Moose Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 He's about 325.....he's a big boy. I guarantee he'll come home and try to cuddle. He thinks it fixes everything. Either that or he'll come home and throw a temper tantrum and tell me he's leaving, but I think he's going to try the cuddling.k....hmmm....I'd just let it go if you can to avoid confrontation. But if he does throw a temper tantrum and threaten to leave, then ask him to go quitely, and don't wake the kids. Ask him to be as calm as he can and leave, and you promise him you'll talk to him tomorrow about all this. (by that time, see if you can get out of there).....seriously....but if you can't, this will all cause him to think, or make him angry. If he threatens you or the kids.....call the police. Simple as that. Don't feel sorry for him and his situation anymore. Take responsibility to come out of this honorably. Has he ever had a DUI in those accidents? Or otherwise? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenbutterfly Posted November 16, 2007 Author Share Posted November 16, 2007 No DUI's but only by the Grace of God. He was pulled over once while drunk (that I know of) and got a $500 speeding ticket for driving upwards of 100 mph in a 65mph zone. They should have given him a breathalyzer....but they didn't. The other accidents he was driving on backroads and made it home. The broken necks came from a) diving into too shallow of water and b) his best friend going 125 drunk in a Camaro and flipping around a corner. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 Wow, I know what you're going through. He will get busted eventually.....he will lose his job eventually.....but trust me when I say this, he'll never act on the suicide card, and don't worry about him drinking himself to death......a man that size would simply pass out and come to like he's been doing for years...... When he's lost his freedom and job and if you go through the divorce, you can kiss all his support good bye for a while.....ever consider that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenbutterfly Posted November 16, 2007 Author Share Posted November 16, 2007 I've got it figured out. If he gets fired I'll be making about $30,000 a year from the job I'm supposed to start next month. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 16, 2007 Share Posted November 16, 2007 Like I said, good luck.....I really do think that some people can change, I'm living proof of that, since I was literally your husband 15 years ago, (married now for 20), and all of us, (7 total now), are extremely happy and content. We both wish everyone had what we have now..... I really do wish the best for you.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenbutterfly Posted November 16, 2007 Author Share Posted November 16, 2007 Well the bars close at 2, he came home at 4 and then pissed on the floor, and then wanted to cuddle. Lovely. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 18, 2007 Share Posted November 18, 2007 Well the bars close at 2, he came home at 4 and then pissed on the floor, and then wanted to cuddle. Lovely.Sounds lovely.....so....did he mention the divorce thing at all? Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 BB, I've been through a divorce, from a control-freak who also didn't allow me access to funds, ahd to ask him for every dime (and justify it) I can remember be hassled about how much toilet paper I used, using more than a couple of inches of water in the bath, if I asked for $5 to buy some tomatoes and go for a coffee with a female friend, kids in tow (when I was a stay at home mommy and this was the closest to getting out that I had) he would say, "We can go shopping together on the weekend and have so and so over for coffee instead." He derided me in front of friend and even my family (my mother, as you can imagine, ended up hating him). He treated me like an idiot child and I finally had enough. The difference between your story and mine is that he didn't drink, but he was a workaholic who was frequently late and did **** all with the kids when they were little. It sounds like you have a reasonable plan, although I wouldn't be so quick to let him off the hook for assets (although, depending on your debt, that might be wise.) You need to see a lawyer (and if you need free or subsidized council, I would imagine it's available, so go looking). Take care of yourself and your babies. And be prepared for major bitterness when he realizes that you are serious. I was in a similar situation, in that I had to stay in the marital home (sleeping on the couch) for nine months after I asked for a divorce, mostly because I had no money/job, had to retrain, and my ex dragged his feet every step of the way towards my separation of assets cheque. And he was crazy as hell, worse than ever, while I was living there. I would sometimes wake up and he'd be there, looking at me as I slept, right next to the pull out bed. I honestly thought I might get hurt, but he was smart enough to never overtly threaten me (except for the time he threw a fax machine at me, which had been a gift/loaner from my parents and I had the "nerve" to take it with me when I was finally packing up to go. Good luck, be strong. I am happier now (on a day to day basis) than I have ever been, but the crap I went through has left some emotional scars. And I have married again (hope springs eternal!) and things are pretty good. Sorry for being so long-winded - all the crappy memories came back when I read your post. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Butterfly, you dont sound "Broken" to me. Bent, befudded, Betrayed... sure, but not broken. You sound to me like a woman with starch in her collar and Iron in her backbone. One thing I am with you on is not taking it anymore. Nobody can / could be expected to absorb the complete cluster f**k you are living with. I sincerely hope that you eventually find a male who exhibits at least a few honorable traits after you have escaped from the monstrosity you are currently saddled with. Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I agree with you, lakeside dream. You have what it takes to get to a better place. To answer your thread title, yes, you are doing the right thing! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenbutterfly Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 Thanks guys. I haven't been back, because he's been looking through all my websites I've visited. (I put a stop to that, by locking the computer....I'm the administrator on it.) Wednesday night we went to his family's Thanksgiving dinner. Thursday was my dad's....he didn't show up. I went, came home and went to bed....woke up at 6am and he wasn't home still. I called him and he gave me some bull**** story that I told him not to come home because I was staying at my dad's. WTF? I called him when I left and said "I'm on my way home, are you going to be there?" He said he was at the bar and would be home when he felt like it. SO Friday was my Mom's dinner......he didn't show up. I got home and he was sleeping. Today was our son's birthday party at my grandmother's......he didn't show up. He's at the bar. When he called home I told him I wanted a divorce (yet again) and he said "Give me one good reason." He's a moron. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brokenbutterfly Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 Thanks guys. I haven't been back, because he's been looking through all my websites I've visited. (I put a stop to that, by locking the computer....I'm the administrator on it.) Wednesday night we went to his family's Thanksgiving dinner. Thursday was my dad's....he didn't show up. I went, came home and went to bed....woke up at 6am and he wasn't home still. I called him and he gave me some bull**** story that I told him not to come home because I was staying at my dad's. WTF? I called him when I left and said "I'm on my way home, are you going to be there?" He said he was at the bar and would be home when he felt like it. SO Friday was my Mom's dinner......he didn't show up. I got home and he was sleeping. Today was our son's birthday party at my grandmother's......he didn't show up. He's at the bar. When he called home I told him I wanted a divorce (yet again) and he said "Give me one good reason." He's a moron. Link to post Share on other sites
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