOT! Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 If your harsh judgments of others represents decency... then I'd rather be despicable. If loving you is wrong, openbook, then I don't wanna be right! Lol. This guy won't change until he learns to forgive. And he doesn't need to forgive her for her, he needs to forgive her for himself. Otherwise, this hatred for her will eat him up alive like cancer. God bless him and I hope it doesn't happen; the cancer, that is. Link to post Share on other sites
imstunned Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 Is there chance it may be going? I'd be lost without it and I was a total innocent Other Woman. It cant go!! Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 I'm sure you are very right, but I still am not ready to admit I am in the wrong as the OW. It doesn't surprise me when OW don't see anything wrong with being with someone elses husband. So basically you just told the forum that it is ok to have an affair with someone elses spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
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