How many times to forgive husband who is still lying?

[Lizzie60]

I'm shaking my head in disbelief here... I don't know if this is true... but if it is, geez what more proofs do you need... Your husband IS cheating and he will NEVER stop.

 

Wow.. are you so naive to take all those lies and think he is really 'helping out' these women.. come on....

 

If he is such a good 'therapist' maybe you can ask him to bring the 'patients' to your house and you can both be therapists to these 'poor lonely' women who needs your husband's help.

 

[RocknLyn]

I never said that I belived him when he said he was "helping out" those women. LOL Too funny....

I am not some innocent victum who cannot not see the truth.

[RocknLyn]

If he is such a good 'therapist' maybe you can ask him to bring the 'patients' to your house and you can both be therapists to these 'poor lonely' women who needs your husband's help.

 

TOO FUNNY!! Thank you for the laughs.

[squeak]

I'm shaking my head in disbelief here... I don't know if this is true... but if it is, geez what more proofs do you need... Your husband IS cheating and he will NEVER stop.

 

Wow.. are you so naive to take all those lies and think he is really 'helping out' these women.. come on....

 

If he is such a good 'therapist' maybe you can ask him to bring the 'patients' to your house and you can both be therapists to these 'poor lonely' women who needs your husband's help.

 

 

Whenever I see Lizzie's post I scroll straight to it because I know it is the tell it to you straight up no holds barred truth, even if it's not what you hoped to hear.

 

Sorry original poster, I know this is so hurtful to know and go through. I wish you didn't have to go through this.

 

If this was me I would not give any chances upon finding out, I could not tolerate the life that layed ahead of always being suspicious and having to check up. The fear will always be in you, the weight will be on you if he comes home late, or if he acts moody you will become worried.

 

Your life is too precious to do that.

[RocknLyn]

Nothing to be sorry about. After all, I did come here to these forums to get honest opions from people who have lived though similar situations.

 

Thank you.

[RocknLyn]

Just a quick FYI to anyone else who reads this post:

when I mentioned that my husband was drawn to lonely women who wanted to talk, that was one of the things that attracted him to these women. In other words he felt needed.

I am aware of the fact that he very well may have been looking to fulfill other needs as well: being sexually intimate with other women.

 

when someone seeks the comfort of another, whether it's to talk & share things with that they otherwise would not tell their own spouse, that can create a sense of being connected with the person they're confiding in. And that in turn, creates the desire for further intimacy.

[YellowLioness]

Here is my opinion:

 

I do not think that he will change. He will lie to you and tell you he will change because he knows you will believe it. He knows you will believe it because you've believed it before, so why should this time be any different?

 

If you go to a therapist, take care of yourself first. Focusing on the marriage is important if you want to save it, but you need to fix what problems are in yourself before you can start on the problems in the marriage.

 

Please bear in mind that Therapy is not a be-all end-all solution to anything. Therapy will help you sort out your own emotions and long hidden feelings about things, but no one can tell you what the "right" thing is for you and your situation.

 

It is possible that Therapy will help you come to a healthy conclusion in a more timely manner then you would, were you just working on this one by yourself.

 

IMHO- if you want to stay with your husband, you'll have to be OK that you'll probably end up catching him cheating for the rest of your marriage. Perhaps you can lay it out on the table and tell him that YOU want to be free to see other people, too.

 

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

 

I personally think you deserve to be in a relationship that is more equal then the one that you'r dealing with- whether you can have an equal partnership with your husband depends on what he's willing to give.

 

Eventually you'll have to set a cut off point for yourself like, "If I catch him lying about another female one more time I'm going to leave" and stick to it.

 

The more that he breaks these promises to you to stop cheating, the more your have to convince yourself that in some way you must deserve it. That some how his bad behavior must somehow be your fault, that perhaps you are lacking in some essential way that if you could just figure out that one essential thing that he'd never cheat on you again.

 

The truth is that is something that your head tells you, because deep down you cannot explain his behavior in a logical sense. The TRUTH is that its not your fault. Its his. What he wants is to be with many women at one time. That's not "marriage."

 

He's drawn his line in the sand with his behavior. It's up to you whether you will bend to accept this behavior, or move on to a more healthy state of being.

 

 

Facing facts, you wouldn't have come here unless somehow you'd run out of answers on your own. I hope that the answers you find on here help lead you to a better place.

 

Take care!

 

~YL

[luvmy2ns]

OMG! Dump him! Get as much info from his computer/cell phone, whatever. Then call a lawyer. How can you live a life like that? I feel so bad for you.