Am so Lonely and Resentful

[MyTearsDriedUp]

I have laid in bed all night wondering if I am a horrible person to live with. I have been married previously one that lasted for two years before he chaeted on me and the truth is we had no problems living together. I just couldn't get over another woman in our marital bed.

So I got married again and believe me I cant just be myself cos it will make my husband angry. Whenever I want to do things i am interested in he will come up with ways to make me feel guilty even if I did. He has no problems doing things he wants. I have to swallow my needs every time and do whatever it is he wants to do.

His mum invited us to spend Christmas with her and the truth is I don't want to spend Christmas alone with him and the kids. It will be horrible. But he dislikes his mum for some reason and so we wont again. Once again we will spend Christmas where he wants to spend it.

I cant help thinking its because I am a stay at home mum and don't earn any money.

I am crying all the time. And he cannot have a ten minute conversation with me. He is always tired but his friend stayed over last night and despite telling me how tired he was when he came back from work he spent three hours talking to her.

Maybe IO am that difficult to talk to. But the only people i see are the children i don't talk to any other adults except on the phone. I am so lonely I don't know why i am still here.

I have done nothing to deserve this.

Any suggestions? Please don't be too harsh.

[Geishawhelk]

The answer lies in your signature.

do something about it.

[lonelybird]

Hi , I notice that you have many negative thought about yourself, that isn't necessary truth. Things can be different, if you change your attitude. all start from your attitude about yourself, start from your heart and mind. can you love yourself like God loves us unconditionally?

 

you are very depressed, crying all the time? why? seems you don't develop your potential fully yet, maybe that's why bother you so much. a stay home mom can be creative, do something she likes and has passion about, give out her cares, live a positive and a happy life. we call all those negative images and thoughts about self as devil, it's like devil attacks you and lied to you about yourself, you simply agree with devil. things can be changed. God can change you; and positive attitude can change your depression; you can choose to listen to whom: the positive one or negative one. your past cannot define you; we all have bad experiences

 

why cannot you be yourself around husband? that sound abusive? what do you want to do that your husband don't agree with? anyway, the most important thing is still in your soul, if you can be happy and content, others will be drawn to you, that is human; if you love yourself enough, you can define good boundaries; but God loves us no matter what, I mean if we feel down, God will comfort us; if we confused, God will guide us; if we feel like crying, God will listen.

 

things can be changed, depends on what you choose to believe: lie or truth. lie is that your are horribel to be with; truth is God loves you, you are valuable, just as others. you can totally change your attitude just by listening to positive message, listen to what God says. when your attitude toward yourself and life changes, your relationship with your husband will change, it is a dynamic system

[MyTearsDriedUp]

you are very depressed, crying all the time? why? seems you don't develop your potential fully yet, maybe that's why bother you so much. a stay home mom can be creative, do something she likes and has passion about, give out her cares, live a positive and a happy life. we call all those negative images and thoughts about self as devil, it's like devil attacks you and lied to you about yourself, you simply agree with devil. things can be changed. God can change you; and positive attitude can change your depression; you can choose to listen to whom: the positive one or negative one. your past cannot define you; we all have bad experiences

 

 

Thanks for the replies. I have not always been a stay at home mom and lonelybird is right stay at home moms can be creative. But how can they be when you have 2 kids under five and your husband doesnt want to pay for any help like a babysitter or a cleaner? It means there is no time for this creativity to develop unless you are some super human and I will like some input from some of those.

Yes I do love myself but sometimes your children's safety comes first and all this unconditional love for yourself has to take backseat. I will not call my thoughts the devil cos from these feelings of helplessness sometimes comes the strength to fight back. From that perspective the devil is good then. Things are not as black and white as lonelybird wants to make them. I wish they were. And my husband used to be a much loving person. I just dont know why that changed. Thats why am here looking for some answers.

My past does not define me far from it, its made me a better person am just in the dumps right now and most people have been there but came out with a bit of support.

 

why cannot you be yourself around husband? that sound abusive? what do you want to do that your husband don't agree with?

 

I cant meet or talk to other people cos he gets paranoid that everyone wants me.So the only people I talk to are the kids and I get about 30 minutes of talk with him when he gets back from work before he slouches in front of the tv.

Talking to kids all day turns your mind to much. I need adult conversation and affection.

 

anyway, the most important thing is still in your soul, if you can be happy and content, others will be drawn to you, that is human; if you love yourself enough, you can define good boundaries;

I have never had problems drawing people to me. The problem actually is too many people are drawn to me and my control freak hubby doesnt like it.

 

things can be changed, depends on what you choose to believe: lie or truth. lie is that your are horribel to be with;

 

You are right there I am lying to myself I am not a horrible person. Just cant figure out what the problem is and like most people I blame myself.

 

when your attitude toward yourself and life changes, your relationship with your husband will change, it is a dynamic system

Maybe. But Am not sure marriage is solely based on attitudes about yourself though. Its a two way street. I seem to be going one way at the moment.

[lonelybird]

I cant meet or talk to other people cos he gets paranoid that everyone wants me.So the only people I talk to are the kids and I get about 30 minutes of talk with him when he gets back from work before he slouches in front of the tv.

Talking to kids all day turns your mind to much. I need adult conversation and affection.

 

here is an issue that your husband don't want you to talk to others, your husband's fear affected you in a negative way. you are a human, you need to be creative and feel alive and vivid, love isn't a prison, anyway prison cannot lock people's heart. yes, I agree with you, it is two way street. since you cannot control or change your husband, you can do something about yourself. such as striving to make yourself happier and stronger, one day a little; to find something new that triguer your passion, learn something new. your new change and new attitude may make your husband fear and try to control you, but you choose, strive to find out your full potential and have a content life, OR stay in this prison. your new change maybe make your husband more insecure, ensure him your love for him; he maybe change and maybe not. It is not a easy work, but can be done, plus prayers. God is source of strength, he always pulled me through everything. He will do same for you if you ask him. we cannot change others, but God can

 

 

You are right there I am lying to myself I am not a horrible person. Just cant figure out what the problem is and like most people I blame myself.

blame self is very destructive, not constructive, not help a little to an issue, I know, I do that as well, I am working on it as well. embrace truth is freedom. self blame and condemnation are all burden and prison. how about every morning find out some compliments about yourself?

 

seems like you don't have horrible past, maybe you aren't content because the river in you aren't flowing, just stopped. and your soul crave creativity and develop your full potential, if you soul is happy, things will be easier to deal with

 

from your post, I just know a little and thought of these, you are the one know well about yourself, hope everything will turn out good for you:)

 

here is a very good book written by Joel Osteen, he speaks hope and healing and more...."become a better you"

and Joyce Meyer, 'have a joyful life" , she has her ministry website, and speak joy and fulfilled life

[MyTearsDriedUp]

Many thanks lonelybird. I quite like Joyce Myers will look for the book. Well I got the guts to speak to him today bout his behaviour and he admits he is a control freak and has issues with jealousy.(he is jealous when i send a text to my friends!) Told him to see a counsellor and we will do it together.

[annieo]

MTADU you are doing the most creative, worthwhile thing in the world. You are loving, feeding, amusing and nurturing your children. I stayed home with my kids until the youngest was in kindergarten and I wouldn't trade those days for a thing in the world. Sometimes, when they are home ill and I take a day off to be with them, I remember how good it was, to have uninterrupted time with them. As difficult/isolating as it can be, it is a period in your and their lives that is special, and over very quickly. Try to value it while it's happening.

In time, you will have more time for yourself and for other pursuits. But you won't get these times with them back. Stop negating the beautiful way you have chosen to channel your energy.

[lonelybird]

Many thanks lonelybird. I quite like Joyce Myers will look for the book. Well I got the guts to speak to him today bout his behaviour and he admits he is a control freak and has issues with jealousy.(he is jealous when i send a text to my friends!) Told him to see a counsellor and we will do it together.

obviously he loves you and willing to work out with you. you got good stuff here:)