18 yrs old...uneducated...5 mos. pregnant..homeless

[zsunnydayz]

OK...I don't even know where to begin?

 

I have this cousin who is 18 years old, 5 mos. pregnant, and her housing is pretty much transient. Here's the thing, she hasn't been to the doctor since she has been pregnant, and is only taking store bought prenatal vitamins.

 

Since yesterday, I hadn't talked to her in like 2 mos. When she called me yesterday, she told me that she needed to use someones address to get on medical, because her father wouldn't allow her to use his address or his income for her benefits. (I guess since she is under the age of 22, and doesn't have a permanent address of her own, she has to use her father information). ( I just think that is complete hooey, and that they shouldn't turn her down for medical seeing that she is 5 mos. pregnant, and doesn't have a job).

 

Before she called me, I thought she was living two hours away with her older sister and working. (She did have a job). I thought that she was on medical by now and seeing a doctor regularly? But I guess I was wrong, because she quit her job, and moved back to town claiming that "she couldn't get on medical while she was living with her sister, because she wasn't a resident there for up to six months. She said that if she would've stayed, she would've and waited to become a "legal resident", she would've already had her baby. ( i personally think that she could've tried a little harder to get in to see a doctor to get her blood checked and the fetus checked out. She just didn't care enough to do so. I know there are budget based clinics everywhere)

 

Well, now she's back in town, and has been for 1.5 months so she claims, and is still not on medical. I asked her why she waited so long to call me, but she didn't answer, and I wasn't pressuring her either, because my life has been "worry free" since she hasn't called me. (Not to sound so mean, but she only calls me when she is in need of my services. She NEVER calls otherwise.)

 

So she is back here, staying with her unborn child's mother and his siblings.

 

She told me that she cannot use the address to where she is actually staying because where she lives there are already benefits being used.

 

(They are already on welfare) ...Figures. Everyone she knows is using the system in some type of way.

Here's my issue.

 

Where is her baby's father?

 

Since she met that boy 2 yrs ago, I had a bad feeling about him.

 

I didn't like him.

 

Six months ago, she found out he was cheating on her, and that he had gotten some other young girl pregnant. Now he is a 20 yr old drop out...who has impregnated my cousin who is 18, and this other girl who is 17 yrs old. This other girl is more far along than my cousin. She's due in January some time is what my cousin claims.

 

Now here's the even more disgusting part. My cousin know about this other girl being pregnant, but this other girl has no idea that my cousin is pregnant.

 

I told my cousin that he is only walking on eggshells for that other girls feelings and doesn't give a rats ass about yours.

 

Yet, she still sees him.

 

I asked her what he is doing about her living situation knowing that she is getting ready to pop?

 

Her exact words "I'm not on him, I don't expect him to do anything"...

 

 

THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LIVING WITH HIS MOM and UP HIS ASS????

 

WHY NOT GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER????

 

I have found numerous places where she could go live, and by the time she completes the programs, she will have a GED, parenting skills, her own place, and independence, yet she chooses not to take responsibility for her actions.

 

I asked her...What are you going to do when you have your baby? You are living in a house that has no water...No one is educated...and no one truly cares about that baby growing inside of you.

 

She has no education, no parenting experience, and no job.

 

NOT EVEN MEDICAL, which she isn't even taking the initiative to go to a free clinic.

 

Instead, she'd rather wait around for an "illegal" address for someone to hand her.

 

If it isn't someone doing something for her, than she doesn't want to do it.

 

This place that I found for her to go live in is a "shelter", but they have programs for people like her who have never lived on their own. It will teach her responsibility and show her how to go about life in the right way.

 

Yes, it is a shelter, but she really has no other options.

 

I mean, if I were her..I would do it..But she is only thinking about herself and not this baby. She is proving that she is incapable of even taking care of this child, because she isn't trying hard enough to get in to go see a doctor.

 

Obviously she is not drinking any water, if where she is staying has no water...It's just ridiculous..I wish I could just grab her by the hand and take her there.

 

Living with me is out of the question, I have my own life to live, and I also have a roommate who doesn't really get along with her.

 

I'm in school trying to get my life together too, so I can't be of any financial help either. I don't even have parents to rely on.

 

I guess I'm writing this in hopes to find some inspiring words in this time of crisis. For someone to maybe help figure out a way for this girl to see that she does need to get out from the life she is living and start fresh and help herself.

 

If there is anyone out there who is gifted at this kind of thing, please spread your grace.

 

Thank you.

[quankanne]

do a web search for "Gabriel Project," and find one closest to her. It's a church-based ministry that helps women in unexpected preganancies get the medical, physical and spiritual help they need during their pregnancy.

 

it's rather odd what you've described about your cousin, and the only thing I can honestly think of is that maybe she's in denial about the whole thing, and to look for the "perfect" address is to delay reality because as long as she's not able to "get help" she doesn't have to face what's going on with her body.

 

best thing you can do is just keep her in your prayers, even as you want to strangle her for being so selfish right now.

 

hugs,

quank