on ulitmatums

[burningman]

You know what WWIU? You are absolutely correct. You and Bish have nailed it. And this is why I won't let up on getting to the bottom of it all. I know I'm obsessed and you just helped me u/s why. Accountability isn't done until it's full. We were getting close last night while talking. I guess she's got to admit to herself before she can admit to me. She just doesn't want to do that. The alcohol factor is what she is leaning on right now. And thanks Tomcat! I wasn't going to waste my energy.

[bish]

You know what WWIU? You are absolutely correct. You and Bish have nailed it. And this is why I won't let up on getting to the bottom of it all. I know I'm obsessed and you just helped me u/s why. Accountability isn't done until it's full. We were getting close last night while talking. I guess she's got to admit to herself before she can admit to me. She just doesn't want to do that. The alcohol factor is what she is leaning on right now. And thanks Tomcat! I wasn't going to waste my energy.

 

Well keep in mind BM...what I said is in no way a slam of you, I am just highlighting the fact that your wife is full of it.

 

Just dont take any BS off her and dont believe most of what comes out of her mouth...she is a liar.

[burningman]

No, Bish, thank you, I know. You and WWIU aren't slamming me at all. If anything, you might be saving my marriage, and your certainly helping me get to the bottom of things. Wife is still partially in the fog and I think she's realized it after reading your/WWIU recent posts. If it doesn't add up it doesn't add up. Plain and simple. I'm physically sick again. Every couple of days I get hit over the head with another 2x4. Today is one of those days. And it's just started. First ever IC in my life is monday and I can't get there soon enough.

[LifesontheUp]

No, Bish, thank you, I know. You and WWIU aren't slamming me at all. If anything, you might be saving my marriage, and your certainly helping me get to the bottom of things. Wife is still partially in the fog and I think she's realized it after reading your/WWIU recent posts. If it doesn't add up it doesn't add up. Plain and simple. I'm physically sick again. Every couple of days I get hit over the head with another 2x4. Today is one of those days. And it's just started. First ever IC in my life is monday and I can't get there soon enough.

 

I think you may have meant LOTU not WWIU? Anyhow, once your wife accepts her part in what happened and comes clean with you, then you can make a start on the road to recovery. Like I said earlier I think your wife is afraid to "own up" to her part in it all in case you leave her. What perhaps she hasn't got her head around yet is that if she doesn't open up to you then she will lose you anyway. I honestly think that without her being completely honest, even if you do try and work it out, it will be a cancer eating away at your marriage.

 

Mrs Burningman, like I said earlier, your husband seems like a good man. He's willing to work through this with you. Dig deep, come clean today and give your marriage a fighting chance

[burningman]

LOTU, sorry and thanks to both you and bish. I'm doing all I can do to put complete sentences together at this point, much less acronyms. We've made MAJOR progress since this am. She has a WS thread going at survivinginfidelity. Both her thread and you and Bish brought up essentially the same point: "Don't try to use alcohol as your excuse, own up to your DECISIONS..." and she is doing this now. Killing her too. Her remorse is becoming more and more solidified. She read your posts and someone else brought it up in her thread too. I don't think either one of us realized how much honesty, down to it's shaky core, was as crucial as it is. Right down to the "yeah.... this is what I freakin made the choice on my own free will and here's why:..." Thank you. I actually though I had enough from her but no. She's got to disect this **** down to it's embarrassing nakedness (no pun intended) and own every nut and bolt that built the ****pile we're sitting on. Bish, I know you are a ballbuster and you have your stance, but seriously, if we do make it into R, which we are both pushing for, it will ironicaly be you that helped us get there. I've learned that ownership doesn't start with the balance sheet, it starts with the toilet, the mop and broom etc and she's getting it now too. She's finally admitted that she made a decision.

[LifesontheUp]

Sounds to me that she is starting to see her part in this and thats good. So instead of sticking a band aid over the issue, with counselling and your support she should get to the bottom of why she allowed what happened happen.

 

Theres a lot of hard work still to be done, but with the two of you working together it looks like you've got a fighting chance

[Racquel Colette]

OK, well, if you notice his reply to me brought out all the real issues here so don't get upset with me.

[bish]

LOTU, sorry and thanks to both you and bish. I'm doing all I can do to put complete sentences together at this point, much less acronyms. We've made MAJOR progress since this am. She has a WS thread going at survivinginfidelity.

 

Any chance of getting her handle so I can read what she says on SI.com? I won't respond to her, but I can come back and let you know what I think in this forum.

 

Bish, I know you are a ballbuster and you have your stance, but seriously, if we do make it into R, which we are both pushing for, it will ironicaly be you that helped us get there. I've learned that ownership doesn't start with the balance sheet, it starts with the toilet, the mop and broom etc and she's getting it now too. She's finally admitted that she made a decision.

 

Well glad to hear that. As I've said before...some people will not take the steps to make things better from sugarcoated advice....not saying you...but her.

 

Keep us posted.

[Racquel Colette]

Hello, I would like credit where credit is due...to me. Because the real issues of the affair came out after I posted and was insistent on doing so. We got to the heart of the matter because of my thoughtful replies to this thread.