yagottahelp Posted May 22, 2003 Share Posted May 22, 2003 My gf of 2 1/2 years and I broke up about a month ago. It was kind of sudden, and thinking back, I can't even see any warning signs- but that's how it works sometimes. I am pretty sure it's not a matter of love, her indications right before it happened is that she was totally in love. I was shocked and wrecked, she wanted space, wanted to hear nothing about it working out if we tried, so I just backed off-let her know I was here, but didn't call her, email her, im her, visit her, basically if she wnated to talk to me, i made it up to her to do so. Well for the first week I talked to her maybe twice and saw her once for lunch. But it's been getting more and more, and as of this week, she calls at least once a day just to say hi, she'll im me 4 or 5 times a day, and she's wanted to hangout the last 4 days. So if she asks to do something, I've been saying yes since I really didn't have anything to do, I don't want to play games and say no. Then the other day she asked why i was sad, I said i just missed it, she's like don't you know it will be ok? I said i know i'll be ok and we'll be friends and that's that. She's like no, i have a bond with you, can't you feel it, we're going to get married in a few years- I was like I feel it too, but why are we doing this then? And she had no good reason really (i think this might have smoething to do with her wanting some individualism, freedom, she's moving this summer, i think it all is slightly affecting it). Then yesterday she's like just don't htink about all this so much, it'll be ok- And on top of that, we flirt, joke, she asks me to run my fingers through her hair- id on't want played, but i also don't want to seem like i don't care at all. So 4 weeks ago I'd say it's over, but she's been getting progressively closer ever since, I have hope it will work out with time- what should I be doing? Should I be saying no to her if she wnats to hangout? Should I seem like I'm passed it? Should I just keep on doing what I'm doing? I would love to be back with her and show her that us now that we've thrown away a high school relationshiup that we kind of had in college and never adapted to new lives-things would be a ton smoother. I know she still loves me and as far as the bond she's talking about, it's incredible, and it comes so naturally- and I know it's not another guy- she hasn't seen or talked to anyone but a few friends she's had for 10 years- so I'm hoping she's just feeling individualistic right now and once she gets her dose, comes back. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 22, 2003 Share Posted May 22, 2003 She's acting just a bit strange for someone who knows she's going to marry you in a few years. But, then again, you can't blame her for wanting to enjoy as much space and freedom as she can before she gets tied down with a husband, children, housecleaning, yardwork, doctor visits, etc. Be her friend and hang out with her as long as you clearly feel there's a future there. The minute you don't feel that anymore, talk to her and get her fix on that Of course, if you don't feel like waiting on her then it's your option to move on. You have to trust what she's saying. Is there any reason she would have for keeping you on a string, in reserve or falsely leading you on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yagottahelp Posted May 22, 2003 Author Share Posted May 22, 2003 Thanks Tony, I plan on being as close as I can to her, I want to be there for her no matter what my official title- as far as any reason to lead me on? Not that I can think of. I mean I think I know her very well, and she's not vindictive, "a player", and I'm her best friend, she's mine- there's no reason on either side to screw with the other person. She is acting weird, I know that- I do'nt expect her to be tied to me- I made sure to let her know I agreed that we needed to make sure we made friends and did htings away from each other at times and have lives other than each other, I just didn't agree with the way it was happening necessarily....... Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 22, 2003 Share Posted May 22, 2003 Yeah, girls who are madly in love and want to marry their boyfriends always dump them for no reason and don't want to get back together. I wouldn't be so sure about there not being another guy if I were you. Good luck, bro.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yagottahelp Posted May 22, 2003 Author Share Posted May 22, 2003 See that's what I was thinking, but here's the thing, we go to college together and now we're both home- so it's not a guy at school (We're in Nj and school is SC) because we have a 4 month break- and it's not anyone here, because she hasn't seen any guys since she's been back.......so I pretty much ruled it out It's just one of those things that i think we've been together so long it's not that she doesn't love me, I think she knows I'm right here waiting and caring (she basically has nothing to lose, unless i decide i don't care anymore and leave, then she screwed the pooch), but she's may be tired of anyting extra in her life because she is moving and her mothers sick, two things she's really upset by- it may possibly be her way of dealing with this type of thing. She' kind of doing the same thing with her friends, it's like she's on a mission to be just her- ya got me Thanks for the reply though! Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted May 22, 2003 Share Posted May 22, 2003 "I think she knows I'm right here waiting and caring (she basically has nothing to lose..." Then I suggest you start dating other girls and make sure she knows. If she doesn't want to be with you, that's entirely her choice, but it doesn't mean you have to sit around and be her lapdog. She's getting the best of both worlds: A good guy to lean on when she wants to, without all the work and investment of a relationship. If you allow her to leave you hanging and take forever making up her mind, that's exactly what she'll do. Start dating other girls and I GUARANTEE you'll find out immediately how much she really loves you. Don't be a doormat, be a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yagottahelp Posted May 22, 2003 Author Share Posted May 22, 2003 That's a good idea, i'm making sure i don't get totally used that's for sure, i mean i've been in her shoes-she gave me time when I asked for it a long time ago- so i'm doing this for a while, not forever that's for sure- but you're right, if this thing doesn't turn around sometime soon, i'm gonna have to let her know i'm not always gonna be there for her necessarily this way (although in my mind i would want to be) It may come to the point where I have to bite reality hard. Link to post Share on other sites
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