Jmina Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I totally agree with you spind. this is how we all get in a big muck. by labelling ourselves without really quite noticing. i labelled myself a few things over mybreak up, -strong, fighter (in a beneficial way not an angry way), openhearted etc etc but they were all linked from the break up and i made the breakup about me and what i had learnt from it and suffered from it to make me who i am. so basically i was a walking scrapbook with memories good and bad all about my ex and me and our friendship and relationship and it was defining who i was. when i realised this last night that i had taken on EVERYTHING as i know i had learnt some valuable lessons i didnt want to let any of it go. i didnt even know how to let it go. just through typing as i was thinking, it all rolled of the fingers and i worked it out. that moment i realised what i was fearing. that if i closed the book i had to re create myself without the book. sure it was always free to open but it wasnt me anymore. and within those few seconds i was freed. simple as that. i wasnt able to do it any earlier as i was still learning and working out things to the day it happened. i guess i was ready yesterday and i feel baggage free, just how i started because i talked about EVERYTHING and i cried about EVERYTHING and i stayed open hearted and true to myself and didnt give into to anger and resentment. i also didnt deny myself feeling angry but i made sure to work through it. so BHKS you are defenetly labelling or defining yourself, it is clear as day. and yes we all do it. figure out what you label yourself, and then decide if you are willing to carry those labels anymore... if you really need them or not. if not drop them. world comes off your shoulders at that point. ive read about this before and i can explain it in more detail or a more step by step way if anyone needs more explanation about clearing out your mind, throwing away the junk leaving room for better things. just like cleaning out your room! it sounds simple, and in ways it is...i guess it just depends how much junk you have and how willing you are to let it stay and become useless in your mind. keep posting BHKS love and support Jmina x Link to post Share on other sites
Quinch Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I just don't know how too make myself better about how I feel about myself. How can I do so much to try and get past it, yet seem to get no where. Don't try to force it, hun. I'm still here for you (like you were there for me yesterday) and you can still PM me if you want to chat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 are you kidding me? You are beautifull!!!!Go out to a club or a bar, there will be guys flocking all over you! You don't have to do anything, you don't owe them anything, just enjoy the attention and it will make you feel better, attractive, worthy of someone elses attention plus on top of that you will have lots of fun. I just got out of the relationship, but my ex is still playing mind games, she keeps pulling me back in by kissing me and being intimate and then presents the "i dont want a boyfriend right now/ lets just be friends" card, after 6 years something like that REALLY F*cks with a persons head. Go out with friends, drink some boose while your out, it will make you forget and make it easier to meet new interesting people. After all, Alcohol is a social lubricant... hope you feel better!!! It just doesn't work like that here, I go out to bars/clubs once a week at least with friends, I never/rarely get chatted too yet am always chatty, smiley and happy when out. Perhaps I am too stunning and scare guys off.....ROFL Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 Try just letting it be, but not letting it define you. You are fighting against something that has already happened, it is in the past, and it is pointless to fight against it because YOU are in the present. You are you, now. The true you is beyond your thoughts about the past, beyond your thoughts at all. I am just getting on with it like you said, just not even thinking about it. However at some point I do need to work on the issues like self esteem and insecurity when in a relationship or am doomed to fail surely? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 I am doing better. I got one of those SAD light bulbs. I am going to stop trying to do too much at once, instead just learn or sort one issue at a time but when the time is right for me. Right now I need to just leave the working on issues bit and pop to one side while I get some strength back. Once I am able i will work upon them. Until then I am just going to go back to having some fun. I never did fill my perscription of valium!! So just proves I can do and cope with this by myself. I should give myself more credit sometimes for the strength I have had to get me through some of the darkest times of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I am just getting on with it like you said, just not even thinking about it. However at some point I do need to work on the issues like self esteem and insecurity when in a relationship or am doomed to fail surely? No, sorry, perhaps I didnt explain that very well. You need to be aware of the thoughts that are controlling you, or you will always have issues. Ignoring the thoughts isnt accepting them. Accepting them, means watching them happen without fear...Does this make more sense? When you can see what is happening, you automatically either dissolve it, or you realise the thought processes behind whatever keeps playing in your mind that makes you feel bad about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 21, 2007 Author Share Posted November 21, 2007 No, sorry, perhaps I didnt explain that very well. You need to be aware of the thoughts that are controlling you, or you will always have issues. Ignoring the thoughts isnt accepting them. Accepting them, means watching them happen without fear...Does this make more sense? When you can see what is happening, you automatically either dissolve it, or you realise the thought processes behind whatever keeps playing in your mind that makes you feel bad about yourself. No don't get it, now I am getting upset because people try and help and I am so fcking thick and stupid I can't understand or do it. Sorry I am not annoyed at you, at myself right now. Just had a major overthinking session, by accident about how much I hate the ex and why and how angry I am at myself for letting him do what he did to me. Just when I think I am ok, I am not. I want one of those Men in Black memory wipe out lights, seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 No don't get it, now I am getting upset because people try and help and I am so fcking thick and stupid I can't understand or do it. Sorry I am not annoyed at you, at myself right now. Just had a major overthinking session, by accident about how much I hate the ex and why and how angry I am at myself for letting him do what he did to me. Just when I think I am ok, I am not. I want one of those Men in Black memory wipe out lights, seriously. Too bad you can't erase certain parts of your memory. Like in that Carrey/Winslet movie. Link to post Share on other sites
pit Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I was just reading over your postings on here. I am not new to the site but had to get a new user name as I forgot my old one as I use to visit this forum all the time. I have found myself in the same shoes as you have been wearing... Its hard to over come. On Sundays I am not a visitor of church so I watch Joel Osteen... My husband didn't care much for me watching it in the mornings and finding wisdom in his words and me turning up the tv and awakening him.. lol He seen there was something about watching and listening to Joel Osteen that really got my attention... He has some wonderful words of wisdom that can help you through the feelings your dealing with. We went to walmart, my husband noticed this book called "how to be a better you" by Joel Osteen. He bought me the book. I am not much of a reader unless its roaming forums online that I like to read. He bought the book home to me, I sat down and the first night, I read almost 110 pages in the book. He teaches us how to be the bigger person and how to put, God and our self first!!! I can not express how much joy the book will bring out the inner you... If you can't get the book, send me your address, once i finish my book, I will send it to you!!! :) Hold your head high, walk proud, because there is no one who can make you feel any better about your self then what lays inside your soul. I wish you the very best and pray that you heal from the hurt you have been in. Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 No don't get it, now I am getting upset because people try and help and I am so fcking thick and stupid I can't understand or do it.No, you are not thick or stupid. I have been reading about this kind of stuff for years. Also, perhaps I am not explaining things very well. I think you are overthinking it. Just sit still and quiet and allow yourself to feel and think whatever you feel and think. Accept it, but dont add thought to it. Realise it isnt you, just stuff you have accumulated and can let go of. Thats all. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 No, you are not thick or stupid. I have been reading about this kind of stuff for years. Also, perhaps I am not explaining things very well. I think you are overthinking it. Just sit still and quiet and allow yourself to feel and think whatever you feel and think. Accept it, but dont add thought to it. Realise it isnt you, just stuff you have accumulated and can let go of. Thats all. Interesting way of dealing with things. I'm curious as to how one would go about "dealing" with issues if one does not, at some point, analyze their feelings. I can understand sitting still for a bit and letting the thoughts wash over you, but don't you have to consciously address the issue(s) in an attempt to deal with it/them? Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Interesting way of dealing with things. I'm curious as to how one would go about "dealing" with issues if one does not, at some point, analyze their feelings. I can understand sitting still for a bit and letting the thoughts wash over you, but don't you have to consciously address the issue(s) in an attempt to deal with it/them?It happens naturally as a result of actually seeing what is going on inside you from a higher perspective. It is just a type of meditation. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 It happens naturally as a result of actually seeing what is going on inside you from a higher perspective. It is just a type of meditation. OK, so you're saying person x (with whatever problems) should sit down and just think about the problems....and continue like this for some time till you feel the thoughts leaving you? Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 OK, so you're saying person x (with whatever problems) should sit down and just think about the problems....and continue like this for some time till you feel the thoughts leaving you? No, dont think about the problems. Meditate, and watch what is going on in your mind and your body. We all have a higher guidance system, but rarely listen to it. We feel it happening sometimes as "gut feelings", but it is more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 No, dont think about the problems. Meditate, and watch what is going on in your mind and your body. We all have a higher guidance system, but rarely listen to it. We feel it happening sometimes as "gut feelings", but it is more than that. When you say "meditate" what is one supposed to do exactly? Breathe...not think of anything? Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 When you say "meditate" what is one supposed to do exactly? Breathe...not think of anything?There are loads of different meditations. Just sitting and breathing deeply always works for me... Link to post Share on other sites
Ocean-Blue Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 There are loads of different meditations. Just sitting and breathing deeply always works for me... Thanks for the suggestion. I'll be sure to try it sometime... Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I will get together a list of good books which teach about this kind of thing, and post it. Link to post Share on other sites
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