I snooped

[mouse52]

I snooped on my bf and he found out. At the time he said it was ok (like 3 weeks ago). Now he says this: it feels really crappy to be always defending myself and under constant scrutiny. thats why i clear out phone calls and messages and facebook walls etc. im just eliminating the means of checking up on me. and its not because i'm hiding anything, just because i hate feeling "accused" and so un-trusted over every little thing.

 

I haven't snooped on him since and I don't plan to. How do I make things right again? I don't want him to resent me. I am really upset about this.

 

PS- Yes I know snooping is wrong, I have a hard time trusting people and I wanted to reassure myself that I had nothing to worry about.

[EnigmasMuse]

Most of the time, I would think someone snoops when they have a suspicon, but then there are people who snoop, because they are just insecure people. Which do you feel fits you best? Has he done something to make you feel not trusting and feel the need to snoop?

 

Also, he really doesn't need to clear out or delete anything if he has nothing to hide. Him doing that seems like some kind of justication for something he is doing possibly.

[cj1988]

I agree, why erase everything if there is nothing to hide? I leave every text, call etc on my phone and my H can see it at all times. Now, he on the other hand told me the same thing when I asked him WHY he eraased some text he sent. He said because he knew I would be checking and he hates that and to save a fight because of my jealousy of the person he text. All a crock of s--- if you ask me....IF YOU ERASE ANYTHING, you have something to HIDE !

[Geishawhelk]

....Or maybe he's just trying to keep temptation out of your way...or he's being a bit controlling, and you're being insecure (I know you said that, I'm just illustrating the tit-for-tat nature of relationships.)

 

Amazing isn't it, that when we think we've fallen in love we do so much to test it and scupper our chances of happiness, through trying to gain Control?

That's what's at stake here. it's a Control thing.

From both sides.

 

Ok, here's the deal.

Aplogise (again.)

Admit you do have some security issues, and that you need to talk and have his help an support.

Take it from there......

[3rdI]

I know a man that expects that his wife will look if she chooses (she does sometimes) and he leaves everything open. His philosophy is no one has to blindly trust but the best way to gain trust is to be open and transparent.

 

It is different because it is your bf, but you need to explore your behavior and his reaction. I would not care if my bf snooped because I will hide nothing....even if I should. I want someone to have the real me and if I need to hide something then WYS is not WYG.

[Jasmine8719]

I snooped on my bf and he found out. At the time he said it was ok (like 3 weeks ago). Now he says this: it feels really crappy to be always defending myself and under constant scrutiny. thats why i clear out phone calls and messages and facebook walls etc. im just eliminating the means of checking up on me. and its not because i'm hiding anything, just because i hate feeling "accused" and so un-trusted over every little thing.

 

I haven't snooped on him since and I don't plan to. How do I make things right again? I don't want him to resent me. I am really upset about this.

 

PS- Yes I know snooping is wrong, I have a hard time trusting people and I wanted to reassure myself that I had nothing to worry about.

 

I snooped once on my boyfriend too... I kind of have a hard time trusting too even though my boyfriend has never done anything to give me a reason not to trust him..but...one day when he went outside to do something i looked at his cell phone in his text messages,out of all the texts from his guy friends i saw one text from a girl.. it said "i left my cell phone at your house" I freaked! i was like omg he's cheating on me etc.

 

When he got back inside i asked him if he would tell me if another girl ever came over...he said yea..then he picked up his phone and asked if i went through his text messages...well i wouldn't lie to him so I said i did...then he asked if I happend to see the text below it saying opps wrong person...He told me about the girl like a couple of weeks ago and she has kids and etc. he called me a snoop..I can tell he was kind of bothered by it though..so then we had a loooonnnggg talk...he was just reasuring me that he loved me at that he would never cheat on me and If he hung out with another girl (his friends) he would always tell me...well of course I felt as low as possible and apologized...

 

like you said, women need CONSTANT reasurance that there boyfriend isn't cheating and men don't understand that and never will...so you need to find it in you just to trust him and leave whatever happend to you in the past...in the past....

 

Talk to him...say I feel awful for snooping..and reasure him that it won't happen again...He probably feels that he lost a lil bit of trust in you...and that takes a lil bit to come back...like next time he goes out with his friends just be cool about it..give him a lil confidence that he knows your not going to be worried about him cheating...like "I hope you have a great time" and be happy about it...

 

I have been going out with boyfriend for almost two years...just sometimes when everything isn't always perfect you start to wonder if he's doing anything behind your back...you get these ides in your head for no reason...I find it to be this way because I wasn't secure with myself...maybe you need a lil confidence booster..

 

well good luck...just talk to him about how you feel...make him feel reasured that you won't snoop again..oh and sorry this is so long...good luck

 

-Jasmine

[ozguy]

I snooped ONCE on my ex-g/f, I'm not that type of person either I just had an opportunity once and a feeling that I should.

 

Turned out the once time I ever 'snooped' I found out she cheated on me.

 

You have to look inside and see if its because your an insecure person or because you just have a bad feeling.

[LoisLane]

Snooping around will only make things worse. I don't understand why people have to snoop. Just follow your guts and deal with it. See where snooping around got you.

[icannothear]

to me, there's two reasons for snooping....

1. you have had some suspicion...you have to see what's really going on...

2. you're insecure and want to make SURE there's nothing to worry about...like you did.

 

i say..the second you feel like you have to raid a partner's phone/myspace/email because you have had some red flags, you're probably right and that's when you need to leave because all it will do is drive YOU crazy.

 

but if it's just because you have a lack of trust and don't have any probable cause of why you're snooping, then you're making the other person feel like they're being watched and stalked....no one likes feeling that way.

just don't do it...either way. unless you really wanna find out the brutal truth

or unless you wanna ruin a relationship by showing you don't trust them out of your own insecurities.

[cj1988]

I snooped for a long time and I am ashamed of that....BUT, I am glad I did now (in the last year) because I knew something was wrong in my GUT.

[JackJack]

Snooping around will only make things worse. I don't understand why people have to snoop. Just follow your guts and deal with it. See where snooping around got you.

 

Wrong or not, sometimes people snoop, to get info they can't either figure out, or have no clear proof of. Snooping to be snooping is one thing, but if someone feels they have reason for suspicon, then thats what some people do to try to find out some answers.