I'm sorry I just cannot go on

[sb129]

You know, this time of year is the WORST time of year to be mourning a breakup. Both of my last Rs ended at the end of October, and right now its dark all the time, and cold and yucky.

 

People get naturally more depressed this time of year because they don't get enough sunlight.

 

BHKS, I have just invested in one of these

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/DAYLIGHT-SPECTRUM-PURIFIER-23W-BAYONETT/dp/B000LIOTDA/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=electronics&qid=1195159171&sr=8-1

 

 

and its amazing. I feel great in the mornings.

 

I know its just a little light bulb, but you never know....

 

When I have a day like yours, I just tuck myself up in bed with a good book and a hot drink, and write the day off. Its a new day tomorrow, and you are one day closer to getting over him.

[serendip]

When you feel down....go for a run...it will help

[Kasan]

sb129--

 

Funny you should mention this. I am having a hard time with the time change and told someone recently, that I needed to get one of those lights.

 

Thanks for the link.

[funkybassplayer]

I want too, I really do - he did such a number on me. I had so much fight to begin with I used my anger toward him in such a positive way but now that anger has subsided I feel useless.

 

 

whatever he did to you, stay in control of your emotions. You could not control what he did, but you can control what you do from this second on wards. Your heart is open now, and its a good time to take in all the love being offered on this site. Look at whats here now, not what was. This is a good time to get yourself together and re group. Forget drinking out, connect with real life and nature, when you go down in yourself, look at all the wonderful natural things around you, go back to basics, try to uncomplicate your mind, get some clean air in you.

[bigheartkindsoul]

You know, this time of year is the WORST time of year to be mourning a breakup. Both of my last Rs ended at the end of October, and right now its dark all the time, and cold and yucky.

 

People get naturally more depressed this time of year because they don't get enough sunlight.

 

BHKS, I have just invested in one of these

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/DAYLIGHT-SPECTRUM-PURIFIER-23W-BAYONETT/dp/B000LIOTDA/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=electronics&qid=1195159171&sr=8-1

 

 

and its amazing. I feel great in the mornings.

 

I know its just a little light bulb, but you never know....

 

When I have a day like yours, I just tuck myself up in bed with a good book and a hot drink, and write the day off. Its a new day tomorrow, and you are one day closer to getting over him.

 

Thank you I am willing to try anything right now, I am desperate to get past this.

[Star Gazer]

Thank you I am willing to try anything right now, I am desperate to get past this.

 

How about reading LB's threads about breast cancer and working out a living will? That should give you some perspective on how precious life is.

[Star Gazer]

I know its just a little light bulb, but you never know....

 

There's actually something to this, SB. Light, even fake light, produces Vitamin D...which is necessary to be happy. Many people here in the states are addicted to tanning beds for this very reason. It's like a little happy-button or something. Serious.

[bigheartkindsoul]

I have ordered one.

 

I will try and stay calm til tomorrow and make some calls & get appointments that clearly I need to make.

 

I'm so sorry to all, I just am having such a rough time I feel so desperate and I get confused and messed up. Tears clouding my thoughts, old feelings clouding my head and judgement.

 

I feel so sad, for the first time ever I actually say I miss my ex. I don't want him, would not make contact, but I miss him or someone here when I feel low I am not sure - again confusing feelings/thoughts.

 

Everyday is a struggle, to get up, to not over think, to smile, to stay up. Its a struggle.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Also the fact its Christmas soon, such a romantic time and once again just like alot of recent years I get to be single, waking up alone on Xmas morning opening my presents alone. Sad.

[frd150]

Hey Bigheart,

 

There is not much more that I can say that hasnt already been said but this...

 

I can say that I (well most of us) have felt the pain your going through now and I can tell you with certainty that it does subside. It may not seem like it but it will.

 

I was on here a few months back desperate, weak with exaustion and emotionally drained. I had lost the love of my life...my soulmate but alot has happened since then. Bigger things. Things that put alot of this in perspective.

 

I said to myself one day that I needed to take control or the outlook was not going to be good, yes,it was that bad. So I picked up the phone and signed up for the gym and now im religious about it. Oh, I got back into mountain biking and with that ive met alot of great people and have made some new friends. So my point is that there comes atime where you have to look past what your feeling now while your feeling it( if that makes sense) and focus on improving you. I viewed it as a good kick in the butt.

 

I still get sad, I still miss her but ive realized that the only thing I can control is me.

 

I dont know if Ive helped but Im concerned and you dont have to apologize to us. If we didnt want to be here then we wouldnt be here .

 

It does get better.

 

Hang in there sweetie:)

[sb129]

sb129--

 

Funny you should mention this. I am having a hard time with the time change and told someone recently, that I needed to get one of those lights.

 

Thanks for the link.

 

 

They are the business. Its like Club Tropicana in my bedroom. And the drinks are free...

 

There's actually something to this, SB. Light, even fake light, produces Vitamin D...which is necessary to be happy. Many people here in the states are addicted to tanning beds for this very reason. It's like a little happy-button or something. Serious.

 

Oh, I know! Thats why we bought it, because the alternative (sunbeds) is bad for me, esp as I have a couple of bad moles on my back.

 

Also the fact its Christmas soon, such a romantic time and once again just like alot of recent years I get to be single, waking up alone on Xmas morning opening my presents alone. Sad.

 

What about your family? Friends? Lots of people don't spend the holidays with their SO, because their SOs family are in a different part of the world etc.

[your star]

Hi bigheart,

 

First off I want to say that I'm truly sorry for the pain you are feeling now. I read both of your threads. I myself cannot offer too much advise as these great people bc I myself am trying to get over a 6+ year relationship. The guy dumped me, disappeared for 2 months and reappeared last month on my bday. each day is a rollercoaster and I sometimes cry at night saying I cant do it anymore. But in the end we have to remember is this person worth me feeling so low? the answer is no.

 

Since I've been on LS I have found myself reading other's stories and it sort of opens your eyes. Sometimes we just need to take a step back, and breathe. In my case I'm hoping to get lost from everything in order to find myself again.

 

Hang in there, we'll get thru this, I promise

[ThesinPride]

You know you can get through this. The "up and down" sucks, I know it does but this won't last forever. How you felt after your trip wasn't a fluke, it was the realization that there is happiness after a break up. Now and again that gets pushed to the back of our minds when a lot of things are thrown at us at once but it's still there. I know you want to move on and be happy again, and that WILL happen. For now though you haven't gotten everything out that you needed to yet.

 

Lonely you may be, but never forget you aren't alone in this. You know where to find me if you need to. I'm never far off.

 

(((hugs)))

[Spinderella]

It sounds as though you are always running around, trying to find distractions. This only suppresses feelings. It is better to be quiet and still and allow the feelings to come until you feel the inner peace of the universe. A house with no foundations is not very strong.

[frd150]

Bigheart,

 

You ok? Feelin any better?

[bigheartkindsoul]

It sounds as though you are always running around, trying to find distractions. This only suppresses feelings. It is better to be quiet and still and allow the feelings to come until you feel the inner peace of the universe. A house with no foundations is not very strong.

 

I have got better, for about 3months after the break up I had to be doing something everyday, out every night even if just at the gym & swimming. Now I can (somedays not so well) handle nights in alone which seriously is a big step.

 

Please believe me when I say this, I am and have and will continue to try everything I can to get past this.

 

I do have incredible strength, just lose my way sometimes. And get so low I cannot see the woods for the trees, I see no light. That is what depression does to you, you cannot see happiness even when you have known it to be true and that you have and can be happy.

 

I am a good person, I help others, I smile and am happy most of the time in normal circumstances. I have just come of the path. If most of you knew me in RL you would enjoy my company I am sure and you would see this bubbly person who makes others laugh and gives them strength.

 

Just my secret world at the moment can sometimes get a bit gloomey.

[bigheartkindsoul]

You know you can get through this. The "up and down" sucks, I know it does but this won't last forever. How you felt after your trip wasn't a fluke, it was the realization that there is happiness after a break up. Now and again that gets pushed to the back of our minds when a lot of things are thrown at us at once but it's still there. I know you want to move on and be happy again, and that WILL happen. For now though you haven't gotten everything out that you needed to yet.

 

Lonely you may be, but never forget you aren't alone in this. You know where to find me if you need to. I'm never far off.

 

(((hugs)))

 

Thank you hunny

xxx

[bigheartkindsoul]

Bigheart,

 

You ok? Feelin any better?

 

I am here, that is all I have right now. But thank you so much for you kind words. xxxxx

[bigheartkindsoul]

I was on here a few months back desperate, weak with exaustion and emotionally drained. I had lost the love of my life...my soulmate but alot has happened since then. Bigger things. Things that put alot of this in perspective.

 

 

 

Thank you, yes the first sentance is how I feel but I am digging deep, I have sometime to myself this weekend and will do some writing and write about all that is good about me and my life right now instead of feeling the worse. Gonna eat some healthy food, go down the gym like all weekends and go shopping.

 

I have made an appointment with hypnotherapist as I'd like help with not forgetting but just not remember the feelings that went along with past events because that is what brings me down.

 

When I remember I remember exactly how I felt at the time, that for anyone is draining and upsetting.

[Phateless]

And thank you, you are all very sweet kind people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

HE is NOT worth it. So you want the pain to go away... we all do. But don't you want to be around to enjoy the feeling once the pain is gone? Think about it.

 

Just fight through it.

[bigheartkindsoul]

HE is NOT worth it. So you want the pain to go away... we all do. But don't you want to be around to enjoy the feeling once the pain is gone? Think about it.

 

Just fight through it.

 

you are right. I will. Thank you. xxx

[bigheartkindsoul]

It was desperation last night, I was at the lowest of the low I did think about ending my life just for the pain and hurt to be gone. I didn't know where else to turn.

 

Thank you everyone for your kind words, your advice which has been noted.

 

Perhaps I will come back here soon.

 

Take care

 

xxxx

[Phateless]

you are right. I will. Thank you. xxx

 

You're welcome. I wish I was around to give you a hug.

[Spinderella]

I have got better, for about 3months after the break up I had to be doing something everyday, out every night even if just at the gym & swimming. Now I can (somedays not so well) handle nights in alone which seriously is a big step.

 

Please believe me when I say this, I am and have and will continue to try everything I can to get past this.

 

I do have incredible strength, just lose my way sometimes. And get so low I cannot see the woods for the trees, I see no light. That is what depression does to you, you cannot see happiness even when you have known it to be true and that you have and can be happy.

 

I am a good person, I help others, I smile and am happy most of the time in normal circumstances. I have just come of the path. If most of you knew me in RL you would enjoy my company I am sure and you would see this bubbly person who makes others laugh and gives them strength.

 

Just my secret world at the moment can sometimes get a bit gloomey.

Hey. It's not a criticism as it may sound. It's true for all of us.

Sometimes I recognise when I am focussed only on external things, and sometimes I don't.

[Trialbyfire]

bhks, you're the only one who can let him go. In holding onto your feelings for him, you allow him to continue to control you. He controls your waking thoughts and your meaning for life. He controls your happiness.

 

You're still in a relationship with him but a one-sided, negative one. Let him go. If you think about him, stop doing it. It's time for you to focus on other things.

 

Everyone needs to go through the sad, angry and depressed stages. After you complete one cycle, you should put it away until you're stronger. When you're ready, bring it back out and address more. Keep doing this until you've let go and moved on. Don't let yourself get trapped in one of the stages, within one of the cycles.

 

I do recall seeing my ex for the first time after our divorce. It was one of the saddest moments but even better, it was the final moment of letting go.