I'm sorry I just cannot go on

[bigheartkindsoul]

Hey. It's not a criticism as it may sound. It's true for all of us.

Sometimes I recognise when I am focussed only on external things, and sometimes I don't.

 

yeah know i know hun it was not a critisim you have given me some very useful food for thought and just wanted to let you and others know I have made progress as far as being comfortable doing nothing and just being comfy with myself, although clearly I have some way to go with this.

[bigheartkindsoul]

bhks, you're the only one who can let him go. In holding onto your feelings for him, you allow him to continue to control you. He controls your waking thoughts and your meaning for life. He controls your happiness.

 

You're still in a relationship with him but a one-sided, negative one. Let him go. If you think about him, stop doing it. It's time for you to focus on other things.

 

Everyone needs to go through the sad, angry and depressed stages. After you complete one cycle, you should put it away until you're stronger. When you're ready, bring it back out and address more. Keep doing this until you've let go and moved on. Don't let yourself get trapped in one of the stages, within one of the cycles.

 

I do recall seeing my ex for the first time after our divorce. It was one of the saddest moments but even better, it was the final moment of letting go.

 

Yes you are right I do need to finally let go, a big part for me will be getting help and advice on stop "feeling" past bad experiences with him.

 

I feel a little better this morning, thanks to everyones advice on here and has helped me focus on what I need to get done. So with the greatest heartfelt meaning, I thank you all.

 

I have made a call to my therapist, waiting a call back.

 

I am waiting to hear back from the hypnotherapist also.

 

I will be going to the Doctors this afternoon couldn't go this morning as shortly I have a work appointment I must keep too.

 

I will do some writing over the weekend and focus on all that is good about me and my life and perhaps pin it up so it is there for me to see always and especially when I am feeling low.

 

I want to let go, I need to let go, I just need assistance in knowing how too.

 

I will do this, somehow I will.

[Trialbyfire]

I have made a call to my therapist, waiting a call back.

 

I am waiting to hear back from the hypnotherapist also.

 

I will be going to the Doctors this afternoon couldn't go this morning as shortly I have a work appointment I must keep too.

 

I will do some writing over the weekend and focus on all that is good about me and my life and perhaps pin it up so it is there for me to see always and especially when I am feeling low.

 

I want to let go, I need to let go, I just need assistance in knowing how too.

 

I will do this, somehow I will.

While I know nothing about hypnotherapists, the rest of the steps are good ones. I'm glad to hear that you don't have issues with getting professional help. Sometimes there are unfamiliar situations in life that we don't have the appropriate coping tools for, therefore, need a helping hand to understand how to handle them, for the now and for the future.

[Jmina]

"I did read them, although please understand my head is still a little cloudy and having trouble undertsanding all what was written. Also for me it takes me a day or so to recover from such lows.

 

Believe me, I will as I usually do come back and read, probably in peace offline and read and reread what is said.

 

That said, everyone has different issues and different timescales to how they recover, how they deal.

 

I cannot go by yourtime scales only my own however do take on bored each piece of advice said.

 

Last night I needed to "talk" I needed to be around people, I had no one in RL to do this with so came to speak with like minded friends on here who suffering similar things.

 

But yes I need help, professional and that of people such as yourself and then apdapt this to my situation. I probably am not making much sense to you guys as its hard to write clearly what is going on inside but I am not one who just disregards what people say on here, to just carry on with what I thought anyway. That is not how I am.

 

For me it is indeed a long path, I am dealing not just with the ex stuff but depression and also some very horrid things that happened in my childhood that have resurafced recently because i never grieved properly when these things happen, I was a child and new fck all about grieving and healing then. I was abused in my teens, beaten to a pulp but a stepfather who liked boys so I was never good enough, hence why keeping myself esteem up is hard, because I never feel good enough.

 

So have alot I have been working on and need to work on."

 

Understood, i familiarise with you and sympathise with you. more than you would know... i still stand by what i said. and i really hope that you can understand and use any helpful advice on here once your thoughts arent as clouded like we all get from time to time.

 

you might have a lot to work on, but the good thing is you can dissolve basically all of it by working the right way for you, because it all comes down to the same thing. for everyone. doesnt matter what the problems are. it comes down to 'i am not good enough'

 

offering support and love. and strength!!! find your strength!

[Spinderella]

Jmina, every time, your posts, they are just amazing. I hope you write a help book, or, well whatever you write will be amazing.

[bigheartkindsoul]

My book I ordered about a week ago just arrived, Mind over Mood. Hoping it proves to be useful

[stevessvt]

Morning BHKS, and the rest of LS

[bigheartkindsoul]

Morning BHKS, and the rest of LS

 

Thank you Stevessvt for your kindness. x

 

An update for all - I have as stated above my book I ordered sometime ago.

 

I have the Doctors in 30mins time.

 

Hypnotist is next week.

 

I am on the phone right now chasing up my therapist secretary for an appointment. Got one on Monday afternoon.

 

I am going out this evening with a girlfriend for a drink and cheer up session.

 

I also forgot that I have my first bit of volunteer work tomorrow morning for a chairty I signed up to help.

[Kasan]

Thank you Stevessvt for your kindness. x

 

An update for all - I have as stated above my book I ordered sometime ago.

 

I have the Doctors in 30mins time.

 

Hypnotist is next week.

 

I am on the phone right now chasing up my therapist secretary for an appointment. Got one on Monday afternoon.

 

I am going out this evening with a girlfriend for a drink and cheer up session.

 

I also forgot that I have my first bit of volunteer work tomorrow morning for a chairty I signed up to help.

 

Good job BHK!!

 

Keep moving forward!

[stevessvt]

Thank you Stevessvt for your kindness. x

 

An update for all - I have as stated above my book I ordered sometime ago.

 

I have the Doctors in 30mins time.

 

Hypnotist is next week.

 

I am on the phone right now chasing up my therapist secretary for an appointment. Got one on Monday afternoon.

 

I am going out this evening with a girlfriend for a drink and cheer up session.

 

I also forgot that I have my first bit of volunteer work tomorrow morning for a chairty I signed up to help.

You are more than welcome, Im glad to hear you are seeking help.

Make sure you have some well deserved fun tonight, OK? Have a blast.

And valunteering also? That should keep you busy.

Again, anytime, day or night, give me an IM, I love to chat.

[Jmina]

=) *stands up* for BHKS

 

dont stop now, keep going.

 

xxx

[Lizzie60]

you need to go to the gym or go out jogging. Exercice is good for depression .. even better than medication.

 

You've only been with this guy 7 months... and you feel like you can't go on... come on... Imagine if you were married for 10 years with 3 kids...

 

So, instead of feeling sorry for yourself and keep telling yourself that you can't go on... you want to end it.. blablabla.. go out, exerise, run, swim... do everything that will actually help you...

 

A lot of people have been through extremely hard times you're not the first and not the last one.

 

Give yourself a kick in the b*tt.

[bigheartkindsoul]

you need to go to the gym or go out jogging. Exercice is good for depression .. even better than medication.

 

I do go about 4times a week

 

You've only been with this guy 7 months... and you feel like you can't go on... come on... Imagine if you were married for 10 years with 3 kids...

 

Please do not dismiss how I feel, yes it was 7months I was head over heels in love, also had opened my closed off for 4yrs heart to him totally. Whether it is 7months 7years the feelings do not differ, its not about time its about the circumstances how much you loved the person and how you are at recovering.

 

So, instead of feeling sorry for yourself and keep telling yourself that you can't go on... you want to end it.. blablabla.. go out, exerise, run, swim... do everything that will actually help you...

 

What is so wrong with feeling sorry for oneself once in a while, why do I have to stay up why am I not allowed to vent and grieve for my loss. Like I said I do alot of exercise probably more than most.

 

I think you may need to realise that depressed people cannot turn it on and off like a tap, it just is not that easy and certainly is not feeling just sorry for oneself, its a dark world the world of depression. Google it.

 

A lot of people have been through extremely hard times you're not the first and not the last one.

 

I never said I was, I know I am not the only one and that others have more severe problems than I, however that doesn'tmean I am not struggling and having my own issues.

 

 

 

Give yourself a kick in the b*tt.

 

 

I do probably 6 days out of 7

[bigheartkindsoul]

=) *stands up* for BHKS

 

dont stop now, keep going.

 

xxx

 

Thank you. I have been to Docs nothing ground breaking but have some meds for short term stress/anxiety, valium basically. Explained I don't always feel depressed its just ever now and again and that i can stay up for a few days then come back down with a bang, so he said that might be best to stay off anti depressents and see how things go.

[amaysngrace]

he said that might be best to stay off anti depressents and see how things go.

 

 

Yes go have a drink instead.

 

Have fun tonight. (and yes I'm still here and my house is still a mess! )

[Spinderella]

Thank you. I have been to Docs nothing ground breaking but have some meds for short term stress/anxiety, valium basically. Explained I don't always feel depressed its just ever now and again and that i can stay up for a few days then come back down with a bang, so he said that might be best to stay off anti depressents and see how things go.

I think it is great that you are actively trying to help yourself.

I was just wondering whether you had, had a good read of Jminas posts, because, maybe this is just my opinion, but it seems like you need to find clarity, rather than continuing with escapism. I just dont think that popping some valium is going to do much without understanding yourself.

[bigheartkindsoul]

If you continue to use words like 'victim' you will live up to that role, if you use words like 'nightmare' then your life with be a nightmare.

 

this is how it goes

 

you have your thoughts which make your opinons which then you carry out your actions

 

 

but how do you change your actions to be positive ones? because at the moment they are very negative.

 

Its very clear that your world is so depressing because THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE MAKING IT.

 

Do you realise that it is your thoughts that are continually bringing you down? you are very willingly digging yourself into a hole. it is you standing there in a hole digging it deeper screaming out "i am a fool! i will continue to feel sorry and angry at myself which then allows me to dig even deeper and darker away from everybody, i am on my own"

 

you need to throw this shovel away and refuse to dig. you need to start building steps to walk out of the hole and up into the world with everybody else and create happiness for yourself. and laughter and fun. you could have an amazing life.

 

you havnt been hit with a depressed wand by god, you have been given many chances to gain strength.

 

IF you have prayed to be stronger and happier, you arent suddenly filled with strength and happiness, you are given the opportunities to gain strength and create happiness. i say create because you dont find it, you dont wake up one day and are happy, you have to create it. it is a way of life. happiness is not a destination it is a WAY OF LIFE.

 

you have to work on it. create yourself.

 

the reasons why you cannot do this is because

 

-you havnt found the love for yourself

 

-you talk to yourself in your head in a very degrading way. would you ever sit on someones shoulder and whisper into their ear this?

"your a fool!, noone will love you!, you are so stupid! i am so angry at you! fool fool fool!"

 

..i think not.

 

the fact is, someone might as well be sitting beside you and whispering this to you, because you doing it yourself gives the EXACT same effect.

 

you have to change your thoughts.

 

ways to change:

 

something i stand very strongly by -WRITE

 

write down everything you feel, so then you thoughts will be totally out of your head....listen... its quiet! there is no chatter! that is because the thoughts are now down on paper. and now you have room for direction in your head.

 

now that your bad thoughts are down on paper you have a chance to accept the good ones.

 

(if you have the power to stop any good thoughts coming in and only accepting the bad ones you have the same power to stop the bad ones and let the good ones thrive. it just takes practice because you havnt done this in a long time)

 

write what you like about yourself that noone else has, be kind to yourself. maybe your a great listener, maybe your heart is so great and wonderful a beautiful possession that not many people have, (i think you do have this i know because so do i!) find something that you know you are unique for. acknowledge it and own it.

 

see how you go with this.

 

change your thoughts.

 

stop the bad ones and create the good ones..

if you really want to improve like you say you do then you will give this a try. if you cant be bothered because you are too comfortable in your own depressed world then i guess pick up that shovel again and dig deeper. jsut remember noone will pull you out. so dont assume they will. people will only offer a torch to shine down so you can see where to make the first step to get out.

 

good luck.

 

Jmina

xxx

 

Its very clear that your world is so depressing because THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE MAKING IT.

 

I just like to say that although yes I am having a rough few days I have been up so much before I struggle every now and again, struggle to stay up. If you read back on what I say about how my day/days went and all that happened, it all got overwhelming and that I why I felt like I could not take anymore last night.

 

I wanted it over.

 

 

 

Do you realise that it is your thoughts that are continually bringing you down? you are very willingly digging yourself into a hole. it is you standing there in a hole digging it deeper screaming out "i am a fool! i will continue to feel sorry and angry at myself which then allows me to dig even deeper and darker away from everybody, i am on my own"

 

But when one is depressed, even if only for one day, when one is overwhelmed it is only then do I start really beating myself up.

 

The world is a funny place, people don't like it when you big yourself up yet do not like it when you are really down on yourself either. Its like you always HAVE to be this happy medium person, steady with nothing too much effecting them either way good/bad happy/sad.

 

I wasn't feeling sorry for myself, I was lost in the dark place of depression, why well because like I said I am still on that balancing out time after coming off my meds, two three days ok then woosh down we go. You cannot just snap out of it in a second, a few hours it takes time to climb back up that hill, it takes a few days.

 

something i stand very strongly by -WRITE

 

write down everything you feel, so then you thoughts will be totally out of your head....listen... its quiet! there is no chatter! that is because the thoughts are now down on paper. and now you have room for direction in your head.

 

now that your bad thoughts are down on paper you have a chance to accept the good ones.

 

I have done this a few times before but willing to try again.

 

change your thoughts.

 

stop the bad ones and create the good ones..

if you really want to improve like you say you do then you will give this a try. if you cant be bothered because you are too comfortable in your own depressed world then i guess pick up that shovel again and dig deeper. jsut remember noone will pull you out. so dont assume they will. people will only offer a torch to shine down so you can see where to make the first step to get out.

 

I have been, to have a few up days, days where I am so happy I could burst but when that goes downhill for whatever reasons, see other thread, then yes the negative thinking starts and of course I will beat myself up, its me like you said that is making me feel like this, so am I dammed if I do dammed if I don't?

 

Confusing.

 

Does it really seem as if I cannot be bothered, I think you have seen from today that is not the case hun.

 

Besides I am still here, and not six feet under.

 

But lets be clear when I am low like that, I cannot think straight, no one with depression or in a depressed state can just turn it around in an instant and be fine, they might be able to act it as I have on many occassions but inside it will take them a few days at least if a one off, a few months/years if continual depression.

 

On other thing hun that I see, I wonder if it you that you are actually talking too and trying to save, I only say from reading your posts after your responses last night. It's cool if that is it, and if I can help you, if we can help each other then this is great.

[bigheartkindsoul]

http://J:\MY Documents\Exercise Progress Chart 2007.htm

 

Just to show I do exercise.

 

See I know I am doing better cause I "fighting" back, not for you but for me. When I do this it means I am seeing things a little clearer.

[Spinderella]

The world is a funny place, people don't like it when you big yourself up yet do not like it when you are really down on yourself either. Its like you always HAVE to be this happy medium person, steady with nothing too much effecting them either way good/bad happy/sad.

It isnt about the rest of the world. It is about you. It isnt about bigging yourself up either, particuarly, well, most people who do, are coming from the same place, just reacting in a different way. Its about the inner voice that you are listening to, which causes the reaction. You are the one feeling unhappy, so this is about you and not the rest of the world.

On other thing hun that I see, I wonder if it you that you are actually talking too and trying to save, I only say from reading your posts after your responses last night. It's cool if that is it, and if I can help you, if we can help each other then this is great.

If you are always defending yourself, then how can you listen?

[frd150]

I am here, that is all I have right now. But thank you so much for you kind words. xxxxx

 

 

No bigheart when you sit and think about it you have much much more:).

[bigheartkindsoul]

.........................

[bigheartkindsoul]

It isnt about the rest of the world. It is about you. It isnt about bigging yourself up either, particuarly, well, most people who do, are coming from the same place, just reacting in a different way. Its about the inner voice that you are listening to, which causes the reaction. You are the one feeling unhappy, so this is about you and not the rest of the world.

If you are always defending yourself, then how can you listen?

 

That is just how you read it, I am not trying to defend just chat and talk things through pick out the positives of things that have changed in the last few months that were alot worse also trying to help others who I think might need help.

 

Also trying to explain to all my actions and why.

 

By reading what you I believe wrote to the person concerned I thought OMG perhaps like me this person puts in others threads what they are going through and want to achieve themselves.

 

At the end of the day all you guys have to go on is what I write, there is so much more to a person that what they scribble online. If people really knew me they probably would be amazed.

[bigheartkindsoul]

No bigheart when you sit and think about it you have much much more:).

 

I do have a little more this evening, you are right.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Please take time to read all of what is said before passing comments such as "pull your socks up" and so on.

 

<<<<<<<<<<That is true pain etch on someones face. As yes that face belongs to me sometimes.

[Spinderella]

At the end of the day all you guys have to go on is what I write, there is so much more to a person that what they scribble online. If people really knew me they probably would be amazed.

You dont have to prove yourself to anybody else. Its about finding a way to not feel unhappy any more, and you will not find that outside of yourself. You cant mend the internal by trying to fix the external. This is all anybody (most people) is trying to say to you.