Boyfriend used to use Escorts, Breakup?

[MermaidUnder]

Just looking for a little advice and input from others, especially other women. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months now and just found out that he used to pay escorts for sex and erotic massages. I can't look at him the same anymore, but also can't break up. To my knowledge he hasn't done it since we've been together, but he used to be very promiscuous and always had 1 night stands-- basically he was a whore. I had no idea he was like this and found out by reading his email.

I'm severly insecure and have huge jealousy issues (that's why I read his email), but I'm trying to learn to trust him. The problem is I don't know if I wanna be with someone who used to have sex with prostitutes.

 

I know the past is the past, but it also says alot about a person's character. What would you other women do? I want to break up with him because of his history, but I also am really into him and this is the only problem in our relationship so far.

 

thanks to anyone who inputs.

[Crestfallen_KH]

I think there are lot of issues that need to be looked at.

 

The first is why you invaded his privacy in the first place. Your trust issues must run pretty deep. Trust really isn't about the other person, it's about our ability to believe we can handle whatever the consequences may be if that person does violate our trust. It sounds to me that you aren't sure you could handle it - hence the "I can't break up." Of course you can! Why do you feel so dependent on this relationship? I would strongly recommend looking at yourself first.

 

But, you do know now and you're uncomfortable about it. Have you confronted him with what you found? If not, you need to prepare for the fact that he might be upset that you violated his privacy.

 

Whether or not you can handle his past sexual experience is only something you can answer. For some people, it would be no big deal. It is his past, and his past frankly wasn't really your business - particularly since this is only a 3-month relationship we are talking about. Also, if he never visited escorts or had his flings while in a committed relationship, that's a good sign that he at least values his commitment to his current girlfriend.

 

But, I can understand the worry that past behavior is often a good predicator of future behavior. Did he visits escorts while in a committed relationship? Did he cheat on a previous girlfriend with a one-night stand? If any of these circumstances are part of his past, you certainly have every reason to be cautious and concerned. And you must then decide if you can trust that you can handle, grow, and move on if he does the same to you.

[sderenzi]

Interesting :S~ I don't foresee a long relationship, and this will likely end sooner rather than later.

 

I also foresee my doom and utter uselessness

 

Now for you dear girl, well this is really a sexual compatibility problem more than a trust one. Sexually he's done things you don't agree with, while this is good to know you should also acknowledge these feelings and move on. They won't diminish or gain in intensity, just bother you for a long time (should you stay together). The level of torment it will cause you is not worth staying a couple.

[Trialbyfire]

My personal take, I would kick a guy to the curb, if I ever found out he got his rocks off with a professional. Even once would be enough.

 

Nothing says low self-esteem and user, like a guy who pays and has paid. Beyond that, the disease aspect would also completely disgust me.

[LakesideDream]

Holding a person hostage to his or her sexual history is a slippery slope. There are things in every adults life that each of us is not proud or comfortable with.

 

In my experiance this is a bigger issue for women than men. Women tend to have more partners than their mates.

 

In life, and here at LS, one doesen't need to look very deep to read of many instance of previously unmarried men, entering into relationships with women with multiple children from multiple partners. How many men doing so have the "truth" about what broke up those previous relationships?

 

My best guess? Judge people by who they are now, rather than who they were "then".

[norajane]

Normally I'd say a person's past should stay in the past. But a guy who made a regular habit of hiring hookers...well, it's a habit, something common and usual and normal behavior for him. I would always be concerned he might go for the easy lay one night when I'm out of town. Plus, the ick factor would also be too high for me deal with.

[annieo]

Norajane, I agree. Ickiness is a factor. Guys have to realize that some girls (usually the "nice' ones, no the tarts who are desperate for male approbation) are going to be kind of grossed out by this kind of behavior.