Fiancees Past haunts me to no ends. Driving me crazy!

[Tripper]

So Genki, where DID you get all these ideas? Who told you all this spin on sexual purity and what sex will be like? You can't possibly be a virgin and know firsthand.

 

Care to comment, Genki??

[Tripper]

Care to comment, Genki??

 

 

Guess not.

[Heavenly55]

Why are you so fixated on numbers? Why even ask how many people she slept with, most people lie anyway you do know that right? If someone kept hounding me asking me how many times I had sex with someone and personal details like that I would find it really wierd and most likely wouldn't answer. And the way you are describing her as asian meat..um yea I think she would find that quite offensive. Her past is her past, you're lucky she even decied to tell you any of it.

[genki]

Who ever had stated that I want to get back at the 1st guy because he ****ed her first has no clue what love or justice is about. If it was conscenual then id have no issues with him just like I dont have any issues with the 2nd guy. But forcing yourself on someone and raping is way crossing the line. I totally believe her in regards to what happened to her and I feel with or without me she or anybody doesnt deserve to be raped and humiliated. And now that she told me everything about him all the details that ****head DEFINATELY had it all planned out! And nothing was going to stop him.

 

The therapist pointed out something to me on the next visit. She said this is similar to a movie called Chasing Amy (I havent seen it) but for the fact that its not the insecurity of not having had any sex partners or having had less etc that bothers me but rather that I am disgusted knowing that the girl I fell for has been with others and that I have nothing to offer sexually speaking that hasnt already been done. And that it hurts me knowing that I have fallen for such a girl because I had always held out and finally when I trusted the 1 person that trust was broken.

 

 

 

She advised me to take time off or leave her because she was quite blunt in telling me I had the following choices;

1. Forget her past and move on. Can I gaurantee that? I said no. Then she said youll never truly be happy.

 

Then

2. Leave her and find someone that matchs what I want.

 

 

 

So I took her advise and am currently taking time out. But since I have done this all I can think about is her, her smile, her laugh, her her her. sucks ass.

I thought I could instantly harden like in the past with all the others when I found out their history.

 

Whether Im with her or leave her either way that 1st guy isnt going to just walk away either.

 

 

And no I am not scared of not finding someone better etc or being single. I know there are better and I have had propositions and I know I can do better and can easily find a virgin. However what I feel for her and what she feels for me is also important and I dont want to regret this for the rest of my life having walked away etc AHHHHHHH brain is on fire

[Leia]

AHHHHHHH brain is on fire

 

That really made me laugh!

 

It wasn't nice of you to refer her as an Asian meat - I know I would slap a guy if he refered me as a Italian meat!

[genki]

That really made me laugh!

 

It wasn't nice of you to refer her as an Asian meat - I know I would slap a guy if he refered me as a Italian meat!

 

I know its not nice but I was merely stating thats how she was most likely looked at and used. Its no secret that in college lots of guys go roaming around to tag the latest "asian meat" (their euphemism not mine) on campus though I dont recall any go around trying purposely to sleep with Italian or European etc. I have never viewed a woman of any nationality or ethnic background as something to be tagged or used but many guys do prey on certain ethnicities and had she smelled the **** she would have realisied that she was playing right into their hands.

 

I dont view her as Asian meat but it hurts knowing thats how those guys viewed her and used her and then dumped her instantly and that she played right into their hands.

 

Sure if everything was consensual and she was out for sex great then Id simply walk away nothing lost but I know she is NOT THAT TYPE OF GIRL she is a very special and sweet girl and I would want to be the last person to add to her hurt and she let herself be deluded, fooled and abused and used.

 

I have met countless guys over here and I know americajin can back this up that purposely go prowling to sleep with asian and specifically Japanese women with no purpose or decency in them simply to get their dicks wet and leave behind lots of abused and scarred women that were fooled into thinking they had something special etc.

[Tripper]

Genki, do you actually read the responses to the thread you've started??

 

Who ever had stated that I want to get back at the 1st guy because he ****ed her first has no clue what love or justice is about. If it was conscenual then id have no issues with him just like I dont have any issues with the 2nd guy.

 

Love or justice are not what your posts get across. Love is about forgiveness and acceptance; you show anger, anger and more anger. Justice is not about revenge, which is what you want. And not having issues about her having consensual sex is a crock!! You've stated you want a virgin.

 

its not the insecurity of not having had any sex partners or having had less etc that bothers me but rather that I am disgusted knowing that the girl I fell for has been with others and that I have nothing to offer sexually speaking that hasnt already been done.

 

You still don't get it. Sex within a loving relationship is more than the physical act. It's about an emotional connection, it's about intimacy and trust.

 

She advised me to take time off or leave her because she was quite blunt in telling me I had the following choices;

1. Forget her past and move on. Can I gaurantee that? I said no. Then she said youll never truly be happy.

 

Then

2. Leave her and find someone that matchs what I want.

 

Yep and most posters here have said the same thing... over and over.. I guess since you are paying for the advice, you need to listen to it.

 

I know there are better and I have had propositions and I know I can do better and can easily find a virgin.

 

Have you read what you have written here?? A virgin is better than a "non-virgin"? I didn't realize an intact hymen was part of the womans value system. My impression was that how one acted and lived their life was more indicative of moral fiber.

 

I dont view her as Asian meat but it hurts knowing thats how those guys viewed her and used her and then dumped her instantly and that she played right into their hands.

 

Sure if everything was consensual and she was out for sex great then Id simply walk away nothing lost but I know she is NOT THAT TYPE OF GIRL she is a very special and sweet girl and I would want to be the last person to add to her hurt and she let herself be deluded, fooled and abused and used.

 

And you think you're treating her better with all this crapola?? If you know she's "not that type of girl", then why can't you accept the fact that she made a mistake??

 

You can take a break from the relationship, but with your rigid moralistic stance that you want a virgin will keep you unhappy if you continue it. And in the final analysis, unless you can have some sort of epiphany and realize how skewed some of your thinking is, this relationship is doomed to fail.

[sally4sara]

Genki,

 

Please answer my question. Where did you learn this mindset?

 

Oh, and don't dangle the girl along while you make all your tough decisions. Dump her. Let her deal with it. This has the double benefit of being able to see how she coped if you end up finding you can accept her and letting her start getting over you if you can't.

[Leia]

Genki, all these wonderful people have given you really good points and advice so what else do you need? You're so obsessed with her sexual past and to be honest with you, it's really scary!

 

You cannot stop other people from labeling or looking at her but what you CAN do is stop obsessing and treat her the way a lady should be treated! If you cannot do that, please just let go of her and let her be with someone who isn't judgmental of her!

[RamChops]

genki, this thread would be mildly amusing if it weren't for the fact that it truly sounds like you're f*cking around with the mind of one poor young Japanese lady ... amusing because it could still be a trolling effort, some of the stuff you've written is truly breathtaking (I mean, your p3nis is your "unit"? the "gates of heaven"? are you serious?)

 

In an absolute sense there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone who measures up to your ideals, even if it means you want to be with a virgin when you yourself are "deflowered" (let's party like it's 1799), but you have told your therapist you'll never be able to get past her history ... so do the right thing, and move on. This poor girl sounds like she needs someone who will love her and support her unconditionally, especially if she was raped, not a perfectionist like you who is probably making her feel worse and in fact forcing her to jump through hoops to be with you.

 

From some of the things you've written it seems you are looking at getting a return on an investment, and to be honest, you sound like you're a K-Mart customer who's angry at having bought, or contracted to buy, a very slightly shop-soiled item. You're angry that someone else has played with your toy first. A person is so much more than that, and as others have tried to point out to you, so much more than the measure of what has been through their "gates of heaven", or into their "drainpipe of hell", mouth, etc.

 

It does also sound like she might have lied to you to make you feel better about yourself, and I'm sorry for you that you've fallen for someone who isn't what you want her to be, but you either accept that and compromise, or you leave her be. You're stopping her from finding someone who will love and care about her even if she's now confused and emotionally scarred, and the way you're treating her may end up scarring her even more deeply. You also seem to blame HER for allowing herself to get "played" ... lighten up ... I can FULLY appreciate your anger at her being raped, if that is what has happened, but there is very little you can do about it now, let her tell YOU if she wants something done about it because you are making it your problem ... you simply could not walk a mile in her shoes even if you wanted to. Beating someone up doesn't change a thing, it just makes you look like a jerk and worse, you could get a criminal record.

 

All that dark stuff aside, don't you think that (normal) human beings have just plain old sexual needs too? Your SO may actually like sex and want to be closer to you by being intimate with you, and you're pushing her away. Read a few of the grown-ups' threads in the sexual health forum, and you'll find that sexual contact and intimacy is a way of bringing people closer together, and even a form of communication that goes way beyond a big tingle in your groin after 30 minutes. When you lie together exhausted, feeling each other's skin, pulses racing, staring into each other's eyes and breathing in each other's air AFTER the act, you know just how that other person is feeling about you ... it can't be put into words.

 

FYI, in my most recent, admittedly very imperfect relationship I knew every little thing about my partner and her history and yet I fell so deeply in love with HER that her past (and aspects of her present) meant nothing to me ... and I am not very experienced at all ... some of the things she told me do come up in my mind from time to time, and there are a couple of things that I am upset about for HER SAKE, not for mine, but that is in her past now and never changes how I feel about her. It is not my place to take things on board or question her about it to make her feel bad. She couldn't open up to her H because she knew that he would judge her and be shocked, go out of his mind (like you) and possibly treat her like a soiled object if he knew rather than nurturing her, and yes, it was an Asian cultural thing. She has also explained that as a lover I am different to the guys she's been with before, that things with me are, without going into specifics, better and more intense ... and I believe that if you do mean a lot to your fiancee, GF, whatever she is to you, she will really appreciate the love-making, not sex, that you have with her - if the love is there, if the chemistry is right, a couple of meaningless flings simply won't measure up.

 

Problem is, of course, that despite your perfectionism you don't know whether you're good in bed, or just a starfish ... being a virgin and all ... or if you're even sexually compatible with this lady? I came to realise that I wasn't compatible with my first partner, even though we were both virgins and thus deflowered each other, and I loved her immensely before and after we got together ...

 

Hope you can see your way clear to do the right thing in your situation. I pray that you will be enlightened soon before anyone suffers any further hurt.

[genki]

Anyhow nothing else to really say is there?

 

I have taken time out and just for the record I have never stringed her along and had even told her many times if she wants to leave me Id understand but she has refused to herself.

 

And Im sorry but a Lady in my book is someone who has lived her life to date morally and kept herself to herself and waited for marriage and gave meaning to their lives. Not someone whose slept around, is a hooker, stripper, dirty dances, drinks to excess, BJs men, random make outs etc.

 

Also she does want to do something about the rapist but cant do anything herself and is too scared and physically incapable and nobody would believe her now anyways (since as pointed rape rarely goes prosecuted). When I offered she jumped at it but now fears for me instead.

 

And I am sorry but I dont agree at all that having sex with partners in your past is meaningless and that the connection wasnt there or no love. Thats bollocks. You had feelings and even love for that person whilst you were screwing each other and now yet again you claim that you will feel way more than you did before. You all know thats BS but you dont want to admit it. Because your prespectives and viewpoints may have changed and with time your previously intense intimate feelings have been dulled by time to the point that now you think they didnt exist or whatever.

 

Buy accepting her past and just brushing it aside I am basically condoning her past behaviour and saying it was alright when IT WAS NOT. You might be comfortable with the love of your life being hot and heavy with another person but Im not especially when those 2 had not made a firm commitment and had done nothing in reality to earn it and left her worse off and emotionally scarred. And besides where will you draw the line? Everybody has one where will you draw it? 50 partners? porn star? had orgies? had same gender sex? anal sex? bestiality?

 

 

I dont believe a hooker deserves a saint. Do you not think that there would have been a ton of women I would have loved to ****? Do you not think that I could have slept all about and claimed it love, like, puppy love, just sex, 1 night stand, a mistake or whatever BS and then later claimed to someone else that they were it ???? I have fought very hard to keep my hands and my pen3s to myself and never to take advantage of a woman no matter what she wants including ones that threw themselves at me and all the drunks and party girls. Now your telling me dude so what? accept somebody who gave in to temptations and then listen to her and your delusions that THIS TIME it will be mindblowingly different?

Sorry all that shows is that I was a guy who genuinely cared about not only not degrading myself, my future wife and the other women but also a person with high moral fiber and somebody you could impeccably trust and love in this day and age whereas all the opposite side can say is what? Sorry i didnt have the moral fiber nor dignity to wait till I got married or met the love of my life and went around sleeping and making out and got hot and heavy and breathed in the same intimate air etc BS yet BEHOLD you are very special to me and different.

 

All of you going through partners etc fail to realise is with each failed attempt a part of you dies. You find it harder to trust the next one, you have walls built up, you try and be detached and see how things work out, youll probably try for a shag, youll find things wrong and have baggage and partner after partner your hope dies slowly and youll both even if you do find somebody youd like to commit to ultimately from statistics will most likely divorce due to a plethora of reasons including sexual satisfaction based on your past exploits etc. Same thing here I had to deal with all her **** lack of trust, scars, baggage and fought long and hard whereas I GAURANTEE THAT MANY OF YOU GUYS WOULD HAVE "FELT" SOMETHING SPECIAL SLEPT WITH HER AND THEN DUMPED HER ONCE YOU FOUND ALL THE SCARS AND BAGGAGE RATHER THAN STAND BY HER AND HELP HER claiming later to the next person that she/he is it and filing her/him under failed relationship, hypocrisy is easy isnt it.

 

If your theology worked we would all love each other and have tons of trust etc but because of this very accepting nature towards lower morality is why we have so many affairs(common now), extremely high divorces, mistrust, rapes, prenups and postnups etc etc etc and whatever you name has been done.

 

 

Your record and actions is what counts. Sure you can change and have every right to change and get new prespectives on life etc and learn from your past mistakes (which none of you want to even admit premartial sex is detrimental or a mistake) but it also doesnt mean you suddenly deserve the best in life or the best people either. What you deserve is similar to how you lived your life and what you had been upto or at best let the other person know right from the beginning this is who i am and who i was.

[sally4sara]

Fine Genki. You won't say where you got all your ideals from or what influenced you to think this way. Continue to insist your way is the only way love works and refuse to consider that YOU are responsible for your inner conflict. Fine. You sit where you are, unsatisfied in life and unable to love (even though you are soooo pure) and I will sit here, very satisfied, loved, capable of immense loyalty and acceptance (you know, what love is REALLY all about) despite my sordid past.

 

[email protected]

 

You can contact me at some point in the future when you feel like answering my question or want to see if I'm still happy and not being punished for my past like you think anyone like me should be.

 

Good luck in all you do. XOXO

[RamChops]

Wow. You sure aren't "genki". Anyway, the main point is - she isn't what you're looking for, she doesn't meet your standards, it's very nice of you to have stuck by her without wanting wanton sex, but you may not have actually helped her cope with anything ... Good luck on your quest for the perfect, sealed "gates of heaven".

[cutegirl]

 

I have met countless guys over here and I know americajin can back this up that purposely go prowling to sleep with asian and specifically Japanese women with no purpose or decency in them simply to get their dicks wet and leave behind lots of abused and scarred women that were fooled into thinking they had something special etc.

 

This makes no sense, some women actually ENJOY consensual casual sex and are "using" the guys right back too. You're making it seem like women are so vulnerable and need to be "protected" from the bad men out there or something, and not ALL women are "looking for something special", some are fine just having sex.

 

Also this statement :

 

And Im sorry but a Lady in my book is someone who has lived her life to date morally and kept herself to herself and waited for marriage and gave meaning to their lives. Not someone whose slept around, is a hooker, stripper, dirty dances, drinks to excess, BJs men, random make outs etc.

 

is completely unrealistic. Women are entitled to enjoy sex as freely as they want and men as well. Just because you chose to be a virgin doesn't make you any better. You seem really judgmental, and to be honest, kind of psycho.

 

Why do you think women who sleep around are taken advantage of? Some women actually enjoy being single and

dating around, if they happen to have casual sex along the way then that doesn't mean they were taken advantage of, perhaps that's what they wanted. Not ALL women are looking for commitment, relationship right away. Girls need their fun too.

[Tripper]

Glad you've got it all figured out, Genki. Pity us mortals make so many mistakes as we fumble through life and relationships.

 

Parting thoughts.

I wonder if you'll ever find that perfect person and real happiness. The kind of happiness where you can live in the moment and not in the past.

I hope you move on from this girl because she doesn't deserve someone like you, hmmm....

[genki]

This makes no sense, some women actually ENJOY consensual casual sex and are "using" the guys right back too. You're making it seem like women are so vulnerable and need to be "protected" from the bad men out there or something, and not ALL women are "looking for something special", some are fine just having sex.

 

Also this statement :

 

 

 

is completely unrealistic. Women are entitled to enjoy sex as freely as they want and men as well. Just because you chose to be a virgin doesn't make you any better. You seem really judgmental, and to be honest, kind of psycho.

 

Why do you think women who sleep around are taken advantage of? Some women actually enjoy being single and

dating around, if they happen to have casual sex along the way then that doesn't mean they were taken advantage of, perhaps that's what they wanted. Not ALL women are looking for commitment, relationship right away. Girls need their fun too.

 

My comments are applicable to both sexes sweety. We are humans and as such accountable for our actions and have the brain and intelligence not to behave like primitive animals acting out on our every desire and urge because unlike animals we have been given intelligence and a brain to choose right from wrong. Giving in to our desires and carnal thirst is the easy thing to do.

 

Having no strings attached and "FUN" doesnt make it right. See now you think something as serious as getting naked in front of another guy and fellatio and orals and sex etc is all just fun and that girls or guys for that matter need to have "FUN". How high morals and lady like behaviours we have eh?

 

Guys can abuse women just as women can abuse guys too. My comments are applicable to both. Generally from what I have seen and experienced usually its the men that use and abuse the women etc and not as often vice versa.

[genki]

Tripper: Im curious where do you draw your line? How much of a history or present is too much for you?

How about ANAL SEX etc. And I suppose it wouldnt bother you in the least knowing your woman has slept with 50guys, had anal sex and even lesbian sex and maybe had 2 guys at once right? sure! we all draw lines just depends on how high or low we aim.

 

And finally why do you think this girl would ever find someone to make her happier than I do? On what do you base this on? Like my therapist said there is no gaurantee though we all wish to believe leaving somebody means we and they will find better.

[dabeckrock]

If i was decietful by letting her believe her own assumptions without saying anything to encourage or debunk them then im guilty.

 

Almost all the time when I have revealed to early who I am women seem to want to jump my bone. I guess to tag me first as it were or something. So I stopped doing that.

 

Pay off I guess is i do love her and life would have been a fairytale minus her past.

 

Wow, this is f-ed up. What we have here is a "Chasing Amy" situation in it's truest form. You either need to get over it or move on. You are one angry person.

[Tripper]

Tripper: Im curious where do you draw your line? How much of a history or present is too much for you?

How about ANAL SEX etc. And I suppose it wouldnt bother you in the least knowing your woman has slept with 50guys, had anal sex and even lesbian sex and maybe had 2 guys at once right? sure! we all draw lines just depends on how high or low we aim.

 

And finally why do you think this girl would ever find someone to make her happier than I do? On what do you base this on? Like my therapist said there is no gaurantee though we all wish to believe leaving somebody means we and they will find better.

 

Son, I grew up in the '60's and '70's where sleeping around was quite common. I've also put better men in the ground than you so that we could have the freedoms to live our lives the way we choose.

 

As far as drawing the line goes I don't look at numbers. I look at the person and the qualities that person exhibits. I've known promiscuous women that settled down and made excellent wives and good mothers. I've also known women that waited until they got married and ended up in an affair and divorced. And I've seen everything in between.

What you don't understand, you don't even have a glimmer of is that people make mistakes, regret them and become a better person. It's called maturing and learning tolerance.

The issue at heart and in this thread is that you don't exhibit maturity or tolerance, never mind understanding, forgiveness of acceptance. Considering that you feel ready to marry, I give your marriage the proverbial snoball's chance....

 

The best you could come up with to describe your gf is "she is a sweet girl", as if she had no personality. If you were to ask me to describe my lady, I would say, intelligent, sensitive, loyal, strong etc. It's for this reason I think you should cut this girl loose. You can't get past the fact that she's had or made some bad judgment calls and is no longer a virgin. You're words were to the effect that "she's ruined". You give her no credit for learning from mistakes. None whatsoever.

 

This is such a big issue for you I don't think you will ever resolve it. Go ahead, look for the perfect woman. What are you going to do if you get married and she doesn't bleed on your wedding night?? She's lied to you about being a virgin?? What do you do then??

 

Sally4Sara asked you what made you take such a rigidly moralistic stance?? You never replied to that question. Why not??

[Tripper]

Tripper: Im curious where do you draw your line? How much of a history or present is too much for you?

How about ANAL SEX etc. And I suppose it wouldnt bother you in the least knowing your woman has slept with 50guys, had anal sex and even lesbian sex and maybe had 2 guys at once right? sure! we all draw lines just depends on how high or low we aim.

 

And finally why do you think this girl would ever find someone to make her happier than I do? On what do you base this on? Like my therapist said there is no gaurantee though we all wish to believe leaving somebody means we and they will find better.

 

Son, I grew up in the '60's and '70's where sleeping around was quite common. I've also put better men in the ground than you so that we could have the freedoms to live our lives the way we choose.

 

As far as drawing the line goes I don't look at numbers. I look at the person and the qualities that person exhibits. I've known promiscuous women that settled down and made excellent wives and good mothers. I've also known women that waited until they got married and ended up in an affair and divorced. And I've seen everything in between.

What you don't understand, you don't even have a glimmer of is that people make mistakes, regret them and become a better person. It's called maturing and learning tolerance.

The issue at heart and in this thread is that you don't exhibit maturity or tolerance, never mind understanding, forgiveness of acceptance. Considering that you feel ready to marry, I give your marriage the proverbial snoball's chance....

 

The best you could come up with to describe your gf is "she is a sweet girl", as if she had no personality. If you were to ask me to describe my lady, I would say, intelligent, sensitive, loyal, strong etc. It's for this reason I think you should cut this girl loose. You can't get past the fact that she's had or made some bad judgment calls and is no longer a virgin. You're words were to the effect that "she's ruined". You give her no credit for learning from mistakes. None whatsoever.

 

This is such a big issue for you I don't think you will ever resolve it. Go ahead, look for the perfect woman. What are you going to do if you get married and she doesn't bleed on your wedding night?? She's lied to you about being a virgin?? What do you do then??

 

Sally4Sara asked you what made you take such a rigidly moralistic stance?? You never replied to that question. Why not??

[Stockalone]

The issue at heart and in this thread is that you don't exhibit maturity or tolerance, never mind understanding, forgiveness of acceptance.

 

I really don't think he lacks maturity because he won't forgive and forget.

 

Despite human fallibility we never stop bearing responsibility for our actions. That means that other people have the right to decide for themselves whether or not to accept and forgive our past mistakes.

 

Genki obviously considers premarital sex to be unacceptable. While I don't share his opinion, I don't see anything wrong about it. And if he feels that strongly about it, he has every right to end the relationship instead of forgiving and thereby acting contrary to his convictions.

[Tripper]

Tripper: Im curious where do you draw your line? How much of a history or present is too much for you?

How about ANAL SEX etc. And I suppose it wouldnt bother you in the least knowing your woman has slept with 50guys, had anal sex and even lesbian sex and maybe had 2 guys at once right? sure! we all draw lines just depends on how high or low we aim.

 

And finally why do you think this girl would ever find someone to make her happier than I do? On what do you base this on? Like my therapist said there is no gaurantee though we all wish to believe leaving somebody means we and they will find better.

 

Son, I grew up in the '60's and '70's where sleeping around was quite common. I've also put better men in the ground than you so that we could have the freedoms to live our lives the way we choose.

 

As far as drawing the line goes I don't look at numbers. I look at the person and the qualities that person exhibits. I've known promiscuous women that settled down and made excellent wives and good mothers. I've also known women that waited until they got married and ended up in an affair and divorced. And I've seen everything in between.

What you don't understand, you don't even have a glimmer of is that people make mistakes, regret them and become a better person. It's called maturing and learning tolerance.

The issue at heart and in this thread is that you don't exhibit maturity or tolerance, never mind understanding, forgiveness of acceptance. Considering that you feel ready to marry, I give your marriage the proverbial snoball's chance....

 

The best you could come up with to describe your gf is "she is a sweet girl", as if she had no personality. If you were to ask me to describe my lady, I would say, intelligent, sensitive, loyal, strong etc. It's for this reason I think you should cut this girl loose. You can't get past the fact that she's had or made some bad judgment calls and is no longer a virgin. You're words were to the effect that "she's ruined". You give her no credit for learning from mistakes. None whatsoever.

 

This is such a big issue for you I don't think you will ever resolve it. Go ahead, look for the perfect woman. What are you going to do if you get married and she doesn't bleed on your wedding night?? She's lied to you about being a virgin?? What do you do then??

 

Sally4Sara asked you what made you take such a rigidly moralistic stance?? You never replied to that question. Why not??

[Jilly Bean]

Remember this, as you go through life:

 

If you can't handle the answer, then don't ask the question.

 

Why are you probing her on her past? It's so controlling and self-destructive. It's like you were purposely trying to catch her in a "gotcha"!, so you could punish her for who she was before you met. Not cool, and not terribly productive.

 

When I meet someone new, I feel the LESS I know about his past relationships, the better. It's not relevant, and I prefer to judge people by who they are TODAY and how they treat me.

[genki]

Whoa and behold the hypocrisy at play here. Tripper your calling me immature, insensitive and not understanding yet here you are calling me names, not understanding the pain and anguish Im going through, how much **** I have had to deal with from her and calling me your son too.

 

 

How did you figure out that everybody will find happiness? How do you figure that I aint the best man she would ever meet? How do you know anything? YOU DONT! So get of your high horse and get back to reality.

 

And just for your information if every available man in US married there would still be a surplus of unmarried women ie Not every woman will find the love of their life and happiness. Nobody has gauranteed you that nor is it written in stone.

 

I have held myself accountable to my actions and in so have avoided all the situations that you and others like you have jumped right into. So somehow I could handle it but you lot couldnt?

 

Sorry that doesnt fly. You gave into your carnal desires and temptations whereas I didnt.

 

You have no right to ask or demand of me that I forgive and forget your sordid past and claim its all ok. By doing so your also asking me to condone your sordid behaviour and in a way not accepting responsibility for your past or actions.

 

Everybody has a limit to their forgiveness. WOuld you forgive a rapist? Would you forgive a child molestor? How far would someone need to push till you refuse to forgive?

 

And you claim you have put better men than me to dirt. What the **** do you know about me in real life? How good or decent a person I am you wouldnt know so how can you judge my worth you judgemental prick!

Yeah and Im sure our forefathers fought and died gave their blood and sweat so we can **** around like animals not accept any responsibility and end up in the society we have created for ourselves with people like you at its helms!

 

You are saying its perfectly human for you to go around drinking, partying, stripping, ****ing, watching porn etc and its all in the past so whocares right? Then what about what me and others like me with decent blood in them that didnt do all that not because they couldnt or didnt have urges or chances but chose not to? You now think you have a right on us to demand forgiveness for a sordid past you chose where you gave into everything whereas we fought hard not to? Nah ah. sorry.

 

 

Heres a thought for you. If I thought like you I would have ****ed her and then once it got too much and found all the bugs under the mattress I would have washed my hands and walked away like you and called her my past etc something to be forgotten etc Why arent I or why havent I done exactly what most men would have done in my situation? ever thought about that? And just like you and the others I could have chalked her up to my past a mistake etc even though at that time it was real and intense yet heres a new person come along and im supposed to feel even better? yeah right its the same just that the past has dulled the memory.

[lovelorcet]

genki,

 

You are acting like a whine, insecure little boy. You need to stop ripping apart this poor girl and concentrate on how you are going to figure out a path to become a real man.

 

And let me tell you something else, you are much better off finding a woman who knows who she is and what she wants. Most of those women have had sex before and that is a good thing. If you catch a girl too young then a few years down the road she will stand there one day and look at you and say...

 

"you know what? I think I might have missed something.. I need to go out and experience life."