Work Relationships

[collinp]

Okay, now that I am pretty much done ranting on my last message. I am just curious. Has anyone out there been involved with someone that they worked with? My girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me because she wanted her single, independent life back again. We had a fire between the two of us, but her flame must have snuffed out. Mine is still burning strong however.

But now I am really in a fix. She works with me in the office I work at. She sits about 20 feet from me. And avoiding interaction with her is nearly impossible. I still love her, and hope that she will have a change of heart someday. But so far my charm is not working. I cannot decide how to react to her. She comes past my desk several times a day. Sometimes she stops and says hi, like she is my "friend". The lusty look in her eyes is gone. She no longer wants me romantically. She comes and asks if I want to take breaks with her. Or take walks with her. And I want to. In fact some of those little breaks used to be make-out sessions outside of the workplace. Everything has changed. I am left with a broken heart. And she walks around smiling all day like a tremendous load has been lifted off of her. We were very close, and intimate once, and also very good friends. Part of me wants to tell her to just f*ck off and leave me alone. Because of how bitter and angry I am about her leaving me. And sometimes I mess up and try and talk to her about us and try and talk her back into being with me. But she get's defensive and shut's down when I even so much as mention what we had together. I don't know if she is dating someone else now, or what. If she is, then she hides it very well.

I just don't know how to treat her now. I don't know how to say no to her when she asks me to go on breaks, even though my heart sinks to my feet every time I do. I maybe could get over her, if one of us was to quit. But that is just not possible right now. I am stuck with her. Stuck seeing her every day. And it is tearing me up. It is a horrible place to be. And more difficult then anything I have gone through before. I am totally nuts over her. Part of me keeps holding out hope, even when I know I shouldn't. I guess I don't know whether to just be supportive and be a "friend" even though it hurts like hell. Or to be a dick and tell her what she can do with her "breaks". Help!

[NEONINK]

I used to ignore my ex when I would see her at work.

 

Say things like, "Um, yeah" "huh..." "ok" "maybe later".

 

And never ever focus on her eyes! That's a killer. Look past her, change your focus about a foot above and to the right of her shoulder. Do not focus your eyes or attention on HER! It only feeds her ego, keeps you needy and desperate. Yuck.

 

She'll get the message, you'll get your dignity, all the while you will not have to stoop to the level of dirtbag. Keep your side of the street clean.

 

Fake it until you make it. And one day, someone will come into your life that will make you completely forget her.

[Clancy]

Son, it's time to do what I call call "harden your heart." You have to learn to turn yourself to granite when she's near you. Otherwise she's going to continue to do what she's doing which is torture you. I don't mean don't talk to her or be mean to her but just don't ever say more words than you absolutely need to and when you look at her feel the hardness of your heart and look through her. Don't dwell on her eyes or waste your energy looking for signs from her that she might want you. Look at her the way you'd look at the floor.(a clean floor) Be not there, not angry, just without emotional contact.

 

She wants to keep you around to satisfy her needs on her terms. And that may or may not be fair and right of her but it's definitely bad for you right now. So harden your heart . Do it mentally and physically. After awhile you'll stop feeling pain from thoughts of her. You won't feel good but it won't hurt so much.

 

Now, with that said, and I don't want to give you false hope but the few times I've had to harden my heart toward a woman in the way I've described it is very unsettling to them and generally they get emotionally unsure of themselves (they're not in control anymore) and they have made moves to come back to me.

 

Like I said, no false hope here: your goal is not to get her back it's to save yourself from hurt. And if a woman does want to come back to you just because you harden your heart it's doesn't speak well of her because she only wants you back to regain the control. So my advice would be to move on to a new love. Good luck.