I'm sorry I just cannot go on

[bigheartkindsoul]

There is so much I dont understand so much about this journey. But am willing and trying. I understand though that yes it must come from within, but when I am having a real bad time, I am right in thinking its a good thing to come and post on here rather than sitting wallowing and doing something that I will be in no position to regreat after only those I leave behind?

 

Honestly I have listened and the positive things that I think that will help I have taken on board and done something or doing something about.

 

I just wanted to let people know that these "Real down times" are not the norm anymore rather a blip (a big blip I know) but its positive that I am not like this everyday like I was 1, 2, 3 months into the break up.

 

I do use these threads I create to give myself a good talking too aswell, so if it seemed it was all aimed at OP, I apologise it wasn't.

 

Take care hun and all

 

xxx

[bigheartkindsoul]

There is so much I dont understand so much about this journey. But am willing and trying. I understand though that yes it must come from within, but when I am having a real bad time, I am right in thinking its a good thing to come and post on here rather than sitting wallowing and doing something that I will be in no position to regreat after only those I leave behind?

 

Honestly I have listened and the positive things that I think that will help I have taken on board and done something or doing something about.

 

I just wanted to let people know that these "Real down times" are not the norm anymore rather a blip (a big blip I know) but its positive that I am not like this everyday like I was 1, 2, 3 months into the break up.

 

I do use these threads I create to give myself a good talking too aswell, so if it seemed it was all aimed at OP, I apologise it wasn't.

 

Take care hun and all

 

xxx

[frd150]

You dont have to prove yourself to anybody else. Its about finding a way to not feel unhappy any more, and you will not find that outside of yourself. You cant mend the internal by trying to fix the external. This is all anybody (most people) is trying to say to you.

 

 

Yes, you are right but it sure does help.

 

When I confronted the my whole deal head on It was sorta liberating. My ex's best friend told me "now, lets get you your self esteem back". Thats when I when on my whole self improvement. I see a difference now and that difference has sure helped with the internal. To me I look better thus I feel better.

 

Bigheart,

 

This kind of stuff will not be mended overnight. Its a path we have all walked "up". I say up because its uphill at first but then you will slowly decend into goodness. It dosent happen overnight but trust me it will happen. Someone on here told me once that you have to "fake it till you make it" I was like Wahhh?? But then it dawned on me that that smile on my face altough fake at first became easier and easier to put there for real:). Baby steps (I always say that).

 

 

Your gonna get some tought love here so expect it maybe not from me but definetly from others. Sometimes its what we all need.

 

I hope you have a much better day.

[frd150]

Oh by the way...

 

Change your Avatar. I want to see a smile.:)

[Mustang Sally]

Change your Avatar. I want to see a smile.

No doubt.

 

Sounds tough, but you have lots who are here, willing to help you.

Good luck to you.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Oh by the way...

 

Change your Avatar. I want to see a smile.:)

 

No doubt.

 

Sounds tough, but you have lots who are here, willing to help you.

Good luck to you.

 

I have changed it. Today is much better, slowly climbing back out the hole and as previously said these downtimes only seem to come every now and again, so perhpas I am doing better than I think.

 

However knowing I could get as low as I did, even if it was a 24hr thing, is very scary. And I am worried about that.

[Lyssa]

[[[[bHKS]]]]

 

Glad you're feeling much better today - hopefully it gets better every day!

 

Should not worry - just enjoy it...

[bigheartkindsoul]

[[[[bHKS]]]]

 

Glad you're feeling much better today - hopefully it gets better every day!

 

Should not worry - just enjoy it...

 

Thank you hunny, when is your trip? Next week your off right?

 

{{{{hugs}}}}

[Lyssa]

Thank you hunny, when is your trip? Next week your off right?

 

{{{{hugs}}}}

 

Yup, 24th Nov!!

[bigheartkindsoul]

Yup, 24th Nov!!

 

next weekend, cool!! Your gonna have such a great time

[Quinch]

Glad you're feeling better now, bhks. I just saw this thread and I must admit that first post scared me. We're all here for you and, if you ever feel like that again, PM me and I'll let you have my email and I'll be there to help. You don't have to be alone.

 

[brothermartin]

Hey, there's that beautiful face I like to see! I saw that you've been having a rough time lately, but I'm glad to see that you're feeling better. I'm sorry that I was'nt there for you when your mood took a down-turn, but its a good thing that you were able to turn it around on your own! That takes real strength and courage! Keep it up champ, I still got ya back!

[coco_milkshake]

Hey BHKS..your first post freaked me out. Listen to music..its soo theraputic. I always blast MIMS when I feel down and yell "this is why Im hot" hahahaha. Its a great booster and music does help you get through it.

 

Go crazy, dance around the room (like I do LOL) and smile cos a moment lost is a moment wasted. Smile. You are a stunning woman with alot going for you. You just have to believe that.

[Lyssa]

next weekend, cool!! Your gonna have such a great time

 

Yup!! Thanks, love! I know I will... :bunny:

[bigheartkindsoul]

Glad you're feeling better now, bhks. I just saw this thread and I must admit that first post scared me. We're all here for you and, if you ever feel like that again, PM me and I'll let you have my email and I'll be there to help. You don't have to be alone.

 

 

Hey, there's that beautiful face I like to see! I saw that you've been having a rough time lately, but I'm glad to see that you're feeling better. I'm sorry that I was'nt there for you when your mood took a down-turn, but its a good thing that you were able to turn it around on your own! That takes real strength and courage! Keep it up champ, I still got ya back!

 

Hey BHKS..your first post freaked me out. Listen to music..its soo theraputic. I always blast MIMS when I feel down and yell "this is why Im hot" hahahaha. Its a great booster and music does help you get through it.

 

Go crazy, dance around the room (like I do LOL) and smile cos a moment lost is a moment wasted. Smile. You are a stunning woman with alot going for you. You just have to believe that.

 

Thanks you lovely people {{{{{hugs}}}}

 

An update.......

 

I pretty much know what the trigger was for my downturn the other night

 

1) having to go to ex's village and seeing him drive past

 

2) build up of stress and anxiety along with some bad pain with my slipped disc

 

This led to being totally overwhelmed which send my mood downwards, made me feel low, which when I was that low couldn't see or think straight and felt like I couldn't see any light.

 

So I guess going forward one thing I need to control is my stress levels as best as I can.

 

There is nothing I can do about the back pain, its just something I have to live with and sometimes i cannot avoid things that aggrevate it like driving for 4hrs or loading the washing machine or picking things up from the floor or the hoovering, I live alone so I just have to get on with it.

 

However I have a new supplement as well as all the others I take, which is Glucosemine with Rosehip which is supposed to help with the pain levels.

 

Had night in this evening alone, and I am perfectly fine. A good sign.

 

I need to ensure that my moods and stress stay level and do not nose dive too much, better to look like a flatline rather than a mountain range.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Thanks you lovely people {{{{{hugs}}}}

 

An update.......

 

I pretty much know what the trigger was for my downturn the other night

 

1) having to go to ex's village and seeing him drive past

 

2) build up of stress and anxiety along with some bad pain with my slipped disc

 

This led to being totally overwhelmed which send my mood downwards, made me feel low, which when I was that low couldn't see or think straight and felt like I couldn't see any light.

 

So I guess going forward one thing I need to control is my stress levels as best as I can.

 

There is nothing I can do about the back pain, its just something I have to live with and sometimes i cannot avoid things that aggrevate it like driving for 4hrs or loading the washing machine or picking things up from the floor or the hoovering, I live alone so I just have to get on with it.

 

However I have a new supplement as well as all the others I take, which is Glucosemine with Rosehip which is supposed to help with the pain levels.

 

Had night in this evening alone, and I am perfectly fine. A good sign.

 

I need to ensure that my moods and stress stay level and do not nose dive too much, better to look like a flatline rather than a mountain range.

 

Mood ok again today feeling fat but ok apart from that, caught up on some sleep overnight.

 

Day by myself again today, am in bit of pain but feel ok.

 

I shall be seeing therapist tomorrow so will ask her about this and see if she has any ideas as too why my mood went so dark the other night because feeling that low is just not right. It has scared me alot that I can still get that low.

[amaysngrace]

Good morning. I'm glad you are more rested today.

 

I have to say that I admire you for your tenacity. It's really hard to get to the bottom of our issues. It's a lot of hard work. Being stuck in a place inside our heads or turning our backs altogether on what's bothering us would be the easy way out. But you're facing it. And trying to get past it.

 

It's definitely painful facing those things inside ourselves that cause us to feel so bad. But you're trying.

 

And I respect that.

[brothermartin]

Mood ok again today feeling fat but ok apart from that, caught up on some sleep overnight.

 

My daddy has a saying for people that feel like thier fat and depressed about it. He said, "Lean may be mean, but fat's got flavor!" I like that! Flavor is always better than your stereotypically thin, barbie-doll women. And you've got flavor hunny!

 

I'm sorry you're feeling down about yourself still, but it will pass. You know that. But you picked the avatar "BIGHEARTKINDSOUL" for a reason. Because you know that those are qualities that you have, that are good qualities and precious to people that know what's important in a person. So don't kid yourself, hunny. Your a precious find, even if that jackass ex of yours did'nt see it. And even if for now, you cant see it. You will.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Good morning. I'm glad you are more rested today.

 

I have to say that I admire you for your tenacity. It's really hard to get to the bottom of our issues. It's a lot of hard work. Being stuck in a place inside our heads or turning our backs altogether on what's bothering us would be the easy way out. But you're facing it. And trying to get past it.

 

It's definitely painful facing those things inside ourselves that cause us to feel so bad. But you're trying.

 

And I respect that.

 

Mood ok again today feeling fat but ok apart from that, caught up on some sleep overnight.

 

My daddy has a saying for people that feel like thier fat and depressed about it. He said, "Lean may be mean, but fat's got flavor!" I like that! Flavor is always better than your stereotypically thin, barbie-doll women. And you've got flavor hunny!

 

I'm sorry you're feeling down about yourself still, but it will pass. You know that. But you picked the avatar "BIGHEARTKINDSOUL" for a reason. Because you know that those are qualities that you have, that are good qualities and precious to people that know what's important in a person. So don't kid yourself, hunny. Your a precious find, even if that jackass ex of yours did'nt see it. And even if for now, you cant see it. You will.

 

 

Thank you both of you.

 

Peoples compassion has helped me so much as have the words of wisdom and encouragement.

 

{{{{{hugs}}}}

[bigheartkindsoul]

Now feel like crap again.

 

Hate the way my past effects me, effects the fact....you know what I give up cause I don't know how too.

 

Don't you get it I just don't know how too make myself better about how I feel about myself.

 

How can I do so much to try and get past it, yet seem to get no where.

 

B0ll0cks to it.

[frd150]

Ahhh a smile and it looks real. I hope it is:).

 

 

Physical:

I sit and remember how I looked and then I look at myself now the improvements are small but its enough to keep me going. Yesterday I conqured a hill on my mountainbike that I always avoided. At least Im getting stronger. Little victories.

 

Mental:

 

I think of the strong carefree person I was before her...heck with her it was great. I just try to get back to that. I just try and do something that reminds me of all this.

 

Its tough cuz the holidays start in just a few days here in the states. Its gonna be real tough. It was such a good time for the two of us. Im gonna miss shopping for her it was so much fun. Im gonna miss making her smile on Christmas morning.

 

This is the week I was dreading. The start of it all. All the christmas commercials on the tv ughh. I need to get my head right,im slipping.Crap.

[stevessvt]

Remember Debz, I am still here if you want to chat....

[marty]

Now feel like crap again.

 

Hate the way my past effects me, effects the fact....you know what I give up cause I don't know how too.

 

Don't you get it I just don't know how too make myself better about how I feel about myself.

 

How can I do so much to try and get past it, yet seem to get no where.

 

B0ll0cks to it.

 

having that kinda day too dear. your not alone.

 

i too, have no idea how to get through it, but i have faith that i will,,, somehow.

dont fight it. the more you fight it , the longer it will take to get out your system.

feel it all, knowing that you are down now, but you wont be forever. knowing it will pass, you ARE healing. you ARE.

i've seen some of your 'up' posts, know that the ups will get longer and the downs shorter.

 

on msn later if u wanna vent,

 

take care you.

[Spinderella]

Hate the way my past effects me, effects the fact....you know what I give up cause I don't know how too.

Try just letting it be, but not letting it define you. You are fighting against something that has already happened, it is in the past, and it is pointless to fight against it because YOU are in the present. You are you, now. The true you is beyond your thoughts about the past, beyond your thoughts at all.

[Dmeech]

are you kidding me? You are beautifull!!!!Go out to a club or a bar, there will be guys flocking all over you! You don't have to do anything, you don't owe them anything, just enjoy the attention and it will make you feel better, attractive, worthy of someone elses attention plus on top of that you will have lots of fun. I just got out of the relationship, but my ex is still playing mind games, she keeps pulling me back in by kissing me and being intimate and then presents the "i dont want a boyfriend right now/ lets just be friends" card, after 6 years something like that REALLY F*cks with a persons head. Go out with friends, drink some boose while your out, it will make you forget and make it easier to meet new interesting people. After all, Alcohol is a social lubricant... hope you feel better!!!