jenny Posted May 22, 2003 Share Posted May 22, 2003 ok. i have a guy friend in my book club which meets once a week. i have a sometimes boyfriend already, and i know this book club guy has a girlfriend. i really can't figure out if this guy likes me: he does mention his girlfriend, which is the biggest indication that he is not interested. and of course he had never asked for a date or anything, and i never would ask first. on the other hand, he makes me CDs, reads the books i like and i read his, he emails me his stories and poems and stuff, we lock eye contact for embarrassingly long times, and evidently he gets upset when i'm not there and noticeably when my guy freinds (including the casual bo) come to pick me up. we have so much in common and i really actually like him as a human being - he's really smart, and funny, and passionate, and strange. i guess ive seen him staring especially when i've brought some baked thing for him, but i would never want to hurt another girl and i don't know what to do. i've never felt like this before - like i wanna do everything right and above board but it seems like my only choice is to just wait around until he makes decisions? i don't know. any hot nerdy guys out there who can offer some advice or perspective? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 22, 2003 Share Posted May 22, 2003 No, don't wait for anything here. Get him alone sometime and tell him...."hey, I know you have a girlfriend and I respect that a great deal. But should something ever happen that you are single (or available) again, I'd be very interested in us doing things together (or getting to know each other better) if you would be so inclined." Or say it in your own words, but essentially that's what you've got to say. He's not going to budge as long as he knows you have a boyfriend...and as long as he's got a girlfriend. But it's VERY clear both of you have a great interest in each other and you just can't leave that to poop out once one or the other of you backs off the book club. As a matter of fact, it's very likely that as his fondness for you grows, he could stop going to the meetings in order to avoid the intense attraction to someone who he feels is unavailable. Say it to him before, after or during the break at the next book club meeting. Frankly, it sounds pretty great to me. Don't leave happiness by chance. One of you has got to say something. Under the circumstances, this could be a Mexican stand-off unless you take the lead. Let us know about your wedding plans!!! P.S. For an avid reader, you don't use very eye-catching headlines on your posts. "Help" is not very seductive for someone looking for an interesting post to respond to (lol). Link to post Share on other sites
flower Posted May 22, 2003 Share Posted May 22, 2003 Tony: You have answered the "major question" you raised in the other post here very well! Now, you are the one driving me nuts :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny Posted May 23, 2003 Author Share Posted May 23, 2003 hello! thanks so much for advice and for the courage it provided! it will take me about 6-7 weeks to actually do it but i'm going to make sure I'm free of entanglements before going ahead (i really thought again about your question re:the motives of women who try to double dip)- this forum rocks!! thanx again! xoxo j p.s. giggles! next time i'll call the thread something like "the thought of his rough hands gripping Defoe's Roxanna renders clothing superfluous" Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenny Posted June 7, 2003 Author Share Posted June 7, 2003 [color=blue][/color][font=arial][/font] hello all, i now read the forum everyday! what a neat community! anyway, i wanted to update about my book club boy and vent a bit; thank you all for listening- so, i took the steps to follow tony's advice (he said go for it, but make sure i was straightforward and respectful, and, from an unrelated post, i decided to make certain i was completely clear of attachments, no matter how casual they might have been) and a few nights before i was going to make my attempt, my friends and i ran into him and his girlfriend at an artists' opening. and that's it. she was very nice, she is the kind of girl who always brought toys and stuff to make friends in elementary school. there is no way i could make a play for him now, i don't want to hurt any girl like that - its clear that she loves him and quite clear that she needs him. because this is a relatively small town, i don't want to talk to my friends about all this, for fear they may gossip (human nature and all) and inadvertently cause trouble, it really is so great to have this online community - :) now, here is my first question - should i keep dating or give it a rest for a bit? on one hand, i know one is supposed to keep busy post-heartbreak, romantically and otherwise; but, on the other hand, every time i go out with a guy i keep thinking about "all the ways in which this guy is not ****," which is also not terribly ethical. and, finally, how else can i stop thinking about him? i go out with friends, read, exercise, go fishing, write, teach, paint, blah, blah blah; but at the end of every day i think about him: something he has said that changed my perspective, reading a book he recommended, or smiling about his idiosyncrasies. im 27; ive never felt this way before even though ive had 3 long term healthy relationships. thank you! jenny Link to post Share on other sites
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