on ulitmatums

[Tomcat33]

Listen, she's already cheating on you. She's just like all these OW who find joy in wrecking other people's marriages. Is the boss married?? I would call his wife up and tell her how low her husband is! Just show your cheating wife the bloody door already!! Get it over and done with it!

 

 

He's divorced I doubt his wife would care how low he is, ex-wife rather.

[Tomcat33]

My first question is, do you own your home? If so, why are you leaving? If anything, she should be leaving, regardless if she wants to or not. I hope her bags were packed by you and left on the outside of the door...

 

.

 

You can't "throw" a spouse out of their own home.

The courts can but you can't. Gees even I who has "never been married" knows that much.

[Trialbyfire]

You can't "throw" a spouse out of their own home.

The courts can but you can't. Gees even I who has "never been married" knows that much.

I would recommend you not try to control what I post.

[Tomcat33]

I would recommend you not try to control what I post.

 

I am just stating facts to counterbalance your illfounded "suggestions"?

Well "counterbalance" is actually the wrong word because that would imply the opposing thought actually has validity to it.

If anyone can think of a better word...I am at a loss right now...

[Trialbyfire]

burningman, once again, don't move out. If push comes to shove, make her move out. It's not difficult to do, to make a cheater move out. If they're in the least bit human, they will already feel sufficiently guilty, that it only takes a few well-placed demands and packed bags at the door, to make them go.

[Mr. Lucky]

I guess my whole point here is that I'm dyig inside and wondering what to do, becuse she is not over it/him, which means "affair" in her head, even though it culminated w/ a ONS. Her thoughts on this tell me it's not over. Is there a way out of this besides me leaving, or her quitting job immediately? I'd prefer to do neither right away, but don't see how.

Why are you "wondering what to do" ??? Your wife isn't conflicted, she clearly has made her decision to keep her options open with her OM. Has she quit her job? Has she gone NC with him? There's your answer right there.

 

Have your W move out. As TBF said, it's not that difficult. You'll find that your head will be much clearer if you're not seeing her every day. Get a lawyer, you're going to need one...

 

Mr. Lucky

[OpenBook]

As an FYI, even though it might be for intensive purposes, the saying is "For all intents and purposes". Just being helpful.

 

Here's where I stand on infidelity. It's one of the basic tenants of a marriage.

 

As an FYI, even though it may actually apply to temporary renters, the correct word is "tenet". Just being helpful.

 

And I'm not grasping your logic. Infidelity is one of the basic tenets of a marriage? I thought fidelity was...

[burningman]

I'm finally hearing from her what I expected the whole time.... "harmless crush" turns into borderline EA, she goes to the party and immediately realizes that it's not a good situation, then she thinks "no problem" here because of who was attending. She thinks she can play with her crush and not get burnt because of their requirement to be responsibile. She underestimates big boss man's intentions, gets drunk and sh*t happens. Truth and remorse have been pouring out since 8pm last night. My bags are still packed and sitting by the door. (BTW- my decision to leave is temporary because we have a vaca home, ultimately she will leave if no resolution occurs).

****************

The fog is lifting, and, faced with the consequences, thanks Cobra, she is now unloading all the info, wants to send the letter to corporate on Monday, confront him about WTF he was thinking and quit her job if nec. Her "feelings" apparently were an attempt to deny the reality and convince herself that no man could play her like this guy did. She's taking total responsibility for the night in question too. No ultmatums from me either, except the letter goes out monday and not a day later, and she confronts the guy ASAP to try to put the sh*t behind her. She's on board with desparateHH now and wants to stick it to her company. I'm not so sure about that, but I'm liking what I see. In retrospect, I put all of this together shortly after D-day, but she was in denial for her own selfish reasons. Silly me had to believe her BS because I loved her.

[Trialbyfire]

As an FYI, even though it may actually apply to temporary renters, the correct word is "tenet". Just being helpful.

 

And I'm not grasping your logic. Infidelity is one of the basic tenets of a marriage? I thought fidelity was...

Are you Tomcat's equal and alternate ego?

 

Why thank-you. It's nice to see someone who knows her words. Very helpful of you to point it out. For fun I could debate that a spouse is owned property...

 

I'll rephrase, just for your benefit so you can grasp what I'm trying to communicate. Clarity can never hurt.

 

"Here's where I stand on infidelity. It's a deal breaker because fidelity is one of the basic tenets of marriage."

[OpenBook]

I'm finally hearing from her what I expected the whole time.... "harmless crush" turns into borderline EA, she goes to the party and immediately realizes that it's not a good situation, then she thinks "no problem" here because of who was attending. She thinks she can play with her crush and not get burnt because of their requirement to be responsibile. She underestimates big boss man's intentions, gets drunk and sh*t happens. Truth and remorse have been pouring out since 8pm last night. My bags are still packed and sitting by the door. (BTW- my decision to leave is temporary because we have a vaca home, ultimately she will leave if no resolution occurs).

****************

The fog is lifting, and, faced with the consequences, thanks Cobra, she is now unloading all the info, wants to send the letter to corporate on Monday, confront him about WTF he was thinking and quit her job if nec. Her "feelings" apparently were an attempt to deny the reality and convince herself that no man could play her like this guy did. She's taking total responsibility for the night in question too. No ultmatums from me either, except the letter goes out monday and not a day later, and she confronts the guy ASAP to try to put the sh*t behind her. She's on board with desparateHH now and wants to stick it to her company. I'm not so sure about that, but I'm liking what I see. In retrospect, I put all of this together shortly after D-day, but she was in denial for her own selfish reasons. Silly me had to believe her BS because I loved her.

 

I don't know, burning... this company sounds like they know what they're doing. "No email, I'll write my address on a piece of paper" ... "Don't worry honey, we won't document it" ... I wouldn't be surprised if they were frantically looking for a (legitimate) reason to fire her now. If I were her, I would be extremely careful. They could "blacklist" her in the industry, to where no one would hire her. Unfortunately, it is still a man's world in the corporate environment.

 

But I think you're doing the right thing by putting your foot down in your M. You sound like a stand-up guy. I hope she's worth it.

[burningman]

The only silver lining in this is that she can't get blacklisted in the industry. They also can't blacklist her because it's an automatic retaliation/sexual harrassment suit. Additionally, the rest of the companies in this business don't respect her company at all (I work for a competitor and have been in the same business myself for 5+ years). The reason they they don't respect the co. is these situations are par for the course with them. The co.'s competitors steal their employees on a regular basis.

**************

[bish]

You can't "throw" a spouse out of their own home.

The courts can but you can't. Gees even I who has "never been married" knows that much.

 

True, but you can ask them to have the decency to leave the house.

[bish]

What's "so basic" is that it has everything to do with respect, I'm surprised you fail to see that.

 

Exactly...she doesn't respect her husband....so he should divorce her if she doesn't quit. Not dropping an ultimatum...just see if she does it on her own once he let her know how he feels about it.

 

And if she doesn't do it on her own....dump her.

[Tomcat33]

As an FYI, even though it may actually apply to temporary renters, the correct word is "tenet". Just being helpful.

 

And I'm not grasping your logic. Infidelity is one of the basic tenets of a marriage? I thought fidelity was...

 

Good things come to those who wait! :laugh:

and that was very good.

 

 

 

I'll rephrase, just for your benefit so you can grasp what I'm trying to communicate. Clarity can never hurt.

 

 

Clarity can never hurt but irony kills.... It's killing me, I'm dying here :lmao::lmao:

 

True, but you can ask them to have the decency to leave the house.

 

Yes I agree, anyone in her shoes who has an iota of decency, would not put up a fight. You simply can't pack their bags and put their stuff out the door and change the locks. That's insane AND illegal.

 

[

[bish]

Yes I agree, anyone in her shoes who has an iota of decency, would not put up a fight. You simply can't pack their bags and put their stuff out the door and change the locks. That's insane AND illegal.

 

One could throw all their belongings on the front lawn. Nothing illegal there. You threw the stuff out of the house....it is still on the property.

 

so they can either take the time to put it back in the house...or take the hint and pick it up and leave.

[Trialbyfire]

One could throw all their belongings on the front lawn. Nothing illegal there. You threw the stuff out of the house....it is still on the property.

 

so they can either take the time to put it back in the house...or take the hint and pick it up and leave.

And if they put it back into the house, you pick it up and throw it back out again.

[Tomcat33]

And if they put it back into the house, you pick it up and throw it back out again.

 

 

I hear neighbours do that, in trailer parks that is.

 

"Bad boys bad boys....what you gonna do when they come for you...."

[bish]

I hear neighbours do that, in trailer parks that is.

 

"Bad boys bad boys....what you gonna do when they come for you...."

 

So if I hear you correctly....if someone is betrayed and throws out the cheaters stuff...they are trailer trash?

[Tomcat33]

So if I hear you correctly....if someone is betrayed and throws out the cheaters stuff...they are trailer trash?

 

Ah no, the idea that someone would throw their partner's stuff out and the partner puts their stuff back in the house and their stuff gets thrown out again and this repeats making THAT total trailer trash.

 

I can't imagine a scene like that going down quietly, hence it is TOTAL trailer trash.

[bish]

Ah no, the idea that someone would throw their partner's stuff out and the partner puts their stuff back in the house and their stuff gets thrown out again and this repeats making THAT total trailer trash.

 

I can't imagine a scene like that going down quietly, hence it is TOTAL trailer trash.

 

Nah...whats total trailer trash is people who cheat and sleep with married people.

[Tomcat33]

Nah...whats total trailer trash is people who cheat and sleep with married people.

 

 

I disagree, people from all ranks of life get caught up in extramarital affairs or ties it has nothing to do with being white trash or not. Our own history dates back to times where affairs were accepted and formed part of a social structure, heck it still happens in certain parts of the world. Some of the highest forms of social class in certain parts of the world today accept and recognize that having something on the side of a marriage is a fact of life. Look at France for example. The idea that it is morally wrong in our social structure is a different story but that hardly makes people white trash, what a nonsense thing to say.

 

Now making a scene outside of someone's home by throwing things out into the lawn and fighting that out for the nieghbourhood to see THAT'S TRAILER PARK at its best, there is no skirting around that. People can come to agreements through communication, if not that is what the authorities are for any form of vigilante attitude is white trash, it denotes poor mental capacity and ability to cope with one's emotions, low class and lack of emotional intelligence. If you really need to argue that then we are definitely on very different social and intellectual plains. If you don't get that I doubt anything I say will hit home so, I suspect we are very different class of people indeed.

[bish]

I disagree

 

Well of course you disagree. I expect nothing less when it comes to your defense of cheaters and the OM/OW.

[bish]

Now making a scene outside of someone's home by throwing things out into the lawn and fighting that out for the nieghbourhood to see THAT'S TRAILER PARK at its best, there is no skirting around that. People can come to agreements through communication, if not that is what the authorities are for any form of vigilante attitude is white trash, it denotes poor mental capacity and ability to cope with one's emotions, low class and lack of emotional intelligence. If you really need to argue that then we are definitely on very different social and intellectual plains.

 

ah...so now we can add intellectual and cerebral superiority over others to your personality?

[Tomcat33]

ah...so now we can add intellectual and cerebral superiority over others to your personality?

 

No we are not adding anything new here. Being intellectually superior to some others is nothing new for me, that has always formed a part of my personality.

 

Well of course you disagree. I expect nothing less when it comes to your defense of cheaters and the OM/OW.

 

So if you expect nothing less and know what my answers are going to be and clearly they get you all worked up every single time, why do you bother? :laugh:

You do know the definition of insanity right?

 

also the idea that some people cling to a notion and go around life projecting anger in the exact same manner is not exactly white trash but it is small minded to me, it lacks emotional intelligence and it shows weak character. That need to cling on to a negative emotion with dear life does seem inferior to me. Actually it is no different than what a lot of people see in cheaters or OP.

 

Just so you know, my views were as such even when I was in the betrayed shoes, my ex fiance who cheated on me was hardly white trash, he was weak and had his issues but he was not white trash. I have never EVER been with anyone white trash nor do I consider myself that. What you see through your glasses is totally irrlevant to me and you own your own feelings, good luck with that I sincerely mean it.

 

But if I see a couple duking it out on the front lawn, that to me denotes white trashiness.

[bish]

No we are not adding anything new here. Being intellectually superior to some others is nothing new for me, that has always formed a part of my personality.

 

If you think you are intellectually superior to anyone, you are sorely mistaken.